[Game Thread] Round 4; The Grand Finale: Auron3991 vs bananabadger

[Inem]

The Grand Finale

Originally Posted by The 'Honorable' Chairman

It is warm around the competitors. Then hot. Then very cold. "Here we are then." The 'Honorable' Chairman's voice echoes from...well, it's a good question from where. Because all around the competitors everything is black. There, bananabadger and Auron3991 float in some sort of void. No, not 'some sort of' void. THE void. Because it soon becomes clear there is nothing else. "When I told the teacher that here, at the end, I was willing to let it all burn down, I didn't mean that mall of hers, burned down to ash. No no, the ash burned until there was nothing left of that either. As did everything else in this dimension. It's been fun, it's been a good run. But all good things must come to a close. So let us finish this. For even this void left by the absence of everything that used to be this dimension will soon be gone. Best hurry to finish before that happens."

There it was then, the explanation for the blackness. There was nothing left around the two contestants. They had made it here, but nothing else had. Except a crowd. Always, there is a crowd. As they glance into the distance, they can make out the eyes, piercing through from other dimensions. And all eyes are on them. Restless. Waiting.

"Are you ready?" The chairman finally materializes between the two contestants, as if he had always been there. Though they get a moment to consider, the figure doesn't actually give them a choice. This is it. The final match of Iron DM. One person will walk away here, head held high with the crown newly placed upon their head. "Then let us meet our contestants!"

Reality bends around the chairman's will, and suddenly all of the crowd's eyes are on one person: "In this metaphysical and metaphorical corner, one who returns from last year, where they took third place! Already an improvement, but can they climb all the way to the top? It's..."

baaannnnaaaannnaaabadger!

Again, reality warps so that all extradimensional eyes are focused on the second contestant: "And in the other metaphorical metaphysical corner, we have yet another third place finisher, from 2019, trying to finally claim that crown after already being almost out of things, it's..."

Aaaauuuurrrooon3991!

"But in the end, what each of you has achieved in the past does not matter. How strongly you performed in years or rounds past does not matter. You have met in the first round of this competition, but as you meet here once more, even that does not matter. The only thing that matters is this. Here. Now. Literally, since there is no actual matter left in this dimension. One of you will come out of this match as the winner and claim the crown, becoming the new champion. It is time for the two of you to face off. To win, you will need to use the ingredients to maximum effect. Only our entire panel of judges are equipped to make such a decision, and so..."

The main judges for this round are:

• Everyone!!!

"Now then. Begin! What are you still waiting for? What's that...ingredients? Huh, maybe I should have left something over when I burned everything down. I suppose it can't be helped, those are rather vital. Well then..." At another gesture from the chairman, two heaping tables appear in the middle of the nothingness, though there is a strained look on his face as he does it. Do beings of infinite power that are beyond comprehension get tired as well? There is no time to consider, for quickly the master of this competition to loudly proclaim the ingredients for this round:

• A Strange Disease!
• A Masked Killer!
• Epic Tragedy!
• The Accountant from the Apocalypse!
• A Jade Dragon!
• An Uninhabited Metropolis!

The bonus ingredients for this round are:

• New Family!
• A Ship!
• A Brilliant Child!
• Twin Dolphins!
  

May the best Game Master win!

Rules You are to write an adventure using the six items / concepts above. You can also use any of the bonus ingredients you wish to. All rules found here are to be followed. The guidelines for the Judges' scoring can be found here. The entry is to be no longer than 3000 words, which includes *everything* you put into the post. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word counter is highly recommended. Please make a simple post in this thread when you first read it, to let the judges know have seen it, and that you are on board. It doesn't have to be anything more than "read!", or something like that, though roleplaying it is also perfectly acceptable! Do not edit this post after making it; when it comes time to post your entry, do that in a second, separate post. You have 7 days from the time this post is made to complete and submit your entry (in a new post; don't edit your first post!). It is not expected that you use all this time - the extra time has been given to ensure that, no matter what your timezone, your schedule, your sleep habits, your work or student life, or emergencies that could crop up, you should have ample time to complete your entry. Posting when you are done, and not waiting until the end, is also recommended, and rewarded. You should post your entry into this thread within the generous timeframe, and ensure it is secreted (to the above judges) and spoilerbuttoned. Feel free to also PM your judges to let them know you have posted, if you wish. (DO NOT PM them your entry - just let them know your entry is submitted). If your post is not made within the 7 days, you will be automatically disqualified. If you have issues, be sure to PM Inem *before* your round is closed. Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.

[bananabadger]

Read and acknowledged.
Judges, advance thanks for your time and critiques!
Auron3991, an honor to be playing with you again! Good luck! I look forward to talking shop once we have both made our submissions!

[Auron3991]

Auron3991 surveyed the void as the electricity playing across his skin created a feather pattern, forming wings where once were arms. The infinite darkness captivated him for a second, only regaining his composure as the chairman produced the ingredients. He wasn't entirely sure if he walked or floated over to the tables as his spear flowed into his body and reformed his feet into hardened talons. He looked to his opponent, remembering the long competition. All the hours, all the frustration, all of the other competitors. All for this battle. Using the sound from the electricity to form the words, as his new beak could not:

"Let's make them remember us."

[bananabadger]

 

玉龙 玉龙 (The Jade Dragon) A FATE Core System Game For 3-4 second-tier players Overview: In an alternate timeline, the Y2K bug triggers a cataclysmic global war that destroys most of the earth's population and leads to a ravaging pandemic. Humanity's last hope might lie with "The Jade Dragon," a mysterious voice on a radio signal broadcast from central China with messages of assurance and the promise of a cure for the strange disease.

