[Game Thread] Round 4; The Grand Finale : Thaco vs lostcheerio

[Inem]

The Grand Finale

Originally Posted by The 'Honorable' Chairman

It takes the competitors a week to reach the center of the arena, which had suddenly seemed so far in the distance. The last part of the trek leads each of them up a near endless staircase, until finally they reach the top of a large raised platform from opposite ends. Iron grit sand makes up the floor below them, heated up under the burning of the sun in the sky directly above them, much closer than it should be. Looking around, no matter in which direction, they are blinded by the light, just enough that they can't make out the details of the crowd in the stands. But there is a crowd. And all eyes are on them. Restless. Waiting.

"Are you ready?" The chairman's voice echoes from where he stands in the middle of the platform. Of course he is already here. Are they ready? Though they get a moment to consider, the figure doesn't actually give them a choice. This is it. The final match of Iron DM. One person will walk away here, head held high with the crown newly placed upon their head. "Then let us meet our contestants!"

The crowd falls silent in eager anticipation, though the contestants realize they couldn't make out any specifics before that either. Then, the iron grit sand swirls up in one part of the battlefield, highlighting one of the competitors: "In this corner, one who returns from having been in this exact same position last year, hoping this time the crown will be theirs! Clocking in at 115 points accumulated so far this year, it's..."

Thaaaaco!

Next, the sand swirls up around the second competitor: "And in the other corner, a newcomer to the ranks of Iron DM, with an impressive 128.75 points accumulated so far, it's..."

looooostcheerio!

"But in the end, how many points you have so far does not matter. Whether you have been here before or not does not matter. You have never met before on the field of battle, so we have no frame of reference for how this will go. But one of you will come out of this match as the winner and claim the crown, becoming the new champion. It is time for the two of you to face off. To win, you will need to use the ingredients to maximum effect. Only our entire panel of judges are equipped to make such a decision, and so...""

The main judges for this round are:

• Everyone!!!

At another gesture from the chairman, two heaping tables appear once more, only for the master of this competition to loudly proclaim the ingredients for this round:

• A Jewel Eater!
• A Discounted Copper Dragon!
• A Circlet of Insane Kings!
• An Altered State of Mind!
• A Prison Colony!
• An Ironic Demise!

The bonus ingredients for this round are:

• A Magical Scroll Lock!
• Cryptic Candy!
• Drowning!
• A Sprite!
  

May the best Game Master win!

Rules You are to write an adventure using the six items / concepts above. You can also use any of the bonus ingredients you wish to. All rules found here are to be followed. The guidelines for the Judges' scoring can be found here. The entry is to be no longer than 3000 words, which includes *everything* you put into the post. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word counter is highly recommended. Please make a simple post in this thread when you first read it, to let the judges know have seen it, and that you are on board. It doesn't have to be anything more than "read!", or something like that, though roleplaying it is also perfectly acceptable! Do not edit this post after making it; when it comes time to post your entry, do that in a second, separate post. You have 7 days from the time this post is made to complete and submit your entry (in a new post; don't edit your first post!). It is not expected that you use all this time - the extra time has been given to ensure that, no matter what your timezone, your schedule, your sleep habits, your work or student life, or emergencies that could crop up, you should have ample time to complete your entry. Posting when you are done, and not waiting until the end, is also recommended, and rewarded. You should post your entry into this thread within the generous timeframe, and ensure it is secreted (to the above judges) and spoilerbuttoned. Feel free to also PM your judges to let them know you have posted, if you wish. (DO NOT PM them your entry - just let them know your entry is submitted). If your post is not made within the 7 days, you will be automatically disqualified. If you have issues, be sure to PM Inem *before* your round is closed. Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.

[lostcheerio]

"Thank you, Chairman," says the spectacled newcomer, with a brisk nod to her opponent. "I understand the challenge and I accept."

[Thaco]

The Challenger shields his eyes from the glare. it had taken so long to get here - but even still, he can't help feeling woefully unprepared.

He nods to the Chairman, then to his opponent, and then steps toward the table...

[Thaco]

 

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THE CANDYMAKER

A D&D 5e Adventure for four Level 5 players


~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~ +++ ~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~ +++ ~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~ ***** ~~~~~

DRAMATIS PERSONAE THE CANDYMAKER: The son of a blacksmith and a baker, Edric was born with a sweet-tooth. From a young age he learned to blend the two vocations, not only creating new concoctions, but also fashioning new machinery to make them. At age twenty he opened his first candy shop. It was successful beyond his wildest dreams, earning him enough money to travel the world, sampling new recipes and exotic ingredients. In his travels, he met Zilharet, a copper dragon, whose lust for gold was only matched by his love for sweets. THE DRAGON: Zilharet has lived hundreds of years in his lair above the rocky coast, gleaning the leftovers from countless shipwrecks over the centuries. But it was not until he met a young candymaker that he discovered his true love: candy. Scarcer than gold and jewels in this cold, windswept land, Zilharet had never tasted anything so sweet and delicious. THE SPRITE: Lapis lived the first few decades of her life peacefully in her forest village. The Candymaker would often visit her village, recruiting her kin to work in his factory; they would return some months later bearing candies and gifts for the other villagers. But as time went on, the fey folk were absent from their village for longer and longer, and fewer of them returned. Eventually the Candymaker stopped his recruitment visits; instead he sent forces to kidnap them...and so it was that Lapis was taken from her home to work in the factory.

THE SETUP Edric and Zilharet formed a close friendship, bonding over their love of sweets. Zilharet had never cared much for gems, preferring the metallic gleam of gold and silver to the glassy sparkles of gems and jewelry, so he was more than willing to part with a few trinkets in exchange for the sweet goodies. Edric used his newfound riches to build a home/factory on the hill above Zilharet's lair. Edric's fame spread far and wide, and people came from all across the continent to taste his creations. In addition to hiring the finest bakers from around the world, Edric bolstered his workforce by recruiting fey, who seemed to have an innate knack for creating sweets, and gnomes, who built him ever more wonderful and complex machinery. For many years the pair continued their mutually beneficial relationship...until the day Elric picked up a jeweled crown that Zilharet had retrieved from a shipwreck some centuries past. Enthralled by its brilliance, Edric placed it on his head, and was immediately ensorcelled - for this was the Circlet of Insane Kings, which curses its wearer with an insatiable yearning for that which he desires most. Many had been driven mad in centuries past, fueled by their never-ending craving for gold, or food, or pleasures of the flesh. From that moment on, Elric would desire only one thing: candy. He began making candy at an ever increasing rate, depleting Zilharet's hoard of gems as demand exceeded supply. The scales tipped when Elric's gnomes invented a machine that would transmute gems directly into candy, making the process far quicker than ever before. Soon, Zilharet's supply of gems was exhausted. Edric retreated into his castle, driven mad by desire. He no longer visited Zilharet, since the dragon had nothing more to offer him. He pushed his workers harder and harder, around the clock. The factory was sealed, ensuring that none of the workers could leave...and when they could work no more, he disposed of them and sent his forces to 'recruit' new ones. ----- ***** ----- ***** ----- This adventure begins with the party encountering Lapis; this might occur at any convenient place: in a tavern, at camp in the wilderness, on a city street. She managed to escape from the candy factory and fled to the nearby city to seek help to free those who have been imprisoned by the Candymaker. She flutters into the room, face smudged with grease, clothes in tatters, and begs the party for help, telling them her sad tale... "A year ago, I was kidnapped from my village, and been forced to work around the clock...he works us until we die, then takes others to replace us. A few days ago, one of the syrup vats ruptured, and in the confusion I was able to slip away...please, you must help us!"

