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  #76  
Old Jan 12th, 2016, 08:04 PM
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@Inem
Normally I would love a review, but I think my concept is pretty much set in stone and you seem busy, so I'll give the review offer a pass lol. It's good as long as my application has been read. (I don't mind questions, suggestions, or minor revisions though, if some of my character details bug you.)
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  #77  
Old Jan 12th, 2016, 10:42 PM
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"I feels like an empty-headed numptie fer not asking fer a review earlier... I'd like it if ye could give mae app a keek or three and cry me yer thoughts."

Mae app!

Last edited by Squeak; Jan 12th, 2016 at 10:42 PM.
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  #78  
Old Jan 12th, 2016, 11:16 PM
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Name: Victor Astergrad III
right-aligned image

Age: 72 Gender: Male
Race: Aasimar Class: Inquisitor



DescriptionA man of slightly more than average height steps from the shadows. The light, golden locks of hair cascade down to his broad shoulders; a stark contrast to the soiled and stained clothing he found himself wearing. Brilliant green eyes gaze from a sharp featured face with a look of inquiry. "What did they charge you with," he asks with a smooth tenor voice. As he moves further into the light, it is clear that he has seen combat as several scars are visible through the tattered clothing. His stride is purposeful and powerful as he makes his way directly toward the other new comers, always seemingly ready to strike if the need arose. He extends a calloused hand in greeting, "My name is Victor."


PersonalityVictor is a knowledge seeker, the more he can find the better. Though he never wished to actually visit Karakengard, he had to admit that he was intrigued by the shadowy creatures that were unable to be killed but were able to be warded through some ancient ruins or glyphs. He's also a man who get's answers whether it be through friendship, bartering or darker deeds; he prefers to not have to resort to the dark deeds if he doesn't have to though. Due to the circumstances that landed him in this hell prison, he is fueled by determination to be free once again and to remove the blemish that had been been smeared across his once good name.


Background
 


 


 


 


Last edited by ManicMonky; Jan 21st, 2016 at 10:24 AM.
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  #79  
Old Jan 13th, 2016, 02:34 AM
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I don't know. It just sort of happened. Like, really. Woke up, realized that I'd go crazy unless I wrote this out. So I wrote it out. Now I feel better.

Application
Kel, Male Human Commoner

A Final Storytime“Debt. Debt never changes.” The first words were pitchy, like the speaker was trying to sound gruffer and tougher than he had any right to be.

“That ain't right, Kel. What 'bout--” The interruption had no such alterations. It was high-pitched and twangy, like the voice of a young child.

“Shuush! Stop talking, David! You're ruining the moment!” Kel abandoned his attempt at sounding like a serious adult. He let out a cracking and inarticulate sigh of exasperation, throwing his hands up in the air for nothing more than dramatic effect. Around him, the dark of the predawn farmland quietly devoured the two young voices, leaving them with nothing but a heavy and pressing silence. Kel, the larger of the two, affixed the other boy with a look that only he thought intimidating.

“Oh, sorry, Kel. I'll, uh, listen?” David didn't know what else to do, so he used the old stump as a seat and flumped down like he was about to watch the greatest show of his life. Seeing as how he would probably never actually see any shows in his life, the analogy seemed likely to be quite accurate.

“Yes, you will!” David all but roared-- in his imagination. In reality, his voice simply dropped an octave and got a teeny bit louder. ”Now, uh, where was I?” He was trying, and failing, to hold his super-serious adult voice. He had a night's worth of practice to make it work. Sadly, he probably needed a few more years to pull it off. Not even his little cousin believed him through the cracking in his voice.

David perked up, his smile brightening-- despite only having a couple of teeth in his head.“Debt never changes?” He offered the words easily and quietly, in that terrible stage-whisper that only children can manage. As if there was someone else around to actually overhear the two children.

“Right!” Kel responded with sudden vigor. His body language rode the surge of hope and allowed for the wild gesticulations he would add to every word. “Ahem-hem.” David thought it was awesome that Kel sounded so cool when he cleared his throat like that; Kel would never admit that making that noise hurt more than gargling gravel.

