[Story] Round 4; The Grand Finale! Melchior vs Illya

[hvg3akaek]

Round 4; The Grand Finale! Melchior vs Illya

Originally Posted by Chairman Haga

And now - there are but two!

What a round we had, with close competition in each match, and the dethroning of our previous year's winner! Now, it is safe to say that either Melchior, the Mysterious Challenger, or Illya, the Medical Challenger, will be named "Iron DM 2011"! You have seen their histories before, just where will their stories end?

Will Illya's love for 4e Planescape be able to pull forth a fourth win? Will Melchior be able to craft another winning 3.5e setting? Just how many judges can we expect to weigh in on this, the most important voting for the final round?


The ingredients for this round are: an Elderly Orc Chieftain!! Humour!! an Old Quarry!! a Pepper Grinder!! Self Control!! and a Stampede of Bison!!

Optional ingredients include: a Griffon!! an Overly Large Paintbrush!! a Priceless Copper Coin!! and a Sapient Statue!!

Let the Dungeon Mastering....BEGIN!!

Rules You are to write an encounter or general short-adventure arc using the six items / concepts above. You can use any of the optional ingredients; good use is rewarded with bonus points, but bad use will be held against you! The entry is to be no longer than 4,000 words. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word count is highly recommended. You have 48 hours from the time this post is made. You should post your entry into this thread within that time, and ensure it is secreted and spoilerbuttoned. Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.

[Melchior]

 

A Hippocratic Peace

A 3.5e adventure for lvl 3 characters.

Backstory The Kingdom of Kabinor has maintained an uneasy peace with the Blue Thunder, a clan of orcs that dominate the nearby hills and mountains. This peace is maintained through the efforts of the orc chieftain Uzshak Wez-Omi. Chief Uzhak commands the respect of his entire clan, having led the Blue Thunders to domination over the multitude of orc tribes that had previously inhabited the region, and it was at his word that the orcs ceased their attacks upon the human kingdom, establishing trade and friendly relations between man and orc for the first time in memory. However, centuries of war and conflict are not forgotten so easily, and there are those who worry how long this arrangement can last…

Section 1 The PCs have been hired by King Alphonse IV of Kabinor to travel to the orc stronghold of Mok Tlumjur, which serves as the capital of Blue Thunder territory. Kabinor is a small country, rich in farmland and natural resources, but not in population. The Kabinor army, such as it is, is needed to keep the country safe, and the king does not wish to send his own citizens into danger, so he has hired the party to serve as his emissaries for a delicate mission. The party could be from Kabinor, or they could have performed a service for the country previously, or they may simply be in it for the money: the king is offering 3000 gold as payment. The king has been receiving worrying reports from his border patrols of strange activity within orc territory, and contact between Kabinor City and Mok Tlumjur has been all but lost. King Alphonse is worried that something has happened to Chief Uzhak. The orc chieftain is old and the king worries that when Uzhak dies, the peace between their peoples will die with him. Chief Uzhak has been the only reason that the orcs have not simply overrun Kabinor, and King Alphonse worries that Uzhak’s successor will not be as restrained. He wants the party to travel to the orc stronghold, discover the reason for the silence, and report back to him. The king stresses the fact that the party will be serving as representatives of him and Kabinor, and as such they are not to do anything that would reflect poorly on him, or draw the ire of the orcs. The king assures them that the Blue Thunder orcs will respect their position as emissaries at least. The adventure begins with the party approaching the orc stronghold of Mok Tlumjur. Built on the slope of a mountain, Mok Tlumjur is an impressive, crudely constructed, fortress town. It is large enough to rival most human towns and as the party climb the slopes up to the large gate they can see dozens of orcs atop the walls. The arrival of the party does not go unnoticed, and when they near the gate an orc man is waiting for them at the top of the walls. The party does not receive a friendly welcome. The orc speaks to the party in roughly accented common, demanding that they leave. The orcs are not violent and will not attack the party unprovoked, but they are not welcoming. An observant PC (Sense Motive DC 20) will notice that the orcs on the wall seem uneasy at the party’s arrival, as if they are unsure what to do about them. When the party tells the orc that they are working for the king of Kabinor the orc frowns and disappears behind the wall. A DC 15 Listen check allows the players to hear the muffled sounds of the orc speaking to another orc inside the fort, in orcish. After a few moments a third voice, a female one, joins the conversation. The gate opens to permit the players entrance into the camp. Waiting for them inside the camp are two orcs, a male and female. The male is huge, easily the biggest orc in the fortress, all of it muscle. Unlike the other Blue Thunder orcs, this orc is outright hostile, sneering as the party enters the fort. The orc is Mekgog Ba-Pak, First Warrior of the Blue Thunder. He is not friendly, and he does not like the party. When the party explains why they have come, Mekgog angrily responds that Blue Thunder business is no business of non-orcs, and orders them to leave before he has them thrown out. Before the situation can escalate, another orc emerges from a nearby building. This orc is also male, but is much older than Mekgog. His rough face is wrinkled and spotted with age, and his hair and braided beard have nearly entirely turned white. The old orc barely looks as if he can walk on his own and leans heavily on his walking stick. His voice is raspy as he tells Mekgog to be more courteous to guests, and orders the orc warrior to see to his duties. Mekgog is angry, but nods respectfully to the older orc and, with a final scowl, turns and walks away from the party. The old orc smiles and attempts to hobble over to where the party is, but breaks down into a coughing fit. The female orc that had been standing with Mekgog rushes to the elder’s side, a worried expression on her face. She insists that the older orc return to his bed. He relents, but beckons the party to follow him to his room, where they can speak. The elder orc is laid back down is his bed by the female, but props himself up into a sitting position so that he may speak with the party. The orc introduces himself as Chief Uzhak, and names his attendant as Igra. Chief Uzhak apologizes for Mekgog’s rudeness, and insists that the warrior is a good orc, but admits that many others in his clan share the brash warrior’s sentiments. Ever since he fell ill, the running of the clan has been taken over largely by Mekgog, hence the silence. Mekgog does not like humans, and with their leader sick and dying, has ceased communications with them so as not to appear weak. Igra, Chief Uzhak’s attendant suddenly pleads with the party to find a cure for the Chief’s illness. Chief Uzhak attempts to stop her, but she persists. Igra states that when Chief Uzhak dies, Mekgog will be chief and war between the Blue Thunder and Kabinor will be inevitable. Tens of thousands will die and Kabinor will be overrun. If any of the party suggest killing Mekgog, Chief Uzhak points out that Mekgog is not the only orc, and that the murder of a prominent orc warrior will only bring about war faster. If the party refuses to help solely to prevent war or to do a good deed, Igra offers them a reward. Uzhak thanks the party for their kindness but say that it is hopeless. None of the clan’s shamans have been able to cure his illness. Igra suggests the party visit the Oracle, something Chief Uzhak has to mull over for a moment before finally sighing and admitting that there is no other option. Far to the west, the chief recounts, there lives a Great Oracle of the orc people. In times of doubt, an orc may seek the Oracle’s wisdom. The Oracle knows the answer to any question. But the Oracle does not give up its prophecies for free. It demands a token in return, a sacrifice. Chief Uzhak takes a simple leather strap with a small copper coin attached from around his neck and hands the necklace over. He informs them that the coin is the only thing the Oracle accepts. His people search for years to find these rare coins, all for the honour of receiving the Oracle’s prophecies. The coin itself is simple and unremarkable: worn smooth on one side, the other marked by a simple line over a picture of a large tent. Chief Uzhak tells the party to travel two weeks west, where they will find the ancient ruins where the Oracle dwells. He will send a guide with them, to show them the way. A note of Uzhak's illness There is no cleric, druid, paladin, or ranger, of suitable level to remove Uzlak’s illness available in Kabinor or amongst the Blue Thunder orcs. Likewise at lvl 3 the party should be incapable of doing so themselves.