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准备 PREPARATION (准备) Themes Concept Monuments Men rescue post-apocalyptic Pippi Longstocking Tone Apocalypse Noir Love as devotion, suffocation, and freedom Inspiration Virus by Ni Kuang Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell One Chance by Dean Moynihan Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel System & Mechanics FATE relies on tiered-success dice rolls and a few key mechanics defined below and identified in Bold Blue Font throughout. GMs should transfer these mechanics in advance if running "The Jade Dragon" in a different system. ASPECTS The defining trait of an adventure, location, or character. Actions involving Aspects roll with a defined bonus. SKILLS & STUNTS General and specific character traits on a tiered bonus scale for action rolls. FATE POINTS A character's or a party's "get-out-of-jail" cards. Usually starting at 3, these allow PC/party to alter story. INSTINCTS/ABILITIES A monster's motivations and possibilities, monster actions invoking these are rolled with bonus (often +3/+2 respectively). WEAKNESSES The soft-underbelly trait of a monster; PCs can discover and invoke to debuff monster. An Alternate 2023 It's strange to recall how euphoric the world was when it approached the new Millennium and the Year of the Dragon, 2000. There were some local conflicts, regional food insecurity, and lingering concerns over the ozone hole, but the world in December 1999 was by-and-large peaceful, prosperous, and forward-looking. That seems naive looking back from 2023. The exact sequence of events is lost, but collective memory generally agrees that the Y2K computer bug proved more serious than expected. It started with minor glitches on transport and electrical systems. Then, beginning with either a submarine docked near Hawaii or an RT-2PM Topol near Irkutsk, glitches caused nuclear-missile launches. Tokyo, St. Petersburg, Denver, and Delhi went first. London, Tel Aviv, Tehran, New York and, inexplicably, Bucharest were next. Governments collapsed on Day 2. At 21:37 Beijing time, a previously unknown Colonel Bai Wentian declared an all-out attack that led to the horrific Day 3. The devastation was tragic enough, but without infrastructure, diseases swept across the globe, killing an estimated 95% of the population. Bu 2023, small communities cling to life, all trying to survive the latest pandemic, a baffling SARS variation threatening to wipe out humankind's last remnants. One of the greatest hopes emerges through faint one-way radio broadcasts from central China. It's a voice calling itself "The Jade Dragon" and reading numbers and letters, which she says can cure the strange disease. The world's remaining scientists are baffled, but desperate to learn more. PCs Accountants of the Apocalypse You (the PCs) are part of a once-proud U.N. global-security force that stockpiled food, ammunition, and power to ensure a small portion of humanity survives. But you aren't the group's glamorous elite-combat forces. You're desk-jockeys. Other units call you "Accountants of the Apocalypse" because you mostly sit at HQ, assess things, and assign a value to them that will determine their priority for action. But you know your worth. Your reports helped rescue practical items such as the Vavilov Institute's grain-seed bank, spiritual treasures such as the Asaro mud mask collection, and cultural heritage "masterpieces" such as the demo tapes of David Hasselhoff's unreleased 1997 Rockin' Christmas Special (which earned respect from your counterpart elite agents, serious Hasselhoff fans, that lot). This morning you received new orders. You are on a ship near Shanghai, making a rare field trip to assess uranium-power stockpiles at the Fangjiashan Nuclear Power Plant. A radio transmission tells you the Jade Dragon's location has been triangulated to Xi-437, an abandoned research-center metropolis 7-days journey up the Yangtze River. But she won't be there long because she announced she will leave and cease broadcasts in 10 days. You must rush to Xi-437, make contact, and secure the vaccination formula from Jade Dragon before she departs. There might be obstacles along the way, but this is your most important mission ever. Creating Characters Characters should build heavy on DRIVE, EMPATHY, INVESTIGATE, LORE, NOTICE, and RAPPORT skills with stunt specializations such as RIVER BOAT CAPTAIN, ATTENTION TO DETAIL, FRESH-WATER RIVER ECOLOGY, EPIDEMIOLOGY, etc. All players should take proficiency in firearms and explosives, but no higher than AVERAGE. The group is issued flare guns, pistols, and limited ammunition (the elite combat units jealously guard their stockpile; each character rolls 2d10+10 for number of bullets). At least one PC should speak Mandarin and Cantonese. GM Essentials GM Quick-Guide FORMAT: This is a "rescue the captive" adventure in 2 parts. Game Section Location Play style ASPECTS Up the River Traveling Yangtze River to Xi-437 Action sequences ASPECT 1: The river is deep, wide, and mysterious. Actions capitalizing on river lore/geography rolled with +2 bonus. ASPECT 2: Fulfill the mission! Bold gambles of sacrifice/daring rolled with +2 bonus. Jade Dragon's Lair Xi-437 city and bunker Whimsy and mortal danger ASPECT Home alone! Jade has turned lair into a (mostly) non-lethal funhouse. She counters all hostile actions at +2. DRAMATIS PERSONA: The GM can add NPCs, but these are story-essential. Name Appears In Play As ASPECTS & WEAKNESSES Masked Killer Up the River Robin Hood of the Yangtze; gentleman pirate-prankster ASPECT 1: Swift Justice. Rolls at +3 when protecting or avenging poor. ASPECT 2: Épater les bourgeois. Actions purely for amusement and shock value rolled at +2. Wiemen Up the River Capable leader of acting troupe; secretly the Masked Killer ASPECT 1: Grand Artiste. Rolls at +3 for all performance actions and against any actions to deceive/persuade/unveil him. ASPECT 2: Troupe leader. Rolls +2 for any action to defend actors or stage boat. Kou Zhong and Xu Ziling Up the River Jade Dragon's twin baiji dolphins ASPECT 1: Double Trouble. Roll at +2 for any action capitalizing on confusing/diverting others by identical presence. ASPECT 2: Delphinely devoted 2 U. Roll at +4 when protecting Jade Dragon or Weimen. Jade Dragon Jade Dragon's Lair Super-smart; childlike joy; captive to father's memory ASPECT: Brilliant Child. Any problem-solving action rolled at +3. Gaung Xi Jade Dragon's Lair Top-scientist; loving if overprotective father; continues dictating Jade's life as an AI program embedded into Jade's GameBoy ASPECT: Father knows best. Any action taken to "protect" Jade from outside forces rolled at +2. Jade Worm Jade Dragon's Lair Unborn child of Jade Dragon and Masked Killer ASPECT: Future hope. Inspires anyone acting for her with +2 bonus on any single action.

