[Game Thread] Round 4; The Grand Finale: Inem vs Unko Talok

[Ion2Atom]

The arena is filled with darkness. An empty canvas for the final match of Iron DM.

The crowd is silent in anticipation when a cherry red glow begins to cast a dim light from a sluggish ooze in the middle of the arena. The ooze begins to flow faster and the air around it shimmers as if in a high heat. A fountain of pure molten iron casts ominous shadows onto the area around it.

A spotlight from some place high above illuminates the Herald. The voice of the mysterious chairman holds in one gloved hand a wand of bone and iron with a small nob at the end. It’s dusty voice speaks, and the wand seems to amplify it to an earsplitting volume.

"Are you ready for ready for a world smashin’, blood sheddin’, dice rollin’, *Abyss ridin’* time?" Asks the Herald to the crowd still concealed by darkness. Pointing the wand out to the crowd, the roaring, stomping, and cat calls echoes through the arena shaking it to the very foundations. This was the match they had come to see. The finals of Iron DM.

"Alright! You’ve all heard the whispers of this contender. A first time competitor but a 13 year veteran. Clocking in at ten THOUSAND, six hundred and fifty one posts, this heavy weight contender has earned an impressive 134.4 points this year." The cheers from the crowd escalate as the Herald continues, "Master of the red dragon, purveyor of Arabian lore, drawer of pretty pictures, and Great Old One. A competitor that completed an Iron DM round in less than 24 hours…"

UNKOoooo… TALOK!

Another spot light highlights the challenger, Unko Talok clad in a ruby red silk boxer’s robe. Flanked by a Werewolf in a black suit and a vampire in a white suit, the contender is escorted down to the arena proper. Whether to prevent the challenger from fleeing, or to keep him safe from the wild crowd is hard to say. Spotlights follow Unko Talok down to the arena floor where an iron link cage surrounds fountain of molten iron. The message is clear: Two DMs would enter, but only one would leave. Unko Talok is shown to a corner of the cage sporting a large glowing Ruby surrounded by a Jaspar, Aventurine, and Hematite stone. Wisps of power rise from each, welcoming the challenger into his position.

Whirling around, the Herald points to the other side of the Arena shouting, "Facing him is the only man to EVER survive Iron DM twice in a row. Weighing in at Nine THOUSAND, two hundred and forty seven posts, he’s accumulated a crushing 141.5 points this season." Once again the cheers from the crowd swell to a fevered pitch, "Soaked in red, Doktor Sprachgefühl, Arena regular, and one of the absolute worst wolves you’ll ever meet. You know him, you love him, the current reigning champion…"

INEM!

More spotlights appear to outline Inem draped in his own silken robe, black as night. Around his wrists and ankles are rune scrawled manacles, though the chains have been broken to allow the champion a full range of movement. Screams and hoots come from the audience as the champion makes his way to the far corner of the arena cage. There a badge of iron with “2016” and “2017” inscribed on it is surrounded by three gems; a Sunstone, Emerald and Topaz.

Quieting the rabid crowd, the Herald gestures to a skybox high above the fray. "Thanks to Chairman hvg3akaek, today is a wonderful day to behold. Two titans of literary might stand before us to craft adventures second to none. Naturally there can be only one Iron DM, and that heavy crown shall fall to the one who uses the ingredients to maximum effect. Only our entire panel of judges are equipped to make such a decision, and so..."

The main judges for this round are:

• Everyone!!!

The Chairman nods to the Herald. Turning to the fountain of molten iron in the middle of the caged arena, the Herald summons ingredients for the final match within the liquid metal. Nearby hammers, anvils, tongs and other tools for cooking and crafting appear for use by the two finalists.

The ingredients for this round are:

• a Bamboo Basket!
• a Sassy Surgeon!
• Bone Searing Exhaustion!
• The Grind!
• a Banjo!
• and each competitor’s Stones of Power:
  • Unko Talok: (Ruby, Jaspar, Aventurine, and Hematite)
  • Inem: (Sunstone, Emerald, Topaz, and an Iron Badge)

The bonus ingredients for this round are:

• a Lost Voice!
• The Ultimate Weapon of Ultimate Destiny!
• Cavalier Concern!
• and a Brontologist!

May the best Dungeon Master win!

Rules You are to write an adventure using the six items / concepts above. All rules found here are to be followed. The guidelines for the Judges' scoring can be found here. The entry is to be no longer than 3,000 words, which includes *everything* you put into the post. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word counter is highly recommended. Please make a simple post in this thread when you first read it, to let the judges know have seen it, and that you are on board. It doesn't have to be anything more than "read!", or something like that! Do not edit this post after making it; when it comes time to post your entry, do that in a second, separate post. You have 7 days from the time this post is made to complete and submit your entry (in a new post; don't edit your first post!). It is not expected that you use all this time - the extra time has been given to ensure that, no matter what your timezone, your schedule, your sleep habits, your work or student life, or emergencies that could crop up, you should have ample time to complete your entry. Posting when you are done, and not waiting until the end, is also recommended, and rewarded. You should post your entry into this thread within the generous timeframe, and ensure it is secreted (to the above judges) and spoilerbuttoned. Feel free to also PM your judges to let them know you have posted, if you wish. (DO NOT PM them your entry - just let them know your entry is submitted). If your post is not made within the 7 days, you will be automatically disqualified. If you have issues, be sure to PM or hvg3akaek at gmail dot comemail hvg3akaek *before* your round is closed. Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.

[Unko Talok]

Entering the Arena, Unko Talok is at first blinded and bewildered by the immense size of the place, the flashing lights, the thunderous sounds. He stumbles a bit, and is put back in his place by the Werewolf to his right. The vampire to his left gives him a glare, and Unko understands that they're here as much for his protection as for his "cooperation." Unko stands tall. It's been many weeks since his initial concussion-- or perhaps just a few hours. Time is strange here. But he is almost completely recovered. As the Herald reads off his accomplishments, Unko starts to remember who he once was. All of the time spent here-- and the immense gap without play. He had returned to this land recently, and was eager to immerse himself in it. So eager, in fact, that he dove into this competition without realizing what he was dooming himself to.

Inem's titles and accomplishments are just as intimidating-- moreso, given that he has already proven his supremacy in two previous competitions. The seasoned warrior stands across the arena from Unko. This far away, Unko can't make out Inem's expression. Is it one of determination? Of a man imprisoned and without choice? Only the great tyrants called "Judges" can know.

When Unko sees the ingredients for this round, he makes a sudden connection-- these Stones of Power that he wears... They once belonged to the other competitors! When Unko defeated them, he had received one or more as a reward and the previous owners had... What happened to them? Things are so fuzzy from his initial head injury coming down that chute. Time is missing, and he can't quite recall what happened at the end of each match.

Oh God!

"You killed them?!" The realization hits him like a ton of bricks, and Unko suddenly understands the purpose of the molten iron in the middle of the room. He glares up at the judges, full of impotent rage. The vampire to his left shoves Unko with an elbow, a message to remember his place. This was it, then. Either he will die today, at the hands of the Champion, or he will be the Champion's demise and find himself an eternal prisoner here. This world is a cruel one.

Unko looks across once again at Inem, and hardens his heart. He shouts out to the challenger, "I forgive you for what you have to try to do to me... And may God forgive us both for the terrible deeds we must now do." Unko reaches for his set of ingredients, and turns to the forge. It's time.