“Debt. Debt never changes.” He spoke his words, his voice rumbling and crackling in equal measure. Then he remained silent.

David waited for a few long seconds to see if his older cousin had anything else to add. “... Is that it?” He tried, and failed, to keep the disappoint out of his voice. He had really hoped that Kel's big speech had been longer than five words. Or was it six? Three? Um, more than he had said. But David smiled anyway, because Kel looked even worse off.

“Uh... yeah. I don't really know how I make myself sound like a tough badass.” Kel shrugged and flopped to the ground with the grace of a sack of potatoes. Sprawled out, he watched the sky as it started to ever-so-slightly change color from the distant dawn. ”I mean, only reason I'm gonna be goin' through the portal is to take the blame for someone else. It's not fair.” Kel was tired. Not physically. The other one. In his head. On his shoulders. He was a bad farmer. His family weren't exactly stellar at it, either, but for every wish he made that something else could happen to him, this fate seemed to be the cruelest. Even so, at the back of his mind, he had one peaceful thought: at least he won't have to die as some stupid dirt farmer.

“Don't you got, what, five other brothers?” David was ruining Kel's moment of Zen, but it didn't bother him all that much. He didn't really like most of his family. David was one of the only exceptions, and Kel usually got David into plenty of trouble. It was something of a wonder that David was willing to put up with it all just to hang out with Kel. If his folks found out about tonight, he'd get quite a tanning for sure.

“Don't remind me,” Kel snapped. He was getting cranky, but his words lacked any threat: a dog with no bite. ”Can't say I don't blame 'em, though. Lose the farm and watch the family starve, or send one wayward son off to die in a magic prison.” He splayed his hands across the cold, wet grass as thoughts turned in his head. “I'm just angry that they chose me over Karen. None of us like her anyway. Well, no point worrying about it now.” Kel closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He watched the vapor from his mouth disappear in the air. ”I've got, what, about an hour until dawn? That's when I'm going to be arrested for something I didn't even do. Stupid parents. Stupid criminals. Stupid colony. Stupid ore and magic portal. Stupid world.”

”Am I stupid?” David asked. His voice sang with childlike concern. He didn't want Kel to think him stupid. Kel laughed. It was a quiet sound, private, even from David. ”A bit, yeah? Not in a bad way, though. We're the good kind of stupid. My parents are the bad kind. Get it?”

”Yeah.” David did not.

”David. I've made a lot of selfish wishes. Bad-stupid wishes. I'm not sure if this isn't what I want, though. In a way. I'm not an adventurer. I'm not a great magician or a clever thief or a strong knight. I'm just a boy who wants to be more. I want you to be more, too. Don't do nothing stupid, but... don't be afraid to do what you have to do, yeah?”

David nodded. Kel smiled. It felt good to smile and mean it. ”Now you git on home 'fore your folks catch on that you aren't in bed. And don't forget what I said!”

”I won't!” David cheered, and promptly started running off back home. Kel simply rested on the ground, watching the sky and feeling the wet on his back. Thoughts played against his brain.

”Life,” he voiced. ”Life always changes.” That sounded so much cooler.


Who is this Child?Kel is nothing special to look at. He's a young human, somewhere in his early teens (he isn't quite sure, truth be told). He has brown hair, brown eyes, and tanned skin. He's not strong, or fast, or smart, or tough, or charming. He simply is. His mop of brown hair has probably seen fewer washings than the sackcloth clothes he wears, and he's still short enough to be easy pickings for those who prefer their targets small and weak. He's not particularly bright, but he won't forget your name when you tell him, and he likes to think about new and exciting things. His dreams are grand and spectacular. His reality is not.

Farming is in Kel's blood. It is also In his his sweat, his tears, and his bones. He despises it. Kel wants bigger and better. He wants anything more than he has now. He isn't greedy, however. His wants are outrageous, but his needs are paltry, and his practicality has full control over his desires. To Kel, any measurably wealth is an improvement upon his life. He has never even seen a gold coin before, let alone a purse full. The women in his life are all related by blood, or less attractive than a mule-- he has a desire for princesses, sure, but that practicality of his life is that settling down with a homely lass who actually likes him is not only more likely, but preferred.