THE CANDY FACTORY Gaining Entrance There are two ways the party can gain entrance to the factory: They can attempt to enter through the Loading Dock. This is guarded by 2 Duergar Stone Guards (Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes, pg. 191). They may sneak past the guards with a DC 20 Dexterity (Stealth) check. If they fail the check, the guards will attack, and will alert Factory Security after one round. Factory Security: The security force consists of Redcaps (Volo's Guide to Monsters, pg. 188), who always work in pairs. Once they are alerted, it will take them 3 rounds to arrive wherever the party is. If the party needs a greater challenge, additional patrols of Redcaps can be dropped in at any time. They can take a public tour (admission fee: 1 gem of any size per person). The tour shows the factory to be 'Willy Wonka-esque': edible wallpaper, chocolate rivers, candy flowers...full of light and color, and happy sprites and fairies. During the tour, they can slip away by making a DC 15 Dexterity (Stealth). Failure will alert Factory Security. Whether the party slips away from the tour, or breaks in through the back door, they find themselves in the 'working section' of the factory, a far cry from the bright and colorful public areas. The Hallway If the party sneaks away from the tour, they arrive in the Hallway. This connects all of the other rooms. On one side, doors lead to the Laboratory and the Dragon's Lair. On the other side are doors leading to the factory area: the Mixing Room, the Cooking Room, and the Finishing Room. At the far end is the entrance to Edric's Private Quarters. The Mixing Room If the party enters through the Loading Dock, they arrive in the Mixing Room. This room is 80 feet long and 60 feet wide, with 30 foot ceilings. A double-door at one end leads to the Loading Dock, another at the far end leads to the Cooking Room, and a side door leads to the Hallway. Along the sides of this room are an assortment of vats, sacks, and jars, containing all the raw ingredients needed for making candy: honeys and syrups, sugars and flours, herbs and spices of every imaginable color and aroma. In the center of the room are a series of tanks into which the ingredients are mixed. The room is a flurry of activity, with sprites and pixies flitting about collecting handfuls of ingredients and tossing them into the tanks, where teams of quicklings turn the high-speed mixers. A dozen satyrs stand on platforms throughout the room, playing lively songs on their pipes to set the tempo for the workers. As long as the party makes no loud noises and does not leave the area immediately around the doorway, none of the creatures will react. As soon as they do either of these things, the 3 Satyrs (Monster Manual, pg. 267) nearest the party will attack them for disrupting their operations, accompanied by 2 Quicklings (VGM, pg. 187) that emerge from the nearest mixing vat. This will also alert Factory Security if they are not already aware of the party. The Cooking Room This room is 60 feet square. A double-door on one wall leads to the Mixing Room; another on the opposite wall leads to the Finishing Room, and a side door leads to the Hallway. It is navigable only along narrow (5 feet wide) catwalks, stretching between rows of huge cooking vats that sit on the floor 30 feet below. The various ingredients flow through a series of pipes and channels 20 feet above before being deposited in the vats. Below, several fire elementals provide heat for the operation. Along the walls are a number of framed scrolls, displaying spells (e.g. Fire Bolt, Ray of Frost). Every few seconds, one of these scrolls changes, as if being rolled up, and displays a new spell (e.g. Heat Metal, Acid Splash). As the scrolls change, the displayed spells are cast on the associated cooking vat. Various steam, magma, and ice mephits fly back and forth throughout the room, making fine adjustments to temperatures throughout the process. The creatures in this room will initially take no notice of the party, but will continue their activities as if the party were not present. Anyone moving through the room has a 50% chance for every 10 feet of movement to be attacked by 2 Steam Mephits (MM, pg. 217). Two rounds after the combat begins, Factory Security (2 Redcaps) will arrive. They will attack the party, along with 2 Steam Mephits, 2 Magma Mephits (MM, pg. 216), and 2 Ice Mephits (MM, pg. 215). The Finishing Room This room is 60 feet wide and 40 feet long, with 20 foot ceilings. A double-door on one wall leads to the Cooking Room, and a side door leads to the Hallway. Long ropes of still-molten candy spew forth from nozzles in the walls, onto a maze of rollers and conveyor belts. A small army of automatons descends upon the candy, cutting, chopping, and pounding it into a myriad of shapes and sizes. The automatons are programmed to process anything that enters the room into individual candies. They see the party as simply 'unprocessed candy', and move to 'process' them. The party is attacked by: 4 Slicer Automatons - use statblock for Flying Sword (MM, pg. 20) 2 Pounder Automatons - use statblock for Pentadrone (MM, pg. 226) 1 Puller Automatons - use statblock for Quadrone (MM, pg. 226) The Laboratory This room is 20 feet by 10 feet, with several workbenches and desks. A number of charts and graphs adorn the walls. Viscosity Comparison Water 1 Whole Milk 2 Corn Oil 28 Maple Syrup 150 Honey 2000 Sweetness Values Dark Chocolate 35 Maple Syrup 60 Molasses 70 Milk Chocolate 72 Honey 97 Sugar 100 Gem Color Flavor Effect Black Liquorice Force Red Cherry Heat Orange Orange Stimulating Yellow Lemon Healing Green Lime Acidic Blue Berry Electricity Purple Grape Intoxicating White Coconut Cold A scribbled note at the bottom of this table reads "Further study needed on combinations" On a table, a bowl holds six pieces of candy: Life Saver: If this white and yellow striped candy is in your mouth when you fall to 0 HP, you are automatically stabilized. The candy dissolves in 1 minute. Liquorice: Eating this black, salty candy that causes you to become drunk (Disadvantage on Attack Rolls and Ability Checks) for one hour. Rock Candy Ropes: Eating this string of black sugar crystals grants the benefits of Stoneskin for one hour. "Pixie Dust": Ingesting this tube of yellow powder increases your Speed by 10 for 1 minute. Cotton Candy: Taking a bite causes you to Levitate for 1 round. The more bites you take, the higher you float. Blue Dragondrop: Dragondrops come in 5 colors: Red, Black, Blue, Green, and White. Once swallowed, you may use an action to breath one dragon breath (as the Dragonborn Breath weapon ability), dealing 2d8 damage on a failed save (DC 14), or half on a success. The blue dragondrop deals lightning damage. Through a doorway is another small room, an entire wall of which is taken up by a complex piece of machinery, with dozens of gears, levers, and knobs. A pair of Rock Gnomes stand before the machine, their legs chained to the wall. Every ten seconds or so, a jewel spills out of a chute in a side wall into a hopper on the front of the machine; the gnomes then fiddle with the switches, and the jewel is ingested by the machine. If asked, they will tell the party that they are being kept here against their will, forced to work the Jewel Eater. The Dragon's Lair Behind a locked door marked "ABSOLUTELY NO ADMITTANCE!" (DC 15 Dexterity (Thieves' Tools) check to open) is a short corridor leading to a downward spiral staircase. After descending thirty feet, it opens into a large cave. Zilharet sits here, on top of a huge pile of gold. Nearby is a similarly sized pile of and gems and jewels. Zilharet is surprised to see the party, since no one has entered his lair from the factory for many years. He gives a friendly greeting, "Hello! Did Edric send you? Do you need some jewels...do you have candy?" If the party talks to him, he will tell them of his relationship with Edric, and that he has not seen the Candymaker in many years. "He stopped coming to visit when I ran out of gems. I went out and gathered more...but he never returned. I even kept them separate from my gold, to make it easier, but no one has visited me in so long. Do you have any candy? You can have some jewels...take as many as you like..." Zilharet will give the party as many gems as they want. If they tell him that they are trying to defeat Edric, he may suggest feeding his entire hoard of jewels into Edric's machine in order to overload it as 'payback' for Edric's having verb: to leave out of account; disregarddiscounted his friendship. Edric's Private Quarters The door to Edric's Private Quarters opens into a small foyer. A heavy iron door leads to his apartments. Next to the door is a scroll case, similar to those in the Cooking Room, but the scroll is rolling past at a high speed, so it is illegible. The bottom of the frame has a small opening in it; through it can be seen a set of gears that appear to control the movement of the scroll, but no controls are apparent, and the opening is too small to fit any tool into it. On a table nearby are several empty pitchers. The party must find a way to slow the mechanism so that the spells on the scroll can be read, and stop it at the appropriate place to 'cast' a spell to open the door. This can be accomplished by returning to the Mixing Room and obtaining syrup and honey (other methods may also be found if the party is clever). Pouring syrup into the opening will slow the gears, allowing the scroll to be read, revealing the following spells: Call Lightning Fireball Knock Spike Growth Tidal Wave Wind Wall Filling the opening with honey will stop the scroll; whichever spell is showing will be cast. If the party slows the scroll (using syrup), they can choose when to stop it (using honey); if they simply stop it, roll a d6 to determine which spell will be cast. The Knock spell will open the door to Edric's apartments; the others will be cast on the party. After one minute, the gears will begin turning again. The door can also be opened with a DC 20 Dexterity (Thieves' Tools) check, or a DC 25 Strength check. In this case, the scroll will immediately stop, and whichever spell is displayed will be cast. Once the door is opened, the party finds several rooms (kitchen, office, bedroom) that appear to have not been used for quite some time. A thick layer of dust and cobwebs covers everything. A faint tapping sound can be heard coming from room farther in; a short hallway takes the party to Edric's sitting room. The room is bi-level, with a series of stairs leading down; at the far end the entire wall is made up of windows, looking out over the factory floor. Near the center of the windows, Edric sits in a large stuffed chair, almost a throne. A table stands next to his chair; on it is a small bowl. About once a second, a piece of candy drops from a hole in the wall into the bowl...but it has long since filled up; candy spills out of it, covering the table, and onto the floor, which is now several inches deep in candies. Edric stares out of the windows, taking no notice of the party. Every so often, he and grabs a piece of candy and pops it in his mouth. As soon as the party makes any loud noise, or descends the stairs, Edric turns around to face them. He cries out "No! My candy! Intruders, come to steal my candy! Protect me!" The candy on the floor starts to writhe and shake, as several shapes form out of it. After a few seconds, 6 candy golems (use stat block for Animated Armor (MM, pg. 19)) take shape, and attack the party. Edric himself does not attack, but will defend himself. If any of the golems are defeated, another will form and attack the next round. There is enough candy on the floor to create an essentially endless supply of golems; it should soon become apparent to the party that they cannot win this battle. If they leave the sitting room, the golems will not pursue. The party need not battle Edric and his golems directly. If they strike a deal with Zilharet for his jewels, they can flood his sitting room with candy, drowning him under its weight. The Aftermath Upon defeating the Candymaker, the magic binding the creatures to the factory ends, and all are free to leave. What effect there will be loosing a large number of fey and elementals upon the city, may be the seed for another adventure. If the party returns to Zilharet and tells him of Edric's demise, the dragon will offer them any remaining gems as a reward; if there are no gems remaining, we will give them 1000 GP worth of gold from his hoard for giving the Candymaker his just desserts.

[lostcheerio]

 

ѧѦѧ︵ ̵̗̊o̵̖︵ѦѦѧ The Sunrise Pact A D&D5e Adventure for Four 7th Level Characters

ѧѦѧ Background One thousand years ago, four evil kings were defeated in battle, and escaped with only their families and four young dragons they had enthralled. After journeying through the mountains, they found a massive caldera created by an extinct volcano, containing a lush valley and a crystal lake. Perfect place to rebuild! But the valley was not empty. Beside the lake was a palace, adorned with flags, flowers, and jeweled windows. The kings sent the copper dragon to investigate. He was a gentle soul and a delightful emissary. A bored and brilliant archfey, the Duke of Morning, lived in the palace and mined these mountains for gems with his army of sprites. He liked the dragon and wanted it, having always yearned to be happy. The kings? He didn't like them so much. He offered a pact of sanctuary, if the kings agreed to give him the dragon. The copper dragon warned the kings not to take the pact, because the fey was sure to be tricking them! But the kings dismissed these concerns. The other dragons fought the kings and flew away in outrage, but the copper dragon was loyal, and the pact was sealed. ѧѦѧ The Pact Crown us the highest kings of all Protect our progeny for a thousand years We give the Duke our copper thrall: This dragon, Bongo, who volunteers Adventure Hook The characters are an adventuring team, summoned by an ancient gold dragon who is about to plane-shift off this mortal coil. Before she dies, she wants to find out what happened to her friend the copper dragon who was traded away. Her one regret is that she didn't stay and fight harder for his freedom. She will pay dearly for his recovery. Game Overview This adventure is a dragon rescue! The characters will find the descendants of the four kings, choose allies, unlock secrets, and pacify or fight the Duke of Morning! Once inside the enchanted valley, they'll have to earn or punch their way to freedom.