[Inem]

Inem stands in the arena as his newest foe approaches, accompanied by an escort. Interesting that the henchman would see the necessity for such an action after himself having seen the futility of trying to escape from this place. Looking down, Inem realizes that the chains have been removed from his manacles, allowing him once more to move around in this arena. Of course, both the chains in the intermediate time and the fact that the rest of the shackles remain on his arm are symbolic for his capture here. Any freedom he has is just an illusion, for her cannot leave this place.

Across the arena, Unko Talok realizes what happened to his past opponents. Like so many times before, Inem finds himself wondering whether they aren't the lucky ones. After all, they have found escape in some way or another. And yet, he can never bring himself to attempt to escape in that way. No, but perhaps this match will finally set him free from this place. Perhaps this opponent will be able to defeat him. Or perhaps all he needs is one more victory. Perhaps then he can finally stop. Finally rest. Perhaps?

Inem looks across the arena. His opponent forgives him for what he must attempt to do? Has that ever happened before? It is so hard to remember in this place. The passage of time, and memories, work in strange ways. The lack of sleep probably doesn't help with that. He only has a few reminders of battles past...the gemstones around his iron badge. Those he had set free...and was about to work into his newest creation. He looks over at Unko Talok and nods, acknowledging and mirroring his opponents words. He cannot bring himself to speak now, but his opponent has said everything that matters anyway.

Then, a fraction of a second later, the momentary connection between the competitors is lost, and Inem focuses on the ingredients. He just shakes his head, as both his mind and his hands set to work on this challenge...

[Unko Talok]

 

Hardened Hearts: A DnD3.5 adventure for 3-5 lvl 8 characters

Background Thousands of years ago, four masters of magic and medicine-- Unko, Krow, Atua, and The Maniac-- served Salamander-kings as honored "Surgeons." Jealous of the Salamander-kings' power, the Surgeons developed a ritual to grant them immortality-- the prototype of lichdom. Carving out their own hearts, they created four Stones of Power: one each of Ruby, Hematite, Jaspar, and Aventurine. Once immortal, they lead sycophantic armies against the Salamanders. In a mockery of their title as Surgeons, they came to be known as the Butcher-kings. To combat them, the Salamanders created Zulfiqar, the Blade of Ultimate Destiny, a tool to steal their immortality. They first gave the gift to Krow as an offering of fealty. The instant Krow touched the blade, he was attacked and struck down. The Salamanders then killed The Maniac with Zulfiqar not through treachery, but brute force. But with the sudden death of two Butcher-kings, Unko and Atua knew that they were in danger. They had the blade stolen and locked the thing away in a temple, only accessible to one who held at least two of the Hearts. Knowing that the Salamanders would find another way to slay them, Unko and Atua abandoned their armies, left the Salamander Empire, and waited for another chance to rise to power. Over the years, immortal though they were, their magical abilities waned due to an imperfection in their ritual. They realized they would be doomed to an immortality of impotence. Atua sought release by attempting to find Zulfiqar and end his own life with the blade. He entered the temple of Zulfiqar, and was trapped there by a treacherous ward Unko had devised. Unko is said to have traveled far to the south, seeking out exotic new magics, searching for a way to enhance his immortality and reach true lichdom...

Setting The intended setting is Zharat, a small trading community built around a monastery at the cusp of a great desert and a mountain range. However, it can be placed in any location that is near a mountain range with minimal changes.

Hooks The adventure assumes that the party has some history with the village of Zharat. Failing that, the party could hear rumors of a mysterious illness, or they could be approached by a member of the Hashishim (See part 2) to investigate the sudden illnesses in the area and their connection to ancient necromancy.

Part 1: Sun, Mountain, and Storm (CR9) Relevant NPCs Notes Stats Unko Elderly and sarcastic to the point of cruelty. Returned to Zharat to acquire all four Hearts of the Butcher-kings, at which point he can begin a year-long ritual to restore his power and attain lichdom. Cannot approach within 10 miles of the Temple of Zulfiqar due to Atua's ward. Human; HP112; AC22 Touch15 FF17; Init+5; F/R/W:+6/+11/+10; DR15/Zulqifar, FastHeal10/Zulqifar; Spells as a lvl10 Sorcerer with a focus on necromancy and divination (ray/ranged spells +10). Possessions: Cloak of Resistance +3, Gloves of Dexterity +2, Heart of the Butcher-king (Ruby:Unko). Krow Young, naive naturalist, named after one of the Butcher-kings (Krow knows little else). Fascinated by the storms that occur in the Zharat mountains. Human Bard3/Druid4; HP41, AC16 FF13 Touch 13; Init+3; F/R/W:+6/+6/+10; Attacks: Scimitar +7 (1d6+2 18-20/x2) Zharat Roc A mythical Roc in the peaks of the Zharat mountains, rumored to control storms. Makes ample use of fly-by attack and snatch, attempting to throw victims into the jungle below. MM215, but half of all its damage is lightning damage. Two strange visitors have come to Zharat from the far south on a fantastic contraption: a flying ship called the Krow's Nest, held aloft by an enormous chamber of hot air, and bearing its passengers on a great basket of bamboo. Krow, the pilot, has come to Zharat to study his ancestry and the nature of storms around mountain ranges. Krow boasts often of his namesake, a great king of ancient times as his parents told him. Krow's traveling companion, Unko, is also a scholar-- a self-described "Surgeon." He is skilled in the healing arts, and came to Zharat to learn the medical practices here. Whenever he hears Krow boasting of his namesake, Unko mutters "Yes, he's named after an incompetent moron-king!" If pressed for details, Unko says he's read texts of how Krow was easily hoodwinked by a group of Salamanders and slain. The two spend most of their days in the Zharat Monastery and most of their evenings in the tavern, The Desert Rose. About two weeks after their arrival, people begin developing a devastating illness known as "The Thousand Suns." Each player should make a Fortitude save to see if they contract the disease. Disease "The Thousand Suns" (Magical Disease) Infection: Contact Fortitude Save: DC16 Incubation Period: 1 day This disease brings intense exhaustion upon the victim and slowly cooks them from the inside. The victim becomes permanently fatigued. Each day on a failed fortitude save, the victim takes 1d6 points of fire damage as their bones begin to heat and release extremely hot blood into the victim's body. This can be avoided via careful bloodletting, requiring a DC15 heal check (2d6 damage on failure). This disease can only be removed through the power of a Wish or Miracle effect, or the death of Unko. Unko is actually the creator and source of this disease. He introduced it into the population to fabricate a crisis and force the PCs into recovering the Hearts of the Butcher-kings. Unko, while tending to the sick, approaches the players for aid. The following table shows various possible dialogue options: Question/Options Response Initial approach "I have found legends of four stones that, together, can produce wondrous healing effects. One of them was already in the monastery, and my divinations have revealed that the other three are in or around a nearby temple. As the only competent people among these rubes, you must retrieve the other three. The texts say this stone serves as a tool to enter the temple." Unko gives the party his Heart of the Butcher-king. Where is this temple? "It's quite easy to find, if you're not a moron..." Unko marks the location on the party's map. Where did you get this stone? "From the monastery. Oh, like you've never taken something that wasn't yours! Besides, it's pretty useful to have now, isn't it?" Why aren't you going? "I'm not made for the kind of... crude work that needs done." It's pretty suspicious that the disease broke out when you arrived... (fails a Sense motive check vs Bluff +20) "And it's pretty suspicious that you're not willing to help while I'm keeping people alive!" It's pretty suspicious... (succeeds at check / continues pressing) Unko reveals who he really is, and holds the village hostage. Unko promises that he'll cure the people if his demands are met. The party has little chance of defeating the immortal, and Unko is unwilling to kill his current best hope for aid. Heart of the Butcher-king One each of Ruby, Aventurine, Jaspar, and Hematite stones. Individually, they can serve as a substitute for up to 20,000gp of material components in crafting a magical item. The item can then be de-activated by removing the gem (it can be reactivated by re-inserting the gem, a 24-hour process). If all four hearts are crushed at once they can replicate a Wish spell. Krow offers the services of his ship, Krow's Nest. He wants to observe the mountain range's topology, as the thunder he's been hearing isn't consistent with normal storm acoustics. A DC25 Knowledge(Local) or Knowledge(Nature) check reveals legends of a Roc that controls storms in the area. The use of Krow's Nest reduces travel time from a week to a single day, likely saving many lives. Immediately after cresting the peaks of the mountains, players should make a DC20 Knowledge(Nature)/Profession(Sailor) or DC25 Spot check. Success reveals that a storm-cell is forming, allowing the party to prepare by securing themselves and cargo. Shortly after, the storm begins (Treat as Thunderstorm with Strong Winds), and the Zharat Roc attacks. The basket-deck of the Krow's Nest is 20ftx30ft, and the air balloon is 40ft above. The Roc does its best to grab party members and throw them overboard during the fight. If the party prepared, they receive a +10 grapple bonus to resist being snatched. Snatched-and-dropped party members awake in part 2 with Half the hit points they had when dropped. Regardless of the combat outcome, the ship plummets into the jungle-strewn mountain face below....