Section 2 The orc guide introduces himself as Muguz. He is an amiable enough orc. He’s gruff, but is polite to the party as he leads them from Mok Tlumjur towards the oracle’s residence. Mechanically, Muguz is a level 1 orc ranger. In the final leg of the journey, the party comes down from the mountains and makes its way across the hills and forests. Every now and then, Muguz points out great constructions of metal and stone. He mentions that long ago a great civilization had a city here, but the spirits grew angry and took their land back. All that is left are scattered ruins, like the one the oracle lives in. About halfway through the final day, Muguz leads the party up a rise. Cresting the top they are looking down upon a ruin, larger than any of the others they had seen earlier, sitting on an island in the middle of a large river running across the plains. Muguz starts down towards the ruin, beckoning them onwards. The Oracle is waiting. The ruins are unlike anything the party has ever seen before. The buildings are hollowed wrecks of twisted metal frames and the roads are composed of broken gray stone. If asked what exactly they are looking for, Muguz tells the party that they are looking for the Paintbrush, for it marks the Oracle’s residence. Muguz leads the party towards a gate, above which sits a large, mostly rotted piece of wood which at one point must have been painted, but all that remains is a large faded red mouth curled up in a horrifying smile. Muguz warns the party that the ruin contains dangers and that they must remain vigilant. To even enter the ruins, Muguz tells them that they must pass through the Hall of Temptation. Beneath the smiling mouth, a door leads into a building. Muguz looks at the party and tells them not to touch anything, no matter what they see. Entering the building the party finds itself in a dark maze. Images of the party and Muguz are reflected from countless mirrors. As orc guide begins to lead them through the maze, he reminds them to ignore what they see. As they get further into the maze, the images begin to reflect a large wooden chest overflowing with gold, and jewels. Some of the images look distorted and twisted, but others look real enough to reach out and touch. At some point, they will go past the chest itself. If one of the PCs disregards Muguz’s warning and attempts to grab the treasure, the orc guide notices and grabs the PCs hand before they touch anything. Suddenly, two clawed arms burst from either side of the chest and grab Muguz. The orc guide shouts out and tries to break free, but the Mimic’s adhesive holds him fast. The orc shouts for the party to run as the entire room fills with the gruesome image of Muguz being eaten by a Mimic. As the monster pulls the orc into its gaping maw, the orc shouts for the party to look for the paintbrush. The party may attempt to save Muguz, but it is unlikely they will succeed. After dealing with the Mimic, either by killing it or fleeing, the party emerges from the maze into the ruins proper. Most of the ruins seem to be made of metal, in varying degrees of rusted decay, twisted into strange shapes. Elsewhere in the ruins are dilapidated structures, as large as most houses. Splashes of colors, mostly faded, can be made out here and there. A massive structure of rotting wood and rusted metal encircles above the entire area, sometimes passing overhead. A great circular structure decorated by faded colored boxes stands, dominating the view. As the party move through the ruins, they may feel as if something is watching and following them. Their pursuer does not make itself known, but as they go they may notice something moving out of the corner of their eyes, or hear a scraping of something moving through the rubble around them. A listen check of DC 20 allows the PC to make out soft giggling. If Muguz is alive he leads the PCs to their destination, otherwise the PCs have to find it themselves. The sign that marks the Oracle’s home is not hard to find in either case, so the party has little difficulty. Following Muguz’s directions brings the party in front of a dilapidated looking structure surrounded by rubble. Only the hollow stone frame of the building remains, and the sign above the door. On the sign is a stylized image of a painting tray, and a large paintbrush that extends off the sign. The sign is very large and the paintbrush is easily ten feet long. Though the words on it are faded, a DC 20 Decipher Script allows a PC to make out the words as “Joe’s Caricature Stand- We Paint While You Wait”. The building has been cleaned up better than most of those in the ruins, which Muguz confirms is the work of the orcs who occasionally venture into the ruins to tend to the Oracle’s Shrine. Inside, a tall case made out of what looks like tarnished bronze sits against the far wall. The upper half of the case is transparent like glass, but the texture is foreign and it does not break if struck. The case is carved with elaborate designs, though age has done some damage. Inside the case sits the Oracle. He resembles a human man, dressed in faded yellow garb and a black vest. A golden headwrap covers his dark hair, and his chin ends in a pointed black beard. Faded letters adorn the top of the Oracle’s case, which Muguz points out spells out the Oracle’s name- ZLTR. Before the party can ask the Oracle anything, gleeful laughter fills the room. Turning around, the party sees two lanky figures at the door, dressed in dull motley, one in red the other blue. Their eyes are cold and cruel, and their smiling mouths are filled with sharp pointed teeth. The two play off each other constantly, speaking in rhyme and often finishing each other’s sentences. The two jesters laugh and dance with each other as they describe what they are going to do with the party. The jesters want to have the Oracle’s prophecies for themselves and are going to kill the party for their coin. The clowns are Gray Jesters, CR 4 monsters. If Muguz is alive, he helps the party as best he can. The Oracle is looking down at a small cloudy white ball, and does not look up as the party enters, and any attempts to gain the man’s attention inside the case are met with failure. Closer examination of the Oracle’s box reveals a small slot below the glass. Unfamiliar letters are written above the slot, but just below that, in crude orcish: “Put coin here”. Upon inserting Uzhak’s coin into the Oracle’s case, the room darkens and two small strange looking torches inside the Oracle’s case flare to life and the Oracle looks up, his eyes glowing. The oracle speaks with an inhuman, mechanical voice, deep and grandiose and moves with stiff gestures. Their offering has pleased him and he demands they come closer to him and give their question. The DM is encouraged to have the oracle speak in vague terms, like a stereotypical fortune teller. When asked how to save the orc chieftain, the Oracle consults his crystal ball. The ball looks no different to the PCs, but the Oracle seems to see something in it. The Oracle tells them that to save the old orc and avert disaster; they must return to Kabinor. Only the Hermit Guru, who secludes himself away near the city of thousands, can help them. The Oracle sighs, rolls his eyes and tells them plainly that the Hermit Guru lives on a mountain beside a lake by himself south of Kabinor if the party seems particularly confused. His answer given, the Oracle goes silent and the room lights up again.

Section 3 There is only one lake south of Kabinor, so there is only one real choice. At the lake, there is only one mountain the Oracle could be referring to. Upon scaling this mountain the party comes across a secluded cabin. On the way up the path, there are dozens of signs warning away trespassers. Upon nearing the cabin the party hears loud noises coming from inside the cabin. Inside the cabin, the party sees what has been making the noise. A large, terrifying construct stands up on half a dozen spindly legs that end in a number a various implements ranging from knives, to pots and pans. A DC 14 Knowledge Arcana check tells a PC that this is an Animated Object, though the base object is certainly nothing that any of the PCs have seen before. The room is completely destroyed. The construct is slamming up against a thick door on the other side of the room when the party enters. Due to the arrival of the party the construct turns from that and rushes at the new arrivals. Treat the object as a large sized Animated Object, tall with multiple legs. A man is inside the room which the construct had been throwing itself up against. When the construct stops trying to bust down his door and engages the party, he calls out to the party, asking them to please save him. When the construct is defeated, and he is sure it is safe to come out, the man opens the door. He introduces himself as Professor Allard. He is a thin man, made more so after being trapped in that room for nearly a week. When asked why he was being attacked by an animated object, Allard admits that he built it, and animated it. It had started off as a simple pepper grinder, Allard says, retrieving said grinder from the ruined body of the construct. Allard claims he got excited, and did not know when to stop and before he had realized it he had added over two dozen extra features to his pepper grinder. But by that point the grinder was too big to easily use to grind pepper, so Allard animated it and carelessly told it to “grind it all.” The grinder then took to grinding everything in the room, not just the pepper, including Allard himself. Had the party not saved him, Allard says he would have died. Allard is a careless man, saying the first thing that comes to his head. As such he is rude and will often wander away while speaking to the party as something else catches his interest. In thanks for saving him, Allard agrees to do whatever the party wants. He assures the party that he is the best doctor in the world, despite his eccentricity. He would be working in a hospital, except he hates patients and would rather dedicate his time to his own interests. Because he is such a recluse, few in Kabinor even know of his existence. With the doctor in hand, the party returns to the orc stronghold.

Section 4 Chief Uzhak’s condition has worsened while the party has been gone, and the old orc is bedridden and fading fast. The orcs still allow the party into the fortress, but Mekgog is all but chieftain of the clan now. It is clear the orc warrior only suffers their presence because of his respect for the old orc. It does not take Professor Allard long to determine what is ailing Chief Uzhak. He diagnoses the old orc with an imbalance of his humours. Uzhak has too much yellow bile, and not enough blood. He claims that he can solve the bile problem, but the party has to find more blood. But not just any blood will do. They require the blood of an old foe, only its vitality can restore vigour to him. The party must find a life-long enemy of Chief Uzhak and bring him their blood. Chief Uzhak only knows of one creature that fills that role. Whitewing, the great albino griffon. Uzhak tells that in his youth he discovered Whitewing while hunting on the plains. He has hunted the creature ever since, and though they have fought many times over the years he has never managed to slay the mighty beast. Chief Uzhak tells the party where they can find Whitewing. The griffon hunts on the plains to the east, preying on the bison that live there. The griffon makes his home in the large gorge that runs across the plains. He tells them that in order to draw the beast out they will have to lure its prey to it. He recommends they have mounts for the task. If Muguz survived the search for the Oracle he will help the party, otherwise none of the other orcs are willing to go against Mekgog and assist the party. As they search for Whitewing, the party finds a herd of bison grazing not too far from the gorge in which Whitewing makes his home. To lure Whitewing out the party must herd the bison down into the gorge. Whenever a PC attacks the bison, roll a d3 to determine in which direction the bison herd flees (the 3 mechanical directions away from the PC). With strategic positioning the party should be able to push the bison herd down into the gorge, where they must follow and be ready when Whitewing emerges. After following the stampeding bison for a time, the party witnesses a pure white griffon streaking out of the sky, grabbing one of the bison. The bison is too large for the griffon to carry for long, so Whitewing tosses it to the ground again, killing the animal. Whitewing then starts to eat his meal. When the party approaches him Whitewing attempts to frighten them off and defend his meal. The party must take his blood by force. With the mighty beast dead, the party can return to the orc stronghold with the creature’s blood. Professor Allard accepts it, telling the party that they are still in time to save the old orc chief. Allard then gets to work, mixing science and magic into a cure for the old orc. The party is invited to stay, to witness the outcome of their efforts. After a few days, it is clear that Chief Uzhak is on his way to good health again. Allard’s cure worked. Igra and the rest of the orc tribe are overjoyed that their chieftain will not die yet, and even Mekgog seems genuinely pleased. The orc warrior is hardly friendly, but seems to respect the party now, and appreciates their efforts. The orcs invite the party to a grand festival, where the PCs are all made honorary Blue Thunder clan members, and treated a great feast. Chief Uzhak is grateful for the party’s effort, though he expresses regret that Whitewing had to die at another’s hand. The orcs reward the party with and 2000 gold worth of gems and coins. If Muguz has survived, he rewards the party with his grandfather’s +1 battleaxe, which he had left behind in his home to keep it safe. Returning to Kabinor, King Alphonse pays the party the agreed upon sum, as well as an additional 3,000g for solving the problem, and ensuring at least a few more years of peace between man and orc.