Part One

ѧѦѧ Outside the Caldera When they arrive, read: This mountain range is bleak. No roads, no landmarks for miles, until you see a huge, ferocious-looking man with a spiked crown, his fist raised in a grim, ancient salute, carved into a mountain peak. You find no path, but you can climb the statue. Character choices: Wisdom(Perception): DC20 A sprite is observing us from behind a rock. Intelligence(Investigation): DC15 A door in the head of the statue. Detect Magic: The lock on the door is a magical scroll, and there's a magical forcefield over the valley beyond. Dexterity(Athletics): DC15 Climb up and get a good view: From the statue, you see a wide wooded valley, with a sparkling lake in the center. A beautiful city of shining marble and colored glass encompasses the whole lake in glistening domes, impressive towers, a mighty harbor, and a palace that looks like a cathedral to color. Into Morning Immediately after the pact was made, the archfey's armies of sprites killed the kings. Their bodies were entombed in the peaks around the valley, making them the "highest" kings in the land. An arcane sphere, generated from magic stones in circlets placed around their heads, formed an inescapable boundary around the valley, keeping their families "safe" for a millennium. The dragon was right: the pact was a trap, and the citizens of the kingdoms were caught. The characters can walk around the outside of the valley, finding three more huge statues, but as soon as they cross the arcane barrier into the valley, getting out becomes impossible. They can move back toward the barrier, but they feel awful, and must make increasingly more difficult Con saves until they fail. There is nowhere to go but further in. You enter a warm forest, where you see little carvings in the trees of a dragon's happy face. Woodland creatures approach you to say, "Have you heard of Bongo? He's cool!" You get the giggles. Approaching town, the air smells like vanilla cupcakes, marble streets invite your feet, stained-glass storefronts delight your eyes, and everyone who passes has a smile for you. The Joy Patrol If they try to search the valley or the town, characters run into a cheerful pair of humans in bright uniforms, who welcome them to Morning, and invite them to go to Skiffy's Confectionery, to receive their complimentary Fortune Candy. It's the town's specialty, and everyone enjoys it! Character choices: Intelligence(History): DC12 The giggling, the animals, and the carvings are regional effects around a copper dragon's lair. Ask about the dragon: "Yes, of course, we have a copper dragon. In fact, he's the one that writes the fortunes for the Fortune Candy. He's so good at it!" Ask about the town's history: The Joy Patrol doesn't remember! Remembering is depressing, and ugly. You shouldn't try to do it, otherwise you are a Sorrow. Charm, Dispel, or Attack the Joy Patrol: At any aggressive act, the patrol will surrender instantly, horrified. If they're killed, more pairs of Joy Patrol officers arrive, full of worry and pity. If the characters ask about the dragon, a messenger arrives announcing that the Drowning will be happening tomorrow, and they're invited to witness it! The Drowning is a ritual where sorrows are sunk and toasts are drunk! Not violent -- what even is violence? Hey, candy! Skiffy's Confectionery This store is a wonderland of candy and toys, run by a sprite named Skiffy, an old lady with soft white hair and bright blue wings. Items the characters might find: Regenerating ring pops, all colors. Stuffies of a copper dragon -- on sale! Molds to make your own gem candy -- "Eat like the Duke!" The main focus of the shop is the display of Fortune Candies, clear polyhedrons in gem tones. They are marked: Free! Character choices: Dexterity(Stealth): Stealing from the store is easy. No one seems to care. Buy something: Gold and silver won't work here. They'll need gems for currency. The sprites tell them they can work in the mines if they like. Lots of gems there! Intelligence(Investigation): DC10 Looking at the Fortune Candy closely, they'll see a tiny scroll inside each one. Eat Candy: The flavor is brisk. When they crunch into it, the scroll fizzes, and they hear a deep happy voice say, "It's fine! Don't worry about it!" or another mysteriously soothing phrase. Characters who eat the candy feel happy, but must make a Wisdom Save DC14 or be disadvantaged against any roll opposing mind control by the Duke. Wisdom(Perception): Whichever character rolls highest will see a sprite beckoning urgently from behind a pillar. Robin the Sprite Dressed like a candy store employee, this winged lad whispers to them to come to the Chapel of History, on the east side of the lake, if they like asking questions, and don't want to "eat the candy." The Chapel of History On the east side of the lake is the Sunset neighborhood: stone houses with wooden beams and shingled roofs clustered among barns and sheep pens. The Joy Patrol marches down the street pressing candy into the hands of the citizens and watching while they eat it. The chapel is a library, with shelves all around the walls, vaulted ceilings, and iron chandeliers holding wide candles dripping on the stone floor. A priest gives them permission to read whatever they like. If they ask him questions, he quavers and repeats phrases like "We need to focus on moving forward!" Books: A biography of Bongo the Dragon. Explains his love of pranks, his unapologetic addiction to Fortune Candy, and his fondness for swimming. A dry genealogy book. With an Intelligence(History) check of DC 14, determine that all the residents of the valley come from only a few families. An art book, depicting the Duke of Morning in lots of different styles. He is a tall, elegant man with gems braided into his long hair, accompanied by a squat creature with three arms and a mouth where its head should be. Robin arrives, minus the uniform. He's cursed, unable to speak about the past or the Duke, but he can help them find the right books. Then he takes the party to meet Molly Ember, Sunset's revolutionary sweetheart. Molly Ember Gingergoth outside, firebrand inside, the leader of Sunset's underground uprising, The Jolly Band. Young, scrappy, and hungry, she never takes off her boots, and she'll pick your pockets while she changes your mind. Big Katniss Energy. She hasn't eaten any Fortune Candy in a year, and she's starting to think it's weird that they can't leave the valley! Molly asks the characters to come to the Drowning. It's no ritual -- sad citizens of Morning are taken out on a barge and they don't come back. She plans to be taken in the next Joy Raid, and wants the characters to help her fight back and wreck the system! If they ask her about Bongo the dragon, she'll say he's so hopped up on Fortune Candy that he barely knows his own name. "That enchantment will have to be slapped out of him," she speculates. The Drowning If the characters agree to attend as invited visitors, they will be escorted to a place of honor: This pleasure barge is adorned with gold sails and clouds like spun sugar. The happiest of all the citizens of Morning are invited to ride with you as the Duke's guests. He appears on a dais in the prow, wearing a coat of pure white, red shoes, carrying his gem-encrusted walking stick, with his mouthy pet beside him. Along the rail are half a dozen people, in grey tunics, their heads wrapped in black burlap. They stand under a banner that reads: The Sorrows. The Duke of Morning If the pathos of the Mad Hatter and the tyranny of the Queen of Hearts gave birth to Paul Bettany with marble skin, jeweled eyelashes and a pet xorn, that's the Duke. He's petulant, handsome, long of limb and short of temper. Whatever you've heard about archfey, it's all true. He eats jewels for breakfast, dreams for lunch, and high-minded adventurers for dinner. The characters may have decided to get themselves labeled as Sorrows, or they may take a position off the ship or even in the water, ready to disrupt. When the boat reaches the middle of the lake, the Sorrows will be shoved off the side, where four water weirds come to drown them. If the characters are on board the ship, however, the water weirds will attack them instead. It's a trap to get rid of adventuring interlopers! Combat: Four Joy Patrol officers (Guard stats) will support the four water weirds, and the four Sorrows (Bandit stats) will fight with the characters, though unarmed. As long as the elementals are winning, the Duke will watch, but if the PCs prevail, he'll bamf away. If the characters prevail, any remaining officers will try and smooth things over. Do they want a comped hotel room? A happiness parade? They can discuss next steps with the Jolly Band. Try to uncharm the dragon first? Visit the mines? Raid the candy factory?

Part Two

ѧѦѧ The Merry Mines The Duke of Morning needs jewels to feed himself and his xorn, not to mention to decorate his lavish palace. There are gem mines everywhere, as workers use trained oozes as mecha suits to eat through rock and dirt, and collect gems. The characters can learn to do this, if they are willing to eat Fortune Candy, which protects them from the ooze's damage. Then no checks are required to "wear" the ooze and dig through the earth, searching for gems. Roll 2d6 to see how many ounces of raw gemstones are mined. The Candy Factory If the characters sneak into the back room of Skiffy's, they will find the sprites that create the candy: Celerity and Squash. The sprites themselves are fragile and will not fight, but they do have guardians to protect their secret recipe. Use stats for elementals, reskinned as candy-store monsters. Choose two: air elemental for cotton candy, water elemental for soda, or earth elemental for caramels. The secret recipe, if they prevail: water from the River Lethe oil of wisteria dragon fly wings. The Dragon's Lair The lair of an ancient copper dragon is full of tricks. Bongo's lair, built in old mining tunnels on the north side of the valley, can include any of your favorite gags, but here are some ideas: Bongo's main door is huge and covered in runes, numbers, symbols, levers, knobs, and buttons. In the center of the door is a hexagonal knob. Give players time to "solve" the puzzle, but if they touch anything but the knob, it makes a long terrible fart noise. The way to open the door is just to turn the knob. They enter a square room. A rope hangs from the ceiling. On the floor, colored tiles change from red to blue, one per second, like a timer. If they quickly pull the rope before all the tiles turn blue, the floor opens and they fall into a vat of pudding. If they wait until the tiles all turn, the wall opens on the next tunnel. A curved tunnel is set with a series of horns that play the beginning of puns. If the characters finish the pun, they can progress. If not, a terrible smell pours out of the horn to stop them, sometimes combined with laughing gas. Examples: "My friends started calling me 'Flamingo.' That's where I put my _____ _______." "My bakery burned down. My business is _____." This is a workshop of silliness, a laboratory of goof, with worktables covered in saws, Fortune Candy, rubber penguins, piles of tulle, and shelves full of glitter in jars, squishy balls, and pizzas. Sitting at a desk, wearing two fanciful hats, a tweed vest and bow tie, is an enormous dragon with glistening copper scales and dull green patina wings. When you arrive, he jumps to his feet, holding a pot of ink and feather quill. "You made it!" he trumpets in a deep melodious voice. "I'm so proud of you! And you aren't even wearing any pudding!" He offers you a candy. Oh, dear. Restoring the dragon to his senses will require combat. Bongo's charm will turn to ire if the characters press him about the past, but he's the only one who could remember what happened, so they must. Taking on an ancient dragon at 7th level will be quite deadly, so have the dragon spend the first two rounds trying to subdue them rather than injure, and as soon as the players seem to be overwhelmed by the danger, end the combat by having the dragon regain control of his mind. You could play this as him rolling saves of decreasing difficulty, or you could decide on a damage threshold. The characters and the dragon can both use the silly props in this room to make combat lighter, and as soon as Bongo gets his brain back, he can heal them and let them rest. When he hears of the rebellion in Sunset, he is unsurprised. "I have been telling the Duke to stop the Drownings if he wants to stop sadness, but he never listens to me. Let's get these people out of here!" The Duke's Palace Bongo tells the characters everything he knows. They have two possible ways to break the enchantment and release the prisoners. Technicality: Clever characters may notice, when Bongo recites the pact, that it specifies "one thousand years." One thousand years are over, so the pact should legally be defunct. If they confront the Duke and persuade him to obey the pact, he will tell them how to remove the enchantment: unlock the scrolls on the statues by writing the pact on them, then remove the circlets from the dead kings to drop the barrier. Combat: If the characters decide that an ancient dragon is enough reason to go bananas on an archfey and his xorn, they're right! Have the players roll and let the one who rolls highest "drive" the dragon in this fight with the fey and his sprites. Take it to the throne room of the palace, so they can shatter all the glass, melt all the gold, and charr the marble. The Duke of Morning will bargain by giving up the key to the scroll locks, and bamf back to court in the Feywild if he drops below 30 hp.