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游戏 GAME PLAY (游戏) Up the River "Up the River" is a race-against-time along the Yangtze. At the beginning of each day, the players will receive Jade Dragon's one-way broadcast: This is Jade Dragon. Is anyone there? This is Jade Dragon. I have the cure. This is Jade Dragon. I, too, lost everything. But the Year of the Dragon is coming again, and all can be well. As well as it can be. She then reads a series of letters and numbers and signs off by saying how many more days she will remain in place (beginning with 10 on the first day). Mathematically, the 7-day trip should easily be made in 10 days. But of course there are obstacles. Obstacles come from the random-encounter table below. If an event is rolled twice, the GM can introduce a different result. UP THE RIVER ENCOUNTERS! Roll d10 to determine day's encounter Result Encounter Description Action! Fallout 1-2 Giant Squid Attack! What's a nuclear war without mutants? These giant fresh-water squid are mean-n'-hungry. Encounter lasts 5 rounds as squid attempts to grab and eat party member. ASPECT: Feed me! Tentacle attacks juiciest PC at +2, but will accept party dumping over their entire store of rations. WEAKNESS: Sensitive ears. High pitched noises add +4 to all PC actions against squid and cause squid to flee on any GOOD or better player roll-result with high-pitch sound. If squid grapples player, it consumes player in next turn if player fails contested ATHLETIC skill; force players to spend FATE points/resources to survive; if group sacrifices rations, they lose 1 skill per day until food is restored (either from Fishers, Weimen, or at Xi-437) 3 Storm! Weather threatens ship Must roll a GOOD or better on NAVIGATION lose 1 day to repairs 4 Beautiful day Suspiciously, nothing happens none none 5-6 Fishers Boat of local fishers Curious, they talk if not threatened; this encounter can/should be repeated if players do not roll high enough to get all information on first encounter GOOD or better social-based skill-rolls will get them to reveal legend of the Masked Killer, advice on river conditions (if they advise on river conditions, then future Storm encounters do no harm), or hint about squid's WEAKNESS; failed social rolls or hostility means they paddle away 7 Masked Killer was here A body hangs from a tree over riverbank; on it is a sign: "Exploited villagers, received Masked Killer justice!" none none 8-9 Masked Killer More eccentrically bizarre than aggressively buccaneer Masked Killer and 10-12 pirates will board ship with NAVIGATION +4 but will not seek combat; the Masked Killer demands tribute (guns and ammo are good; stories are better), but will let the party go if they are not aggressive If party is aggressive, the pirates will disarm boat RIVER COMBAT +5 10 Friendly Dolphins Kou Zhong and Xu Ziling frolic alongside ship GOOD NOTICE or skill-based rolls allow party to realize these are two identical dolphins; better results reveal they are baiji (believed extinct) if dolphins are treated well, they will guard party (add +3 to any future river-peril rolls) Mandatory encounter: On any day of GM's choice, the party encounters Weimen and his 10-12 actors on White Dragon Horse (which doubles as Masked Killer's raiding ship). They provide assistance or some info otherwise not learned. Actors insist on performing. If party refuses, the actors will broadcast the play as a looped radio-drama into the PCs onboard radio. The Play is an accurate history of Jade Dragon and the Masked Killer, though the script exaggerates the pirate's beauty. ༼The Love of Jade Dragon & Masked Killer༽ When bombs fell, some places were safe. One such place was the scientific-military research-bunker hidden underneath Xi-437. Director Guang protected his workers and research animals as best as he could. But most of all, he protected his daughter, who wore a genuine Hongshan Jade Dragon artifact and the name "Jade," both given to her by her mother as she died giving birth to Jade in the year of the Dragon, February 5, 2000. Growing up an only child among scientists locked inside the bunker as the world collapsed, Jade was beloved and spoiled by all the adults, until they died off one by one to disease. Realizing Jade would soon be on her own, Guang programmed the computers into a virtual persona of himself, downloaded into Jade's beloved fourth-generation Nintendo GameBoy. He perished, but lived on as an 8-bit parental unit, expressing his undying love for Jade and his insistence that Jade never leave the bunker's safety. She didn't. Not for many years. With stockpiles of food and water, and her father on her GameBoy, Jade tried to care for the remaining lab animals. The horses died quickly, the jerboas escaped through the vents, but the dolphins thrived with tunnel access to the river, and the raccoon dogs remained. Like everyone else who had died in the bunker, the dolphins and raccoon dogs adored Jade. In 2016, the Masked Killer and his crew were salvaging through a fishmonger's shop in the abandoned metropolis of Xi-437 when they discovered the bunker's secret above-ground entrance. Jade was only 16. So of course, she was curious to admit a dashing pirate, and of course she fell madly in love. The honorable (and stunning) Masked Killer did not take advantage of the youth. He continued traveling the Yangtze, protecting villagers, and sending love notes back and forth to Jade via waterproof sheets attached to Kou Zhong or Xu Ziling, Jade's twin baiji dolphins, which the center had kept for secret research because identical twins were the ideal placebo-and-test-case pairing. When Jade was 18, the honorable (and drop-dead gorgeous) Masked Pirate wooed her to leave the bunker and spend her life on his ship. She wanted to, but her virtual-father forbid her to leave. So, she became a researcher focusing on a cure for the disease that had killed everyone in the bunker and, as the Masked Killer confirmed, still ravaged the world. Jade discovered the disease was a SARS-Cov variant, which had crossed over from the raccoon dogs--more effective masked killers than her dreamy pirate would ever be. But she also discovered the cure, a compound based on the dogs' saliva, which had been generously, adoringly licked over her since childhood. By late 2023, Jade identified and manufactured a vaccine. She tested it on the Masked Killer and his brave pirates. Finally, she was prepared to sail away, despite her GameBoy's protests. But first, she fired up the bunker's radio to broadcast the formula for 10 days. This is Jade Dragon. Is anyone there? This is Jade Dragon ... Failure If the players fail to reach Jade Dragon's lair in 10 days, then they will be passed by Weimen and his ship going in the opposite direction. On board, but not seen, will be Jade. The ship will not stop. If the players search for the bunker, they will find it destroyed by a GameBoy detonation device. If PCs converse with friendly fishers on return voyage, they will hear a new tale: How Masked Killer and Jade Dragon finally reunited; how the river gods took Jade Dragon in childbirth and the Masked Killer, heartbroken, drowned himself; how a troupe of leaderless actors wanders the river with a brilliant newborn child among them, providing them just enough hope to continue in this disease-ravaged world. Jade Dragon's Lair The play will have instructed PCs where to find the bunker's entrance. Play Jade's Lair as a funhouse Home Alone. Jade's voice greets PCs, who must proceed down a linear progression of 5 rooms, each with an increasingly difficult non-lethal trap. LAIR TRAPS! Room # Trap PCs must succeed at this skill, at this degree, to avoid being trapped 1 Mirror Maze NOTICE at AVERAGE 2 Nickelodeon slime pours down STEALTH at FAIR 3 Floor opens into slide leading to oubliette ATHLETICS at GOOD 4 Rakes scattered across floor as diversion, real trap is sticky tar all around them NOTICE at GREAT 5 Lights Out! Howling monsters (raccoon dogs) herd PCs into cages WILL, ATHLETICS, or NOTICE at SUPERB Jade watches the progress from cameras and provides delighted commentary. Though she is a young adult, she has grown up alone and still enjoys childish pranks. But this game also allows Jade to determine if PCs mean harm. After observing/trapping, she will listen to PCs and eagerly release them if she is convinced they have come for the cure. Jade didn't get the vaccine formula and description entirely correct (and the GameBoy refused to help, knowing the result). But party members with relevant KNOWLEDGE in any related science can easily spot and correct the error with a FAIR or better roll. Knowing the formula is corrected, secure, and ready for the world, Jade will gather up her raccoon dogs and leave for her arranged rendezvous with Weimen/Masked Killer. As Jade leaves, her GameBoy activates 2 bunker bots who attack PCs and block Jade's exit. FINAL COUNTDOWN! Monster ASPECT WEAKNESS Action! Fallout Killer Bunker Bots That's My Girl: Attacks +3; fights to death ceases operation if GameBoy destroyed; Jade will not destroy GameBoy and will resist if party seeks to confiscate, however party might try PERSUASION based rolls to "talk" with GameBoy and then reprogram with KNOWLEDGE related rolls and GOOD or better success Party can fight or shoot robots; or sacrifice 2 members to divert robots and allow Jade and others to escape if robots defeated, GameBoy triggers bunker explosion; PCs must succeed on 3/5 contested ATHLETICS rolls (GREAT or above results count as 2 successes) to escape; Jade escapes as lair benefit Prologue If at least one party member and Jade escape, they find Weimen waiting for them. Weimen and his actors (pirates) subdue any robots emerging from bunker. The GameBoy, if taken, protests but can be won over eventually. Even an overbearing AI is not immune to the charms of a granddaughter. If nothing else, it can be thrown into the river; its high-pitched protestations perfectly scare off squids. The party has the vaccine, but must travel the world and administer it to remote communities vulnerable to cross-species disease. Along the way, there will be cultural treasures and necessities to secure. It seems, after all, that the world's post-apocalyptic fate lies in the hands of a few good accountants.

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成分 COMPONENTS (成分) INGREDIENT APPEARANCE Strange Disease SARS-Cov variants from raccoon dogs (strange because of cross-species transmission that did startle real-life world in 2003) Epic Tragedy death of billions; and, in microcosm, a father's fear of losing his daughter Accountant from the Apocalypse PCs account for world-heritage objects; also "accountants" in original definition meaning someone describing events, in this case the unfolding great tragedy Jade Dragon Jade, born in the year of the dragon, uses Jade Dragon for broadcasts Uninhabited Metropolis Xi-437, ghost-town epicenter of disease outbreak Masked killer Jade's beloved disease-spreading raccoon dogs; Weimen's pirate persona BONUS INGREDIENT APPEARANCE New Family Jade's new life with Weimen and their daughter Ship White Dragon Horse theater/pirate ship Brilliant Child Jade, but also her daughter Twin Dolphins Kou Zhong and Xu Ziling

[Auron3991]

 

Those who don't learn from history...
A PL 8 Mutants and Masterminds 3E Adventure for 4 to 6 party members.

Diluvial Ruins
The party is requested to investigate the flooded remains of San Francisco. Possible missions include

• Survivors have begun surfacing in nearby towns. All seem to be in almost supernaturally good health, but slowly begin to go crazy. Autopsies show decayed frontal lobes, but no evident cause. Party is requested to gather samples which might help lead to a diagnosis.
• A historical research team went in and hasn't made contact in over a week. Party is tasked with rescuing them. Ideally, a member of the team is someone in a PCs backstory or the party has worked with before.
• An unnaturally powerful storm rocked the area. Party is requested for emergency relief and protection against possible villains.

Gearing Up The party should receive the following items based on the starting mission: Diseased Survivors: Hazard Suits (power Immunity: Disease, Removable Flaw) Researcher Rescue: Motorboat (Large Vehicle, Strength 6, Swim 4) Emergency Response: Backup Crew (party has access to Connected and Contacts advantages)

GM Note: While the stated location is San Francisco, any large city on the ocean works. If your setting doesn't already have a suitably flooded location, the Emergency Response mission can be used to flood one.