Ingredients Elderly Orc Chieftain- Uzhak Wez-Omi, chieftain of the Blue Thunders, and who the party is trying to save to prevent a war. Humour- Chief Uzhak is sick due to an imbalance of his humours. Old Quarry- Chief Uzhak has hunted Whitewing all his life, and has never caught him. The party need his blood to save the chieftain. A Pepper Grinder- Professor Allard’s animated monstrosity started out as a simple pepper grinder, before he started adding to i. Self Control- The party needs to exercise it to pass through the mirror maze unmolested. Professor Allard’s lack of any is one of his defining character traits. Stampede of Bison- the party must herd one of these toward Whitewing’s lair to draw the griffon out. Griffon- Whitewing, the albino griffon that Chief Uzhak has hunted all his life. An Overly Large Paintbrush- The dominant feature on the sign of Joe’s Caricature Stand, which the orcs use to mark the Oracle’s location in the ancient ruined carnival. A Priceless Copper Coin- the ancient circus token used to activate “the Oracle”. The orcs consider these coins sacred. A Sapient Statue- the Oracle: the ancient coin operated fortune teller that has gained magical sapience, and the orcs consider sacred.

[Illya]

 

A cure for all ills.
A paragon adventure for 4-6 characters from levels 11 to 15.

Background Deep in the mists of time, the Gods fought for the creation of the universe. Mighty beings carved out realms from the very essence of creation, and drew power to themselves as they did. One of the most famous of these was Gruumsh, the Orcish God, one-eyed, violent, and vicious. Gruumsh took Luthic as his mate, subordinate but still powerful, and she became orc-kinds goddess of fertility and family. Few, however, know that Luthic had a brother. Older, wiser, Borchos was, in the early days, the orc god of medicine and wisdom, a shamanic leader who balanced the violence and aggression of his brother-in-law. It was Borchos who healed Gruumsh's eye after Corellon put it out, and he who Gruumsh eventually blamed for failing to heal him completely. But it was not that which led to Borchos' downfall - instead it was Borchos' attempts to heal Gruumsh of his very nature, his violence and his blood-lust. Borchos believed that Gruumsh's essential humours were imbalanced; his blood and yellow bile outweighing his phlegm and black bile, and that if he could find a balance, the orcish people would be less self-destructive, ore likely to advance and develop. He tried to draw out Gruumsh's humours in secret, but was discovered, and Gruumsh's rage was terrible indeed. Gruumsh banished Borchos to wander the Astral Sea alone, and to do this he turned the God's powers against him. Ripping the very essences from Borchos, he split the humours apart, distilling them into separate parts, with Borchos' mind trapped in a statue of himself in torment at the centre. This mass formed a sentient demi-plane, detached from all, and mostly inaccessible. The greatest shamans of the orcish people, as a final devotion to their God, prevailed on Luthic to perform a last act of mercy for her brother. They persuaded her to paint him in his new form. She painted him, and her massive picture became a portal which sucks in those who look upon it. So, over aeons and millennia, the demi-plane of Borchos took shape. The Humours became landscapes, plains and hills, swamps and forests. As planar travellers were sucked in by the painting - an Artifact in its own right - the plane became populated and inhabited. Now it holds a number of populations who vie for the ground they live in, struggling to eke out an existence in the closed environment. Escape is possible, but hard, and only Borchos can release beings once they are in.

Adventure summaries Hooks: The PCs can be sucked into the painting in various ways. -Hired to obtain the painting: Good PCs can be hired to break into the location in which he painting resides on a separate mission (retrieving an artifact or treasure, or rescuing prisoners) and stumble across the painting occupying an entire wall in the dungeon/castle etc. On examining it, they are sucked in. Non-good PCs may be tasked with robbing the same place, or are hunting for treasure. -The PCs could be deliberately duped into seeking the painting by pawns of long-term enemies, or by a residual cult of Borchos. Summary: The PCs are sucked into the demi-plane of Borchos, and must try to find their way out and back to wherever they came from. The plane is divided into four main regions, each or which have their own power-groups, populations and challenges. In the centre of the plane is a massive statue of a tormented orcish shaman - Borchos himself. The PCs will discover that Borchos is insane, but can be made lucid for brief periods if his humours are balanced for a time. If this happens, they may be able to persuade Borchos to release them as thanks. The PCs must work out how to balance the humours, and then overcome the challenges inherent in this by persuading, defeating or tricking the inhabitants of the plains to work with them towards this end. Balancing the humours: Each humour is represented at its heart by a fist-sized orb of different colours. Each orb must be placed at the feet of the central statue simultaneously in order for Borchos to become lucid. Unfortunately this doesn't last for long, and the orbs will lose their balance within only a few hours, eventually fading away into the land to be absorbed and re-collected again in the future. Possession of an orb allows control over limited aspects of the appropriate landscape, and so are prized possessions, unlikely to be handed over cheaply.

Regional summaries Borchos is roughly circular, with a diameter of roughly 250 miles. It has varied geography, underground caves and weather as would appear in a temperate climate on the prime material plane. The characteristics of each region become stronger as one moves to the outer edges of the plane. Surrounding the entire region are mists marking the borders of the demi-plane. PCs venturing into the mists get lost within a few minutes and emerge a little way from where they entered. Blood Hills: The humour of blood represents courage, love and hope. Skills involving negotiation, courage or morale get +2 bonuses. Fire, sleep and charm spells get a +2 bonus to hit. Fear and illusion spells take a -2 bonus to hit. The area is made up of a range of hills of a reddish hued stone which do not grow much in the way of plant life. The major location of interest is Yorlith's tower and the Duergar village around it in the central area of the hills. The red dragon Morex also lives in the Blood Hills, from where he raids the bison herds of the Thri-kreen on the Yellow Plains. The hills are bordered clockwise by the Black Bile Swamp and anticlockwise by the Yellow Plains. Black Bile Swamps: Black Bile represents melancholy and sadness. Skills involving raising morale or negotiating take a -2 penalty, charm and sleep spells take a -2 penalty to hit. Fear and illusion and Acid spells get a +2 bonus to hit. The area is comprised of murky swampland, small patches of solid ground with variably deep, brackish water in between. Groves of mangrove and willow predominate, and the air is full of insects and bugs. There are two points of civilization here. The stilt-town of Boerhaave, inhabited by lizard-men under the leadership of Mehaniz, and the floating village of Melsy, whose Halfling tribe are led by Johan Delphire. They are bordered clockwise by the Phlegmon Forest. Phlegmon Forest: Phlegm represents calm and logic. Negotiation and discussion is easy, and checks for non-combat skills get a +5 bonus. All weapon attack and damage rolls, however, take a -2 penalty to them. The forests rise from the borders of the Black Bile Swamps and stretch to the Yellow Plains. Predominantly evergreens, pines and sycamores, the trees grow thickly toward the centre and more sparsely at the outer borders. The Gith tree-town of Lasinar, leader Yuuteeae is at the inner centre of the forest, and the awakened Griffon Valgan lairs in a deep cavern on the Yellow Plains border. The forest is bordered clockwise by the Yellow Plains. Yellow Plains: The humour of yellow bile represents anger and violence. Negotiation and discussion is hard, and checks for non-combat skills take a -5 penalty. On the other hand combat is easily achieved and all weapon attack and damage rolls get a +2 bonus to them. The yellow plains are a rolling savannah of grassland and dunes stretching from the forest to the Blood Hills. The Thri-kreen tribe led by Kss'thrak dominate the plains, herding bison and rarely stopping long in any one spot.