Conclusion

The characters have uncovered a history, fought a dragon, and bested an archfey. They're ready to open those doors and break the enchantment. If they already had their epic fight with the Duke of Morning, then with locks open, they can remove the circlets, and release the citizens. If they resolved the pact on a technicality, then when they unlock the magic scrolls, the statues of the kings come to life as stone golems, which they must fight with the help of Bongo and the rebels. Rich with gems and the gratitude of dragons, along with a pretty snazzy candy recipe, the characters have earned their next level.

 

Ingredient	Usage
A Jewel-Eater!	Duke of Morning and Xorn.
A Discounted Copper Dragon!	Bongo, warnings discounted by the kings and the Duke.
Circlet of Insane Kings!	Ring of evil kings around the caldera, maintaining the barrier.
Altered State of Mind!	The citizens of Morning drugged into happiness.
Prison Colony!	Families of the kings imprisoned in the valley.
Ironic Demise!	Kings died so they could be "the highest" and keep their families "safe."
Magical Scroll Lock!	The tombs locked with a scroll that must be inscribed with the pact.
Cryptic Candy!	Fortune candy with absurdly positive messages.
Drowning!	Population control in the valley, rebranded as drowning sorrows.
Sprite!	Robin who betrays the Duke.

[RonarsCorruption]

 

Thaco's The Candymaker
DM Perspective (8/15)
How easy will it be to run? (2.5/5)
+ System, party size, and power level are clearly stated.
+ I love that the important characters get a summary at the start of the adventure
+ I like the way each room is presented as it begins, and how creatures inside will react to the party's presence...
- But... as written, what happens after that initial fight? For example, in the mixing room - would more satyrs attack? Would a Revolution happen because the party is there to rescue them? How long until the factory realizes raw materials aren't being mixed? That's a big hole the GM would have to guess at in order to fill.
- Those recycling scrolls are either a powerful magic item the party will want to steal, or impossibly expensive. Not a good idea to include something that looks expensive, powerful, and portable.
- I love the idea of the gem eater machine and the combinations it could produce, but if you're going to give a list like this, it would need to be completed to actually be used.
- I know the expectation is the players have to spend them, but that's a lot of jewels the party might save for themselves if they find a better solution than overloading the candy machine with money, like perhaps a hammer.
How well is it presented? (2.5/5)
= I liked the multiple options for entrance a lot, and the entrances themselves, but the bit at the end about the working section was really awkward and made me have to reread a bunch of bits, which is no good.
= Not sure how I feel about the different encounters being so distinctly seperated. It's nice in a way that the party can intelligently choose what they want to fight, but also encourages the party to skip most of them, I think.
How well is it written? (3/5)
- minor plot hole in the opening, you discuss Zilharet's gems running out before the invention of the gem-to-candy machine. Not sure if that's backwards, or if something else is happening that I missed.
++ I enjoyed the writing overall.
= Nitpick, but your sweetness chart is wildly different than I would make it.

Player Perspective (12/15)
Would this be fun? (4/5)
+ As soon as you likened this to Willy Wonka, I realized how this would be a really fun premise to work with.
+ The different candy rooms as encounters are each super interesting!
+ I would absolutely love playing with that gem eater machine.
- That door lock to Edrik's room is random, inexplicable, and very dangerous. I like the idea, but poorly executed. Plus, as above, the party is absolutely going to try steal this infinite source of scrolls.
+ The infinite candy golems fight is really neat! I love that the fight is overwhelming if you just fight an army of candy golems - but super easy if you shoot the boss.
Is the story interesting? (4/5)
+ The whole "good things are happening until a curse" angle is wonderfully presented here.
+ Mad candy maker kidnaps fey to make candy? Very neat!
+ The former friendship with the dragon is a cool hook
How creative is it? (4/5)
+++ It's more surprising to me that Willy Wonka hasn't been turned into an archetypical DnD villian before now.

Audience Perspective (21.5/30 +2)
A Jewel Eater!(4.5/5)
++ It's a machine that eats jewels!
++ By turning jewels into candy, aren't we all jewel eaters?
A Discounted Copper Dragon!(3/5)
+ It's a bit of a stretch, but it works. It's a copper dragon, it's been discounted.
A Circlet of Insane Kings!(5/5)
+++++ Love this artifact. Beautiful description, history, and power set.
- Technically, in this adventure, it's a crown.
+ It's the focus of the adventure too.
An Altered State of Mind!(2/5)
- I guess the candy maker is in an altered state of mind, but the players don't know what he was like before, so it's not really altered from anything that the players are aware of.
A Prison Colony!(3/5)
+ There are prisoners, they're working. Not sure if it's a colony, though.
An Ironic Demise!(4/5)
+++ Crushing a candy maker in candy is only slightly ironic. If the party stuffed him in the jewel eater, that would be ironic.

A Magical Scroll Lock!(+1)
+ I already dinged you above for what I think about it, but it's here and works.
Cryptic Candy!(0)
= The candy is just unknown, not cryptic, but I see what you were trying to do.
Drowning!(0)
- not present, that I could see.
A Sprite!(+1)
+ Present, and a solid use, at that!

 

(43.5)
A fun, slightly zany adventure. I think this went a bit too far off the sandbox end, because the hook could arguably be resolved in a single encounter. There's also all sorts of things the DM would need to complete or fill in in order to actually use it, from knock on effects around the different encounters, to an absolute overload of jewels. Overall, it was a fun romp, better by far for the players than for the GM. A good fun shot for the finals.

 

lostcheerio's Sunrise Pact
DM Perspective (3.5/15)
How easy will it be to run? (0/5)
+ System, party size, and power level are clearly stated.
- In the first readaloud text for part one, you assume player action, which is bad practice. You also tell the players they can climb the statue. They could also fly, as this is 7th level, and there's always a chance they literally can't climb the statue.
- So, the party could climb the statue and then... what, get a history lesson? The DM info is okay, but Into Morning is presented very awkwardly, with no proper transition from the Outskirts scene.
- It's a bit railroadey, a bit fast-forwardey, a bit making-assumptions-for-players that as soon as the players accept they can't get out, they go into the city and get delirously happy.
- What oozes are in the mines? What damage do people take touching the oozes without candy in them? How are these oozes somehow "untrained"? How are the oozes eating solid stone?
- The dragon's introduction includes a description of how the players aren't wearing any pudding, despite the fact that they likely are if used as presented.
- That ending is about as rushed looking as I've ever seen. It glosses over the most interesting scenes in the adventure.
How well is it presented? (3/5)
= Neat trick with the horizons drawn in the fieldset names. It's an interesting visual flair, even if it doesn't really add to anything. I guess it lets you use extra fieldsets?
+ Big bold headers makes it easy to find important information!
- At the beginning of part one, you include the "character choice"... to make a perception check. Awkward phrasing aside, what happens if the PCs spot it? What about finding the door? Nothing? They're just there taking up wordcount and detracting from what's actually going on?
= I want to ding you further on calling the things players might do "character choices", like rolling perception or making an Intelligence check. It's awkward, but not all the way wrong... but I didn't like it.
+ I love how you used core lore for the dragon to set the scene. I have never seen that used properly like this, good job!
How well is it written? (0.5/5)
- Bad start to the adventure: That opening sentance is really confusing. what happened during that battle one thousand years ago? Why were their families there? How were four kings together?
+ I like the pact. However, if the players don't learn the exact pact it is essentially useless, so I hope they do.
- Weird, slightly meta turn of phrase about plane-shifting off the mortal coil. The mortal coil is referring to being alive, not being on the material plane. Plane shift brings you off the material plane. You later say she is dying, which makes this phrase even more awkward.
- So, how are these metallic dragons enthralled? If it's literal enthrallment, that doesn't get you to do anything. If it's non-magical, then why did they do anything the evil kings wanted in the first place. If it is magical, why is it enthralled, and not dominated, which is more practical?
- Not a strong part to part one, playing the pronoun game. Sure there's only one "they" that could be referred to, but you could have easily said "the party" or perhaps even literally nothing at all, and it would have been clearer.
- Your list "books" should have started on a new line.
+ Brave of you to assume we know what a gingergoth with big katniss energy is. I mean, I get it, but I've got to give you points for bravado using things like these as a description.
- The Drowning is organized awkwardly, I had to reread the whole thing a few times to figure out what was going on, and what options the players had.
= Awkward writing, but I'll allow it only because it's a joke shop scene: "shelves full of glitter in jars, squishy balls, and pizzas", makes it sound like there are balls and pizzas that are also full of glitter.