Searching the City
The ruins of the once-great city lay before you. The water lapping at your shoe slowly grows deeper as you advance further in. In the distance, you see what remains of two red towers, the only reminder of the great bridge which once spanned the nearby bay.

Searching the city for an objective related to the party's original mission requires one half day of searching. Everyone rolls an Investigation check at DC 25, with two degrees of success from the entire group advancing their mission. Only one success or two failures of one degree instead finds an objective for another mission.

Diseased Survivors Success 1: A patch of water seems to be almost glowing. Some slightly over-sized rodents can be seen dead around it. Touching it without protective equipment exposes the PCs to a virus (Affliction 8 vs Fortitude, Impaired Will/Debilitated Will) Success 2: A survivor is found. Despite seeming in perfect health, they're muttering to themselves about a voice in their head. If questioned, they will state the voice belongs to a new fallen one. Success 3: A couple of survivors are found patrolling the ruins. A Persuasion check (DC 25) convinces them to tell their good health is a gift from their new god and guidance to their camp. A Stealth skill challenge (three degrees success before two degrees failure, DC 20) allow the party to follow them undetected.

Researcher Rescue Success 1: A journal belonging to one of the research team is found in a building. It starts with architectural details, but slowly transitions into concerns about being followed. Success 2:The remains of a camp are found. A Perception check (DC 25) reveals a large amount of footprints, not all wearing standard shoes. Success 3: The research team is found along with a moderately large group of survivors. They all seem to appear to be doing quite well, almost too good to be true. They will refuse to leave, stating they are documenting the start of a new age.

Emergency Response Success 1: A gaunt-looking person is found hiding in a damaged building. Upon rescue, they say they saw a man riding on a black horse patrolling the area. They will indicate that food seemed to decay in the rider's wake. Success 2: A group of survivors are on a small island. When rescued, they will mention they saw people hunting down and kidnapping other survivors. They attribute their survival to a ghostly green dragon whose flames drive the kidnappers off. Success 3: A person is encountered running through the streets. They claim to be chased by a masked killer, who's killed multiple other survivors. When it is pointed out they aren't being followed, he indicates he heard a sound he could only describe as unearthly hooves but didn't take the time to check.

Watcher
Almost out of the corner of your eye, you see a brilliantly green, but translucent, dragon. It stares directly at you for a moment before its serpentine form glides into a nearby building.

Once the party has spent a day investigating the city, a phantasmal jade dragon begins appearing around people who need help (Perception DC 20 to notice).

Sample Rescues A person is trapped in a crumbling building. Three collective Strength or a Move Object power checks (DC 12) within two rounds results in a success. Upon rescue, they will mention hearing strange voices, loud footsteps, and what sounded like a large horse running around, none of which answered their cries for help. Two people are trapped on the roof of a house. An Athletics or Acrobatics check (DC 28) or use of an applicable Movement power results in a success. Upon rescue, one of them will mention a glowing figure flying deeper into the city at night. A person is being chased by Haskin and two Celestial Mutants (see below). Upon rescue, the person will mention three locations he got a bad vibe from, one of which his pursuers chased him from. An Investigation check (DC 20) at any of these locations reveal glowing symbols on some of the walls. Other than giving off an obvious magical aura, the symbols closely resemble a cross between Sumerian and Akkadian. A successful Expertise(History or Magic) check (DC 30) will reveal them as the basis of a defensive spell, although it doesn't affect the party.

GM Note: The Jade Dragon can also be used to give the party progression hints if they're feeling stuck.

The Rider on a Black Horse
“I'm not just a collector, I'm the numbers guy. And one angel messed with my numbers bad enough I had to come back in time just to have them ready for the grand finale. You'd think the planet underwater would send a message. Apparently not. You do have some red though. Interested in wiping some of that out?”

After five of any combination of attempts for mission objectives or dragon rescues, the party will be approached by a huge rider on an even more massive, onyx-haired horse. While he will not directly identify himself, this is Famine, one of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He has traveled back in time to put an end to the angel Arariel and his attempts to create angel hybrids. However, large sections of city have wards that prevent the rider from entering. Famine offers striking their names from his records for the end times if the party takes down the warding.

Famine will not take kindly to being attacked and will give only one round of warning before retaliating. If this occurs and the party manages to escape, there is a 30% chance to encounter him at night, still hostile.

GM Note: Famine is a deadly encounter and incredibly difficult to run from. This needs to be communicated to the party if it looks like they will attempt to fight him.

Angelic Wards Ancient symbols in strange geometries are glowing on the wall before you. You can almost feel the power resonating from them. Finding a ward takes a half-days' time and an Investigation check (DC 25). Any wards located from previous events require half the time to travel to. There are eight wards scattered throughout the ruins, each covering a large swath of city. Destroying one requires one minute and a Ritualist check (DC 29) or a Nullify(Magic) check (DC 18). Each ward is guarded by either Haskin and two Celestial Mutants, six Celestial Mutants, or Arariel (see below).

Searching the City
After meeting Famine, the party can resume searching the city. However, now there's a 30% chance each investigation check of encountering a patrol of six hostile Celestial Mutants. If these encounters last more than four rounds, either Haskin or Arariel arrive to back them up. If no ward is up in the area, Famine will appear one round after Arariel arrives and chases him off. The Jade Dragon will also provide a specific rescue: saving two dolphins trapped within the city.

Cetacean Rescue
The ethereal dragon shows you to a large pool, cut off from other water sources. Inside are two dolphins. They seem to brighten up upon seeing you, an intelligence great even for such creatures reflecting in their eyes.

The party finds two dolphins (Deluxe Heroes Handbook 270) trapped in a solitary body of floodwater. They can communicate with anyone who can speak to marine life, otherwise award a hero point to a reasonable idea provided by the party. They will inform the party they are twins who ran from their pod, getting trapped when the flood dragged them here, then receded. They will tell the party a shining figure had been observing their pod for awhile, before one day it approached a member of their pod. The dolphins cut off here, unwilling to say anything more about it other than that being the reason for their flight, although they are clearly unsettled by it.

Rescuing the dolphins requires either transporting them to the ocean or creating a path for them to leave. There are five obstructions: two sections blocked by boulders, two connecting streams too shallow, and a downed electric line. Allow any reasonable application of powers. Each requires three total degrees of success against DC 17 from the party to clear. The process takes the whole day. Between each obstacle, there is a 50% chance to be attacked by a patrol attempting to kill the dolphins.

If successful, the dolphins will offer to help track the location of the Mutants' base.

The New Giant
“Silence!” a powerful voice echoes in your mind. “My followers aren't mad. They are just no longer bound by that defect you call 'conscience'. It's a wonder your species got anything done with it.”

After five days of searching the ruins, the party will come upon a makeshift village of Celestial Mutants. They are not hostile and will gladly show the party around, almost as if they're trying to impress the party. A ward can be seen openly a section of wall. A research team is present and documenting the Mutants. Despite their attempts to seem normal, several acts of barbarism, including people being beaten in the streets and children's bones being broken are happening in the streets. Any attempts to stop it are met with curiosity from the natives.

Eventually, the tour reaches a massive, glowing pool. It's water carries the same affliction as before. Inside the pool is Kahayim. It will gladly converse telepathically with the party. It has no issue divulging that it's father is Arariel and will brag about the glowing water, as it carries a virus which can inject spiritual essence into physical beings, improving their abilities. If confronted about the actions of the Mutants, it will be unmoved, even citing Haskin as a particularly successful example. After revealing its plan to infect the world, it will grow bored and attempt to have the villagers push the party into the water.

Kahayim begins in the 500ft diameter pool. Eight Celestial Mutants surround the party and attempt to force them into the pool. Five more arrive every three rounds as backup. Kahayim has no issue with catching his followers in his area blasts and will aim them to catch as much of the party as possible. After ten rounds, Haskin and Arariel return to the village to join the battle. If the battle looks to be going poorly, Kahayim uses his powers to rise into the air and fly away.

