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  #1  
Old 01-15-2019, 01:43 PM
Luthiel Luthiel is offline
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Bunch of Jerkians

Roll up your doomed meatsacks elite warriors here!

Personnel Roster

Player Character Career Status
dhibidy Nup-145 Pilot Uninjured
Pseudonymous Mep-122 Ass. Trooper Uninjured
Nasrith Him-161 Trooper Grun Hound Chow
Skep Nep-614* Ass. Trooper Uninjured
Roekahs Kep-132 Trooper Uninjured
hubbyninja29 Hem-264 Pilot Uninjured
*Unit commander
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Last edited by Luthiel; 03-14-2019 at 11:35 AM.
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:02 PM
Luthiel Luthiel is offline
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For those who may be interested in playing but don't have access to the book, I present you with the...

Character Creation Rules
or, how to become a Jerk(ian) in 5 minutes or less.

Name: Names are assigned to you when you're decanted from the cloning tanks. Many warriors before you have had the same name, wear it with pride! Roll 4d6 twice, followed by 1d6 three times.

Career: Likewise, your role in the Jerkian military is assigned based on the Empire's needs. Roll 2d6 - in the event that you roll double 3's, your character is actually one of the Empire's enslaved servitor races (lucky you), roll another 1d6 to see which miserable lesser lifeforms you are.

At this point, I'll let you know your results, along with the associated attributes, skills, and standard issue equipment you have. You then either improve one of your skills (going from Good to Very Good) or pick a new skill to be Good at. If you wish, you can also increase one attribute score by 1, at the cost of reducing a different score by 1.

Assuming you're fortunate enough to be an elite Jerkian warrior and not some lesser scum, the last step is to roll for your additional equipment. Roll 1d6 twice for your normal equipment, and 1d6 twice for your experimental equipment, which is highly advanced tech guaranteed Guarantee not valid when equipment is in actual use* not to malfunction with potentially unpleasant results for you.

And that's it! You're ready to go forth and die for your Enormous Emperor!
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"All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense." - Principia Discordia

Last edited by Luthiel; 01-16-2019 at 01:09 PM.
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  #3  
Old 01-18-2019, 07:57 AM
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Last edited by dhibidy; 01-18-2019 at 07:59 AM.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:13 PM
Luthiel Luthiel is offline
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Welcome Cadet Nup-145! Your superiors, in their infinite wisdom, have assigned you the career of Pilot.
 


Starting Attributes:
Meat: 2
Brain Meat: 3
Expertise: 4
Luck: 4

Skill
Pilots are Good at Driving Stuff.

Standard Equipment
Pilots are equipped with a standard laser pistol and a rather natty set of flying goggles.
Special
Jerkian pilots are able to pilot just about anything. Although their training is all simulated on banks of giant computer screens they are confident in their ability and through trial and error, mostly error, they can figure out how to drive most vehicles, be they hover skateboards or Buicks. Rather than trying to land a pilot can eschew any roll they might make to land and can, instead, deliberately crash, rendering their vehicle destroyed but allowing all of those aboard to walk away unhurt.

Additional equipment:
Laser sword - adds +1 to the die roll when used in close combat
Dimensional Pocket
 
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"All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense." - Principia Discordia

Last edited by Luthiel; 01-19-2019 at 09:26 PM.
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Old 01-18-2019, 09:09 PM
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Dice BID FOR COMMAND:
d100 63


CADET DESIGNATIONName: Mep-122
Career: Assault Trooper

Meat: 5
Brain Meats: 2
Expertise: 3
Luck: 3


CADET ATTRIBUTESGood At: Hitting Things (Upgraded to Very Good)
Standard Equipment: Power Mittens: +1 to Hitting Things but reduce expertise in all other matters by -1.
Fake Leather Outfit: At least I look cool.

Morale Pills: 1d6 pills that make you super cool with being a redshirt who is born to die.

Translator: Might work to translate Jerkian into Human-Speak???? Or it might do one of the following:
1 - Issues a threat
2 - Professes love
3 - Translates to Spanish
4 - SCREECHES HORRIBLY
5 - Cannot translate
6 - Repeats same thing over and over. Totally not annoying at all.
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Last edited by Pseudonymous; 01-21-2019 at 03:00 PM.
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  #6  
Old 01-19-2019, 12:45 PM
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Dice Bid for Command:
1d100 33


CADET DESIGNATIONName: Him-161
Career: Trooper

Meat: 3
Brain Meat: 3 (2+1)
Expertise: 3
Luck: 2 (3-1)

Skills
Shooting Things (Good)
Hiding from Things (Good)


Stuff
Lazer Rifle
3 Moral Pills
Combat Drugs

Last edited by Nasrith; 01-26-2019 at 11:23 AM.
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  #7  
Old 01-19-2019, 12:57 PM
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CADET DESIGNATION
Name: Nep-614
Career: Assault Trooper

Meat: 5
Brain Meat: 2
Expertise: 2
Luck: 4

Skill 1: Good at Hitting Things
Skill 2: Good at Holding Things Down

Special: Must make Expertise roll to do anything delicate with hands

Standard Equipment:
Power Mittens (+1 to Hitting Things, -1 to Expertise)
Pseudo-Leather Outfit (With torn-off sleeves. Very cool.)
Grun Hound (Meat 4, Brain Meat 1, Expertise 2, Luck 1. Very Good at Killing and Eating Things. Great sense of smell. Can track for miles, but only if it is something it wants to track)