In so many words, Kel is a dreamer who has dreams he deems impossible for him. Compared to his dreams, all of life is a disappointment. He can either find himself lost in that disappointment, or he can find wonder and enjoyment from anything that is a step forward. His life isn't about achieving his dreams. His life is about getting as close to those dreams as reality will let him.


What's Your Story, Chummer?
Kel is a nobody. The son of a family of peasants, he lives with his 9 brothers and sisters next to two other farms filled with a similar number of cousins and near-relations. He has had to work the fields and help with the chores since he could walk, and his life has never been anything else. Except in his mind.

Kel dreams because his reality does not let him do anything else. Working fully through daylight hours leaves little time to enjoy oneself. Of course, here and there is childish mischief-- sneaking off to play instead of doing work, but those experiences were the exception, not the norm. Kel only truly lived while he was asleep, envisioning grand, beautiful things or living a life literally impossible in reality. He has been happy in his dreams. He has never felt that spark in his daily life. Every day is the same. The variables change, of course, but it is slave labor for survival. Pray the rain comes. Hope the harvest is good so no one starves come winter. Don't ever get sick.

The only piece of Kel's life worth mentioning is that he was recently sold. His family accrued a debt to the kingdom, and as fears grew about this “colony” and the war, his family sought out “other” sources of income. They took loans. Loans which they have never been able to pay back. Of course, such debtors have their uses. The kingdom would simply seize them, toss them in the prison, and give the land to someone else. Such a waste for the enlightened entrepreneur. Kel has been sold to pay off a portion of the debt. He will take the blame for an individual otherwise guilty of a criminal act-- whether this person is part of this criminal group or simply someone who hired their services is unknown and irrelevant. All that matters is that Kel will find himself sentenced and ushered through the portal instead of the true criminal. What happens beyond that is of no concern to anyone. Business is business, after all.


Contact
He's called “The Baron”. No one knows why, exactly, but he's a contact on the inside of the prison. He works for the Blue Stripes, the folks who sent Kel through. It's his job, supposedly, to keep track of anyone they send through. He's supposed to look out for them. Keep 'em safe, sometimes, keep 'em scared, others. He's supposed to be in charge of anyone affiliated with them on the other side. Whether he actually does, is still alive, or is even a “he” is entirely unknown. Word doesn't exactly come out of the portal much. Still, when someone with the Blue Stripes mark goes through, he's supposed to have his eyes open enough to pick 'em up and make sure they can at least hit the ground running.

Supposedly, he assassinated a noble for no other reason than because he could, but people in Krakengard love to talk, so stories abound. The only things known for certain is that someone goes by the title, and they have their own little enterprise set up, complete with secret clubhouse and expendable lackeys. Every once in a while, they grab new prisoners. Do different things to 'em. Sometimes they just get dumped out into the mists at night. Other times, they have a bed, food, and basic necessities covered. There's no rhyme or reason to it, so far as the locals can tell, but then again, most of the locals never knew much about the Blue Stripes on the outside, either.


The Crime
Kel doesn't know what his crime is-- just that he's going to be called guilty of something in the eyes of the law. Like most of Kel's life, he has been drawn into things well beyond his control. He doesn't know what kind of 'rep' he'll have going into Krakengarde. Will he be a cold-blooded murder? A philanderer among noble daughters? Maybe it's something as crude as indecent exposure or drunk and disorderly. He doesn't know what it will be-- but he knows that it will *matter*.

Writer's Note: I deem it important to Kel's character that he really has no idea what his crime is until he's sentenced. The idea of being powerless and without choice is a fundamental piece of his character, and writing him with the knowledge of what he's done takes away, in my opinion, from the evolution of a character who goes from utterly powerless to If not still mostly powerless, but he will at least be able to make his own life decisionsfree. If you must have something, then I guess I can just roll up something random and see what the dice want.
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Last edited by GeoAvanti; Jan 20th, 2016 at 05:23 PM.
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  #80  
Old Jan 13th, 2016, 06:39 PM
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Application
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Name: Eustacia ("Tashia") nic'Bjerthe
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Class: Cleric
Crimes: Blackmail, Extortion

Appearance: Tashia is a young woman of bright form and dark shadows. Her skin is fair and her hair skirts the line between blonde and chromed silver. Her blue eyes can be flirtatious, murderous, or anything in between. Still, there is a bitterness that clings to her like grease on the fingertips. In careless moments Tashia holds herself with a lady's bearing, full of sharp wit. Of course, serving time in prison is not the time to alienate oneself with the comportment of a lady, she supposes.