Major Personalities Borchos: Inhabiting the central statue, the orc God is only lucid if his humours are balanced and collected at his feet. At this point he will thank the PCs for their mercy and grant 3 wishes before his power is exhausted. He has, during this period, the powers of a demi-god in this plane, thus characters could be resurrected, significant treasure created, and the PCs can be sent back to another plane (this should be one of their wishes!) Yorlith: A mind flayer, sucked into the picture as he tried to escape the Gith hunters led by Yuuteeae's great-grandfather. He built and now inhabits a tower in the Blood Hills. Over the centuries he successfully enslaved a duergar tribe who were trapped in the demi-plane after a magical explosion destroyed their ancestors' mines, they now serve him, and he hopes to one day enslave the lizard-men and halflings as well in order to take over the entire demi-plane for himself. Has an uneasy truce with Morex - the only individual entity likely to challenge him in power - which he will be only too happy to break if it suits him. Morex: An adult red Dragon, Morex was sucked into the demi-plane when he attacked and sacked a castle on his home plain. Seeing that his breath failed to burn the massive painting, he investigated closer and was absorbed by the portal. He has not been in Borchos long, but is starting to get a good idea of the lay of the land. Intelligent and ruthless, he will form alliances if it furthers his aim of escape and/or domination. He has an uneasy truce with Yorlith - who he does not trust in any way at all. He currently feeds mainly on the bison of the Thri-kreen of the Yellow Plains. Mehaniz: The Black Lizard-man arrived more recently than the majority of the lizard men in the swamps (who have inhabited them for many generations). He is smarter and stronger than most lizard-men, and was therefore able to easily wrest control from the previous incumbents. The lizard men, historically, have been enemies of the Halflings who inhabit the outer part of the swamps, but Mehaniz has decreed that they should leave the Halflings alone and concentrate on the Gith of Phlegmon forest. What only they know is that Mehaniz and Johan Delphire of the Halflings are, in fact, a pair of doppelganger brothers sucked into the plane as they attempted to steal the painting. Once in the plane they determined to take control to try and escape, and so took on the roles of leaders of the two factions with least strong leadership. Together they hope to unite forces (albeit secretly) and dominate the plane one region at a time. If their followers find out, however, their plans will be as dust... Johan Delphire: A charismatic Halfling (though see above) who worked his way to the top of the Halfling chain of command after arriving as am "adventurer". The previous two leaders died unfortunate accidental deaths, paving the way for Johan to take control of the tribe. He has redirected their efforts away from attacking the lizard men and towards trying to gain a foothold in the Phlegmon forest. He has also sent emissaries to Yorlith and Morex to explore possible collaborations. Yuuteeae: The Githyanki whom Yuuteeae now leads were a hunting party who tracked down Yorlith two centuries ago. Having trapped him in his lair, the Illithid desperately fled to the only place he had left, through the picture he knew to be a portal. As he leapt, he loosed a massive explosion which killed many of the hunters, but the remaining ones made the transition through. With neither group powerful enough to defeat the other openly, they dug in, and stalemate evolved. Now, Yuuteeae plans to deploy the strength of the tribe who have increased in number against the Illithid - but is being hampered by the sudden attacks from the previously non-hostile lizard men and Halflings. He has sent an ambassador to Morex as well, to attempt to strike a deal. He has no interest in occupying more territory, and only seeks the destruction of the mindflayer. Valgan: This griffon is ancient for his kind. Initially born in the Beastlands, he was Awakened by a druid of the greensinger faction nearly a century ago. After decades of training as a druid under his maker’s tutelage, Valgan eventually began to travel himself, using his wild shape abilities to blend with other races. It was during a brief period as an adventurer that he and his party stumbled across the painting and were sucked in. He, as the PCs do now, sought a way to escape the plane, and his band eventually succeeded. However, by then the druid griffon had discovered the true nature of the plane and its sentient heart, and realised his true calling to be its keeper and guardian. So he stayed, and took it upon himself to look after the land as best he could. He seeks balance, and will help trapped adventurers if found and asked. He knows how to gather the humours, and it brings him great joy when Borchos is allowed to be lucid, even if those times are few and far between. He will watch the PCs and may reveal himself to aid them if they need it. He opposes Morex and Yorlith on principle, and broadly supports the Thri-kreen. His most valued possession is a huge copper coin bearing the mark of a bloodied eye embossed on its surface. Valgan found this when exploring the caves beneath the Blood Hills with his adventuring band. It works as a scrying focus, and can enable communication through it. Valgan suspects that it is in fact the actual missing Eye of Gruumsh - though he has told few of his suspicions. Kss'thrak: The thri-kreen leader is a rigid and focussed hive warrior. The kreen have been present in Borchos for longer than anyone, and the successive generations have fought hard to dominate the plains for their own. Over the centuries, newcomers have arrived and then died off, left or been integrated into the environment. Unlike most, the thri-kreen have no interest in further territorial gains or in escape, they only want peace and to be able to live unmolested in their plains. They are nomadic, following the herds of bison across the plains and making their living from the animals. Kss'thrak himself is leader on merit, not birth, and is a strong warrior both physically and mentally. He is advised by a council of elders, and listens to all sides before making decisions. Recently, the arrival of Morex has disrupted the balance he has been seeking to establish, as the dragon kills more and more of the herds on which the tribes depend. He has yet to decide what to do about Morex, but would be open to attack or negotiation if they were proposed appropriately. He is not interested in conflict with the other sentient races in Borchos.

Act 1, Arrival The PCs arrive through the massive painting and into the landscape it depicts. As with all arrivals they appear before the great statue of Borchos - a fifty foot high carved piece of obsidian stone, perfectly preserved with no trace of weathering or erosion, but buried to its knees in the earth. Where the statue enters the ground the four regions of Borchos the plane meet. The red earth of the hills begins behind the statue and the foothills can be seen rising toward the horizon, the very tip of Yorlith's tower a distant silhouette. Opposite, facing the statue, are the first scrubby bushes and stunted trees of the Phlegmon forest, and in the middle ground the larger, sparse copses of sycamore and pine. The dark shadow of the deeper forest crowds the horizon in that direction. To Borchos' right the ground is darker, and a trickling stream arise from a half mile or so away, with the dense swamps creating a miasmic air in the distance. Finally to Borchos' left is the great swathe of the Yellow Plains, rolling unbroken as far as the eye can see. Each of the major players has spies that watch the arrival zone for newcomers, and there are various sets of eyes watching the PCs as they materialise. The largest group is the thri-kreen tribesmen, camped a few hundred yards from the statue, whose scouts let out an excited trilling when the PCs first appear. Though not overtly hostile, the kreen are prepared for battle if necessary and run up with weapons ready. The PCs will need to decide whether to fight or talk, and their decision will influence events subsequently. If they talk, the kreen will offer to escort the PCs to their leader, or give them general directions to other major landmarks. They will also be willing to tell them (from their own point of view) about the other major inhabitants of the land. From here the adventure is very much open, sandbox-style play. The party have a land to explore and a specific task to accomplish. They need to choose a direction, and deal with the land's influence on them as they do. Each of the major landmarks is detailed below, with appropriate plot directions in each.

Gathering information Over the course of their exploration the PCs need to discover how to escape, and as much about their environment as they can. In each region the effects of the humour governing it have subtle effects (specific examples of which are detailed in the summaries). In addition the party will need to make saves every 8 hours to avoid falling under the influence of the land itself, if they fail they take cumulative -1 penalties to defences as follows: Blood Hills: Impulsiveness. -1 to Fortitude defence Black Bile Swamps: Melancholic. -1 to Will defence Phlegmon forest: Calm. -1 to Reflex defence Yellow Plains: Anger. -1 to AC. The Gathering Information skill challenge should guide this segment, with 10 difficult successes before 5 failures. The specific skill checks will vary, but social skills such as diplomacy, streetwise and intimidate will be appropriate in settlements, nature, arcana and dungeoneering in the wilds, and athletics, endurance etc in the general exploration of the area.

The Pepper Grinder The tower in which Yorlith the Mindflayer resides is located deep in the Blood Hills. Though easily seen on a clear day as it towers over the surroundings, it is tricky to access. In order to get into the tower, the party must get through the Duergar village first, and they are not keen on strangers. Only very hard social skill checks, successful sneaking, or a recognisable token from another major player in the plane will get them through without combat. There is, however, a back tunnel which only a very few know of. Valgun and Yuuteeae are aware of the secret entrance, and may provide the information to the party if suitably motivated. It is guarded by three steel Golems which will provide a stiff combat encounter for the PCs. The tower itself is named as it is due to its shape and its fiendishly trapped design. The mindflayer lives in the upper two floor, and the preceding three are a nightmare to bypass. This is one large skill challenge to overcome: Each set of spiral steps reacts to weight being placed on them by beginning to spin, requiring acrobatics checks to stay upright, as they spin, blades project from the walls and create a whirling floor of sharp metal to fall into. Appropriate powers, rituals and skill checks should get the PCs through, but the cost may be high. Detecting the trapped stairs may allow skilled characters to jem the mechanism, and the party may well find creative ways around the deadly traps. At the top is the Illithid himself. He has current control of the Blood Orb, and will only be willing to give it up for very convincing reasons. He will be a very tough fight for the PCs alone, but with some allies should prove vanquishable. Alternatively he will agree to help the PCs on the condition that he also escapes with them. As with any Illithid - trusting him may not be entirely sensible.

