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#16
06-24-2009, 07:03 AM
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Since it places the character in the story's beginning and provides impetus my question is: what is the situation Eric finds himself in at the beginning of this story? 
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#17
07-20-2009, 08:22 AM
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OK let's try some sort of kicker. How about "Eric's wife has gone missing. Though they've been separated for a couple of years now the news disturbs him more than he would have expected; he tells himself it's just nagging sentiment, but can't shake the feeling he should find out where she's gone."
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#19
07-21-2009, 11:41 AM
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Ok, my thoughts:
It's a start but doesn't seem raw enough. Is there anyway to spice it up a little? A mutual friend, whose friendship went with the wife when they split-up 6 months ago, shows up to tell Eric that the wife is missing. In the same breath he also tells him that the wife is 7 months pregnant with Eric's kid. Eric has always wanted children and part of the subliminal reason for the drifting apart was his inner doubt that she would ever bear him a son. She was going to call him Eric... Or maybe something about the circumstances of her disappearance. She shows up on your doorstep five nights ago, clearly distressed and fearful of something. She refuses to explain but asks for sanctuary. She stays with you and your feelings for each other rekindle. Each morning when you go to work, she begs you not to leave her. On the sixth night when you get home from work, the house has been overturned, clear signs of a struggle (or a search?). The still warm corpose of an unknown woman lies on the kitchen floor. A phone number in a man's handwriting is scrawled on a note and stuck to the fridge with dead woman's blood.
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#20
07-22-2009, 09:03 AM
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Looking good. My sense of the macabre attracts me to the second scenario, or something like it. I take it from the comment about being 'raw' that Shockers is a preferred category? Or is it the sense of personal connectedness and desperation you're thinking of?
I'll think more about the scenarios, they each look pretty complete to me so there's not much to expand, but maybe there's a slightly different angle...
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#22
07-27-2009, 05:07 AM
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OK, a bit of a modification on the second scenario that appeals to me for a couple of reasons...
As you suggested the wife (Marguerite) has come to Eric for protection, not specifying what the problem is, and the feelings have rekindled. This bothers and confuses him somewhat: the issues of the past were never resolved and now there a clearly further mysteries to decipher, but this time he's not the keeper of the secret. He knows Marguerite has been leaving the house during the day but she won't tell him where; with gathering rumours of strategic movements on the Continent though there's never been more need for him to be at the office analysing information. On the sixth day he receives a message, a panicked note with an address and Please hurry - M. Eric goes there immediately. The address turns out to be a run down tenement building not far from home, the door to the nominated unit opens easily to reveal a scene of grisly horror. Blood and gore cover every surface of the one-room apartment, fresh and dripping from the ceiling, saturating the air with a sickly copper stench in the fading light. So much blood it must surely have come from more than one creature, unless the creature was very large or the extractor was very thorough. Eric can barely bring himself to look upon the scene - not only for it's stomach-turning grossness but because of it's fundamental chaos, a sense of wrongness and disorder so great that it upsets his finely tuned need to find pattern and logic. His eyes then seek refuge in the one piece of ordered information he can find - a telephone number etched out in the crimson slather above the bed... Pretty much the same thing, but borrowing from a couple of nifty, gross little scenes I've seen over the years 
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#23
07-27-2009, 03:54 PM
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Ok, 99% there I think. Only question is... what stops Eric from turning away from the grisly scene and doing everything he can from putting it out of his mind?
What is there to make him run toward/into the mystery (aside from the fact of the mystery itself)? Nice colour by the way ;-)
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#24
07-28-2009, 09:04 AM
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The primary investment for Eric is the involvement of his wife: her plea for help has led him to this place and the macabre scene makes it clear that the trouble is more complex than it first appeared. Since he was called here and a message has been left, probably for him, he feels it's likely that he's involved in this situation whether he likes it or not. Finally the deep seated sense of wrongness and chaos is a driving factor. Eric practically exists to untangle, decode, solve and order. The need to solve the puzzle presented here, despite the discomfort of the immediate situation, tugs at a very fundamental part of him.
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#25
08-03-2009, 02:32 AM
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Alright, that should do it for the kicker. Is your wife's name Maria or Marguerite (both are mentioned in the text below)?
Do you want me to prepare a demon sheet for Twist and let you tweak it accordingly? Also, for significant relationships, Eric currently has his wife, his mentor (Klaus), and a German mother (what is her situation at the moment?) Anyone else you would add? I'm going to throw in a couple of female friends for Maria/Marguerite: - Emily, wife of a successful architect, generally dissatisfied with marriage and life, but likes the comfortable life provided by her husband. No kids. - Linda, more Emily's friend than your wife's however they spent time together at Emily's place fairly frequently. Linda's husband is a doctor (GP) and she has a rich/reclusive father who has provided for her all of her life. Feel free to put your own spin on Eric's relationship with the two women above. At the very least he knows them. Potentially more...
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#26
08-11-2009, 06:36 AM
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Damn, I thought I'd done the name previously but couldn't spot it in my quick scan. Let's stick with Maria, it's easier to type.
If you've a Twist in mind that would be great. I was thinking Will boost as the most directly relevant power. Eric's mother is a widower living somewhere a little ways out of London. His father was killed fighting in WWI, when Eric was young. Maria's female friends look fine. Eric's mildly attracted to Linda, but what he most appreciated about them was that they could occupy Maria's attention when he was concentrating on things he didn't want Maria to know about.
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