[Game Thread] The Witch Is Dead

[Fillyjonk]

It Begins The witch is dead. Dead neatly, tidily, on her back with her hands folded over her heart. The witch would hate this. Her body is the only straight line here in your house made out of the vines she encouraged to more or less be rooms around her. Only her long black snarled hair looks right, a ragged spill of matts and curls all full of thistle twigs and nice leaves. You are under a drift of her laundry, most of it unwashed. You love to roll in the clothes she sheds to get her living smell on you, and now these clothes have the only living smell of her left in the room. The witch herself smells like copper and under that, nothing. She is gone. Her magic blood is coming out, though you cannot see the wounds the Witch Killer left. It trickles and pools on the uneven floor. You are the first of her familiars to emerge from hiding. She made you hide, all of you, when the Witch Killer came up her twisty path. She ordered it, and you did it. You are loyal and good, the most loyal, the most good. None of the others love her as much as you did, as you do, and she secretly loved you most right back. You know this. Now you want to howl like wolves do, like sad dogs do, but you are a fox, and so you yammer and pace around her instead, and drag her arm off to the side so she makes a shape that is more curved and like her real shapes. The others begin to come out, too. The magpie flaps down sobbing and wailing OH NO OH DEAR! in the witch’s own beloved voice, and the cat winds out from behind a pile of dishes and books. The cat is considering eating her face, you can tell. She gave the cat a name, Philistine, and this is why. Don’t eat her face, the cat says, like anyone but the cat is even thinking it. But then, for perhaps the first time in its life, Philistine says a thing that is interesting. Who is going to get the witch hunter’s eyes? This is a good question. It has merit even before the cat adds, If we can get those eyes, both of them, and bring them to her here in less than seven days, she won’t stay dead. She told me that, once. The cat lifts a back leg and licks and chews at its foot, radiating creamy smugness and pretending to be nonchalant about knowing a thing you, Smacky, didn’t know. It’s you who will go, everyone knows this, even though it means going to the village. The terrible village. The Witch Hunter went that way, after. In the village the hair of everyone is tidy and braided and the only laundry to be seen is hanging sorted by size and color and it flaps in unison in the orderly breezes. Even the dogs walk in straight lines on the proper side of the shining sidewalks. There is no room for Wild there, and you are wild and she was wild. Sometimes villagers come here to get a little wild in a bottle or a velvet pouch or fed to them, slipped right under their tongues by one of the witch’s perfect dirty fingers. These pilgrims are always alone, they always come in the dead of night, they are always furtive. The cat likes to rub against their legs being an oily and unctuous kind of affectionate, and you would never, even if the cat says it only does it to leave suspicious hairs on their creased, clean pants. You go and sit in her blood which is red like you and warm like you (for now.) because obviously you are going. And who else? the cat asks, trying to run it, even though the other eight are looking to you. You can pick, right now. But you have to be fast before one of these chumps with a dumb spell volunteers. You each only know one…

OOC   Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: ??? Danger: 0 Familiar 2 Stat Block Name: Species: CLEVER: FIERCE: SLY: QUICK: Spell: Danger: 0 Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [ ] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell? [ ] Your witch taught you (second familiar) a spell [ ] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [ ] The Witch Hunter is [ ] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[bothers]