Yellow Plains The vast rolling plains that the Thri-kreen have claimed as their own are a challenge to pass through in their own right. Having become used to the appearance of a dragon who kills many of their kind, the vast herd of bison are easily spooked and the PCs are likely to panic them very easily. A rolling skill challenge to avoid a stampede and then to survive it unscathed will be in constant effect in this area. The Thri-kreen themselves are nomadic, and nature skills or the assistance of the kreen scouts will be needed to track the tribe down. The leader will be willing to talk, but will not make decisions easily or quickly, and a skill challenge to convince him that the PCs should be aided would be appropriate. This consists of a Medium difficulty and complexity social challenge, with failures requiring either concessions, or trials of physical skill (ie. combat with kreen warriors, or endurance across the plains trials). The kreen tribe control the Yellow Bile Orb, and will not hand it over without being certain that they will get it back. A classic "become a member of the tribe" challenge is the most obvious way to deal with this requiring that the party survive for a day with no food or water, defeat a team of kreen warriors in combat and make it through an obstacle course in the wilderness (this could also be run as a skill challenge - Hard difficulty, Simple complexity). The thri-kreen would like to stop the dragon Morex from predating on their herds, or at least to limit it, and if the PCs can either kill the dragon, or negotiate with it, that would guarantee their aid with the orb.

Morex' lair The Red Dragon Morex lairs in a deep cavern system in the outer Hills, emerging only to feed. He has a couple of spies who he's intimidated into talking to him who will tell him of the PCs arrival, and the dragon sees in them a chance for either escape, or to increase his dominion in the region. The PCs might approach him directly, in which case he will try to extract the best possible deal from them, and may agree to attack one or more of the other players in the Plane in order to acquire orbs and if he thinks that this would work. He may agree to limit his predation on the kreen herds in return for a formal system of tribute and sacrifice, but would require further service in return - in particular elimination of the mindflayer on his doorstep. Negotiation with such a powerful beast is fraught with danger and difficulty, but the payoff may well be worth it, and his aid would tip the scales of any combat encounter.

Valgan The ancient Griffon Druid is an enigmatic character who will make himself known once it is clear that the PCs are trying to escape. It is likely that he is the first person who will inform the party of the exact requirements for Borchos to let them go, and may of significant aid if the party persuade him that they mean well. He seeks balance, and so will not involve himself in allowing the PCs to facilitate one or other group from overwhelming the others. However, he does not know that the Halfling and lizard-man leaders are not who they seem. Valgan will offer to let the PCs use the Eye in order to gather information if they prove that they will help to maintain the balance. He will help with negotiation and give information, but will not become physically involved in any combat.

The Githyanki Tree-town The Githyanki under Yuuteeae live in a solidly constructed tree-based fort high off the ground. They are a closed, monastic warrior community, for whom preparation for combat with Yorlith is everything. They control the forest with routine and regular patrols, and farm, hunt and trap under its trees. Lately they have come under increasing attack from the Black Bile Swamps, such that it has thrown their plans for imminent attack on Yorlith into disarray. Yuuteeae will meet the PCs and may agree to exchange use of his orb for help against the Illithid. He will also be persuaded if the PCs help to drive back the threat or eliminate it from the halflings and lizard men. Even unmasking the leaders would be sufficient as the communities would then collapse in on themselves and become a much lesser threat.

Lizards and Halflings The two Black Bile Swamp communities live off the swamps, fishing and hunting in the brackish water and farming the scrubby pieces of soil in between. They are each others' mortal enemies, and until recently were no threat to anyone else as they would concentrate on each other. Now that their leaders have started to concentrate on the forest instead, the communities are doing better. However, old wounds are not healed as yet, and it should become clear to an outsider that something strange has happened. The Lizard men leader currently holds the Orb of Black Bile, and will only allow it to be used under certain conditions. Firstly the party must help them against the Githyanki, and they must also become members of the tribe themselves. The halflings are even more closed, but the leader will intimate (after the PCs have made their intentions clear) that she may be able to negotiate with the Lizard-men herlelf. This may be enough to trigger suspicion in the party and lead them to investigate more closely.

End-game There are many possible ways for the PCs to gather the four orbs together. Some require taking them from defeated opponents after promising them to others, some require the current holders to bring them and co-operate. One plausible way through would be for the PCs to ally with the Gith against the Illithid, and persuade the dragon to join the attack, in exchange Morex will no longer devastate the bison herd, and the thri-kreen will thus lend their orb. Finally the PCs can either steal, attack or unmask the Black Bile Swamp leaders to get their orb. However it is done, the PCs must lay the four humours at the feet of Borchos, and they will feel his presence return, and speak directly to them. He will offer 3 (limited) wishes before the power of the orbs dissipates once more and he is returned to torment again. Possible consequences might be that the PCs agree to let Yorlith or Morex escape, resulting in a potential ally or enemy in the future. They will have collected experience, and possibly significant treasure from their wishes. Finally they will have to deal with whoever sent them to the painting in the first place, and whatever consequences that involves.

Ingredients Elderly Orc Chieftain: Borchos, Gruumsh's brother-in-law, committed to the demi-plane by Gruumsh as vengeance for trying to "cure" him of his violence. Humour: Each of the four spirits that must be brought into balance; black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood. Torn from Borchos by Gruumsh and given physical form in the land. Old Quarry: The previous prey of the Gith hunters, the mind-flayer Yorlish Pepper Grinder: The vicious trap at the centre of the blood-hills, Yorlish's demesne Self Control: The challenge inherent in the plane Stampede of Bison: Challenge to overcome on the yellow plains Griffon: The Awakened druid guardian of the copper eye. Overly Large Paintbrush: The brush used by Borchos' sister to paint the painting (present by implication ) Priceless Copper Coin: The massive copper disc bearing the image of Gruumsh's eye - is it turly the God's eye itself? Sapient Statue: The central statue of Gruumsh's brother in which his spirit rests

[Embrodak]

 

The Last Judgement

Wow, just wow. Both were great entries. I have to say I learned something from reading these two entries. I had no idea what Melchior was rambling on about with Humour. I thought the two jesters were his attempt at that. Then I read Illya and had to google it. I guess you learn something new every day.

Let me just say both entries used the ingredients well. I have to say that with Illya's I had to question the use of Pepper Grinder and the Paint brush. The Pepper Grinder I guess led you to trap the tower, and yes I guess the Large Paint Brush was implied..

Overall I have to give my vote to Illya. I found Melchior to be a bit more linier and found that Illya's was grander in scale and I can see it running over several adventures. I would like to see the consequences of what the PC's do. Perhaps they free Borchos and with the eye he restores Gruumsh?? A good lead in for future Planar Adventures that I am sure Illya would do a marvelous job crafting.

I must say my solution for getting out of the plains.
1) Tell Thri-kreen's they will appease the Dragon to get their orb.
2) Tell the Dragon they will eliminate the Mindflayer so he'll bring bring his hunting down to a manageable level to please the Thrikreen's and get their orb.
3) Tell the Gith they will Kill the Mind Flayer for their orb.
4) Have the Mindflayer give them his orb and then go into hiding to meet them at the statue. Lie to Gith's and Dragon that you killed Mindflayer with the proof being the orb.
5) The Black Bile one is more difficult as I see it requiring the PC's to get the clue as to the leaders deception to turn the tribe against them, giving the orb to the PC's as thanks..

[RonarsCorruption]

 

Nice to meet you all, I’m RonarsCorruption. You might know me for my work in Explosive Runes, or perhaps from Outplay. More relevantly, you should know that I’m a professional adventure writer, and I’m going to be judging your applications as best I can on their more technical merits, alongside the normal judging for things like being interesting and playable and using the ingredients. Specifically:
Playability, out of 10 – how easy/fun would it be to play this adventure
Runability, out of 10 – how easy/fun would it be to run this adventure
Completeness, out of 10 – does it go from plot hook to final reward? Is there anything missing between?
Technical merits, out of 10 – Most other things that catch my eye; plot holes, consistent formatting, writing quality, balance issues and the like will be covered in here.
Ingredients, out of 10 each – creative usage and importance to the plot
A final warning; I am not going to be gentle here. Constructive hopefully, but far from gentle. The gloves are off.