No matter the outcome, the village is abandoned after the party leaves.

Tracking the Mutants
Finding the new base requires Investigation checks (DC 29) with a combined total of eight degrees of success. Every member of the party can make two checks per day. If the dolphins were rescued, a free degree of success is added per day. Patrols now have a 50% chance of being encountered and will include Haskin alongside the Celestial Mutants.

Upon finding the village, a Stealth skill challenge can be attempted (four degrees success before two degrees failure, DC 22), with success resulting in finding a map of the coast with several population centers marked. If alerted, the villagers will be hostile and both Kahayim and Arariel will be present and fight for three rounds before leaving, heading towards the bay.

Into the Sunset
In the distance, you see a ship that has seen better days. Despite the clear dereliction, it's still floating. Above the ship, you see a glowing figure patrolling the skies and you can swear you see a matching glow moving about in the water.

After the second discovery, the villains will retreat to a cargo ship that is 1400ft long by 200ft wide out in the bay. Arariel is patrolling in the air. Kahayim is swimming in the water around the ship. Haskin is on the deck, with twelve Celestial Mutants scattered about in groups of three. A hundred more are below deck, but will only emerge five every two rounds once fighting begins. All villains will be prepared to kill at this point. The ship has three wards placed along the deck, but these are hastily crafted and only require two rounds to break. If the wards are destroyed, Famine will aid in the whole battle, although Arariel will not flee until near death, at which point it uses the last of its power to escape across dimensions

Discovering the ship without the map or the help of the dolphins requires a Perception check (DC 20 from shore) of the bay. If the party has rescued four or more people indicated by the Jade Dragon, it will assist by using its fire breath to incapacitate Mutants in a random 100ft line once every three rounds. It also seems immune to any attempts by the villains to damage it, although it never affects Haskin, Arariel, or Kahayim.

When the battle is concluded, Famine will demand the party slay Kahayim. If the party refuses, the rider will attempt to kill it until the Jade Dragon appears before him. He will hold a seemingly one-sided argument with the dragon, until eventually agreeing to respect the party's wishes. After the rider leaves, the dragon turns to the party and you feel a great sense of loss from it.

Either way, if the dolphins were rescued, they considered the party part of an honorary pod, and agree to help them in the future.

Enemies Celestial Mutants PL 8 Minion 8 in all abilities Dodge 8 (ability), Parry 8 (ability), Toughness 8 (ability), Fortitude 10 (2 Fortitude, 8 ability), Will 3 (-5 Will, 8 ability) Spear (Strength-based damage) Throw Object (Strength-based ranged damage) Haskin A masked figure charges you. Something about this one feels different from others you've fought. Its moves are more calculated, strikes come with more purpose. You can't tell due to the mask, but you could almost swear it's enjoying the pain it causes. PL 9 Villain Use Foreshadow statblock (Freedom City 172) removing Underground Lair. Will always attempt to kill unless ordered otherwise by Arariel or Kahayim Arariel A glowing figure appears before you, blade drawn. Its bronzed skin and emerald eyes a picture of determination. You can almost feel the fury rolling off of it, although it feels diminished somehow. PL 11 Villain Use Star Knight statblock (Freedom City 190) adding Dimensional Travel 2 Kahayim In the deep floodwaters before you is a dolphin of massive proportions. It's eyes clearly evaluating you as it rests at the surface. It's skin is luminescent, glowing with a light you would almost claim divine if not for it causing your skin to crawl. PL 10 Villain Use Whale Statblock (Deluxe Hero's Handbook 270) with the following added powers: Flight 8 Telepathy (Mental Communication 2) Mind Control (Area 3 Affliction 10 vs Will, Entranced/Stunned/Controlled, Burst Area) [Mental] Sonic Blast (Area 2 Damage 10, Cone Area) [Sonic] Celestial Ray (Damage 10/Weaken Toughness 10 vs Fortitude, +10 to hit, Fades flaw) [Radiant] Famine “Not very smart of you,” the black rider stated as it pulls a set of scales from its saddlebags. “I may not be as obviously dangerous as my brothers, but there's a reason I came alone.” PL 15 Villain 15 all Attributes 15 Dodge (ability), 15 Parry (ability), 15 Impervious Toughness (ability, impervious modifier), 15 Fortitude (ability) Black Horse (Speed 10, Flight 10, Space Travel 3, Dimension Travel 2, Permeate, Sure Footed) Regeneration 10 Oppression (Area 10 Affliction 15 vs Will, Dazed/Immobile/Paralyzed, Burst Area) Enforcement (Ranged Multiattack Damage 15, +15 to hit) Taxation (Area 10 Weaken Dodge 15 vs Forttitude) Contain (Continuous Create 15) Immunity (Life Support. Sensory Afflictions)

Ingredient List Strange Disease: Celestial Mutation Masked Killer: Haskin Epic Tragedy: Creation of an angel hybrid Accountant from the Apocalypse: Famine Jade Dragon: Mysterious Benefactor Uninhabited Metropolis: Ruins of San Francisco Bonus Ingredients: New Family: Honorary Pod Membership Ship!: Villain's end Base Brilliant Child: Angel-dolphin hybrid Twin Dolphins: Rescued helpers

[savoylen]

 

玉龙 The Jade Dragon 非常好! 我非常喜欢. There was so much for me to like with this... the setting, the ruleset... very nicely done! 4.4.4: 12:: This would be easy to run, even for a first time Fate Referee. The format and layout really helped me follow what you were laying down. There is only so much you can do with the limits of a single post so there is a lot of missing detail that might be hard with other systems but for the chosen mechanic, it works. Fantastic job. 5.5.5:15:: I think the open-ended nature of this fits with Fate - the Table will have to fill in a lot of the structure and details. You checked all my boxes on interest, ease on the read and creativity! 4.4.3.3.4.3.1.1.1.1: 25 Highlights for me where the strange disease, masked killer, Jade Dragon. 52 / 60

Those who don't learn from history Nice work. I just got back from a trip in the area and was thinking about how could a setting it is - and then this. Very fun! 2.3.2: 7:: I was left scratching my head a bit on this one so I had to read through it a few times to get a good feel for it. There were places that seem to contradict itself. I'm still not sure I could run this without doing quite a bit of the leg work. My Pro Tip would be to start off with a stronger overview of the adventure to setup of the vision for your reader. 3.4.3: 10:: Overall this would be a fun adventure for the players. The sandbox nature of the adventure helps and the twists are interesting enough to keep the imagination going. Good job. 2.2.2.3.2.3.1.1.1.1: 18:: Some of these felt a bit force and could have been swapped out of other ingredients and still worked. The highlights were the Accountant and Metropolis. 35 / 60

[RonarsCorruption]

 

 

Auron3991's Those Who Don't Learn From History
DM Perspective (3.5/15)
How easy will it be to run? (1/5)
- You provide a lot of unfinished bits the GM will have to handle on their own. Like, if the party started with Researcher Rescue, then when they get to The New Giant... you don't even address that this is probably who the party came on this adventure to rescue.
- There are a lot of villians in this adventure. While this is probably good, you have all sorts of bits about the villians showing up... and then you just assume that they will escape and show up again later. Maybe in Mutants and Masterminds there's a lot more of a built in assumption that a villian can "just escape", but in every other system I've played, this sort of thing never actually works.
- So like, how flooded is the city? You say the party might have a boat, but you also say that the water is only deep enough to lap at shoes. And there's a horse walking about. That feels like a very important thing to at least explain.
How well is it presented? (2.5/5)
+ system, power level, and party size are all clearly presented.
- You immediately present the reader three adventure hooks that are not for the same adventure. They're sort of related, and eventually the party stumbles onto the real plot of the adventure regardless of the opening, but three entirely different openings doesn't work that well for me. Especially because you don't tell the DM that regardless of the opening the adventure will point in the same direction.
+ Headers, sections, notes and styling are used well through the adventure.
- Readalouds in particular aren't handled consistenty. Almost all headers have them, but not quite all. Only one statblock is missing a readaloud, but a few aren't italicized.
How well is it written? (0/5)
= I know it's fairly common to include a "the setting is X but you can replace it with anything that does Y", but it's also unnecesary. Nearly every GM already knows that they can modify the adventure if they need to.
- I had trouble following the adventure. It felt like there was an overarching thread of logic that just slipped through my fingers on the first read through. Even on a second readthrough, there was a bit too little connective tissue for me to really get into it.
- There is no explanation at all given for the "main" villian of the adventure. Who are they? Why are they doing what they're doing? Why are they an "angel"?
--- I guess it's supposed to be there for emphasis of how bad the disease/villian is, but including violence towards children in your adventure is absolutely not okay.