Smacky & Madplume set out on a revenge Smacky the fox and Madplume the owl plan their assault on the village The person who hates the Witch being dead the most is Smacky the fox. Canids, you know? Loyal, packy. And now, the Packy of Smacky is down by one, and the Hateful Witch Killer is up and alive with two perfectly good eyes in its head after Perpetrating A Horror. Oh, it was a real horror too, all noise and shouting and bangbangbang of desperate magic and then silence, silence, and coppery blood. The Witch Killer took her things too, once it was done killing her. Fingers probing into cracks, lifting up floorboards, creeping and prying. A few minutes was all it took, to take a life, to take a stone amulet with a hole in that Frogswallop the toad found in the river, to take the pile of shiny coins collected by Gallimaufry the magpie. Take take take. But the cat, Philistine (aka "Phillippa Litterbox"), has its own ideas about taking. How about, says Phil, you go out and take the Witch Hunter's eyes? And then bring the eyes back and do a magic with them. Phil says. Smacky has seen Phil eating eyes before, and can't be sure this isn't just a ruse to make sure Phil gets fed even without a Witch about to serve the meals. Buuuut its the best lead they have, so. To the village. The village is big and noisy and humany and although none of the familiars ever go there, absolutely not! not one familiar would ever go to the village, of course they would not, Smacky has enjoyed the contents of the village's many middens, which doesn't count. Point! Is! Smacky knows the way. This is why all the other familiars are looking to him for guidance. Frogswallop the toad hardly knows the best routes in and out, Gallimaufry isn't going to dig holes under buildings to get inside (or even do anything at all that isn't just liberating shiny pieces and making that awful noise). But someone else needs to help, one little fox can only carry so many eyes at once. Madplume does that freaky thing where she swivels her head 360˚ and just stares at you in silence like a creep. This is Madplume's way of saying "I would like to be involved, please". This is good, because Smacky the Fox and Madplume the Owl are the smartest familiars. No shade! The other familiars have many other qualities to make up for their tiny brains. You-hoo shoo-hould tidy the place up while we look-oo-hook, explains Madplume to the other familiars. She'll want to come back to a nice clean cottage that doesn't have all blood on the walls and floors and smashed up bottles and torn up poppets lying all about the place untidily. She'll want to be able to rest, peaceful. Yes, barks Smacky, in yelpy monosyllable. Clean it up! She likes that! We'll get her back! Come on, Mad Plume. We should go at night. And so they plot and they plan and when twilight twinkles over the forest, they pursue

OOC   Actions Smacky and Madplume are nocturnal, so they're STORMING THE VILLAGE (sort of) under the COVER OF DARKNESS (almost): Dice Smacky (Sly): 1d10+1 (8)+1 Total = 9 Dice Madplume (Sly): 1d10+1 (5)+1 Total = 6 Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: ??? Danger: 0 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: Danger: 0 Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell? [ ] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [ ] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [ ] The Witch Hunter is [ ] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[AnotherDragoon]

An entirely Un-Familiar place Look, it's been a magical existence in the little A-frame house nestled into a shady holler of an ancient forest. Life has been good, idyllic even. That is until a Loathsome Witch Killer had to come kicking in the door to snuff out the bright flame that was Your Witch! It was very traumatic with the shouting, breaking, spells in the air, blood, and the eventual looting. It also happened so very fast. One moment she was singing to you all as she measured, poured, and corked green potions that smelled of spicy herbs and sweet honey. Then she was bleeding out into the floorboards amongst the shattered bottles and jars. Poor Jerome, the curious rat, disappeared into the wall and still hasn't come out. Marcel the hare has been frozen in place staring into nothing with wild eyes. But sly Philippa, the black cat, knew a secret thing; as cats often do. She says if you bring back the Witch Killer's eyes you all can bring her back. Outlandish? Maybe, but you've personally witnessed many improbable happenings during your time living with the Witch. You are no strangers to magic. Besides, what else will you do? It's not like any of you could go back to sleeping in leaves and foraging for food with nobody but the chipmunks and robins for company. Not conversationalists that lot. So you all make a plan. You, Smacky the fox and Madplume the owl, will infiltrate the Village at the edge of the forest which is the direction the Witch Killer casually fled after the killing. There you will murder the Killer and bring back the eyes. If you do this in a week or less, there will be a ritual and your Witch will live again! Probably. When the soft cloak of Mother Night begins to spread itself across the forest you both set out over game trails and through legions of trees. You know the way Smacky. Of course, you've never been into the village, the Witch forbade it, but you've been on the eaves and in the margins, no? The villagers throw out all sorts of things good for rolling around on or carrying off to eat; eggs and occasional plump hens. But the Village is hard and full of tall buildings in neat rows, an affront to nature. The people there have cut down most of the trees and planted shrubs symmetrically. Symmetry! In! Nature! Absolutely ghastly, isn't it? No wonder a Killer of Witches would seek, and ultimately find, refuge in such a place. Even their paths have been laid precisely with uniform stones. Uniform! Stones! Why? How would one find so many, and why would they even want to? It is fully dark now, the friendly face of the moon smiles down approvingly of you and your murderous intentions as the Village sleeps with a few small pools of soft light from candles or lanterns dappling the landscape. Now that you are here, where will you go? Perhaps the question is, where would a Witch Killer go?