Personality: Tashia considers herself a ruthless and creative thinker. A social, intellectual, and adaptable young woman. Nonetheless she is naive in many ways; although Tashia's course took a dangerous turn lately, most of her life has been sheltered, comfortable, and protected from the most vicious elements of society. She still favors manners and civility over subterfuge. There are lines many criminals have crossed that she has not, that she may or may not cross in the future.

Background:
 

Roleplay sample:
 

Character Goals:
1. Find her brother if he still lives, or learn of his fate if he is dead or missing.
2. Acquire some measure of security and agency within Krakengard, through wit, magic, or use of the crimes that placed her there. The first step would be to get out of mining duty, since she considers herself quite unsuited to that task.
3. Some time in the future, return back through the portal and take her revenge on Gerrig. She expects this will require her to grow in power and trickery first.

Bonus:
 


Last edited by Sir Alex; Jan 29th, 2016 at 11:58 AM.
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  #81  
Old Jan 13th, 2016, 08:18 PM
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I feel complete with Victor. I decided to wrap part of the background in with the RP as well as the "important people". I hope that is alright.


If you would like to review my application prior to selection, that would be most appreciated; however, I know it got a little bit long and time is precious.
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  #82  
Old Jan 14th, 2016, 01:03 AM
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Aaand Torum is now complete, and awaiting my own review. When that's done, I'll PM you about a review, Inem.
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  #83  
Old Jan 14th, 2016, 01:59 AM
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Casts secret page.
OOC within OOCThere is no secret text here. All you see is a recipe for shepherd's pie that has the baking step out of order with the mixing ingredients step.
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  #84  
Old Jan 14th, 2016, 12:29 PM
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So I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet but does anyone else see this as a much more awesome version of Minecraft?

"Demons" coming out only at night
Magical "ore" only harvestable only the floating isle
Need said weapons made of ore to even do anything to the demons
Floating isle is literally only accessible via a single portal

Am I just crazy and stretching connections thin or is there a legitimate connection here?
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  #85  
Old Jan 14th, 2016, 01:20 PM
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Nothing to see here. Move along.

Move Along.
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  #86  
Old Jan 14th, 2016, 01:30 PM
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*is not moving along. so there*
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  #87  
Old Jan 15th, 2016, 01:17 AM
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Added additional info to my application--if a second round of feedback is available, I'd like to sign up for it!

You know, since I'm sure you don't have your hands full, right Inem?
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  #88  
Old Jan 15th, 2016, 05:51 AM
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CharacterName: Lan Bierstadt
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Gender: Male
Race: Human
Class: Bloodrager
Crime: Murder (Second Degree)
Appearance:With an angular jaw, and a smile that doesn't quite reach his intense sapphire eyes, Lan is of average height and athletic build. His skin is fair and lips soft. His finely cut clothing is disheveled, and his raven hair is now shaggy and unkempt. He has fresh scars around his wrists, evidence of his current incarceration and the tight bondage of manacles. His toned muscles show the beginning stages of malnutrition, hinting that his body has seen better days. But the most noticeable feature is the haunted look in his eyes. The look of a guilty man, tortured by his sins.
BackgroundBackground: The son of a painter, Lan was mostly a carefree individual. The young man wasn't irresponsible, just unworried. He would often help his mother's husband, Kord, by running errands for him, arranging commissions, and picking up supplies from various vendors, and in return, Kord gave him a generous allowance, especially considering how most of the kids he knew his age weren't as lucky. He also apprenticed as a painter under Kord's tutelage, and became an skilled (if inexperienced) painter in his own right.

