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  #1  
Old 12-07-2018, 03:09 AM
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Round 4; The Grand Finale: Inem vs Unko Talok

Quote:
The arena is filled with darkness. An empty canvas for the final match of Iron DM.

The crowd is silent in anticipation when a cherry red glow begins to cast a dim light from a sluggish ooze in the middle of the arena. The ooze begins to flow faster and the air around it shimmers as if in a high heat. A fountain of pure molten iron casts ominous shadows onto the area around it.

right-aligned image
A spotlight from some place high above illuminates the Herald. The voice of the mysterious chairman holds in one gloved hand a wand of bone and iron with a small nob at the end. It’s dusty voice speaks, and the wand seems to amplify it to an earsplitting volume.

"Are you ready for ready for a world smashin’, blood sheddin’, dice rollin’, *Abyss ridin’* time?" Asks the Herald to the crowd still concealed by darkness. Pointing the wand out to the crowd, the roaring, stomping, and cat calls echoes through the arena shaking it to the very foundations. This was the match they had come to see. The finals of Iron DM.

"Alright! You’ve all heard the whispers of this contender. A first time competitor but a 13 year veteran. Clocking in at ten THOUSAND, six hundred and fifty one posts, this heavy weight contender has earned an impressive 134.4 points this year." The cheers from the crowd escalate as the Herald continues, "Master of the red dragon, purveyor of Arabian lore, drawer of pretty pictures, and Great Old One. A competitor that completed an Iron DM round in less than 24 hours…"

UNKOoooo… TALOK!

Another spot light highlights the challenger, Unko Talok clad in a ruby red silk boxer’s robe. Flanked by a Werewolf in a black suit and a vampire in a white suit, the contender is escorted down to the arena proper. Whether to prevent the challenger from fleeing, or to keep him safe from the wild crowd is hard to say. Spotlights follow Unko Talok down to the arena floor where an iron link cage surrounds fountain of molten iron. The message is clear: Two DMs would enter, but only one would leave. Unko Talok is shown to a corner of the cage sporting a large glowing Ruby surrounded by a Jaspar, Aventurine, and Hematite stone. Wisps of power rise from each, welcoming the challenger into his position.

Whirling around, the Herald points to the other side of the Arena shouting, "Facing him is the only man to EVER survive Iron DM twice in a row. Weighing in at Nine THOUSAND, two hundred and forty seven posts, he’s accumulated a crushing 141.5 points this season." Once again the cheers from the crowd swell to a fevered pitch, "Soaked in red, Doktor Sprachgefühl, Arena regular, and one of the absolute worst wolves you’ll ever meet. You know him, you love him, the current reigning champion…"

INEM!

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More spotlights appear to outline Inem draped in his own silken robe, black as night. Around his wrists and ankles are rune scrawled manacles, though the chains have been broken to allow the champion a full range of movement. Screams and hoots come from the audience as the champion makes his way to the far corner of the arena cage. There a badge of iron with “2016” and “2017” inscribed on it is surrounded by three gems; a Sunstone, Emerald and Topaz.

Quieting the rabid crowd, the Herald gestures to a skybox high above the fray. "Thanks to Chairman hvg3akaek, today is a wonderful day to behold. Two titans of literary might stand before us to craft adventures second to none. Naturally there can be only one Iron DM, and that heavy crown shall fall to the one who uses the ingredients to maximum effect. Only our entire panel of judges are equipped to make such a decision, and so..."

The main judges for this round are:
  • Everyone!!!
The Chairman nods to the Herald. Turning to the fountain of molten iron in the middle of the caged arena, the Herald summons ingredients for the final match within the liquid metal. Nearby hammers, anvils, tongs and other tools for cooking and crafting appear for use by the two finalists.

The ingredients for this round are:
  • a Bamboo Basket!
  • a Sassy Surgeon!
  • Bone Searing Exhaustion!
  • The Grind!
  • a Banjo!
  • and each competitor’s Stones of Power:
    • Unko Talok: (Ruby, Jaspar, Aventurine, and Hematite)
    • Inem: (Sunstone, Emerald, Topaz, and an Iron Badge)
The bonus ingredients for this round are:
  • a Lost Voice!
  • The Ultimate Weapon of Ultimate Destiny!
  • Cavalier Concern!
  • and a Brontologist!
May the best Dungeon Master win!
Rules
  • You are to write an adventure using the six items / concepts above. All rules found here are to be followed.
  • The guidelines for the Judges' scoring can be found here.
  • The entry is to be no longer than 3,000 words, which includes *everything* you put into the post. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word counter is highly recommended.
  • Please make a simple post in this thread when you first read it, to let the judges know have seen it, and that you are on board. It doesn't have to be anything more than "read!", or something like that! Do not edit this post after making it; when it comes time to post your entry, do that in a second, separate post.
  • You have 7 days from the time this post is made to complete and submit your entry (in a new post; don't edit your first post!). It is not expected that you use all this time - the extra time has been given to ensure that, no matter what your timezone, your schedule, your sleep habits, your work or student life, or emergencies that could crop up, you should have ample time to complete your entry. Posting when you are done, and not waiting until the end, is also recommended, and rewarded.
  • You should post your entry into this thread within the generous timeframe, and ensure it is secreted (to the above judges) and spoilerbuttoned. Feel free to also PM your judges to let them know you have posted, if you wish. (DO NOT PM them your entry - just let them know your entry is submitted). If your post is not made within the 7 days, you will be automatically disqualified. If you have issues, be sure to PM or hvg3akaek at gmail dot comemail hvg3akaek *before* your round is closed.
  • Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.
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  #2  
Old 12-07-2018, 10:06 AM
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Unko Talok Unko Talok is offline
Who shall we kill today?
 