Player Perspective (9.5/15)
Would this be fun? (2/5)
- Just say "they cannot escape the valley". Saying "[players] must make increasingly more difficult Con saves until they fail" is lying to the PCs that it is possible to eventually succeed, and it makes it suck that it isn't actually possible.
+ The gags in the dragon's lair are honestly pretty good.
= I like the idea of a bunch of low level adventurers having to "fight" an ancient dragon, but it's presented really strangely. Like, why does the party have to fight at all? Why would they care if the dragon is in a super silly mood? They have no idea that this isn't the dragon's normal state of mind.
+ A possible climactic battle with an ancient dragon versus an archgfey is super cool!
- The climactic battle against two creatures who are three times the party's level is just something the party is watching, not participating.
- The way the majority of the conclusion happens off-stage is absolutely a letdown.
Is the story interesting? (2.5/5)
== I don't actually know. See, here's the problem. The story isn't terrible. A bunch of kings, tricked by an archfey into a bad fey deal, who now is holding them and a dragon captive. But... it's a bad case of the players-will-never-learn-it-itis.
How creative is it? (5/5)
+++ Okay, this was sort of surreal and wild to read through. I found it really neat!
+ Drowning Sorrows being a literal thing is super interesting
+ I really liked the joy police? I got the impression that they were going to be these secret service guys who were really dangerous, but nope! Just random people!

Audience Perspective (18/30 +2.5)
A Jewel Eater!(2.5/5)
+ Eating of jewels!
- The duke is a major actor in this adventure... But the party doesn't get to do anything with him. They will maybe speak to him once.
A Discounted Copper Dragon!(5/5)
+ Copper dragon! Opinion discounted!
+ Copper dragon! Plushies on sale!
+ The dragon is the core maguffin of the adventure.
++ Everything with the dragon is pretty fun.
A Circlet of Insane Kings!(1/5)
+ There are circlets, worn by kings.
- None of the kings are insane in any actual way, they're just evil. And even then, they're only described as evil, so they're kinda just kings.
--- These circlets are not actually present in any of the actual the adventure itself. Prologue and Conclusion only.
An Altered State of Mind!(4/5)
+ The NPCs are all a bit off!
+ The players might find themselves off!
+ Molly is the only one sane, which gives the very needed contrast to what's going on.
A Prison Colony!(4/5)
+ It's a prison, it;s a colony!
+ Main setting of the adventure.
+ Is it really a prison if people don;t know it's a prison? (yes)
An Ironic Demise!(1.5/5)
+ It's ironic, it's a demise!
--- Not actually present in any of the actual adventure itself. Prologue and Conclusion only.

A Magical Scroll Lock!(0)
- barely present in name. Not present in the actual adventure.
Cryptic Candy!(+1)
+ it's candy, it's making cryptic remarks.
Drowning!(+1)
+ Drowning is a major event in the adventure.
A Sprite!(+0.5)
= Sprites are in the adventure all over. It is weird that the one important sprite doesn't do anything meaningful other than lead the party to a human.

 

(33.5)
Unfortunately, I didn't like this adventure. I think it was full of good ideas, but the execution feels extremely rushed throughout. I mean, the final boss fight is shorter than the joke shop's readaloud. Quite a few of the ingredients are present in name only, which is a shame, too. I don't want to belabor the points too much,

 

My vote this year is clear. Without hesitation, I am voting for Thaco!

Great job this year to you, and to all contestants - no matter how hard I was on you.

[Unko Talok]

Whew! Here we are at the finale. Looking at the ingredient set after judging these entries, I can't say that you two had it easy. And aside from that, this is the final round, so my expectations were high. I judged both entries pretty harshly, looking for any problems I could find. I think that the two contestants did pretty darned good jobs on a task that's always difficult, and usually at a point that they are freakin' exhausted from 3 prior rounds of writing. That said, both of the adventures, I felt, had major work left to be done, with what felt like a lot of information missing. One of the two entries slid barely ahead in each of the three major judgment categories.

 

Explanation of Judging Method: Hey, all! I'm still trying to find a judgment method that works best for me. A fair amount of people have said that they want to have a better idea of exactly why points are deducted or added. And last round I was a bit more touchy-feely with how I assigned things. So this round, I do things like this:

1. A given score starts at 2.5 out of 5 as a baseline expectation. If it's present and adequate, that's what it'll get.
2. I read through the whole adventure once or twice, taking notes as I go.
3. For each section of the score I go through The Rubric and see if any of the questions prompts me to say "Yes, this aspect was excellent on that measure!" or "No, that was pretty bad...", and add or take away points as appropriate. The amount of points added or removed is still somewhat subjective! But each "+" gives 0.5 additional points to that section, and each "-" takes away the same amount. Scores will always fall between 0 and 5.
4. If there's something I want to comment on but isn't clearly changing points, that will have an "=".
5. In addition to the exact rubric points, if I took a note on the adventure that seems relevant for that scoring section, I will include it there (as a positive, negative, or equal contribution to the score).

 