 

Melchior Huh, a level 3 adventure for Iron DM finals? That's unexpected. let's see how this turns out. Playability- 6: I'm always aprehensive about adventures that appear to take place in a post-apocolyptic fantasy world. Sure, an ancient, run-down carnival sounds fun, but there's too much... real world in it to make it feel like you're not trying to be silly. I'd probably halfway enjoy it, and halfway think poorly of the DM who wrote this for such a thing. I'd also be really annoyed at all the back-and-forth running that has to be done, especially because you have to go past your quest-starting town to get the healer. That part soured the whole third part for me, but otherwise I think it'd be a fun adventure to play in, though potentially with too many random encounters over such (theoretically) long distances. Runability- 5: There's a few sections in the story were you're lacking crucial DM information - how high would the PCs need to be to cuse Uzhac? How far is the carnival away from the orcs? What if the stampede goes wrong? Also, two grey jesters at CR4 are a really tough fight to spring on potentially unprepared PCs - a potential, if not likely TPK. Further, I would have loved seeing some more information on what creatures might live in the mountains, or the carnival, or a few other things like that. The adventure is set up straightforward, but then you have three fights, which could have done better. But that all said, it wasn't bad, either. Lacking a lot of information, sure. Bad? Not at all. Completeness- 8 As I mentioned in runability, your adventure is missing a lot of details. Normally that's not so bad, except for that you include some, which makes the missing ones all the more visible. I would also have liked to see more hooks for the PCs - you start right in the thick of things, and just assume the PCs accepted being hired by the king. Not the best decision there, but I know, I know, word count. Otherwise, it seems fairly complete, and I do like the potentially scaling reward at the end, depending on if you saved the guide. Technical- 8: I noticed a few typos, like calling the Mok Tlumjur a camp once, and as I mentioned, two CR 4 monsters would mop the floor with a level 3 party, especially one that might have had encounters already that day and wasn't prepared. Otherwise, you're pretty technically stable - the other fights were appropriate, the adventure could have been a little more isolated, the rewards were appropriate, formatting and wordcount was good... Overall, a thumbs up. Elderly Orc Chieftain- 10: Normally, this is where I'd say that he didn't have to be an orc, but frankly you did an excellent job with Uzhak, making his old-ness, his orc-ness and his chief-ness all relevant. Good work. Humour- 10: I'm thinking 'oh great, silly adventures', and I'm really happy you went with humors of the body instead. It was a great twist on the ingredient, and you used them historically correct and everything. (can anyone else name the other two humors?) Oh, and they were both relevant to the story and just a touch interesting, so good work. Old Quarry- 8: I'm kinda glad you didn't go with some sort of ancient mine for this, but the fact that the griffon was white, despite making it more memorable, made me think of moby dick. I dunno if that's good or not, but it's still true. Pepper Grinder- 3: I would have given this to you if Allard had simply called something a pepper grinder and it still didn't look like one. But you say PCs won't recognize it, then you call it out as something clearly defined. As it stands, it's only a pepper grinder because it needs to be. Self Control- 6: It's always hard to integrate something like a personality trait into a strong adventure element, but I think you did an alright job with it. Maybe not as strong as I would have liked - I didn't like that you tried to use the inverse of self-control as a 'use', but the hall of mirrors was kinda neat. Stampede of Bison- 4: Why on earth would you stampede them? That's dangerous. A clever PC, or probably even an average one, would just try to capture one bison and then maybe follow whitewing. Or, more likely just *follow* the herd until whitewing appears. You also listed some mechanics for the stampede, but not all of them - (how far will the stampede go? What if it goes off in the wrong direction? What if a PC gets run down? So, kinda weak. Griffon- 5: Ah, moby dick of the air. He was only a griffin because you needed a griffon, but I liked the integration with the adventure. I would have liked to see this griffon be, maybe an advanced griffon to account for the chief not being able to take him down, but... It's okay as it is, I guess. Overly Large Paintbrush- 7: Refer to my comment about faux-post-apocolypse above, but I suppose this works, within the setting at least. Priceless Copper Coin- 10: Of all the faux-post-apocolypse you included, this was one of the best bits. An ancient carnival token is pretty cool, so I'm going to give you points for this. Sapient Statue- 9: For a minute, I thought you were going to use that pepper-grinder animated object for this, but when I saw ZLTR in your list, I realized that yes, he was more than just Zoltar the magnificent. Also, you make some ancient letters readable, but not the engraved 'insert token'? Still, very clever use. Your total score is; 100 (out of 140 mind you, but still a good score)

 

Illya Now, I'm going to assume this is 4e, but it would have been nice to mention it, rather than allowing me to imply as much from the word 'paragon'. Let's see what the future holds. Playability- 9: I think this would be a heck of a fun adventure to play in. It's a neat locale, it's a fun, powerful level, there's some cool effects based on where you are, and a lot of neat NPCs and side-stories. From a player perspective, this is one of the coolest adventures I've seen in Iron DM, and for that I commend you. Asides from maybe the PCs never actually finding out how to escape, because not many people know how, and one might never show himself. That kinda sucks for them. Runability- 2: Now that that's out of the way with, I want to say this would be a terrible adventure to DM for (ain't that always the way?). You spend a lot of time explaining the area, and the people, and nearly no time describing what the PCs need to do. I mean really, is there anything that isn't a skill challenge? Especially in the yellow plains, it's kinda ridicuous, you say "skill challenge" like five times. More problematic is the vagueness of... well, everything. This is more of an adventure outline than a real adventure, because the DM has to do so much of the work himself, designing the skill challenges, determining the results of the PCs actions, and so on. Worse, keeping track of all the modifications the PCs are dealing with? Headache. Completeness- 4: I like the hooks, and the rewards, but as for the adventure itself... Frankly, if the PCs attack the mob of barbarians that charge them on arrival, any structure of the adventure goes out the window. Sandbox adventures are hard, and you hit near the mark - but not close enough. Technical- 1: Oh, you went over in word count, a cardinal sin amongst contract writers and Iron DM contestants. Tisk tisk. And not by like, 10 or something excusable, by nearly 500. That's a loss of marks. Oh, and typos? Ugh. "arriving as am adventurer"? Not looking so good. Plus, you only set out a handful of fights compared to the number of skill challenges... and, your adventure is for between 4 level 11s to 6 level 15s? I know 4e is supposed to be flexible, but it's not the first time I've told you to narrow that bridge down. A few numbers *anywhere* in the adventure could have made a huge positive difference. Elderly Orc Chieftain- 7: Elderly orc? Sure. Chieftain? Not at all, he's a god-shaman. And, while I really liked the backstory for this adventure, I still have to dock some marks for not really using a chieftain. Humour- 10: After I went all proud and mushy about your opponent using humor in a clever way, I see you did it too. Oh well. It's a good use, and I like all the mechanics tied to it, and the reason it's the humors. Old Quarry- 6: There's a lot of vaguity in the sections about the Gith, but I will give you an ancient quarry here. Good work on not making it be a mine, though. Pepper Grinder- 1: It's called the pepper grinder because of the shape and the fact it's filled with traps. Nah, I don't buy it - if I were in that state I'd call it just 'the grinder' or maybe 'meat grinder'. And besides, what's stopping the PCs from just flying up and popping the roof off the tower? Self Control- 0: Really? That's like the weakest reason ever. I almost consider this missing, because the PCs aren't trying to control themselves, and nobody in particular is being particularly self-controlling, everyone's trying to control the mad god of the plane. Stampede of Bison- 3: Skill challenges everywhere! Okay, this one makes some sense, but rolling Acrobatics and Athletics over and over again would get really boring. On a different note, you explain how everyone else in the entire adventure ended up in Borchos, but not the thri-keen or the bison, which makes it really stand out that it's missing. Unless it's a skill challenge for the DM to determine it. Griffon- 4: I like the character, but not how you describe his activities. He doesn't have a home, unlike everyone else, he might not even show himself depending on the PCs actions. So, I dunno, it balances out to okay I suppose. The adventure would have been a little cooler if he lived, like, perched atop the statue or something and tried to get PCs to do his dirty work for him. Would have balanced the adventure out more, and given it more direction too. It's like making a perfect sauce to tie a dish in together, then not putting it on the plate. Overly Large Paintbrush- 0: present by implication? Nope, doesn't really count. Especially because Luthic is a goddess - she could have painted it with sheer force of will, or with ten-thousand strokes of a blade using her enemies blood (or humors), or any matter of things. The painting is important, but the implied brush? Nope. Priceless Copper Coin- 9: This is where implying something gains you points. Maybe the lost eye of a one-eyed god? That's priceless if I ever saw it. Not so much a coin as a plate, but that's a minor distinction. It's a titan's coin - explained! Sapient Statue- 6: I liked the statue too, though it's not really sentient in itself, so much as a statue that sometimes has an entity inside it. Your total score? 62 points.

 

It's been a long fight, but this is the very end. Who will be this year's Iron DM? My vote goes to Melchior, who blew his opponent out of the water. Good work!

[Sakure]

 

Wow, some real novella style entries! I'll try to keep this short and sweet, we all know you're only interested in the last line anyways!

A Hippocratic Peace by Melchior:
Well, the premise is a bit cliche, but I won't hold it against you. The pepper grinder construct made me giggle, and I also liked the oracle.

The first thing I didn't like was the go see the oracle, then go here to his guy, then go do this.... That's a lot of tedious travel time. Boo! Entertain me! Also I was quite sad that the griffon had to die, I was rooting for him. Oh well, such things must happen to save kingdoms I suppose!

Some fun uses for some of the ingredients, though it was hard for them to shine through the more vague ones.

A Cure for all ills by Illya

Interesting concept with the painting portal, definitely something new. I immediately liked the aspects of the regions and how they affected skills. Brilliant! Though it was a tad overshadowed by the all the interesting locations you populated my mental map with. That's a lot of great detail for me to utilize as I cruise around your adventure.