Part 2: Jungle Descent (CR9) Relevant NPCs Notes Stats Montage Hashishim leader, rides animal companion. Defends the Temple from interlopers. Human Ranger 7. HP55, AC18 FF13 Touch 15; Init+4; F/R/W:+7/+9/+4; Attacks: Composite Longbow +11/+6 (1d8+2, x3). Animal companion: Large Monstrous Scorpion (MMp287). Possessions: Heart of the Butcher-king (Aventurine:Maniac) Six Hashishim mystics Montage's underlings. Human Druid 3, HP20, AC15 FF14 Touch 11; Init+1; F/R/W:+4/+2/+7; Attacks: Longbow +4 (1d8, x3). Animal Companion: Constrictor Snake (MMp279). The party awakens on the jungle floor 10 hours later with no falling damage taken from the crash. The Nest is nearby, damaged and hanging in the trees. Krow bemoans the damage, but can repair it with a day's work. He encourages the party to go on without him, while he repairs the ship. (DC20 diplomacy or survival check to dissuade him from staying alone.) If the Roc was slain, its corpse is nearby and can be harvested for 50 magical feathers-- each feather grants a single arrow the "Shocking" property. The journey to the Temple takes 2 hours. Have the party make DC25 Listen checks every half-hour. Success reveals the sound of Banjos. Various checks can reveal information (Bardic Knowledge can substitute for any): Check Information Knowledge(Local)/(Nobility):15 These noises are associated with the Hashishim, a dangerous group of warriors. Knowledge(Local)/(Nobility):20 The Hashishim defend Salamander ruins, but sometimes help those in need. Knowledge(History):20 The Banjo was the instrument of Salamander-kings. Bardic Knowledge:15 The music is actually tactical communication. The party can choose to approach the Hashishim or not. In either case, Montage, flanked by his warriors, confronts the party atop his animal companion and demands to know their purpose in his jungle. A Diplomacy Check DC35 (or DC25 if they approached the Hashishim willingly) makes them Friendly. Montage is dismissive of the plight of Zharat, but if "Unko" or a "Surgeon" is mentioned, he becomes extremely concerned (+10 to the diplomacy check). On a failure, the party must leave or combat breaks out. If made friendly, Montage offers aid-- the party is healed of all damage. Montage reveals all of the information found in "Background" and that he defends the Temple of Zulfiqar until worthy warriors arrive-- to prove their worth, one of the party must best Montage in 1-on-1 combat. If defeated, Montage implores the party to retrieve Zulfiqar and slay Unko, and gives them the Aventurine Heart of the Butcher-king to aid them in their quest. If made Helpful, the Hashishim will aid in fighting Unko. The Hashishim also offer the party a chance to tell a tale of their own. With a DC15 Performance or Charisma check, the Hashishim are impressed, and grant them one of their Banjos. They teach the party a special series of notes that grants +5 on diplomacy checks made with Hashishim members.

Part 3: Madness is a Maze (CR7) Relevant NPCs Notes Stats Atua In a stupor, unable to speak or move. Came to the temple to commit suicide centuries ago. Became trapped due to Unko's teleportation ward. Out of spite, channeled all of his magic into a ward to keep Unko from ever approaching the temple. Human; HP112; AC22 Touch15 FF17; Init+5; F/R/W:+6/+11/+10; DR15/Zulqifar, FastHeal10/Zulqifar; No spellcasting; Possessions: Heart of the Butcher-king (Jaspar:Atua) (powering his Shield Amulet). Shield Guardian Has spent several centuries separated from his master. Has ground down his arm attempting to destroy the temple's second barrier. MM223, with the following changes: Max HP permanently reduced to 70 due to irreparable damages; his stored spell is Confusion. The entrance to the temple is an enormous door made of four fused materials: Ruby, Aventurine, Jaspar, and Hematite. There is niche in the center which fits a Heart of the Butcher-king, granting entrance. Unko laid a special curse upon this dungeon-- teleportation magic can bring you closer to the location of Zulfiqar, but will not function in the reverse direction once you are inside the temple. This was to trap those trying to retrieve Zulfiqar without Hearts; Atua foolishly fell prey to it because he had only one Heart. The first part of the temple consists of a maze. The party must make three DC12 Int checks (Dwarves get a +2 bonus) to navigate it. For each check, there is a 30% chance of encountering Unko's Pit Trap (CR4; Search/spot:25, Disable:27, 4d6 piercing damage plus "The Thousand Suns"). Throughout the maze, a constant GRINDing and SLAMming sound echoes. This is Atua's Shield Guardian clawing at the second barrier at the end of the maze, reached after 3 successful Int checks. The barrier appears and functions exactly as the first, but must be opened with a different Heart than the first. If the party did not receive/recover a Heart from the Hashishim, a DC25 open locks check can open the door from either side due to the damage inflicted. If attempted, a DC25 hide check is required to avoid notice of the Shield Guardian, who will attack. The second section is a semi-circular room. Along the circumference are four Salamander statues holding musical instruments. In the center of the far wall is an alcove where Zulfiqar hangs within a solid sphere of force. Before this alcove sits a drooling man-- Atua. He does not speak or respond to most stimuli. His Shield Guardian Amulet holds his Heart. The force orb can be dropped in two ways: Playing a banjo, which the "statues" (actually robotic automata) recognize and begin playing along with. Tinkering with the statues (DC25 Disable device check). Once done, the party can grab Zulfiqar (currently containing Krow's Hematite Heart of the Butcher-king in its pommel). If the party uses a Banjo in the room, Atua is awakened from his stupor. (Alternate method: DC25 heal check or a Remove Disease.) Upon awakening, he explains his situation (share info in "Background" and Atua's story). He explains that the Hearts can cast a Wish spell if crushed together. Atua begs the party to kill him with Zulfiqar to release him from immortality. Zulfiqar This +2 Keen scimitar grants its wielder the benefits of the Improved Sunder feat. These properties are lost if the Heart of the Butcher-king is removed from its pommel. With or without a Heart, damage dealt with this scimitar against one of the kings bypasses all DR and cannot be healed by any means. If the hilt touches the hand of one of the Butcher-kings, their fast-healing and damage reduction is immediately cancelled, and they can never drop Zulfiqar-- it was intended to be the last weapon they ever hold, and to lead them to their ultimate destiny, Death. The Butcher-king then has 2d20 years of life remaining.