Thaco, THE CANDYMAKER Summary Comments We've got a really wild Evil Willy Wonka adventure here. I love that concept so darned much. Particularly since Willy Wonka (arguably) also kidnapped fey creatures who he forced to work in his candy laboratory. At least in the original movie, he really was a dark wizard type character. From a player perspective, diving in to this kind of dungeon sounds like a wonderful bit of dark comedy to me. Or just straight-up horror. Either way, I love the concept! Perhaps the biggest failing of this entry was just overall information. There were a lot of points where I, as the GM, would feel as if I have to supplement or make stuff up (sometimes to avoid plot-holes!)-- and on points that are pretty dang important! And unless I add things in which aren't here, most of the backstory is inaccessible to the players. And that lack of information seems to really rob them of the possibility of a complex and satisfying ending. As a more minor issue (IMO), the willy-wonka type dungeon (which was explicitly called out as such) is extremely heavy on straightforward combat, whereas thematically it seems much more like it should involve complex traps. Overall, a valiant effort in a difficult match! Good show. DM Perspective (6.5/15) How easy will it be to run? (0.5/5) ---There were several spots where it felt like important mechanics were missing. Three important ones Edric doesn't attack, but he defends himself. What are his stats? Presumably, he's a somewhat powerful wizard. What does he do? Does he have the means of escape? Why doesn't he attack, particularly to defend his candy and candy factory, which are the foci of his obsessions? This seems to matter a lot of the party decides to just ignore the candy golems and kill the Candyman-- it makes a difference how long it takes them! Details on the dragon's gem hoard seems pretty important. How many does he have, and what are they worth? Given that it's enough of them to create enough candy to drown (crush, really) the Candyman under their weight, it seems like a lot of them. Does the party have functionally infinite money if they can get the gems as a reward? If they decide to use them somehow, how many are really necessary? This is just a giant hand-wave that bugs the heck out of me. Okay, let's say that the party takes Zilharet's advice and dumps a ton of gems into the machines to overwhelm and break them... do they break, or do they drown the Candymaker? Or both? Because both are called out. If they drown the candymaker without ever meeting him, is the adventure just over? Does the whole place start shaking and exploding, presenting terrible challenges on the way out? Or just a disappointing fizzle? It seems like a short-circuit to the whole adventure that is called out multiple places but not sufficiently explored and explained. -Several of these rooms seem detailed and complicated enough that I think I would need to draw maps. I don't really think this should be a big problem, but it is called out in the rubric specifically. I'm trying to keep as consistent and predictable as possible for judgment purposes. How well is it presented? (3/5) +As usual, the code is presented in a clean way, with sections clearly delimited in a way that makes sense but is not obtrusive. =While references are bolded, it bugged me a bit that other relevant mechanics (e.g. skill checks) weren't. For me, those are more important to highlight. How well is it written? (3/5) +I did not notice any major spelling or grammatical errors. There was a very minor bit of confusion with some of the Candyman's lines: "Intruders, come to steal my candy!" could be read as an imperative... but I think it's ambiguous, and I'm not gonna take points off for it. Player Perspective (7/15) Would this be fun? (2/5) +Honestly, the idea of fighting through a crazy candy factory does sound like a hoot as a player. +This does seem to have a reasonable mix of combats of different challenge level... -There aren't a ton of skill checks throughout this-- only Stealth is called out, and some proficiency checks for Thieves Tools. Which, sure, they serve their purpose. But it feels a bit bland to me. In particular, it sure feels as though in a giant candy factory powered by the magic of a powerful wizard, there should be something more for Arcana spellcasters to do beyond combat. -Outside of the skill check issues, I really expected more wacky and wild environmental dangers beyond monsters. There's only one in the form of the scroll-spinning machine in Edric's private chambers-- and really, that one is of debatable challenge, since most likely any rogue will just immediately try to pick the door's lock until they get it. Double disappointment because it's not clear whether or not the party can salvage any of the scrolls from the machine for themselves. -In the laboratory, you have all these charts and graphs. They seem to have some relation to the candy beneath them-- but in reality, there's virtually no correlation. Of course, the table reads "more research needed." But in the end, it just feels like these are wasted words with no puzzle for the players to figure out, and no use in general but to be confusing. This is doubly frustrating because it's called out that there's only one candy of each type, many with short duration effects. It seems like a distracting waste of time at best for players, given that there's not a way to make more of this candy. Is the story interesting? (2/5) +A wizard driven mad steals fey creatures to make candy in his weird and wild Wonka-like factory? Seems like an interesting story and premise, for sure. -Throughout the dungeon, there is only one real place that the party can learn much about this story-- from Zilharet, who doesn't really seem to have the whole story at all. None of the rooms really involves any chance for the party to learn what happened with Edric. At best, most of the fey will just want to be released somehow, and know no more than Lapis did. So what interesting backstory there is is out of player reach. =Plot hole-- in the Setup, it's described that Edric locks himself away in his castle, presumably away from Zilharet. But then, without explanation, there's a passageway to Zilharet in the candy factory. No explanation of why Zilharet is there, really, how he got lodging there, what keeps him from going and visiting his old companion (or understanding any of it), other ways he has access to his lair, etc, etc. It's just really out of left field to me. That said, the Setup is left vague enough that this might have explanation. So perhaps it's just dissatisfying and not an outright plot hole. -The biggest issue I have with this, from a player perspective, is that in the end the only option is to murder the Candyman to death. Edric could be a tragic figure-- if the party had some knowledge of the Circlet of Insane Kings or a way to reverse its effects, They could presumably recover his sanity, learn about him as a person, resolve things peacefully, restore the friendship with Zilharet. And then deal with the social difficulty of a wizard who, in the throes of insanity, committed atrocities, and must face justice and/or make amends for his crimes now that he is himself again. They could go on a quest to destroy the Circlet of Insane Kings! It could be *really touching*. But there's not really an opportunity to learn that history or pursue that option. How creative is it? (3/5) +A horror version of Willy Wonka is something that tickles my fancy! Reminds me of this recut trailer, so not absolutely original. But a fun take on it. Audience Perspective (21.5/30) A Jewel Eater (4.5/5) +++Makes sense, and plays both a pivotal plot role and an important mechanical option role. It couldn't have really been anything else, given the story that you've created. +Bonus point because anyone who eats the candy is also a bit of a gem eater. A Discounted Copper Dragon (4/5) =Not gonna detract a point, but I found the TT way of calling this out somewhat annoying. that said, if you hadn't, this may have been missed-- I likely would have done something similar, were I competing and used the ingredient in this way. +The use makes good sense to me. +It does seem to be integral to the story. +Couldn't really have been otherwise. A Circlet of Insane Kings (2/5) +Its use makes sense, though it's not quite so congruous as the first two ingredients to me... -It's not particularly important to the story, and could have been something entirely different. Anything that might have driven Edric mad could easily replace it. And, as a result, its importance is only really in the setup, not to the story as the players experience it. -It was not a particularly memorable use, in part because it never makes an appearance again. As I mentioned up above, this ingredient could have been used in a way that made the adventure have a much more satisfying conclusion. But as it happens, the players likely never learn about it at all. An Altered State of Mind (3/5) +I have to assume that this is Edric's insanity. I suppose this works alright. =There's a lot of overlap between this ingredient and the Circlet of Insane Kings. +The fact that Edric went insane is pretty integral to the story, I'll give you that. -Mad wizard is among the most common of fantasy tropes, so it's hard not to ding you on the originality here. A Prison Colony (3.5/5) -While it's certainly a prison of sorts, it doesn't really match the "colony" part of this ingredient, in my eyes. +Absolutely integral to the story. If it weren't for the imprisoning of the fey creatures, this would just be a weird broken factory that most aren't bothered by. +Could not really have been anything else, at least not without major changes to the story. +Continuing the Willy Wonka as Horror commentary, the fact that Edric is imprisoning fey creatures has some parallels with the Oompa Loompas that I think are worth making. An Ironic Demise (3/5) +Alright, yeah, this is a good usage. =At first, I kinda thought "Well, I guess that's why there was no other option for Edric's fate-- he had to have an ironic demise." But then I remembered that the party is perfectly welcome to hack him to death. So this doesn't really mitigate the story problems I commented on up above. -It's not really integral to the story. It's a little twist on top of it. But the story could have been exactly the same (or better) without being killed by candy being part of it. +Pretty memorable us, though, crushing a man to death with candy. BONUS: A Magical Scroll Lock (0.5/1) +It's present, but I don't like its implementation-- particularly since it's put in in such a way that it can be easily avoided. BONUS: Cryptic Candy (0/1) +I have to assume that this is the room with various descriptions of candies that the party can then try for magical effects... and the magical effects don't necessarily line up with the descriptions. It's present. -That said, it doesn't really line up with the term "Cryptic" to me. It's not like its meaning is hidden and meant to be puzzled out. It's just that the notes are inaccurate. BONUS: Drowning (1/1) ++Okay, I want to be a nitpicky jerk-face and say that Edric isn't drowned, he's crushed. But yeah, drowned is used figuratively in this way, so it works! And the image of being crushed to death by candy is a bit funny in a cartoonish context. BONUS: A Sprite (0/1) -I understand that this is supposed to be Lapis. But she could have been literally anything else. She didn't need yo be fey. It's not even clear that she used her fey powers in any meaningful way in her escape or interactions with the players. =And, as an entirely silly comment, it annoys me that she's named Lapis but you didn't mention my favorite semiprecious stone ever, Lapis Lazuli! Gosh, gotta play to the judges! (jk,jk) TOTAL: 35/60

 

lostcheerio, The Sunrise Pact Summary Comments A really interesting high-fantasy module with a bit of a hermit kingdom in some secluded mountains. A lot of fantastic history, interesting characters, and fun encounters. A bit of a mystery that the players can... sort of unravel. Maybe. I think the players would have a lot of fun trying to sort out what's going on with the Soma-fueled townsfolk and a truly wacky copper dragon (with fantastic dips into core lore!). The biggest problem I have with this is that it's massively front-loaded in part 1, with a ton of potentially interesting encounters barely outlined for part 2. While it's technically complete, it leaves a ton of work for the GM (heck, even in part 1), a lot of unanswered questions, and a general feeling of "this could have been a real masterpiece, but. Additionally, it's not entirely clear to me that the party can actually learn the history of what's gone on here. There are a couple plot holes, too. In all, it's got really good bones, but it feels like you just didn't have enough time to make it shine the way it could. Quick aside... I'm going to carefully not think about what would happen in a location where a very few families were forced to intermarry for 1000 years with a somewhat tight limit on the maximum population size... Oh, why yes, I have read 100 Years of Solitude, why do you ask? DM Perspective (8/15) How easy will it be to run? (0.5/5) =This adventure would be really easy to run with all the info provided!... for the first part. The second part leaves a LOT to be desired as far as information given. It's essentially unfinished, on my reading. Expanded upon in the following points. --While in general a lot of mechanics are provided and well-explained, there are a few key places where they seem to be missing. While they're usually pretty inconsequential overall (e.g. no DC is given for stealth checks to steal things that no one cares about), some of them are more problematic. e.g. after the party enters the valley, they "Feel awful" and must make "Increasingly difficult con saves"... the mechanics here matter, in case the party tries to find some other way to leave. Additionally, in part 2, when going off to dig for gems, If the party doesn't eat the fortune candy to avoid damage from the oozes, they apparently have to make checks to find gems. What checks are to be made? What DCs? And, honestly, why is going to the gem mines even important to the story, other than as a distraction for the players? The whole mine scenario is entirely unclear to me. -Forcing the party to fight an ancient copper dragon and hand-waving by telling the GM to just figure out how to not murder the party to death is a big pill to swallow from a GM perspective. -In the possible finale with the archfey, getting maps and sequences and everything together for a giant battle wherein a player is riding the dragon sounds like a massive headache. Cool idea, but would likely require a lot of work on the GM's part. How well is it presented? (4/5) ++The entry really shines on this front. Aside from being well-organized overall, simple things like font choices and presentation for read sections, as well as always bolding the mechanics, really helps me. +Bonus for the titles to your sections-- It's a small thing, but the change of color of the titles when scrolled over made me happy. I do have to point out that it doesn't happen in "Conclusion", though. How well is it written? (3.5/5) +I didn't notice any major spelling or grammatical errors. =The way that the following was formatted really bugged me: "Do they want a comped hotel room? A happiness parade? They can discuss next steps with the Jolly Band. Try to uncharm the dragon first? Visit the mines? Raid the candy factory? " If a paragraph break had been included between the second question and the statement of next steps, it would have made a lot more sense. That may just be a problem on my part... +Bonus for some really great turns of phrase and enjoyable reading. Particularly loved "He eats jewels for breakfast, dreams for lunch, and high-minded adventurers for dinner." Player Perspective (10/15) Would this be fun? (3/5) -For the level-appropriateness, I have to ding you. It's totally level-appropriate, except for the parts where it isn't-- namely, the possible combat with an archfey (it's possible the party tries to take him on without the dragon) and with the Copper dragon. In the hands of a skillful GM, it'd probably be fine. But even then, players might feel miffed that they are set with impossible tasks at certain points. +I think that beyond what I just mentioned, the encounters and puzzles are both challenging and enjoyable! In particular, the series of prank-puzzles that the party has to get through are excellent. +You include a lot of different options for players to participate throughout part 1 and offer different contribution to the game and the unfolding mystery. Is the story interesting? (3/5) ++The conflict is absolutely interesting. Saving a dragon in distress from an archfey who trapped colonizers here a millennium ago? It's wild, with a bunch of different personalities, subplots, and motivations. ++All of the major players have great depth and are likely to be very memorable. In particular the archfey (wonderful, fey-like twists on the pact and the "Beatings will continue until morale improves" feel of the drownings) and the Copper dragon (you really played the DnD lore of Copper Dragons well). -One major plot hole sticks out to me... the kings had these 4 enthralled dragons. And they traded away the copper one, and were almost immediately slain. So there are these 3 other dragons hangin' around. The gold dragon, ~1000 years later, hires someone to find out what happened to his buddy the copper dragon. But he remembers enough to wish he had fought harder. What the heck is going on here? Like, the gold dragon *knows* what happened to his old buddy. He's known for 1000 years. And he just didn't do anything about it. He didn't go track down his two other ancient dragon friends and say "How about one last hurrah. Let's go free our friend / murder an evil fey"? Instead he hires some low-level adventurers to do it?... IDK, y'all. =This isn't so much of a plot hole as something that needed to be fleshed out a bit more... The secret candy recipe. I assume this is specifically for the Fortune candy that makes people all dopey and forgetful. It's a neat thing, I think. But without a clear way to get these exotic ingredients, it seems a bit out-of-place. Perhaps useful in some later quest, if the party has good reason to make Soma. But giving the party motivation to get the recipe within the confines of this adventure seems difficult. It's also not clear that it's necessary to do this before they end the adventure. --It's not entirely clear how much of the cool backstory stuff the players are likely to learn. People in town (including the librarian) are not eager to talk about the past. It's not clear how much Bongo remembers from his past. It's certainly not clear that the Archfey will tell the party anything. As the GM, I could fiat that, once Bongo is less dopey, he can explain a lot of the relevant history. But I dunno. And that's a major problem in a story like this. How creative is it? (4/5) +The story seemed wonderfully creative and novel to me. Rescuing a dragon in distress seems great (though I wish the Archfey had been explicitly noted as a woman, so that the party could save a Dragon in Distress from a Fearsome Damsel...). The very creepy fey dystopia adds a lot to it. +I think that the party would have a lot of fun uncovering this mystery, and likely wouldn't guess the twists as they went. +Aside from the plucky band of resistance fighters, the whole thing seemed very original! Audience Perspective (24/30) A Jewel Eater (2.5/5) +This does make some good sense. =You have two jewel eaters, rather than one... I almost deducted a point over that... -It's not clear to me that the fact that the Duke of Morning eats jewels is a necessary part of this story. I'm not sure if the location is especially geographically richer for gem mining. But whether or not it is, he could be there for any other reason, and the gems don't really play any other role beyond "He and his Xorn eats 'em." A Discounted Copper Dragon (4.5/5) +It makes sense! Poor dragon, being so simply traded away for a fool's prize. :'( +A pretty key part of the story, given copper dragons' love of pranks being entertaining to these fey, and that being an integral part of the story for the players to discover. +While it could have been any other kind of dragon, the story and encounters would have been substantially different as a result. It really couldn't have worked the same without this ingredient. +The romp through the copper dragon's lair would absolutely be talked about by players for a while. A Circlet of Insane Kings (3.5/5) ++The usage makes sense, and a bonus point because it was a twist on the meaning of the term "Circlet". =Arguably, the kings are merely evil bastards, not insane, specifically... but IDK, making a deal with archfey seems like something a person not in their right mind would do. +It is integral to the backstory, as it is why people are trapped where they are. -That said, it's not really anything that will affect the party or their decision for the adventure as written. Maybe as a post-adventure thing after they've solved the core problem? An Altered State of Mind (4.5/5) +Makes sense in the way it was used. ++It is an important part of the story, why people are okay (ish) with their situation. And explains a number of the story challenges the party faces. +Given the role of the fey in this adventure, it matches really well. It would be tough to think of another thing this could be replaced with that works so well. A Prison Colony (4/5) +This works pretty well for me. The people there are a colony in the sense that these kings were traveling trying to find a place to found their kingdom. And they're clearly prisoners of the fey. Works well. +It is pretty important to the story, both in the backstory and in the party's experience of and exploration of the story. +I can't imagine this being something else and working quite as well. An Ironic Demise (2.5/5) +Irony is a hard thing to pull off, and I think you've done a reasonable job of it here. The kings faced an ironic demise, certainly. -Is it integral to the story?... eh... not so much? Maybe I'm just not seeing it, but most of this story could be the same without their end having specifically been ironic. It did work out pretty well. But they could have just angered the fey and faced this fate for no good (human) reason without the story being substantially changed. BONUS: A Magical Scroll Lock (0.5/1) +This is technically present, yes. It doesn't seem to play a major role, and I was a bit confused about why it needed to be here at all. Definitely seemed tucked in just to make sure it was present. BONUS: Cryptic Candy (0.5/1) +Eh... Okay, I'll give this to you. I'm not sure if I would count the absurdly positive messages as "cryptic", exactly... BONUS: Drowning (1/1) ++Present, an integral part of the story, and it includes a great bit of pun with the "drown your sorrows" angle. BONUS: A Sprite (0.5/1) +I almost didn't give this one to you, if only because you overdid this ingredient. Sprites were mentioned so much! There was an army of them! And then a whole bunch of them mentioned as shopkeeps. It makes sense, given the history. But it was supposed to be *a* sprite! You call out Robin, but it could have been Skiffy or Celerity or Squash. You oversalted the dish! Total: 42/60