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Entering the Arena, Unko Talok is at first blinded and bewildered by the immense size of the place, the flashing lights, the thunderous sounds. He stumbles a bit, and is put back in his place by the Werewolf to his right. The vampire to his left gives him a glare, and Unko understands that they're here as much for his protection as for his "cooperation." Unko stands tall. It's been many weeks since his initial concussion-- or perhaps just a few hours. Time is strange here. But he is almost completely recovered. As the Herald reads off his accomplishments, Unko starts to remember who he once was. All of the time spent here-- and the immense gap without play. He had returned to this land recently, and was eager to immerse himself in it. So eager, in fact, that he dove into this competition without realizing what he was dooming himself to.

Inem's titles and accomplishments are just as intimidating-- moreso, given that he has already proven his supremacy in two previous competitions. The seasoned warrior stands across the arena from Unko. This far away, Unko can't make out Inem's expression. Is it one of determination? Of a man imprisoned and without choice? Only the great tyrants called "Judges" can know.

When Unko sees the ingredients for this round, he makes a sudden connection-- these Stones of Power that he wears... They once belonged to the other competitors! When Unko defeated them, he had received one or more as a reward and the previous owners had... What happened to them? Things are so fuzzy from his initial head injury coming down that chute. Time is missing, and he can't quite recall what happened at the end of each match.

Oh God!

"You killed them?!" The realization hits him like a ton of bricks, and Unko suddenly understands the purpose of the molten iron in the middle of the room. He glares up at the judges, full of impotent rage. The vampire to his left shoves Unko with an elbow, a message to remember his place. This was it, then. Either he will die today, at the hands of the Champion, or he will be the Champion's demise and find himself an eternal prisoner here. This world is a cruel one.

Unko looks across once again at Inem, and hardens his heart. He shouts out to the challenger, "I forgive you for what you have to try to do to me... And may God forgive us both for the terrible deeds we must now do." Unko reaches for his set of ingredients, and turns to the forge. It's time.
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  #3  
Old 12-08-2018, 04:47 AM
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Inem stands in the arena as his newest foe approaches, accompanied by an escort. Interesting that the henchman would see the necessity for such an action after himself having seen the futility of trying to escape from this place. Looking down, Inem realizes that the chains have been removed from his manacles, allowing him once more to move around in this arena. Of course, both the chains in the intermediate time and the fact that the rest of the shackles remain on his arm are symbolic for his capture here. Any freedom he has is just an illusion, for her cannot leave this place.

Across the arena, Unko Talok realizes what happened to his past opponents. Like so many times before, Inem finds himself wondering whether they aren't the lucky ones. After all, they have found escape in some way or another. And yet, he can never bring himself to attempt to escape in that way. No, but perhaps this match will finally set him free from this place. Perhaps this opponent will be able to defeat him. Or perhaps all he needs is one more victory. Perhaps then he can finally stop. Finally rest. Perhaps?

Inem looks across the arena. His opponent forgives him for what he must attempt to do? Has that ever happened before? It is so hard to remember in this place. The passage of time, and memories, work in strange ways. The lack of sleep probably doesn't help with that. He only has a few reminders of battles past...the gemstones around his iron badge. Those he had set free...and was about to work into his newest creation. He looks over at Unko Talok and nods, acknowledging and mirroring his opponents words. He cannot bring himself to speak now, but his opponent has said everything that matters anyway.

Then, a fraction of a second later, the momentary connection between the competitors is lost, and Inem focuses on the ingredients. He just shakes his head, as both his mind and his hands set to work on this challenge...
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Old 12-09-2018, 04:47 PM
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Who shall we kill today?
 
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Last edited by Ion2Atom; 12-11-2018 at 11:22 PM. Reason: Unsecreting
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Old 12-11-2018, 05:55 AM
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Last edited by Ion2Atom; 12-11-2018 at 11:22 PM. Reason: Unsecreted
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Old 12-16-2018, 10:22 AM
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MoonZar Judging
Round 4; Grande Final!: Unko Talok vs. Inem


Judgement done in secret!!! Oh my god, this is two amazing entries. It's killing me to have to designate a winner. That's going to be a very close call I think. Good luck both of you!

 


 
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Last edited by Ion2Atom; 12-24-2018 at 11:30 AM.
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Old 12-17-2018, 10:37 AM
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Two excellent entries, as you'd expect for the final. Really good work!