Part 4: Sorcerer's End (CR11) Relevant NPCs Notes Stats Unko As described in Part 1 See Part 1 Four Ghasts Corpses of those who have died of "The Thousand Suns." Immediately appear adjacent to Unko if combat breaks out. MM119 Krow As described in Part 1 See Part 1 Montage and the Hashishim Present if the party made Montage and the Hashishim helpful. See Part 2 Shield Guardian Present if the party did not kill the shield guardian and took Atua's Amulet. See Part 3 The party must now return to Zharat. Once the Krow's Nest is repaired, they can take flight again-- the Zharat Roc, if alive, does not make a second appearance. In Zharat, Unko has dropped his facade and leads a reign of terror. There are several potential resolutions. Option Resolution Give Unko everything If for some reason the party did not learn the truth about Unko and hand him everything, Unko goes on a villainous monologue and explains his plan and the info in "Background", then attempts escape. The party then has 1 year to find him and kill him before he completes his conversion to lichdom and regains his abilities as a 20th level sorcerer. Trick Unko by handing him Zulfiqar Requires a Bluff check against Unko's +5 Sense Motive; they pass him Zulfiqar before the other Hearts, making Unko mortal. Combat breaks out. Kill Unko with Zulfiqar As a normal combat with immortal Unko, but the wielder of Zulfiqar will play a huge role. Wishing Unko good If the party learned of the Hearts' powers from Atua, they can destroy them all to Wish Unko good. If this is done, Unko immediately weeps for the horrific deeds that he's committed. He explains his history, and how "The Thousand Suns" can be cured. He can serve as a great source of knowledge and magical aid for Zharat, but eventually requests that he be slain to meet his judgment.

Aftermath There are numerous possible routes the party might take: If Unko somehow escaped, the party has a year to find him before he completes his ritual. If the party used their Wish, but failed to kill Unko, many villagers will die, and the party must seek out a cure. If the party befriended the Hashishim, this network can serve as a source for future quests. If the party still has the Hearts of the Butcher-kings, they have an extremely useful set of magical resources which enemies may seek.

Ingredients
A Bamboo Basket	Krow's Nest
A Sassy Surgeon	Unko
Bone Searing Exhaustion	"The Thousand Suns"
The Grind	Shield Guardian's centuries-long clawing
A Banjo	Instrument of the Hashishim
Stones of Power	Hearts of the Butcher-kings
BONUS:A Lost Voice	Atua's stupor
BONUS:The Ultimate Weapon of Ultimate Destiny	Zulfiqar
BONUS:Cavalier Concern	Montage's aloofness of Zharat's plight, and his worries upon hearing of Unko.
BONUS:A Brontologist	Krow

[Inem]

 

Soul Surgery

A Pathfinder Adventure for Four 5th Level Characters

Introduction Centuries ago, the great 'War of the Ancestors' seemed destined never to end. Perhaps it wouldn't have without the archmage Vricad, who devised a plan to trap the souls of legendary heroes in Stones of Power, and use these to power his ultimate weapon. He trapped the soul of the legendary bard Securis in a topaz, creating the Stone of Imagination. The soul of Jon the Brilliant, in an emerald, became the Stone of Mind. The soul of Jim Faindel the Vibrant, in a sunstone, became the Stone of Life. The soul of the legendary warrior Lady Khelbiros, trapped in iron, became the Stone of Might. There were two others, but their names have been forgotten. With all six stones, Vricad created a living construct, which thanks to the stones could shape destiny. Vricad wanted the war over, so his weapon triggered one large, magical explosion, reshaping reality. Thousands of people were erased from existence, among them Vricad and others contributing to the war. The weapon deemed this necessary for the war to end, as its creator demanded. The world was left in ruin following the long conflict's resolution, and the Stones of Power, propelled to different corners of the world by the explosion, were forgotten by most people. Vricad Marsh, named after the man whose weapon was triggered in its center, is the lone reminder of the war. Being the epicenter of the world-altering explosion has locally warped reality in this harsh, swampy terrain, and few people dare to explore it. One person who did, was Doctor Haezad, a slightly insane surgeon with a rare specialty in meta-surgery (the art of operating on the soul), which is widely considered either immoral or a scam. The disdain of his peers drives Haezad to want to prove the usefulness of meta-surgery. His research into souls led him to the story of the Stones of Power. Over time, the doctor was able to acquire three of them: The Stone of Life, the Stone of Mind, and the Stone of Imagination, though the latter has broken since the war. Part of Securis' soul escaped, rendering the topaz non-functional. Using the stones, Haezad reached the center of Vricad Marsh and found the remains of the ultimate construct. The surgeon was able to stitch Vricad's weapon back together, though it can only reach its full might with all stones. Thus, Haezad and his underling Rhac have come to the city of Nanmur to acquire the Stone of Might. Additionally, the legendary songstress Mara makes her home here. Haezad wants to repair the Stone of Imagination by replacing the escaped parts of the legendary bard's soul with a part of Mara's. Fortunately for him, there is a worrisome darkness inside of Mara's soul, so she actually agreed to let the meta-surgeon operate on her. Haezad promised to remove the darkness, but instead took the part of her soul related to her imagination...and for the songstress that part contained her voice. She has been mute ever since. Haezad needs to meta-surgically splice that part of Mara's soul to Securis' soul to repair the Stone of Imagination and has returned to Vricad Marsh to do so, while Rhac is supposed to steal the Stone of Might.

Adventure Hooks Sir Wymund has hired PCs as extra security (see Sir Wymund). The PCs previously encountered Doctor Haezad when he acquired one of the other Stones of Power. Reports of someone matching his description being in Nanmur lead them to Wymund, as Haezad and Rhac initially observed the knight together.

Sir Wymund Eleanora Aecelin's wealthy family is always concerned for their daughter's safety. Thus, they hired the knight Wymund, champion of many mounted combat tournaments, as her bodyguard, giving him an iron badge engraved with the Aecelin crest to indicate his position. Eventually, they confided in him that it is actually the Stone of Might, reforged into a different shape to disguise it. Wearing it allows Wymund to better protect Eleanora. Recently, the knight feels like Eleanora is being watched. Concerned, he has offered the PCs 750 gp to be additional security for a week. After several days, Rhac and three hired mercenaries attack the group, though Rhac's target is actually Wymund's badge. If he manages to steal the badge, Rhac tries to escape. Otherwise, he fights to the death. In any case, Wymund figures out the man was after his badge, which concerns him. He explains that the badge is one of the Stones of Power, and fills the PCs in on any background information they might not have (see Introduction, excluding Haezad), as well as on a story going around: A piece of the legendary songstress Mara's soul was allegedly siphoned into a stone matching the description of a Stone of Power. Wymund wasn't sure how serious to take this, but with someone attempting to steal his Stone of Might, he asks the PCs to look into it. Meanwhile, he will use his contacts to learn more about Rhac. Combatants What Tactics Wymund Warrior ('Grizzled Mercenary', CR4, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game NPC Codex, Mounted Combat replaces Toughness) Protect Eleanora. (CMD 18) Eleanora Aristocrat ('Heir Apparent', CR 2, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game NPC Codex) Flee. Rhac Barbarian ('Forest Guardian', CR5, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game NPC Codex) Use Steal combat maneuver (CMB +9) on badge. Mercenaries 3 Warriors ('Guard', CR 1, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game NPC Codex) Target Eleanora.