But when Lan was fourteen, the kingdom went to war. With the nation's troops being mobilized and luxury goods being rationed, paintings and other forms of art became a frivolity, and so his master's business began declining. What little money the painter made went to alcohol. He began slipping into a deep depression, and began bickering and arguing with his wife, Allessana. The drunk artist would insult and degrade her, and accuse her of infidelity. What Lan didn't know was that the accusations were true. Unbeknownst to him, Allessana had fallen for a traveling bard, an aasimar with sapphire eyes. The angelic man had left soon after their passionate night, leaving Allessana with child. Lan was equally unaware as to the potential powers his sire had gifted him, and the potential curses, as well.

The conflict would come to a head when Allessana's husband snapped and struck her in a rage. Realizing what he had done, he apologized profusely. Despite his contrition, his violent outbursts crept closer and closer together. Kord's moods were more often than not dark and unpleasant, and his rage became unpredictable, so Lan tried to avoid home when he could.

Kord's decline over the last four years was slow, but steady. Each time he attacked his wife, his rage grew. And each time, he held back just a little less than the last.

Lan felt guilty that he couldn't stand up to his master... but he was built more like his mother, slim and lithe. Kord towered above him, his wide shoulders and thick arms an impressive and intimidating sight to behold. Lan helped his mother however he could, though. He tried to aid to his mother by treating her injuries when her husband went on his brutal drunken frenzies.

But it wasn't enough.
Role-Play Samples
 

 

 
Bonus Prisoner
 

Last edited by SonofSamWich; Jan 19th, 2016 at 04:43 AM. Reason: Application Improvement
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  #89  
Old Jan 16th, 2016, 07:27 AM
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@Everyone: Tentative deadline is going to be the 29th of January. It's not fixed yet, and depends upon a few developments at work for me that will determine whether that even makes sense. It definitely won't be sooner than that, but I'm also going to do my very best not to let it be any later.
Answers to questions below, and a few more reviews all the way at the bottom. I hope to get through the rest of the requested ones over the course of this weekend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gylther View Post
I have a character in mind, but I'm not sure if all the stuff is available to run him. I saw you mention that you weren't allowing stuff from Occult adventures,

I'm guessing this is also true of the archetypes for the other classes from the book? I was wanting to using the Promethian Alchemist Archetype for the Alchemist class, and maybe multi-class into rogue (using the Poisoner archetype).

If your not down with that, I'm also playing around with the idea of an entirely less subtle style character... an improvised, dirty fighting Brawler.
Yeah, I think to keep it simple and fair, I'm going to say no to everything from Occult adventures, including archetypes for other classes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeak View Post
"I feels like an empty-headed numptie fer not asking fer a review earlier... I'd like it if ye could give mae app a keek or three and cry me yer thoughts."
Don't worry, given what I've had going on at work, you would most likely not have gotten one sooner even by asking sooner.



Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoAvanti View Post
I don't know. It just sort of happened. Like, really. Woke up, realized that I'd go crazy unless I wrote this out. So I wrote it out. Now I feel better.
I'll be curious to read the result of what was pressing on your mind so much it was driving you insane.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eviltedzies View Post
So I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet but does anyone else see this as a much more awesome version of Minecraft?

"Demons" coming out only at night
Magical "ore" only harvestable only the floating isle
Need said weapons made of ore to even do anything to the demons
Floating isle is literally only accessible via a single portal

Am I just crazy and stretching connections thin or is there a legitimate connection here?
Well I don't know whether there are connections there, if so, they are purely by chance. Never having played Minecraft, I can say that that (unlike so many other things) was not one of the sources I stole inspiration from

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiax View Post
Added additional info to my application--if a second round of feedback is available, I'd like to sign up for it!

You know, since I'm sure you don't have your hands full, right Inem?
We'll have to see about a second round of feedback. It will really depend how things play out at work, but I'm certainly not making any guarantees.



 
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Last edited by Inem; Jan 16th, 2016 at 07:29 AM.
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  #90  
Old Jan 16th, 2016, 12:17 PM
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Well fine Athena. I guess I know who Torum is killing first in the thick of things.
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