[savoylen]

Thank you both for a GREAT time in Iron DM this year.

I said this to the other group and I'll bring it up here too... Remember, the points and rankings are really just artificial ways we had to come up with to have a conversation around what comes down to a very subjective thing, creativity. You've both shown this in fun and amazing ways so be proud of your accomplishment.

Rubrics help guide conversations but to me this year, my vote for Iron GM champion goes to THACO.

 

I said this in the beginning so I'll remind you again, I'm not a point person buy since someone is going to ask, here they are:

THACO | 2.3.4 | 3.3.4 | 3.4.4.4.4.3 || 1.0.1.1 | 44
lostcheerio | 2.2.3 | 3.3.3 | 3.4.2.4.4.3 || 1.1.1.1 | 40

There was a lot to like in both entries... and in ways, ultimately both had different areas to work on if these were to be develop into their intended use.

Reading as a general audience member to enjoy the use of the elements, my vote goes to THACO.
As a player, the one I'd select to play as a member, my vote goes to THACO.
As a DM, the one I'd like to run and would require the least prep and thrill to see my players take on, my vote goes to THACO.

[Admin Bhelogan]

 

Scores

Category	Thaco	Lostcheerio
DM Perspective / The Technical*(15 points)	13	10
a. How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure?*(5 points)	5	2
b. How well is the scenario/adventure presented?*(5 points)	4	5
c. How well is the scenario/adventure written?*(5 points)	4	3
Player Perspective / The Story*(15 points)	15	11
a. What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?*(5 points)	5	4
b. Is the story interesting to read?*(5 points)	5	4
c. How creative is the scenario/adventure?*(5 points)	5	3
Audience Perspective / The Ingredients*(15+ points)	34	34
a. How well was the ingredient used?*(5 points each)	30	30
Bonus Ingredients	4	4
Total Points	62	55

Thaco

This zany adventure plays on a lot of pop culture knowledge that our players probably have, and even if they don’t, can probably get the feel of it so long as the DM is familiar with Mr. Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder, I refuse to recognize any remake). From there, we go on a tour of strange places and rooms in the factory, until the showdown with Edric. (Who, in my mind, must be voiced by King Monkey as Edric the Bard, as so often appears on the RPGX Radio Podcast). I think the one thing I am missing from this adventure is a chance to redeem Edric, rather than defeat him in battle, or destroy the machines. The ingredients here were really integral to the story, almost as if they were on display more than the adventure. For Iron DM, I take that as a plus. Overall, very nice job!

lostcheerio

If I was going to give an award for the most beautiful formatting, this would certainly get my vote! As for the adventure itself, it is a bit all over the place. I think the biggest issue is that we have large gabs between the adventure hook itself, to where the PCs join Part One, and then again when moving to Part 2. I think this comes down to perhaps trying to tackle a little too much ground with your word count, instead of focusing on doing fewer things well. Overall, it is a solid entry, which we would expect in the finale. Just that, outside of the formatting, it is missing some wow factor.

[PIG]

 

The Candymaker

DM Perspective / The Technical (15 points)

05 How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure? (5 points)
- Like Thaco's last entry, STONE IN WATER, the adventure is fairly linear and leads directly to the boss, the Candymaker. You have everything you need to get from Point A to Point Z.

04 How well is the scenario/adventure presented? (5 points)
- I can find things pretty quickly. The intro was spectacular and very easy to digest. The rooms are streamlined and separated into easy-to-find compartments. I guess I wish there was something to separate some of the inner components like monsters, features, and items.

04.5 How well is the scenario/adventure written? (5 points)
- I found a few misplaced words and some small instances of poor sentence structure. Thaco could have caught this with a quick last check in a few minutes to do a final proof before posting. Not bad, just a few things here and there. Otherwise it was an easy read and it was never unclear on what was being said.

Player Perspective / The Story (15 points)

04 What would this scenario/adventure be like to play? (5 points)
- A blast. I mean a BLAST. Who wouldn't want to go on a 'Willy Wonka-esque' adventure?! Not only that, Thaco kept bringing in all these D&D alternates into the mix that are extremely inventive. I keep shaking my head in how he does that, on how he always keeps things interesting. I do, however think that there were too many sneak-or-fight encounters: "sneak past or fight" kept showing up. Some battles would be fun in such a zany setting but in a candy factory of danger I want more puzzles and weird alternate sub-missions. Thaco really set up a great setting and I think it would have taken it to the extreme if only some alternate gameplay was introduced. That's 1 whole point down, more could have been done, but otherwise I would love this game.

The fight against Edric was a little too limited. It went from fighting to get to the boss, but once you reach the boss that no amount of fighting will help. It's way too much of a switch. I like having the room flooded with candy/gems being an alternate to fighting but I think it's a little too lopsided. A mix of both would have been perfect. The whole game edges on being perfect, I just think if he spent a little more time he could have mixed things up a bit more.

04 Is the story interesting to read? (5 points)
- Very much so! It all made sense, I felt for the NPC enemy, I felt for the captured fey and gnomes. I am a little confused how a copper dragon, who are intelligent and good, wouldn't know about the slave market. If Thaco wrote that the dragon was very young or usually asleep in that long period of time, I would buy it more, but none of that was mentioned. As the game creator, you have to set that up for the DM reader so they don't have to worry about those minor inconsistencies.

05 How creative is the scenario/adventure? (5 points)
- Yes, even Thaco admits that this is a bit of a Willy Wonka story but I think it is still it's own animal. Too many of his own ideas influenced by the ingredients to make it otherwise.