Henry Lockwood Judging
Round 4; Grand Final: Unko Talok vs. Inem


 


 
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Last edited by Ion2Atom; 12-24-2018 at 11:30 AM.
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Old 12-18-2018, 01:55 AM
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Before he can finish both of them, he removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. Sniffling, his red nose indicates something is wrong. "Listen, I'm sick. So I'm a little short on crepes to give right now. But WHERE does it say we should use clever uses of our fallen opponents? WHERE!? If you can find me the chairman who is responsible for this nonsense, I will show you a chairman who will be declared missing this time next year." The judge sighs. "Lots of neat elements overall, in both of them. Some hit my buttons, some don't, but the use of previous contenders' names bothers me on an existential level. Ultimately, the use of the stones was clever, almost redeemably so. Got some Thanos vibes going on there. But there can be only one. Wait, wrong pop culture franchise." He rolls his eyes, puts on his gloves, which are themselves bejeweled suddenly, and stands.

"Here are my notes. Let Kami-sama sort ya out. Deuces." He snaps, with his bejeweled left hand, and as if by design, disappears into black ash.
 
 
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Last edited by Ion2Atom; 12-24-2018 at 11:30 AM.
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  #9  
Old 12-18-2018, 06:50 PM
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Scores
CategoryUnko TalokInem
DM Perspective / The Technical*(15 points)1515
a. How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure?*(5 points)55
b. How well is the scenario/adventure presented?*(5 points)55
c. How well is the scenario/adventure written?*(5 points)55
Player Perspective / The Story*(15 points)1415
a. What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?*(5 points)45
b. Is the story interesting to read?*(5 points)55
c. How creative is the scenario/adventure?*(5 points)55
Audience Perspective / The Ingredients*(15+ points)3434
a. How well was the ingredient used?*(5 points each)3030
Bonus Ingredent?44
Total Points6364

Feedback

Unko Talok

To start off with, I feel like there is some 4th wall breaking here, with giving descriptions of yourself, (in addition to your competitors stones). To say the least, I love it! I will forever assume you are ”Elderly and sarcastic to the point of cruelty.” Ok, then we get kind of an almost LoTR setup story wise, with stones and a blade rather than rings. We then have a hunt for the Heart of the Butcher-king. Fairly straight forward here. The fun in this adventure really comes from knowing where the naming convention for all of the NPCs came from. Without it, it might still be intriguing, but certainly wouldn’t stand out as great. Main ingredients are well use, though some of the bonus ingredients might have been a bit of a stretch. Still, enough to count in my book though.

Inem

Alright, we have the stones of power (from fallen competitors), used to power the ultimate weapon. One piece is missing, and the PCs get wrapped up into trying to find out who is after it, and helping other victims. I see a little bit of a disconnect for the PCs to really want to keep going with the adventure after the first attack, especially if they succeeded. It seems they have to do some work off ‘good faith’ before more rewards are offered. Anyway, the adventure itself comes across as fun and well presented. Ingredient usages was excellent, as always.
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Last edited by Ion2Atom; 12-24-2018 at 11:29 AM.
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Old 12-20-2018, 12:09 PM
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Judge Squeak walks out late to the party and nods to the both of the competitors. "These were both very well done. Very... Well.... Done..." he begins.

"So well done, I am going to do something I have never done before. For your all of your hard work, combined with the spirit of Christmas, I am using my amazing judicial powers to award you each +1000 bonus points.

Congratulations."
he finishes as he hands his letter to the Chairman.

 


 

Last edited by Ion2Atom; 12-24-2018 at 11:29 AM.
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Old 12-24-2018, 11:29 AM
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The Herald looks up to the chairman's skybox and nods in appreciation. He had brought two mighty warriors to battle this season of Iron DM and such a battle it had been.

In their struggles, thunder and lightning had played across the arena, and the cage that had confined them had been reduced to molten slag. Unko Talok and raised the fallen and called upon their might whereas Inem had gone straight for their very souls. Neither contestant had left anything on the table. Each had given it all they had and both had produced a dish worthy of the crown.

"The Chairman is pleased, and so I am pleased. You have done well in this final match, and so the judges are left to make their decisions. With this final pronouncement I can finally rest, but for one of you, a year of service as the next Iron DM looms."

With a flash, a crimson scroll appears in the Herald's hand. "Now without further ado..."

 


 
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Old 12-24-2018, 01:25 PM
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Who shall we kill today?
 
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Unko wasn't sure if he was relieved or horrified that it wasn't his name called out. The same would be true had his name been called. At least in this case, his problems were soon to be over.

Before he could really process what was happening, gravity shifted. Unko found himself scrambling against all hope, sliding inexorably toward the magma pool. For the audience, it was over with anti-climactic haste: the foolish challenger was pulled beneath the surface with a truncated scream. For Unko, the story didn't last much longer. Strangely, just before he was pulled into the deadly pool, a lamp fell from his pocket, clattering to the stone ground.

About the stadium, Unko's creations stood at various locations. They began to dissolve into a fine mist, and the audience heard a wistful song begin to play. The dissolved adventures formed together into a long, swirling, sparkling cloud as they floated into the lamp, trapped once again in whatever realm Zharat came from.


Last edited by Unko Talok; 12-24-2018 at 02:12 PM.
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