Player Perspective (9/15)
Would this be fun? (2.5/5)
+ I think so. It feels a bit video gamey "giant unkillable thing tells you to break eight maguffins and then fight a boss", but quite to a degree that it's a problem.
- That said, I think the party having to deal with eight wards is easily five too many.
Is the story interesting? (4/5)
+ I think so. Saving people from a post apocolyptic city is a solid adventure hook.
+ From the player side, starting with three unrelated stories that the players might stumble into does make the world feel a lot more lived in.
+ A time traveller coming back in time to kill an angel is a pretty interesting twist to drop anywhere.
How creative is it? (2.5/5)
= I'm not going to penalize you for it, but you missed a golden opportunity to end your entry with another spoilerbutton with the text "History Repeats"
= This is right on the line between creative and gonzo. As I said above, just a little bit more connective tissue would probably have made this work.

Ingredient Perspective (8.5/30)
A Strange Disease! (1/5)
--- There's something in the adventure that you say is a disease, but it doesn't particularly seem disease-like at any point. It's more like a poison, or even a curse. It is a little strange, I'll give you that.
A Masked Killer! (1.5/5)
+ Haskin is masked, and is a killer.
-- Haskin serves no distinct purpose in the adventure. He's one grade above henchman.
- I see no reason for him to wear a mask. Even the reason for him to be a killer is a bit of a stretch.
Epic Tragedy! (0/5)
----- How is the creation of angel hybrids a tragedy? Like, sure, Famine wants to stop it. And yes, the angel here is a bad guy. But there's nothing particularly tragic about it. It's a weird disease that's spreading. So, perhaps it's a potential tragedy? If Famine had been a little more chatty and mentioned it at all it might have all made sense, but as written I feel this ingredient was totally missed.
The Accountant from the Apocalypse! (2.5/5)
+ Famine is an accountant, back in time from the apocalypse.
- Why was this Famine, specifically? I don't get it. Death would be a more classic record-keeper. And Plague would fit the the adventure's strange disease better.
A Jade Dragon! (0.5/5)
---- While there is a jade dragon in the adventure, it doesn't feel like it fits at all. It shows up to give the players hints, and perhaps argue with Famine. Why? What is it? Why is it a jade dragon, of all things? Why doesn't it talk? Why does it care about the dolphins? Maybe there's symbolism you're trying to pull from? But if so, it doesn't come across.
An Uninhabited Metropolis! (3/5)
+ It's the setting of the adventure.
= It's not particularly uninhabited. And it's not particularly important that it's a metropolis. But they're both a little bit used.

New Family! (+0)
= Calling the pod a "new family" is a bit of a stretch, but also not all parties will even get this reward at the end.
A Ship! (+0.5)
+ The villians base is in a ship, which makes sense given the flooded nature of the city. Being a ship doesn't mean much, but it's used okay.
A Brilliant Child! (-1)
- You tried to hard to force this one, and it doesn't work. At no point would I consider Kahayim particularly brilliant, and until the ingredient list it isn't even implied that it's a child.
Twin Dolphins! (+0.5)
+ They're present, they help the party, and they tie in slightly the idea that one of the villians is a giant telepathic dolphin. Kinda.

 

(21/60)
I didn't feel your adventure came together very well. There's a story here, but too much of it is hidden from the GM, not to mention the players. A lot of the pieces don't fit together very cleanly, from the bait-and-switch of the core of the adventure, to the time traveller who is brooding and mysterious. Similarly, I don't feel the ingredients played a particularly major role in the adventure, to a point where I actually felt you missed one entirely until I read your summary at the end.
Plus, you crossed over one of my personal lines pretty hard when you included children actively being hurt - you should have known a subject of that sort that was a big risk to include, so including it so casually at the end of a description rather than at least using it for some sort of major moment was an extremely poor decision on your part.

 

bananabadger's The Jade Dragon
DM Perspective (8.5/15)
How easy will it be to run? (3/5)
+ level, system, and party size are presented, along with a brief hook for the adventure.
+ There's all kinds of information the GM can use to build the adventure, and you present a fairly realistic, lived-in-feeling world.
-- The Up The River section really falls down on being ready for the GM to use. There's one mandatory encounter, but you don't specify when it happens, or oddly, even how many actors there are. I would have preferred one or two more fixed encounters.
+ The Dragon's Lair provides just barely enough character and encounter details to work with, and I think it would be interesting.
How well is it presented? (3.5/5)
+ Neat idea to use mandarin writing for the headers for a campaign set in china.
+ Headers, sections, tables, and emphasis are well used throughout. Bold and color together are a little heavy handed - especially since you don't know what site skins we're using.
+ I appreciate that you include themes, reference mechanics, and inspirational reading.
- There is a LOT of setup. The setup is all very important and I appreciate it being there. But... I think it would have been easier to use if the rules and characters for each sections were in that section, instead of all at once at the start. It's a little bit subjective, but I think it's just a bit much all in one place.
How well is it written? (2/5)
+ I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors.
+ Overall, it's written quite well. I enjoyed reading your writing.
+ The world you set up is quite interesting, and I think it would make a fantastic setting.
--- I hate the "The Love of Jade Dragon & Masked Killer" encounter. Don't get me wrong, it's a well written short story, it's engaging... And it's full of extremely specific information that precisely applies to the party's situation, casually delivers a whole bunch of information that was implied to have just been discovered, it's a page of dialogue the DM must read to the party even if they say they don't want it, and possibly worst of all; after the party is stopped by these NPCs who say "we know the cure for the disease and know the location of the person you're looking", there's no follow up. I know if I was a player, I would absolutely not let these "pirates" out of my sight until they explained more, and perhaps even told them what I needed and why.
- There's a lot of small plot holes in this adventure. It's implied this disease started in this sealed research center, so how did it spread across the post-apocolyptic world enough that it's a global problem? Why does the father not want the vaccine released to the world? What sort of batteries is Jade using in her game boy that they've lasted for 23 years without running out, and where can I get some?

Player Perspective (10.5/15)
Would this be fun? (2.5/5)
- I do not think the river boat section would be fun, although it does have potential the GM might be able to use.
+ I do think the dragon's lair would be fun.
Is the story interesting? (5/5)
+++ This hook is amazing. The race against the clock to save the last remnants of the world is already engaging. By putting the players in the role of an almost-unsuited group who are the only ones who can make a journey, you put a very heavy emphasis on being the most important people on the planet... and that's awesome.
++ While often a love story is forced into the story, I really like how it's the backbone of the story here. It creates the time limit, as well as several of the other complications.
How creative is it? (3/5)
+ For as much as I like the setting, it's nothing too creative. It's just well-executed.