I thought that the orb-collecting sounded a little overly complicated. I don't think I'd ever be able to guess how to puzzle all that out myself from a player's standpoint, so I didn't really care for it. I think with all the colorful locales you invented some more dynamic assembly is in order.

Some of your ingredients really needed some more face time as well. *cough* paint brush *cough*

Well, when I think fondly of my favorite cleric and her future, there comes a fork in the road. On one path there is A cure for all ills, on the other there is A Hippocratic peace...

She will walk the path of...

 

A cure for all ills by Illya!

Good luck contestants and thanks for being good sports about my judgements this year!

[Iron DM Judge]

 

So it whittles down to the end, the final pitched battle between two would-be writers. The both of you probably deserve congratulations for surviving this long, but you won't get it from me - so bugger off.

I'm just here to Judge, I warn you - you're being held to a fancy high standard being in the finals of this competition.

Melchior Elderly Orc Chieftain: Goodly use, a tiny bit expected but this ingredient was very much too specific - I blame hvg3akaek for that. Humour: You completely blind-sided me with this one, but not in a bad way. It did seem a little tacked on, but very much unexpected. Old Quarry: Spot on! I especially like that the characters had to bag the quarry on the old chap. I'd be inclined to believe that level 3 characters might knob up a plan to get a squirt of blood without knocking off the feathered bloke though. A Pepper Grinder: It feels like you shoved it on me, but I have to admit this would be a bloody tough ingredient to wiggle in and you bunged up a decent story behind it. But if it's supposed to be unrecognizable - why do you so deftly name it a pepper grinder shortly after? Self Control: Rather weak. I tickled that you worked it into more than one place though. Stampede of Bison: Herding a... well, a herd of bison is much different than a stampede. What stops the characters from knotting one up with a rope, transporting it to where they want it, and turning it out? You got on with the bison well, but I'm a bit ruffled about the stampede part. Griffon: You tied on the expected by using it as a monster but you did a sterling job of not only tying it in with another ingredient, but making him unique. An Overly Large Paintbrush: You used it, I'll check you off on that. Why the paintbrush? Why was it so big? It seems there really is no bliming reason other than it was an ingredient. A Priceless Copper Coin: Though I understand your word limit, the 'priceless' aspect could have been emphasized more. Kudos for tying it on with both the Oracle and the chieftain though. A Sapient Statue: I suppose an oracle needs to be sage-like, you could have made it more statue-like though. You know... I'm just realizing you've been getting on about a post apocalyptic circus or something here. I hate you for that. Right out, I'll pop off and say you did a great job with your adventure. Aside from a few trip ups, your ingredients meshed well together and weren't completely buggered up. However, I feel your adventure to be very linear (First this, then this, then this, then this...) and very long amounts of travel that could have been dillied up a little (read as: a lot). And... why didn't the chieftain send an orc party to the Oracle? For being a hermit, the doctor sure seemed willing to just hop along with the party - life saved or not, hermits are hermits - especially one so recluse that no one else knows about him. Overall this adventure was well done with a few loose ends and frayed edges. But, you've only been allotted so many words, not just any boffin can do what you did under these conditions.

Illya Tsk tsk... Over on time limit by a smidge and over on words by a many lot. If it was just one or the other or just by a dash on the words, I wouldn't throw a kerfuffle - but this is finals of Iron DM, you did both, and were over by hundreds on word count. I've committed to stop reading here: Lately they have come under increasing attack from the Black Bile Swamps, such that it has thrown their plans for imminent attack on Yorlith into disarray. Yuuteeae will meet the PCs and may agree to exchange use of Also, remember that whole 'paragon' confusion from last time? Yea, you're lucky I judged you before or I'd be lost. Elderly Orc Chieftain: Elderly? I guess so. Chieftain? Are deities chieftains? I'm inclined to say no. Humour: Did you and your opponent plan this? You used this ingredient the same way he did, albeit much better and more involving with your story. Old Quarry: A bit of a stretch but I like it. Pepper Grinder: Not a literal use, sparks for that. Very deadly for the players, you gave me goose-pimples there. But why pepper grinder? Why not, Silly Player Grinder? or Total Party Killer? (I really fancy that last one.) Self Control: Pass the salt, this ingredient needs more seasonings, you buggered this one up a bit. Stampede of Bison: They are bison and you made them skittish and stampede-y Griffon: Excellent and smashing! Not a monster at all but nearly a mentor to your hapless players. Overly Large Paintbrush: Implication isn't enough for me. To the bin with this one. Priceless Copper Coin: Non-literal use and surrounded in mystery. The players might have trouble even finding out about it though. Sapient Statue: Central in the story and in the setting. Smashing, bloody brilliant. This adventure is elaborate without being confusing - even considering the fact that I didn't get on reading the whole thing (demerits to you). Applause is in order here. I pity the players of this adventure, they've got their work cut out for them. I pity the bloke DM that attempts to pilot this trolley too though... damn lot of work for him. Your entry has huge potential, and huge size (I'm not letting you go on that word count), but it's a bit... erratic. Too much blah blah blah without actually getting on about what the players should be doing. There is a way to be too sand box-y, and I think you may have crossed that line a smidge. I have to give you props though, you've held my interest enough that, after I'm done judging (but not before!!), I will eagerly go read the rest of your adventure - you held my interest that high.

Both entries did a smashing job with a good handful of the assigned ingredients. Both were splendid in their use of the humour ingredient especially (by the way hvg3akaek, I'm glad you didn't use the rubbish spelling of 'humor').

But, one must be victorious.

Melchior gets my vote. Illya, if you had whittled down your word count and fleshed your adventure a little more, I may have wet my knickers trying to find a party to run through this one.

[Grogg Tree]

 

Well, I can say that I have been quite pleased to see the adventures you two have thrown together thus far. As such, I have high expectations of this round and look forward to reading over both entries. However, I don't have the time that I had hoped to give you the proper feedback. Still, I know each vote is important, so without further adieu, I give you my decision.

Melchior Overall, this wasn't too bad. The adventure seems pretty easy to run or play (emphasis on the playing); the ingredients use was pretty good (though I'm not sure about the plausibility of a coin operated machine, but the use was unique); and it is very straight-forward in its approach. As a DM, I would have preferred to have hooks, NPC knowledge, and other specifics. But I am aware that they don't have a 4000 word limit in the books as well. Also, it felt as though you went into too much detail about some mundane things, like Mekgog, and not enough on the things that actually mattered to the adventure, such as the ingredients.

Illya Overall, this wasn't too bad. You set up the information on NPCs, hooks, and other items well; you allowed for the players to choose their path; the ingredient use was pretty good (I'm not a fan of the pepper part in the grinder trap, but then again that is because it lacks any spice). As a DM, I would have preferred to have more substance in the sections pertaining to the orbs. Having them only as big as a normal game post (8 sentences on average) was really a let down for flavor. Also you're biggest issue was the fact that it was over the word limit by several hundred words.

Given what I've read and how they compare, I feel that the best competitor is... Melchiorme. Thank you, I've always wanted this honor.

-GT

[ridin gaijin]

 

Just as judges have preferences when reviewing submissions, I understand perfectly well that the contestants and audience also have opinions on how those reviews are presented. Accordingly, and in order to appear considerate, I’ve posted not one, but two versions of my judgment below. Simply click on the one you’d rather read! The labels should provide clear guidance as to the contents.

 

Melchior’s adventure begins in a setting fruitful for 3rd level adventurers, one a DM can easily extend into a full-length campaign. The NPCs are well-realized, with credible motivations. Players should have a good time interacting with the locals as they step their way through the challenges presented. However, the deterministic nature of the interactions (with Blue Thunder in particular) points to rather linear plot construction. That’s not necessarily bad. Portal and Portal 2 are extremely linear, for example, and are outstanding games, but some players may prefer the more loosely constructed format of Grand Theft Auto or Infamous. I tend toward the latter myself, because as a DM, there’s usually more room for players to grow their characters.

Blue Thunder is a more neutral orcish group than the classically evil sort we usually encounter. Igra in particular seems pretty diplomatic, and even Mekgog takes the long view (preferring non-interaction to conceal weakness, as opposed to, for example, raids designed to provoke “just enough” to convey the clan’s strength). “Gruff but polite” are traits more usually associated to amiable dwarves or elderly hobbits than orcs. None of this is bad; just different.

As the second part of the adventure gets underway, I found myself wondering what would happen on the two week tour with Muguz. Any random encounters? Any campfire insights as to clan history and plans? They may be moot as Muguz may soon be mimic food. Should that come to pass, though, again I wondered at what might befall the party in these mysterious ruins. Is there no DC to find the Paintbrush? With over 3,999 words available to use, I think fleshing out these less structured parts would make for a richer adventure. That said, the Oracle’s a strange bit of business, its advice specific to a degree I’ve not seen in any carnival to date. Players should be looking forward to learning why this mechanical wonder is so well-informed. (As well as, possibly, why it only cost a penny.)