Mara The legendary songstress Mara spends most days in bed, acting almost catatonic due to part of her soul being missing. Visitors are unwelcome, but if the PCs offer help, her friend Vash lets them in and catches them up: Mara agreed to the operation on her soul, though Haezad didn't remove the darkness that was worrying her, but rather the part linked to her creativity. Vash coaxed this out of Mara (in written form), who heard it from the surgeon himself, as he sassily boasted about having tricked her, but told her not to feel bad since he is a genius. It takes effort to get Mara to communicate at all. What the PCs can potentially learn from her (Diplomacy DC20) is that Haezad brazenly told her if she wants to see what great work he can do with her soul fragment, she should visit him in his private laboratory in Vricad Marsh, thus letting the PCs know where to look for him. Alternatively, Wymund learns Rhac was seen entering the city with Haezad, who headed northwest several days ago. Vricad Marsh lies in that direction, and given Rhac's interest in Wymund's stone and its link to that place, the knight is confident Haezad is headed there. It takes one day for Wymund's contacts to provide this information if the PCs don't get it from Mara. Vash offers the PCs 2000 gp for the retrieval of Mara's voice/soul, insisting on accompanying them. He suggests the fastest way to reach the center of the marsh is by airship. If the PCs have doubts about Vash joining, he mentions he could help more if he still had the magical banjo he lost. If the PCs decide to retrieve it, see Banjo.

Airship Few airships can physically land in Vricad Marsh. The PCs are directed to captain Grimm. His ship, the Predator, like all airships, consists of a huge balloon, with a large basket attached underneath. The Predator's basket, however, is made from bamboo, which is sturdy, but floats on water, meaning it could land in Vricad Marsh in an emergency. Still, Vricad Marsh is a dangerous place with lots of superstition attached. Grimm and his crew need to be convinced to fly there, either by retrieving Vash's magical banjo (see Banjo), which he insists can inspire the crew to bravery, or by paying 500 gp on top of what Vash is paying to hire the airship. The bard cannot cover this, and insists his banjo would be beneficial to the journey anyway. In either case, the crew agrees to set out, grudgingly if paid, or determined if Vash gave a banjo performance about future generations singing of their heroism.

Preparation The PCs can make Knowledge checks or gather information about Vricad Marsh (Diplomacy). Knowledge (DC20) Diplomacy DC Information Nature 19 Unusual weather phenomena occur in Vricad Marsh, e.g. thunderstorms that appear and vanish instantaneously. History 21 Ancient, dangerous spells still linger around the site of the ultimate weapon's discharge.

Banjo Vash lost his magical banjo gambling. It has changed hands multiple times since, and tracking down the current owner requires three successful DC21 Diplomacy checks. Retries are possible, but for every two failures it takes an additional half of a day. The banjo is currently owned by the eccentric Professor Hoid, a brontologist who studies thunder. He acquired it hoping it could be used to influence the weather, which it can't, making him willing to sell it for 400 gp. If the PCs mention their destination, because they realize the weather phenomena in that region might interest Hoid, he will instead trade it in exchange for being allowed along.

Vricad Marsh Thunderstorm A mist constantly hangs over Vricad Marsh. Reality functions weirdly here since the huge magical explosion. The first strange phenomenon the airship encounters is the sudden onset of thunderstorms. One moment the sky is clear, the next, thunder and lightning materialize, as if a thunderstorm had already been raging full force. Minutes later, the storm vanishes just as suddenly. This repeats for an hour, with a change every few minutes. This experiences sets the mood for the strangeness of this part of the world. If Professor Hoid accompanied the group, the brontologist is delighted by these phenomena that make absolutely no sense. Grind After the thunderstorms, the Predator encounters 'The Grind', an ancient spell that bought Vricad time to complete his ultimate weapon. Originally an illusion that trapped people in their own mind, where they repeatedly lived through the same mundane days, the ultimate weapon's detonation has warped this spell. It has become semi-sentient and prevents its own degradation by making those trapped within mentally live out the daily grind of jobs requiring physical exertion, and absorbing the energy of the imagined physical activity. Upon encountering the Grind, everyone aboard the predator is instantly transported to an illusion within their own mind, their bodies freezing in place. For each PC, pick something suitable from their background prior to adventuring, or from the table below: Job Sample Activities Exit Location Farmer Plow fields, clean stables Trapdoor in stable Sailor Swab deck, hoist sails Captain's quarters Woodcutter Chop trees Woodcutter's cabin's chimney Blacksmith Forge metal Inside forge Each day, allow the PCs a DC18 Will Save (with a +1 bonus per day trapped) to realize they are living out a false daily grind in an illusion and that there must be a physical exit somewhere that will allow them to get out. This exit takes the form of a door in a place where there shouldn't be one (see above table, Perception DC17 to find, two tries per day) and passing through is the only way to escape the illusion. Those that emerge from the illusion find themselves back on the deck of the ship, which is drifting in place with no one actively piloting it. Anyone touching another frozen-in-place person instantly joins them in their illusion, with a 20% chance they forget it is an illusion and are trapped again. Anyone informed they are in an illusion by someone who has entered the same illusion gets a second daily Will Save with a +2 bonus. For the airship to continue moving forward, a minimum crew of Captain Grimm (Will +5, Perception +7) and three trained crewmen (Will +3, Perception +4) is necessary. The PCs must enter their illusions, and help them exit. If the PCs rescue Vash from his illusion (Will +3, Perception +4) he plays a magical song on his banjo, providing a +3 bonus on Will Saves to those in illusions. Once it is moving again, the Predator soon passes out of the 'Grind'. Those still stuck in illusions recover. In addition to wasting time (track number of days lost), the illusion siphons off the energy exerted to perform the physical activity happening in everyone's head: Time in illusion Resulting condition Full day Fatigued 2 days Exhausted 3+ days Bone-Searing Exhaustion (Exhaustion beyond anything ever felt, burning to the bones. Functions like the Exhausted condition, but requires 8 hours of full rest to revert to Fatigued). If Vash has his magical banjo, he plays a revitalizing song, which lets everyone recover from Bone-Searing Exhaustion within an hour instead of 8. Inferno Next, the Predator passes through an area where soldiers' violent deaths at the hands of fire magic have spawned many Fire Spirits: flying, corporeal undead with bodies of charred skin, sheathed in elemental fire. This happens two hours after the Predator exits 'The Grind', so any bone-searingly exhausted PCs are exhausted if Vash didn't have his banjo. Many Fire Spirits swirl below the airship, but only two attack. The airship's flammable bamboo basket catches on fire wherever the Spirits touch it. With the crew busy keeping the Predator moving forwards (before more Fire Spirits notice them), the PCs need to deal with combat and the fires. Any square the Fire Spirits end their turn in catches fire. Fires can be extinguished with a standard action of dropping onto them (taking 1d4 fire damage), or by water, spells, etc. If a fire is not extinguished within one round, roll to determine how it spreads: Roll Direction of spread (one square) 1 North 2 West 3 East 4 South 5-6 None If there are ever 10 or more squares of the basket (total size 5x8) on fire (which on average happens after 3 rounds if the PCs ignore the fires), Grimm orders an emergency landing. Setting down in the waters of the marsh automatically extinguishes most of the fires and frees the crew to handle the rest of them. If this happens before the fifth round of the encounter, the Predator hasn't gotten far away and a third spirit joins the combat. Combatants What Tactics Vash Bard ('Local Celebrity', CR2, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game NPC Codex) Inspire courage, or smother fires. Fire Spirits 2 Frost Wights (CR4, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Bestiary) Cold replaced with Fire. Gains Flight 30ft. (clumsy). This battle necessitates repairs to the Predator. If the encounter didn't require an emergency landing, Captain Grimm takes the PCs closer to their destination before setting down for repairs. The PCs make their way to Haezad on foot via the rare dry parts of the marsh, though if they must walk from the site of an emergency landing, the longer walk costs another day. Haezad The PCs find Haezad's laboratory in the center of the marsh. The surgeon sassily compliments them on being huge fans, given how far they've come to meet him, but is too driven by his project to return Mara's soul fragment. PCs might notice he isn't evil, just insane (Sense Motive DC20). The ultimate weapon is functioning, though at far less than original strength, because Haezad is missing (at least) the two Stones of Power nobody remembers anything about. The ultimate weapon is a living construct, with plates of wood and metal covering a body of flesh components. In many places, Haezad has clearly stitched it back together. On its chest gleams a sunstone (Stone of Life), on its forehead an emerald (Stone of Mind). If Rhac stole it, the iron badge (Stone of Might) is attached. If the PCs lost more than 3 days getting here, Haezad has meta-surgically fused Mara's and Securis' soul. In this case, the topaz (Stone of Imagination) is also attached. If threatened, Haezad orders the construct to attack. It will continue battling until destroyed, even if the PCs capture or kill Haezad. Combatants What Tactics Haezad Expert ('Sapper', CR3, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game NPC Codex) Throw splash weapons Ultimate Weapon Wood Golem with Stones of Power, see below (CR6, Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Bestiary) Defend Haezad Vash see above Inspire courage Even lacking the reality-shattering power it had with all six stones, the Ultimate Weapon is increasingly dangerous for each integrated stone (see below). To destroy the weapon, it must be reduced to 0 HP and the Stone of Life removed. A successful Sunder maneuver detaches a stone from the construct. Stone Effect Mind Construct's intelligence score becomes 16, allowing it strategic decisions. Life Construct becomes living construct and recovers 5 HP per turn, even when reduced to 0 HP. Imagination Splintering special attack takes on creative, surprising shape. Reflex save DC increases by 3. Might Damage Reduction improves from 5/Adamantine to 5/- . Lose Fire Vulnerability.