Ingredient Perspective (19/30)
A Strange Disease! (3/5)
+ There's a disease. You say it's strange, but we'll just have to take your word on that.
+ The disease is central to the adventure.
- I think it would have made more narrative sense if the 'strange disease' and the disease that wiped out 95% of humanity were the same thing, or even suspected to be the same thing. But as-written, it's not.
A Masked Killer! (4/5)
+ It's the name of one of the characters!
++ Love the wordplay with the raccoon-dogs being the origin of the disease, and thus also masked killers.
Epic Tragedy! (4.5/5)
+++ That's quite the epic tragedy you recount as a history of the world, a scarily realistic idea for what might have happened. It's the whole setting
+ I feel perhaps you were going for several other layers of tragedy here. The Dragon's family dying, the strained romance maybe. These other items wouldn't work on their own, but they suppliment the main tragedy well enough.
The Accountant from the Apocalypse! (2/5)
+ This is the party. Clever use, bringing a very strange ingredient to the forefront of the adventure.
- It's kind of just a title, and it could be anything.
- The end of the adventure ignores the setup that the PCs are unsuitable for this kind of work, which undermines it already.
A Jade Dragon! (2.5/5)
+ The name of a critical character, and object the party wants to find.
- it's just a title, and while the symbolism is fine it could literally be anything.
An Uninhabited Metropolis! (1/5)
--- You set up this post-apocolyptic world where large cities are abandoned, and then you ended up making up a "research-center metropolis". This might even be a real thing, I don't know, but it sounds made up to a degree that it doesn't fit.

New Family! (-1)
= Too much of a stretch for me - falling in love and running off with a pirate crew is not the same thing as a new family. If you didn't call it out specifically, I would have just given a zero for this, as something that didn't appear.
A Ship! (+1)
+ The party is on a ship, and that defines a big part of the adventure.
A Brilliant Child! (+1)
+ The jade dragon is a brilliant child, and critical to the adventure. Better yet, the fact that she's a child plays several pieces in the adventure.
Twin Dolphins! (+0)
= They're there, but they were described like they were people except in one case where they're clearly dolphins. I don't really like them.

 

(38/60)
You created a scary and interesting world, with lots of engaging and realistic characters. Boy I hope the GM knows what to do with that, because helping them with an actual adventure is where you fell down. It's a common problem I see in Iron GM - when adventures have a great setup, they often struggle to deliver the payoff. And this isn't to say that you didn't deliver a good adventure, it's just that it feels very much like the actual adventure of your entry is only 5% of the material, once you've excluded setting, random encounters, and readaloud. And that's just not substantive enough to be able to be really good.

 

bananabadger!
For me, it's no contest. Bananabadger delivered a real-feeling world full of interesting characters and a real sense of urgency, even if there are some plot holes. Auron3991 delivered a time traveller who interrupts the party and won't explain himself, but tells the party they need to go kill an angel.

[Unko Talok]

I've done my best, and I stand by my overall judgments. But I feel the need to say that I'm sick, taking care of a sicker spouse, and have pressure on at work. So I wasn't able to give as much attention to careful feedback as I feel I normally am.

 

Explanation of Judging Method: In the past, people have wanted a bit of a guide for exactly why points are added or deducted. So I'm including my method here.

1. A given score starts at 2.5 out of 5 as a baseline expectation. If it's present and adequate, that's what it'll get.
2. I read through the whole adventure once or twice, taking notes as I go.
3. For each section of the score I go through The Rubric and see if any of the questions prompts me to say "Yes, this aspect was excellent on that measure!" or "No, that was pretty bad...", and add or take away points as appropriate. The amount of points added or removed is still somewhat subjective! But each "+" gives 0.5 additional points to that section, and each "-" takes away the same amount. Scores will always fall between 0 and 5.
4. If there's something I want to comment on but isn't clearly changing points, that will have an "=".
5. In addition to the exact rubric points, if I took a note on the adventure that seems relevant for that scoring section, I will include it there (as a positive, negative, or equal contribution to the score).

 

bananabadger, 玉龙 (The Jade Dragon) Summary Comments An interesting post-apocalyptic race for the cure. It's got some fun Robin Hood vibes going on, as well as a tale of love and tragedy. All in all, I absolutely love it, except that the disease is too darned real and close to home! XD Loved some of the pun work going on. And I'd be remiss if I didn't say something about the "Juciest PC". bane: . Excellent final-round entry! DM Perspective (11/15) How easy will it be to run? (3.5/5) + Relatively easy, I think. Relevant stats are provided. As written, I think it requires some knowledge of how FATE works, but I think that's totally fine. + I think this is also pretty flexible on the number of players, which is nice. How well is it presented? (4.5/5) +++ Excellent formatting. Mechanics are well marked-out, easy to find. Great organization. +A great, simple overview right at the beginning. How well is it written? (3/5) ++ On the whole, very easy to read. Enjoyable, even! -At this stage of the game, I'm being extremely picky. You put "Prologue" where you seem to have meant "Epilogue"! Player Perspective (10.5/15) Would this be fun? (3/5) + While level-appropriateness is a bit loose in Fate, this still does seem to be about right. Is the story interesting? (3.5/5) + It certainly feels like an interesting story or conflict to me. +The intersecting plot lines were fun, for the most part. +Each of the major NPCs seemed well fleshed-out to me. -The biggest plot hole I found was in the setup. the party is sent to check out some Uranium stockpiles... but then they realize that they can make a 14+ day detour, and they're gonna do it? Aren't they worried that they'll lose their jobs? Or are the other UN folks okay with this? If so, why isn't this their primary mission?... How creative is it? (4/5) + Pretty dang creative! + While the post-apocalyptic search for the cure has been done before, I thought that this was a unique twist on it. + I would not have guessed "Dad AI is alive inside the gameboy", I must admit. Audience Perspective (23/30) Strange Disease (4/5) + Eh... I almost didn't say that it was strange enough. I suppose the origin is a little strange. + Major driver of the story and plot. + While it could have been a different disease, it would have needed to be equally important and difficult to solve. Masked Killer (4.5/5) + Makes sense. +I personally like the double-usage. + Certainly integral to the story, in both its forms. + The disease vector could have been different, but the masked killer and his role as a robin hood was pretty solid. Epic Tragedy (3.5/5) + I suppose that this is epic in the classical sense. And it's a tragedy in the modern sense. The daughter situation is epic in the modern sense and a tragedy in the classical sense. + Absolutely integral to the story, in both cases. Though there's a fair amount of overlap with the Strange Disease. Accountant from the Apocalypse (2/5) = This does explain a bit, now that I see this ingredient title. I don't think it really overrules the points lost on the plot hole, but I understand the thought process. = Makes sense, as written, though the players are Accountants of the apocalypse, not from the apocalypse... - There wouldn't be a game without the players, but they could as easily have been field agents, instead. Jade Dragon (2/5)[indent]- This was a bit of a stretch, in my eyes. I like what you tried, but it doesn't make great sense to me for ingredient usage. = Jade is integral to the story and plotline. She could have been called anything else, though... Uninhabited Metropolis (3/5) - I mean, it is inhabited, though... I understand that it's *practically* uninhabited, but... +That said, it is important to the story and plot. + Could not be easily replaced. A New Family (1/1) I liked this, and it was a major motivation for an NPC. A Ship (1/1) Definitely works well. A Brilliant Child (1/1) Loved this usage. Twin Dolphins (1/1) This was alright. Felt a bit weak to me at first, but there were meaningful tie-ins. TOTAL: 44.5/60

 