Experimental Equipment:
Dehydrated Reserve Clone (Creates a clone of user upon death. One use only. If it goes wrong, clone is a hideous mutant that attacks immediately)
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Status: Winding down to hiatus

Last edited by Skep; 01-21-2019 at 07:58 PM.
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  #8  
Old 01-19-2019, 02:12 PM
Roekahs Roekahs is offline
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Fine! This is too good! I will learn as I go
 

 

 

 


Cadet ...Cadet: Kep-132
Career: Trooper

Meat: 3
Brain Meat: 1
Expertise: 4
Luck: 3

Skills
Shooting Things (Very Good)

Stuff
Lazer Rifle!
These can be attached to surfaces using their inherent gumminess and when they explode do two levels of damage over a wide area. The gel can also be used as emergency rations and comes in three fruity flavours. Just don’t bite down on a crystal.Explosive Pack
The gravity gun is a large, metal, doughnut shaped device that straps onto the back of the user and slams particles together at high speed to release a stream of gravitons through the projection unit. Anything struck by the beam gains a gravitational charge equivalent to 1d6 standard units of gravity of the planet it is used upon, drawing things to it with that level of force (Meat). If it goes wrong then it collapses in on itself, forming a black hole, as with the black hole grenades, sucking in and annihilating the user.Gravity Gun
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Status: Breakthrough! Suddenly less horrible ... though still busy
GM: Sky Realm (FATE) | Magic Rising (FATE) | Glimmerwell (FATE) Playing: Garvyn (5e) | Cinch (SR)
Bazziox, Imperial Advisor (13th Age!) | Landslide (SR) | Cassia(13th Age)

Last edited by Roekahs; 01-21-2019 at 05:35 PM.
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  #9  
Old 01-19-2019, 06:18 PM
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NAME
Dice Roll:
4d6 4, 1, 3, 2 Total = 10
Dice Roll:
4d6 5, 2, 2, 1 Total = 10
Dice Roll:
1d6 2
Dice Roll:
1d6 6
Dice Roll:
1d6 4


CAREER
Dice Roll:
2d6 1, 3 Total = 4

FORM
Dice Roll:
1d6 5
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  #10  
Old 01-19-2019, 08:56 PM
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"I am NUPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! All shall know my name and despairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! !!!!!
right-aligned image

Nup's second good thing shall be hacking tech?
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Proud inventor of the patented Barrel of Gnomes, Spaghetti on a Stick and Dhibidy's famous Hair Growth for Trolls !!!!!

Last edited by dhibidy; 01-19-2019 at 08:59 PM.
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  #11  
Old 01-19-2019, 09:27 PM
Luthiel Luthiel is offline
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Well, this is convenient, I can just copy dhibidy's results.

Welcome Cadet Hem-264! Your superiors, in their infinite wisdom, have assigned you the career of Pilot.
 


Starting Attributes:
Meat: 2
Brain Meat: 3
Expertise: 4
Luck: 4

Skill
Pilots are Good at Driving Stuff.

Standard Equipment
Pilots are equipped with a standard laser pistol and a rather natty set of flying goggles.
Special
Jerkian pilots are able to pilot just about anything. Although their training is all simulated on banks of giant computer screens they are confident in their ability and through trial and error, mostly error, they can figure out how to drive most vehicles, be they hover skateboards or Buicks. Rather than trying to land a pilot can eschew any roll they might make to land and can, instead, deliberately crash, rendering their vehicle destroyed but allowing all of those aboard to walk away unhurt.
__________________
"All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense." - Principia Discordia
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Old 01-19-2019, 09:53 PM
Luthiel Luthiel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dhibidy View Post
"I am NUPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! All shall know my name and despairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! !!!!!
right-aligned image

Nup's second good thing shall be hacking tech?
Hacking tech it is!
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"All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense." - Principia Discordia
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  #13  
Old 01-19-2019, 10:31 PM
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EQUIPMENT
Dice Roll:
2d6 5, 5 Total = 10
Dice Roll:
2d6 4, 6 Total = 10


RANK
Dice Roll:
1d100 53


OTHER STUFFI would like my second good skill to be "Fixing Stuff."
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  #14  
Old 01-19-2019, 10:57 PM
Luthiel Luthiel is offline
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@chubbyninja29 Your additional equipment is:

Ration Packs
 

and
a Paralysis Sphere.
 


Fixing Stuff as your second skill, check.
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"All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense." - Principia Discordia
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Old 01-19-2019, 11:50 PM
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NUP IS LEADER!!!!!!!
Dice In honor of the obese:
1d100 28




NUP REALLY REALLY IS LEADER!!!!!
Dice Hacked by the NUP IS LEADER oppression team:
1d100+80 (7)+80 Total = 87



"You see foolish ones!!!!!! I can alter the decisions of the dice themselves! YOU ALL OBEY! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
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Last edited by dhibidy; 01-19-2019 at 11:56 PM.
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