Conclusion Once his construct is defeated, Haezad surrenders and can be brought to Nanmur to face justice. Haezad will unfuse Mara's and Securis' soul, if the PCs set him free in return. If he does, or never completed the fusing, touching Mara with the Stone of Imagination returns her soul and voice. If the PCs killed Haezad, they need to find another meta-surgeon to undo his work. The PCs suddenly posses several Stones of Power. They might hide them or seek out the rest.

Ingredients	Usage
Bamboo Basket	Airship basket. Floats, but flammable.
Sassy Surgeon	Haezad surgically removes Mara's soul and surgically puts together his living construct. Sassiness gives away his location.
Bone Searing Exhaustion	Result of going through 'Grind'.
The Grind	A spell trapping people in the daily grind.
Banjo	Vash's magical instrument, very helpful if recovered.
Stones of Power	Relics of war, containing the souls of heroes. Powers inspired by mystical properties people ascribe to each of those gems.
Lost Voice	Mara's voice.
Ultimate Weapon of Ultimate Destiny	Haezad's living construct, ultimate weapon of the ancient war.
Cavalier Concern	Wymund's concern for Eleanora and the Stones of Power (using 'mounted knight' definition of cavalier)
Brontologist	Hoid, whose interest in thunder phenomena can be used to acquire Vash's banjo.

[MoonZar]

MoonZar Judging
Round 4; Grande Final!: Unko Talok vs. Inem

Judgement done in secret!!! Oh my god, this is two amazing entries. It's killing me to have to designate a winner. That's going to be a very close call I think. Good luck both of you!

 

Hardened Hearts
DM Perspective / The Technical (15/15)
How easy would it be to run this scenario?
How well is the scenario/adventure presented?
How well is the scenario/adventure written?

13/15 - Very easy to run the scenario, I really the introduction and how it's presented. There's a lot of information for the DM, well done. Really liked the story as a DM. The only thing I have to say about the set up is what if the characters figure out that Unko is evil or is lying to them.

A party of 8th level could have means to figure out that Unko is not what he claims to be. There's no DM information to run that aspect which is important such as detect evil, sense motive vs bluff, divination?

About The Thousand Suns, this is a pretty cool disease, but I would have hope for a few lines about how Unko managed to create such a powerful disease with his current level, or some background about it.

Player Perspective / The Story (15/15)
What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?
Is the story interesting to read?
How creative is the scenario/adventure?

13/15 - I find some part original, like the flying ship and the heart concept. It's pretty cool that the villain presents himself as someone to help and integrate the story early to manipulate the PCs by creating a disease to motivate them. Could make the PCs very eager for revenge when they realize they were betrayed and Unko killed a lot of people with this disease just to motivate them. About the temple, it's a classic, it's well executed, but can't say is the most original place.

Audience Perspective / The Ingredients (20/20)
How well was the ingredient used?
Does the bonus ingredient usage work?

34/34 (6 ingredients with 5 pts each, 4 possible +1 bonus) - All ingredients were used successfully, and four possible bonus as well!

Total: 60/64

 

Soul Surgery
DM Perspective / The Technical (15/15)
How easy would it be to run this scenario?
How well is the scenario/adventure presented?
How well is the scenario/adventure written?

14/15 - Wow... one of the most original stories that were submitted this year in Iron DM. I would love to run it. I particularly like the introduction and the fact that the weapon blew up in the face of his creator to end the war. It's nice that the weapon is a construct instead of a sword or staff like most similar war stories. The only thing I would say is what if Rhac is killed in the first encounter? He's only CR5, the PCs could surprise the DM and find a way to kill him or prevent him to escape. That would take a significant amount of work to recover if this happens.

Player Perspective / The Story (15/15)
What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?
Is the story interesting to read?
How creative is the scenario/adventure?

14/15 - As a player, I will find the introduction story original, appealing and epic, that would keep me very interested. The hook though assume the PCs will be motivated by money, might not be enough. The encounters in the Vricad Marsh are particularly original and fun!

Audience Perspective / The Ingredients (25/25)
How well was the ingredient used?
Does the bonus ingredient usage work?

34/34 (6 ingredients with 5 pts each, 4 possible +1 bonus) - All ingredients are well used, the bonus are also been tackled elegantly. Well done!

Total: 62/64

[HenryLockwood]

Two excellent entries, as you'd expect for the final. Really good work!