Auron3991, History Repeats Summary Comments A wild and appropriately comic-book-esque adventure into a destroyed city to stop a strange cult. There was a lot to like about this, but the presentation left me confused about some motivations and made some information difficult to find or process. I really liked Famine as an Accountant from the Apocalypse. And him saying that he's a "numbers guy" felt appropriately 80s-villain-esque to me, lol. There were some absolutely wild villains, which I love. A fun grand finale entry! DM Perspective (7/15) How easy will it be to run? (3.5/5) + I was able to find most of the mechanics that I was interested in. +Seems pretty flexible on the number of characters, as MnM3 goes. How well is it presented? (1.5/5) = There were a lot of mechanics, and it wasn't always easy to find them. Felt like they were a bit buried in text with no formatting to make them pop. -- Much more importantly, It took me a couple read-throughs to really understand what was going on, who all of the NPC were, and what their motivations are. For instance, Haskin shows up in "Watcher" and is mentioned several times before there's any explanation about him in "The New Giant." And in "The New Giant", we find Kahayim, but their nature is extremely unclear unless I've already gone down to the bottom to learn that they're some kind of giant dolphin half-angel. It makes all the scenes very confusing. This whole adventure could really have benefited from an overview early on that explained to the GM what was going on. How well is it written? (2/5) - A fair number of tense, grammar, and phrasing issues, e.g. "the black rider stated as it pulls a set of scales from its saddlebags", "It's water carries", and "They all seem to appear to be". Player Perspective (7.5/15) Would this be fun? (2/5) + There is generally a good power level spread here, with the major exception of Famine being an impossible fight for a party of this level. -That said, even with the GM urging, I worry that, if a moderately-good party comes across a literal horseman of the apocalypse, they'll likely try to attack him. At the point that they find him, they might well expect that he's the cause. And even if he's not, he's a pretty classical incarnation of evil (in many worldviews, and most fantasy representations). I worry that most parties would do something really dumb here, and the game would just be over. - If the party *does* help Famine, it seems like most of the other bosses would not be even a little bit of a challenge, and the party can just lay back for the finale while Famine demolishes everyone? Is the story interesting? (2.5/5) = It is interesting, but I struggle with some of the logic and motivation. In particular, Arariel's motivations seem very unexplained to me. + There do seem to be some interesting subplots going on, with Famine and the Jade Dragon. + The setting is pretty flexible, both in time and space. - Because of the lack of clear motivation for Arariel, the plot is very confusing. Apparently it's Kahayim that is happy to remove conscience. I know that Arariel wants to make half-human, half-angel hybrids, but why?... What made them snap to decide to do that?... The players learn *that* Arariel is doing this through Famine, but not the way. The GM doesn't even learn the why. - I'm not sure that this is a plot hole exactly, but I'm very concerned about Famine saying that he would remove the PCs from his ledger if they remove the wards. Like, maybe what was meant was "I won't kill you *right now* if you decide to help." But it read to me as "You will be alive during the apocalypse, and I will make sure that the famine doesn't hit you if you help me now." How creative is it? (3/5) + It's certainly not very predictable! Audience Perspective (22.5/30) Strange Disease (3.5/5) + Makes sense. + Pretty integral to the plot. Masked Killer (2.5/5) + Makes sense. - Incidental to the plot, I feel. Haskin is called out as specifically willing to kill compared to other cultists, but it seems like the whole point of the disease is that it removes conscience. Haskin just feels to me like another of the hoard of infected. Epic Tragedy (3/5) + I think this makes sense in a classical sense as a tragedy. Creating an angel hybrid, and it does something terrible. I'm not entirely counts as "epic", but I'll take it. + Seems like a major focus of the story. - But it also seems like this is just tacked on in some ways. This angel hybrid could as easily have been a mad scientist making a conscience-destroying virus. Without understanding arariel's motivation, this seems like a replaceable element. Accountant from the Apocalypse (4.5/5) ++ Yes! Numbers guy, has his scales, and is literally from the apocalypse. +... I'm not so sure that he's integral to the plot, but at the very least he serves as a major source of exposition. + Given the flavor of the setting, I think it would be hard to replace this character. Jade Dragon (2/5)[indent]+ It makes sense, given that it's literally a jade dragon. -- This seems utterly arbitrary to me, and doesn't seem relevant to the plot. Apparently it's also a time-traveler, like Famine. But why Famine feels the need to converse with the Jade dragon is unclear (it doesn't follow most of the motifs of The Beast from Revelations). If it's helping the party to help people and can affect enemies with its breath, what is stopping it from helping people? Why can't it destroy the wards for Famine? What is even going on with this thing? Uninhabited Metropolis (3/5) - I mean, it is inhabited, though... I understand that it's *practically* uninhabited, but... +Seems very relevant for the plot. + I can maybe imagine the setting being slightly different, but it would change the tone and meaning of the game immensely. So points there! A New Family (0.5/1) Kinda works, but it definitely feels tacked-on at the end. A Ship (0/1) It exists, but feels like it really could have been anywhere in the city to me. A Brilliant Child(1/1) Works in some ways. I don't love the metaphorical use of the father/child relationship in this case, but it's fine. Twin Dolphins(1/1) This is the best of the bonus ingredients. Nice usage. TOTAL: 37/60

[Admin Bhelogan]

 

Scores

Category	Auron3991	bananabadger
DM Perspective / The Technical*(15 points)	11	12
a. How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure?*(5 points)	4	4
b. How well is the scenario/adventure presented?*(5 points)	3	4
c. How well is the scenario/adventure written?*(5 points)	4	4
Player Perspective / The Story*(15 points)	12	13
a. What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?*(5 points)	4	5
b. Is the story interesting to read?*(5 points)	4	3
c. How creative is the scenario/adventure?*(5 points)	4	5
Audience Perspective / The Ingredients*(15+ points)	28	32
a. How well was the ingredient used?*(5 points each)	24	28
Bonus Ingredients	4	4
Total Points	51	57

Auron3991

First off, congratulations on making it to the finale! That is quite an accomplishment, considering that you jumped in as an alternate earlier in the event. Just goes to show, anyone can have a down round every once in a while. You had a lot of good individual elements in your ‘adventure’ here, but I think the best way to summarize the issue I have with this entry, is that it feels more like a setting guide than an adventure. You know, when you read about a location, and things that might happen in it, that is supplemental information in a larger adventure. That comes from having multiple starting points, missing a clear objective from the get-go, and leaving a lot of space in-between events where the GM has to fill things in, while a lot of the information given is info the GM will have but may or may not actually come into play. For what it is, it’s great. It just is a little adjacent, in my opinion, to what the objective of the round was. I think, because of that, the ingredient use ended up filling a bit forced. Many pieces could be substituted with something else to fill up that space, and the setting would still be just as effective. So, overall, I like what we got, but I feel it wasn’t quite what we asked for.

bananabadger

I appreciate the formatting being toned down a bit from the last round. What was presented here was right on the nose for being colorful/splashy enough to get your attention, keep things organized visually, and not be too distracting. The meat of this entry is kind of interesting, in that we get a ton of setup information, and a lot of details on how to run random encounters, and travel time. The actual story itself though, once we get outside of the setting, is a little thin. It is clear cut, and runnable, but the main plot/action is short. This adventure ends up being much more about the journey. While that isn’t a bad thing to have a lot of supporting information, it just is a little out of balance as a whole. Still, it’s a fun setting/adventure presented, and I think the ingredient use was done fairly well. Nice job!

[Unko Talok]

When all was done, the contestants, judges, and crowd all wait quietly in the void for some time. The Chairman should be appearing, right? How much did he strain himself, exactly, when creating those ingredients from nothing?

The teacher steps forward from her judgment position, and clears her throat. "Well, I seem to have found the results in my bag here. Not sure how they got there... should I be concerned about that? Hm. Anyway..." She fumbles a bit, pulling the envelope out and opening it. She reads it over, muttering. At one point she even pulls out a red pen and circles something, making notes.

"Truly remarkable entries, both of you. And all made from void stuff, to boot. The judges have looked everything over. And while there were some close scores from some judges, the winner is clear. Ahem..."

 

BANANABADGER!

 

Judge	bananabadger	Auron3991
savoylen	52	35
Admin RonarsCorruption	38	21
Unko Talok	44.5	37
Bhelogan	57	51
Early Submission	2	0
TOTAL	47.875	36