The enraged candy king is sorta of predictable as a king gone mad but.... mad for candy?! I don't know, that's still pretty different. The twist, which is very fitting, is more in the beginning when Edric puts on the crown and his appetite becomes his obsession, so the PCs actually never encounter any real twist in the game.

Audience Perspective / The Ingredients (15+ points)

A Jewel Eater
05 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- I just can't think of anything more direct and inventive. Gems into sweets into obsession into power. Love it.

A Discounted Copper Dragon
03 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- This hovered between 3 and 4 for me. The dragon and their love of coins and gems made so much sense. The discount fits very well with the collection of gems that the dragon just flushes away, discounting them, in total spite. Copper dragons are both intelligent and good, though, and that's why I brought it down one point. A dragon would have known at least something was going on in the factory that was evil and I don't think the dragon would have stood for that. This is a harsh observation, but Thaco did so well that I thought was one of the few sticking points.

A Circlet of Insane Kings
05 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- The twist. I love this addition. It took something that was already unique and established. Then it took it to further heights that would rationalize a full adventure. The dragon was already scavenging shipwrecks for treasures and giving them away for tasty sweets. The chances of things going awry was just waiting to happen and Thaco made it work with the setting. It's a circlet, it's insane, and it made a self-appointed king within this factory.

An Altered State of Mind
05 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- The twist... again. I feel like I'm praising this idea too much but I think it works so well that I really can't just give it less than 5. This ingredient drives the story and makes a realistic NPC.

A Prison Colony
04 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- It was there and strong and a reason for the PCs to make an adventure. Almost a 3.5 but the fact that different species are prisoners to this candy obsession and that it's all within one factory over a kingdom or nation makes better than 3 score. It's not a 'colony' so it's not a 5 score.

I don't know. Prisoner Oompa Loompas just makes it a 4 over 3. I might have some biases in this factor.

An Ironic Demise
03 How well was the ingredient used? (3 points each)
- Is it because the Candymaker dies from his own candy? But it feels to forced, that the PCs have to kill him this way. I don't think this is a 2, that's too low, but it certainly isn't a 4. It's barely a 3. I like it, I just think the PCs have no choice but to kill the boss this way and feels way too forced.

Bonus: A Magical Scroll Lock
01 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- Those were incredible. It matched the factory setting and I've never seen it before. I would give a 5 for this if it wasn't just a bonus ingredient. One of my favorites, by far.

Bonus: Cryptic Candy
01 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- Candy was a major drive. The lab with different types of sweets is non surpassing.

Bonus: Drowning
01 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- The final kill for the boss. Don't like how it's the only way but it's there and creative.

Bonus: A Sprite
01 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- The initiator and prisoners of this factory. Very appropriate to score this a 1.

Final Total 55.5


======


The Sunrise Pact


DM Perspective / The Technical (15 points)
05 How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure? (4 points)
- I love how the PCs can explore the setting and they don't have to go in a certain order. There are also alternative routes that can be made and don't require a specific set of skills to accomplish the main goal and release the 1000 year old contract.

04 How well is the scenario/adventure presented? (5 points)
- Cheerio has laid out the setting excellently but if I'm running the game and I'm having to go back forth I might have some problems here and there in keeping track of the layout of the land and I might have to draw my own map. If a simple layout was giving (The Chapel of History, The Entrance, The Candy Factory, the Dragon's Lair) then I think it would be a point higher. It's not important to the game but I can easily imagine the PCs asking where everything is and I would have no answer if I didn't prepare before hand. Also, having an idea of where things lie instead of just going to titled locations helps solidify locations of an imaginary world and make it more realistic to the players.

04 How well is the scenario/adventure written? (5 points)
- I saw some mistakes in sentence structure. There were a few that were made that my generator did not flag but I still had to backtrack a few times to understand what was being said. Nothing big, but in the last round and compared to Thaco I thought I would bring it down 1 point to reflect this. Some smoothing of the sentences would have have helped this entry.

Player Perspective / The Story (15 points)
04 What would this scenario/adventure be like to play? (5 points)
- Combat, skill checks, role-laying, and puzzles are all here. It does feel like the story will work it's way out the further I would pull at the clever threads left for the PCs to pull. The consequences of failure is low and the PCs can spend time wondering this strange setting until they come upon the right combination of actions to unlock the mystery. The pacifist society is absolutely interesting but their's no clout. I was wondering if something could be added to give some more sense of danger. The dragon is absolutely dangerous, but it will hold back at certain points. It matched the mirth of the dragon who likes pranks (I found this hilarious) but even then there's no real threat to the players if they play it too safe. There's so much in this neat setting but I just think, as a PC, I would sense that I can drift along in the RP and come out okay.

Time is their enemy from constant imprisonment, but, with enough time, they'll easily make it out.

04 Is the story interesting to read? (5 points)
- Absolutely fun to read in every way. I can spend months in pbp in adding characters and social ticks that would make this engaging for the PCs. I do feel like it's a bit adrift, which I think is also the charm of the story, almost like I'm in a terrifying dream of candy and felt terrain. That's the beauty of it. It's a nightmare disguised in beauty and color, much like the first half of the film Midsommar. Although Midsommar was less interesting in it's last half compared to the The Sunrise Pact (The Sunrise Pact was actually more enjoyable from beginning to end in comparison), yet Midsommar had an agency of danger in it's third part and think it was needed in this unique adventure.

05 How creative is the scenario/adventure? (5 points)
- Full Five. So much story and so many ties the make sense and give the situation weight. Under the Dome by Stephen King comes to mind and Midsommar too, yet Cheerio has woven it in a unique way that almost feels like a Christmas Town From Hell. I love it!!!!! Even compared to Thaco's Willy Wonka setting, I actually think I could do more with Cheerio's setting than even the other. I just think Cheerio could have pushed the envelope in this instance and squeeze more from the setting.

Where Cheerio was creating a whole land of opportunity, Thaco was laser focused on a specific adventure. In the case of this competition, I think Thaco just won a bit more.

Audience Perspective / The Ingredients (15+ points)
A Jewel Eater
02 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- It's there. I thought there could be more in explaining this. Why are jewels so important other than that they are plentiful in these mines. Something feels missing here.

A Discounted Copper Dragon
03 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- The prankster made me laugh a lot in reading this adventure. I've seen this before and it looks like you had fun with it. The ingredient matches the poor judgement of the four kings (which leads to their own demise) because they discounted the full value of their own dragon but it feels feint and distant, like a legend in some unsung song of past legend.

A Circlet of Insane Kings
03 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- A circle? Yes! Kings? By far. Insane? ... not really. Foolish, sure, but not out of their mind. Great foundation, but not fully realized.

An Altered State of Mind
05 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- This was terrifying. A horror story I want to introduce in my own game in a few months. You need to be this way or certain eyes will dictate you a Sorrow. Gotta be Skiffy! Join the party for eternity forever and ("we insist") you have to be happy and you can never leave. How did you come up with this?

A Prison Colony
05 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- The core of this adventure and a contract written with the lives of generations to come. This really strikes true in this game.

An Ironic Demise
03 How well was the ingredient used? (5 points each)
- I liked it. That is all. A great twist in the contract but of no consequence to the adventure, really. More of a placeholder to the set up than anything that the PCs directly explore. It's a background piece of the kings and the debt they paid.

Bonus: A Magical Scroll Lock
00 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- The arcane sphere that "protects" these people. I felt this was a bit forced and it could have been anything. The ingredient is specifically a scroll and it feels more like ruins rather than a scroll that locks this land and makes it a prison of merriment. I might have missed something but that's my ruling.

Bonus: Cryptic Candy
01 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- I wish I could give this x3 the credit. It's bizarre and neat, a strange drug in the form of candy. Great stuff.

Bonus: Drowning
01 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- Looks great. Morbid and a release to those who don't eat their candy like good boys and girls.

Bonus: A Sprite
01 How well was the ingredient used? (1 point each)
- It's there. It could be anybody but the kingdom feels very fairy-like so I'll let this be a point.

Total 50


Final Observations
When judging Iron DM, it's entires like these that I'm looking forward to reviewing the most.

Both of them reached high in the points that I can give out and, even though one made it higher than the other, I really enjoyed them both. I don't know if it was by accident but they matched the holidays during this session and it really struck a cord with me.

(56.5) Thaco has always shown creativity and invention in my judgments so far and the contestant seemed to pull away from directly leading the story by the nose and letting the PCs explore the setting presented by the storywriter. I saw improvement. I do think it's still a bit too linear in gameplay but I think anyone should waste no time in playing in Thaco's next game on this site. You really have no idea what you're getting into and every game setting comes with an impeccable storyline.

(50.0) I've only judged in one of cheerio's entries (this one) and I can see how the contestant has come so far on my first reading. Again, I feel like I've fallen into a story and this would be what the PCs would feel like when they reach this kingdom without escape. Although portions felt a bit distant and vague, it actually added to the Twilight Zone feeling I had when reading it. I just think Thaco weaved the story with a closer knit and I felt that Thaco was just a bit more solid while being just as creative as Cheerio.

A close call. Either way, you both did great. Keep it up, you DM champions!

[Inem]

The 'Honorable' Chairman hadn't departed from the arena at the start of this match, and yet he hadn't been present while it ran its course. He hadn't reentered, either, and yet there he was standing, as if he hadn't moved the entire time. Looking around, the chairman examines the aftermath of the competition.

"At long last, we have reached the end of the road. You have both fought valiantly to even get here, but in the end, only one person is worthy to wear the crown of Iron DM for the next year." With a flash, a red scroll appears in the hands of the master of this entire event. "You'll be pleased to hear that this year we have finally found the time to fix this issue where this scroll is just fixed to stating 'Inem' won. So no last minute adjustments necessary this year." The chairman opens the scroll and reads it. "Ah, there we have it then. Without further ado, after a hard fought final battle, our winner is...

 

Thaco!

 

Judge	Thaco	lostcheerio
Admin RonarsCorruption	43.5	33.5
Unko	35	42
savoylen	44	40
Bhelogan	62	55
PIG	55.5	50
Early Submission	1	0
TOTAL	49	44.1