Henry Lockwood Judging
Round 4; Grand Final: Unko Talok vs. Inem

 

Hardened Hearts
DM Perspective / The Technical (13/15)
How easy would it be to run this scenario?
How well is the scenario/adventure presented?
How well is the scenario/adventure written?

OK - I'd need to stat out a L10 human sorceror, which is not a trivial task.
Presentation is great: I can read everything clearly, etc. I like the way you've highlighted the relevant skill checks and DCs.
The Heal checks for the disease are a great idea: even at first level, you'd probably break even on the Heal check, and will typically do well at higher levels. However, isn't this just a "healing tax"? By L8, you could just rest overnight and regain the HP, and being down 3.5hp (average) isn't going to affect many characters noticeably. It doesn't feel like a real threat to PCs.
Some of the DCs are a bit wacky. By L8, I'd expect most parties to have a character with +15 or so to Bluff, which makes tricking Unko into mortality too easy: around an 88% chance of success.

Player Perspective / The Story (15/15)
What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?
Is the story interesting to read?
How creative is the scenario/adventure?

This is great. The "ancient evil trying to regain its power" is given a whole new spin here, and the options to trick the enemy at the end are really interesting. The idea of using up a Wish to achieve the most positive outcome is also really good: this can reward strong RP. I'm a bit concerned that a more hack-and-slash party would find this less interesting, though.

Audience Perspective / The Ingredients (33/34)
How well was the ingredient used?
Does the bonus ingredient usage work?

Hmm. Great work overall, but I'm not really convinced by "Cavalier Concern". I get where you were going with this, but it felt slightly forced.

Total: 61/64

 

Soul Surgery
DM Perspective / The Technical (13/15)
How easy would it be to run this scenario?
How well is the scenario/adventure presented?
How well is the scenario/adventure written?

The introduction and first few scenes introduce a lot of characters and motivations. This would require a lot of preparation. The writing is good, but doesn't sparkle. My real concern here is about the theming and level. We have an "Ultimate Weapon" that's only a CR6-7 creature; this would be great for a low-level or E6 campaign, but even if it's malfunctioning I'd expect it to be more of a world-ending threat.

Player Perspective / The Story (14/15)
What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?
Is the story interesting to read?
How creative is the scenario/adventure?

Hmm. Do we have Infinity War here? Apart from the backstory, the adventure itself is really original. It could even be presented as a "potential future" after the Infinity War.

Audience Perspective / The Ingredients (34/34)
How well was the ingredient used?
Does the bonus ingredient usage work?

Oh, wow. The Grind is fantastic: I love the mechanics and flavour of this.

Total: 61/64

[Sassafrass]

Before he can finish both of them, he removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. Sniffling, his red nose indicates something is wrong. "Listen, I'm sick. So I'm a little short on crepes to give right now. But WHERE does it say we should use clever uses of our fallen opponents? WHERE!? If you can find me the chairman who is responsible for this nonsense, I will show you a chairman who will be declared missing this time next year." The judge sighs. "Lots of neat elements overall, in both of them. Some hit my buttons, some don't, but the use of previous contenders' names bothers me on an existential level. Ultimately, the use of the stones was clever, almost redeemably so. Got some Thanos vibes going on there. But there can be only one. Wait, wrong pop culture franchise." He rolls his eyes, puts on his gloves, which are themselves bejeweled suddenly, and stands.

"Here are my notes. Let Kami-sama sort ya out. Deuces." He snaps, with his bejeweled left hand, and as if by design, disappears into black ash.

 

Title: Hardened Hearts
Honestly, I'm not one to like self-inserts. Ever. Like, when Stephen King does it, it drives me bananas. When Grant Morrison does it, it's... I dunno, weird. Here? I don't know any of you but Montage well enough to get the references or jokes or anything. A well-written adventure but with four characters that, frankly, put me off a bit.
Technical Score:
Running the Scenario: Very detailed, and very on the rails; I wonder what would happen if the party went off the rails at any point? 3/5
Scenario Presentation: Amazingly done, as expected at this stage 5/5
Writing: Very well-written from start to finish, despite my dislike of the inserts 5/5
13/15 Total

The Story:
Actual Play: So long as they went along with it, it would be an amazing game, I'd imagine, with my group(s). 4/5
Reading: Very well-written and fun, though the sass is not quite as sassy as I'd like. I have standards, it's in the name, dammit. 4/5
Creativity: A lot of creative elements, but then some that just... GRIND my gears. 3/5
11/15 Total

The Ingredients
Ingredient Usage: Going to be honest, I was more meh than not on this one. Some are clever, some... not so much.
Bamboo: Meh? 3
Surgeon: I can roll with that. 4
Exhaustion: Always a fan of disease. 5
Grind No. THE grind, not A grind. Didn't like it at all. 0
Banjo: I admit I chuckled. 4
Stones: Works for me? 3
Bonus: Atua did nothing for me. The other three were ok. 3 total.
22/30 Total

Final Score: 46/60

 

Title: Soul Surgery
Always with the brutal titles; God, Inem, stop it! And ye gods, not you too on using the fallen contestants? Is there a rule I'm not reading? What is this nonsense? Anyway, a decent adventure that I admit is somewhat convoluted, but ultimately super cool and fits some of my buttons. Some of the elements were odd, but ultimately I liked it.
Technical Score:
Running the Scenario: Mostly all there, makes sense to me, though the sense of scaling/level is off for me. But that's just me. 3/5
Scenario Presentation: Solid, as expected 5/5
Writing: Your usual self, but I admit I found more typos and awkward phrasing that I'm used to with your writing. 3/5
11/15 Total

The Story:
Actual Play: My players would love this one, I think, even if they didn't get the many-faceted name drops. I mean, Mara, REALLY? 5/5
Reading: It would be fun to read some of the sections to them, I think and the rest would need to be improv, but overall it's all good. 3/5
Creativity: Ya hit my buttons, Browski. Ancient weapons, stones of power that aren't the Infinity Stones at all. I mean, what's not to like? 5/5
13/15 Total

The Ingredients
Ingredient Usage: I admit most of these are ok. Some of them are not. And we'll break them down.
Bamboo: Meh? 3
Surgeon: This is cool as hell. 5
Exhaustion: Kind of cool. 4
Grind: Ugh, does no one know what THE Grind is? Still, kinda cool. 2
Banjo: Kind of neat. 4
Stones: Cooler than they have any right to be. 4
Bonus: Mara's voice is... irritating, but cool in this context, so point there. Like the construct and Hoid, but not the Cavalier bits. 3 total.
25/30 Total

Final Score: 49/60

[Admin Bhelogan]

Scores

Category	Unko Talok	Inem
DM Perspective / The Technical*(15 points)	15	15
a. How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure?*(5 points)	5	5
b. How well is the scenario/adventure presented?*(5 points)	5	5
c. How well is the scenario/adventure written?*(5 points)	5	5
Player Perspective / The Story*(15 points)	14	15
a. What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?*(5 points)	4	5
b. Is the story interesting to read?*(5 points)	5	5
c. How creative is the scenario/adventure?*(5 points)	5	5
Audience Perspective / The Ingredients*(15+ points)	34	34
a. How well was the ingredient used?*(5 points each)	30	30
Bonus Ingredent?	4	4
Total Points	63	64

Feedback

Unko Talok

To start off with, I feel like there is some 4th wall breaking here, with giving descriptions of yourself, (in addition to your competitors stones). To say the least, I love it! I will forever assume you are ”Elderly and sarcastic to the point of cruelty.” Ok, then we get kind of an almost LoTR setup story wise, with stones and a blade rather than rings. We then have a hunt for the Heart of the Butcher-king. Fairly straight forward here. The fun in this adventure really comes from knowing where the naming convention for all of the NPCs came from. Without it, it might still be intriguing, but certainly wouldn’t stand out as great. Main ingredients are well use, though some of the bonus ingredients might have been a bit of a stretch. Still, enough to count in my book though.