Again, the party encounters nothing on the way to the lake. The characters evidently find the right direction, and scale the mountain, without much difficulty at all, even if Muguz is being digested by now. Allard’s construction may leave the group guessing as much as the Oracle did. Why are things here the way they are?

Allard’s quack diagnosis and proposed cure are a neat bit of medieval magickry, though the question of why, over the decades, Uzhak hasn’t ordered a few hunting parties to get out there and dispose of Whitewing—or at least help him bring the beast to a decisive battle—gave me pause. Mekgog might also legitimize his claim to the old orc’s place had he gone out and disposed of the thing. However, after the final fight, the glow of the happy ending and its justified rewards should help banish such questions from players’ minds. Perhaps the other curiosities, such as the funhouse ruins and the Oracle, can be dealt with in a later adventure.

In all this is a well-written and quite appropriate adventure, with a few good hooks and a friendly setting for follow-on challenges. As mentioned, I did find the lack of encounters unfortunate. Also, by and large this is a hack and slash adventure, and I do appreciate tricks and traps thrown in for diversity. As to the ingredients, kudos to Melchior for doing a bang-up job with them—and so many of them, too! My only quibble here is that the copper coin seems easy enough to counterfeit, even for an orc. This entry reflects the level of consistent performance an Iron DM contestant needs to battle upward through the ranks, and I expect Illya will need a similarly well-constructed adventure to compare.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Illya’s Background section raises high hopes for the adventure to follow. This demi-plane, with its biological derivations and (we assume) powerful influences, is both a mythologically potent creation story and an original and fecund setting. It reminds me of some of Moorcock’s Elric stories, even down to the mad deity and its giant statue. The plot has been constructed to allow for non-good parties, which is always a significant plus for me. Impressive regional summaries show a creative approach to the old concepts of the humours and how they might play out in a game setting. The major personalities exhibit several individual storylines in and of themselves, reflecting the author’s creativity. I’ll also add that despite the Paragon label, this adventure will translate easily into any of several game systems—another plus.

As you could probably guess by now, I’m also impressed by this adventure’s rather freewheeling nature. With the actors and their motivations defined, an experienced DM (--and at this level of play, the DM ought to be experienced) should be able to flesh out the consequences of various party steps and mis-steps.

Going through the encounters as presented, I’m a little disappointed by the interpretation of the Pepper Grinder. Blades don’t grind. That would be a Pepper Chopper, of which no ready example comes to mind. Here, I did hope for some more specifics, such as height of the tower, its diameter, and ideas of the DCs and damage involved. The Yellow Plains and their bison/kreen challenges are well-put together; and if the DM plays Morex right, the characters might find themselves dancing to his tune or else wondering why they died so quickly. By the time we get to the gith and the doppleganger twins (heh), we have a potentially absurdly, and deliciously, complicated mix. Players will have had to choose sides, but there will be blood, to coin a phrase, since of course not all the NPCs want the same things.

The creativity of the setting and its demands for many different kinds of play make this a standout adventure in my estimation. Now, the handling of the ingredients was not as comprehensive as I saw in Melchior’s entry. The Orc Chieftain, Old Quarry, Pepper Grinder, Self Control, and Really Big Paintbrush are somewhat tenuous. That said, this adventure packs a lot of play into a little space, and…it wins my vote.

 

Melchior’s post-apocalyptic adventure blends weird, unexplained anachronisms with obscure pop culture references and wraps it all into an After School Special plot, where the worst enemies are grumpy orcs (who are different than us, but underneath want all the same things we do!), an animated contraption straight out of Weird Science or perhaps Jimmy Neutron, and a mean griffon with a taste for bison. Big bison. If I were that griffin, I’d have figured out a century ago that the baby bison are much easier to carry and kill than adults. I’d never eat on the plains. I’d grab baby bison, fly up to my special Bison Sashimi Rock, and drop them there, then devour them at my leisure. (Yes, that’s a plot hole, ladies.) But even so, since this adventure is devoid of difficulty, characters would probably just walk up the dangerous crags and find me anyway. {sigh} Where was I? –Ah—on beer! Now that I’m not training for anything (until the Death Race in June), I sure don’t mind having a beer or two while I start regaining my upper body strength after all that goddamn running over the summer. And just like beer always goes great with bourbon (hello, boilermaker!), a mild, predictable adventure also needs a little something stronger to punch it up. But the lack of drama, emotional involvement, and true tragedy in this adventure means players won’t find it here.

If Melchior had strained less to include ALL the ingredients, we might have seen better development around the core ones. As it is, some of them are just introduced and then sort of left to try to make it on their own. Priceless copper coin? I don’t think so. Easily faked. Humour? A stretch, with a double definition that relies on the different way some foreigners mis-spell American words. Old quarry? Is the griffon old? Is it enfeebled? Like my mom, does it not see well, so its kids close it up in a dim room for most of the day (for her own safety)? And why does a characturist (? I tried to spell that word like six times, so screw it) have a fortune-telling machine? All they need is a pad and an easel and some drawings of Michael Jackson and Tom Cruise, with big heads. If we are in some Dark Tower-inspired counter-reality, I need to see more weirdness. I can’t believe the world has moved on that much.

Anyway. The characters move along their assigned path like…like cars on an amusement park ride. No!—Even better, like sushi on a conveyor belt, except there’s no scary fat people to snatch them up and devour them; just a happy orc party at the ending. This adventure is a mellow experience. Granted, we don’t want slaughterfests at 3rd level. It’s better to raise the players’ hopes and dreams, let them work on the novella of their characters’ backstories a bit, before jeopardizing them and ultimately either maiming them in unforgettable ways or else killing them off altogether. But with this kind, gentle adventure, players are quite safe from such dramatic possibilities.

In conclusion…this is Blue Thunder without Malcolm McDowell. Another couple of shots and it’s on to number two. PLEASE be scary.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Illya's adventure ought to have been titled “A Jillion Ways to Kill Characters.” Because really, there are. All the DM has to do is keep the subplots straight (preferred) or else fake knowledge of them well enough to keep the players guessing. Index cards might help, either way. I’d probably opt for the latter choice, because I’d be buried in piles of stats and reference materials. Another good title might have been “Lost: the Gooey Place”, with maybe a passenger jet having crashed into the ground at the Borchos statue’s feet, and the griffon replaced by a polar bear or something.

Obviously, there’s a lot going on here, and all this beer hasn’t helped. No matter where the characters start, in about a day of game time, they’ll probably have to compromise their ideals, rewrite their game plan, raid the DM’s hoard of index cards, or all three and then some. This is a game for the patient and those master strategists who conceive of the game as an intricate balance of shifting alliances. In other words, not players like mine (“You see an anthill.” “We poke it!”) or a DM like me (“The fire elementals hate your offering and are now preparing to kill you all.”). What I’m saying here is, this is not an adventure for just anyone. It’s a little like going to work. There’s all this stuff to remember, like the githyanki hate the mind flayer, the mind flayer will double-cross the dragon if it can, and don’t hit on the secretaries. Who wants to remember all this when you’re playing a game for fun?

About the challenges, I will say: the Pepper Grinder requires essentially no creativity to get through. There’s a third-level spell that sounds like it’ll do the trick just fine. (Hint: it starts with F, ends in Y, and has an L in the middle.) Other than that, I’m having fun imagining characters dodging bison like Frogger, getting stuck in swamps of bile while lizard men point and laugh, and everyone tries to figure out what the hell there is to eat in the Blood Hills.

Anyway. Maker’s Mark really is the way to go. It complements everything, really, going down nice and smooth and fiery with all the major food groups and kinds of taste, even umami, whatever the **** that is. In a choice between the bland and the icky, I choose the ick. Illya’s adventure wins my vote.

As I say each year, and truly mean, congratulations to all who stepped up to participate. You chose to do something most don’t have the courage to—not only to write some random adventure, but also have it be publicly judged by assorted egomaniacs and other crazy people. Thank you for being part of our community!

[hvg3akaek]

Originally Posted by Chairman Haga

What's this? Even with six judges, we are left with both final contestants having three votes a piece? And our final two hopeful judges are absent, so we will have to turn the matter over to you, the Studio Audience! Please, put your hands together, and vote for your favourite adventure! Where judges have failed to divide the two magnificent entries, let your cheers of appreciation show the Iron DM of 2011!

[hvg3akaek]

Originally Posted by Chairman Haga

The viewing audience has spoken! The votes are taken, and together with the judges, the viewers have chosen the Iron DM for 2011! Mystery and medicine came to a clash, whilst peace and cures were greatly sought after. Both Subduer and Vanquisher performed well, and even with six judges on their case, the divide between the Cryptic and the Practitioner was slim indeed!

With a final score of 4 - 3, Melchior claims the title of Iron DM for 2011! Congratulations!

Well done to Illya, too, who put up such a strong adventure that it took judging to new and exciting places. Well done to each and every other participant in this year's competition! And well done to each of the judges who read through the adventures and provided not only fierce feedback, but the decisions needed to get from 16 challengers down to our new reigning Iron DM!