Inem

Alright, we have the stones of power (from fallen competitors), used to power the ultimate weapon. One piece is missing, and the PCs get wrapped up into trying to find out who is after it, and helping other victims. I see a little bit of a disconnect for the PCs to really want to keep going with the adventure after the first attack, especially if they succeeded. It seems they have to do some work off ‘good faith’ before more rewards are offered. Anyway, the adventure itself comes across as fun and well presented. Ingredient usages was excellent, as always.

[Squeak]

Judge Squeak walks out late to the party and nods to the both of the competitors. "These were both very well done. Very... Well.... Done..." he begins.

"So well done, I am going to do something I have never done before. For your all of your hard work, combined with the spirit of Christmas, I am using my amazing judicial powers to award you each +1000 bonus points.

Congratulations." he finishes as he hands his letter to the Chairman.

 

How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure? (5 points) All of the information was there, but I wanted a few more text boxes to lead me. Good, but not perfect.
SCORE: 4
How well is the scenario/adventure presented? (5 points) Pretty clear and concise.
SCORE: 4.5
How well is the scenario/adventure written? (5 points) The intro was awesome. I wanted to see more of that in game, it got to be a little to mechanical as you got further into it.
SCORE: 4
What would this scenario/adventure be like to play? (5 points) I'd like it. It's nice knowing the PC's can't beat everything.
SCORE: 4.5
g. Is the story interesting to read? (5 points) I was riveted from the beginning. But Then it ended up with a bunch of charts.
SCORE: 4
How creative is the scenario/adventure? (5 points) The whole thing was filled with losers.

And my losers, I mean the other RPGX people you played against. That was sheer awesomeness. For the first time in my many years of judging, I'm going to break the mold and give an 'over the max' score. SCORE: 5.5
How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
• a Bamboo Basket! Loved the Krows nest, but a minor ding because you never mentioned the basket was bamboo. SCORE: 4.5
• a Sassy Surgeon!l He was sassy, so that works. But a necromancer that considered himself a surgeon doesn't neccesarily MAKE him a surgeon. So a minor hit.. SCORE: 4.5
• Bone Searing Exhaustion!l Loved the bone searing and the reason for it. But was it exhaustion SCORE 4
• The Grind! I liked this use. SCORE: 5
* a Banjo! Felt out of place, but honestly I can't imagine a circumstance where a banjo would feel normal. SCORE: 4
* Stones of Power: Ruby, Jaspar, Aventurine, and Hematite Flawlessly executed. SCORE: 5

Bonus Ingredients:
• a Lost Voice! Meh. It was there, but I wanted a bit more. +0.5
* The Ultimate Weapon of Ultimate Destiny! Awesome, well done. +1
* Cavalier Concern! Yep, it was there, but I wanted more - not sure why. Will use this as a tie breaker, if it comes to that. +0.75
* a Brontologist! I admit, I had to look this word up. And you used it perfectly. +1

Bonus points for Christmas -- +1000
TOTAL SCORE - 1056.75 points

 

How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure? (5 points) All of the info was there if you looked for it, but I had to read it a couple times before I found everything. Nothing major, but during my initial read I was wondering what the badge/Stone of Might did -- and it wasn't until way down in the post.
SCORE: 4.5
How well is the scenario/adventure presented? (5 points) As usual, Inem sets the gold standard for presentation. The perfect blend of background and tables, combat and problem solving.
SCORE: 5
How well is the scenario/adventure written? (5 points) No complaints at all
SCORE: 5
What would this scenario/adventure be like to play? (5 points) I'd like it, I think.
SCORE: 4
g. Is the story interesting to read? (5 points) Very interesting, made me think the whole way through!
SCORE: 4.5
How creative is the scenario/adventure? (5 points) Definitely creative and unique! SCORE: 5
How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
• a Bamboo Basket! Well executed. SCORE: 5
• a Sassy Surgeon!l Great use of a surgeon and sassy to boot! SCORE: 5
• Bone Searing Exhaustion!l Made sense how you used it, but I wanted more searing of bones. SCORE 4
• The Grind! Wow, amazing use. SCORE: 5
* a Banjo! I like it, but it didn't need to be a banjo -- could have been anything. Still, good use. SCORE: 4
* Stones of Power: Sunstone, Emerald, Topaz, and an Iron Badge Flawless. SCORE: 5

Bonus Ingredients:
• a Lost Voice! Is a soul a voice? A bit of a stretch. +0.5
* The Ultimate Weapon of Ultimate Destiny! Yup +1
* Cavalier Concern! Used and used well, but no reason why he was so concerned. +0.5
* a Brontologist! Yup!!! +1

Bonus points for Christmas +1000
TOTAL SCORE 1059 points

[Ion2Atom]

The Herald looks up to the chairman's skybox and nods in appreciation. He had brought two mighty warriors to battle this season of Iron DM and such a battle it had been.

In their struggles, thunder and lightning had played across the arena, and the cage that had confined them had been reduced to molten slag. Unko Talok and raised the fallen and called upon their might whereas Inem had gone straight for their very souls. Neither contestant had left anything on the table. Each had given it all they had and both had produced a dish worthy of the crown.

"The Chairman is pleased, and so I am pleased. You have done well in this final match, and so the judges are left to make their decisions. With this final pronouncement I can finally rest, but for one of you, a year of service as the next Iron DM looms."

With a flash, a crimson scroll appears in the Herald's hand. "Now without further ado..."

 

The Herald unfurls the scroll and... squints. After a moment the Herald remarks sheepishly, "Ahem-- it seems the Chairman wrote this one himself... so it will take a little deciphering."

"Ah right... that's the trick of it." the Herald mutters as he flips the scroll upside down. "Ahem, now as I was saying... dice drum roll please."

 

The 2018 Iron DM is...

INEM!

 

Judge	Unko Talok	Inem
Bhelogan	63	64
HenryLockwood	61	61
Sassafrass	46	49
Squeak	56.75	59
MoonZar	60	62
Early Submission	2	2
TOTAL	59.4	61.0

[Unko Talok]

Unko wasn't sure if he was relieved or horrified that it wasn't his name called out. The same would be true had his name been called. At least in this case, his problems were soon to be over.

Before he could really process what was happening, gravity shifted. Unko found himself scrambling against all hope, sliding inexorably toward the magma pool. For the audience, it was over with anti-climactic haste: the foolish challenger was pulled beneath the surface with a truncated scream. For Unko, the story didn't last much longer. Strangely, just before he was pulled into the deadly pool, a lamp fell from his pocket, clattering to the stone ground.

About the stadium, Unko's creations stood at various locations. They began to dissolve into a fine mist, and the audience heard a wistful song begin to play. The dissolved adventures formed together into a long, swirling, sparkling cloud as they floated into the lamp, trapped once again in whatever realm Zharat came from.