OOC   Actions Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: ??? Danger: 0 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: Danger: 0 Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell? [ ] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [ ] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [ ] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[squirmonkey]

Nose to the ground, eye on the sky "The hardest part of any hunt" Smacky wisely explains to Madplume "is the figuring out how to begin phase." The two look out through the trees at the uncomfortably uniform layout of the village. There they hope to find the Witch Killer, whose murdered eyes they must retrieve to revive their beloved Witch. The first step in that process, naturally, will be the transforming of the eyes from alive eyes into murdered eyes. Brash and confident, Smacky takes the lead. "My nose" he declares with a toothy and vulpine smile "shall be our greatest weapon in hunting down our prey." He's not certain the owl can understand him, bird language is a bit different from that of mammals, but the confidence in his yipping and yapping will surely get through to her. "I will go in among their homes and sniff out this Witch Killer. Already its wretched scent assaults my delicate nostrils. It will be easy to find, I think." Madplume, for her part, listens in silence. Rapt perhaps, or not understanding, maybe simply not caring. Smacky continues to elucidate his master plan "Once we find the fiend, the plucking out of the eyes shall be your role for, sharp though my teeth are, I haven't the height to attack the top of a human." Madplume blinks twice, which Smacky accepts as complete agreement with his plan. "Off I go!" the fox squeaks "I'd say to wish me luck, but we both know I won't need it!" With that, he trots off towards the town, creeping through the moonlit darkness, neatly planted shrubs, and uniformly laid out streets with his nose low to the ground sniffing and searching. Madplume shakes her head in wide slow shakes. "Foolish mammal..." she thinks to herself "How grounded, how limited your perspective." There is no use, she knows, in trying to explain the skies to a fox. The language barrier aside, a land creature can never truly understand the vast freedom and limitless sightlines of the great above. So Smacky, she concludes, will have to do things his way, while she does things her way. And when the poor fox is ambushed by those he cannot see through his narrow lens, Madplume will be there above, waiting to swoop down and save the day. She spreads her wings, feeling the gentle breeze through her feathers, and then with a few flaps she is airbone, gliding gently above the village. Her sharp eyes scan the darkened streets of the village as she watches the humans from above. Up here, she can get a full picture of the village. She can see beyond the individual and take in the whole. Who are they as a collective, she wonders? What unified hand guides them to be a village rather than quarreling individuals? From this great height, she can see all that and more.

OOC   Actions Smacky is going to creep through the village and try to follow the witch killer's scent. The rules don't say what category tracking is, but sneaking is Sly, so I'm going to roll it as that. Feel free to substitute one of Smacky's other bonuses if you disagree. Dice Smacky Stalks +Sly: 1d10+1 (4)+1 Total = 5 Madplume is trying to figure out what the humans in this village are doing, what their behaviors are like as a whole. That's understanding human stuff, so I'll roll clever for it. Dice Madplume Muses +Clever: 1d10+3 (4)+3 Total = 7 Also, having had none given to me to work with, but wanting some to write with, I've taken the liberty of selecting pronouns for Smacky and Madplume, and recorded them in their character sheets. Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: ??? Danger: 0 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: Danger: 0 Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell? [ ] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [ ] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [ ] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[Yoshimi]

Danger and Romance Smacky, your whole life you have defied stereotypes. For one thing, you can talk. Only witches and other foxes can understand you, of course. That’s unfortunate because your companion is an owl and she has no idea what you have just asked her to do, as you ready to enter The Village to look for the witch’s killer. For another thing, you are not particularly sly. That’s going to be a problem very shortly. You prowl through the streets of The Village, your nose to the ground, trying to pick up the strange scent you first noticed back at your late mistress’s hut after her murder. You are sure it will lead you to her killer. But it’s difficult to pick out one human scent among the many here, and there are a few very mouth-watering aromas emanating from the buildings themselves. You prowl past them, wondering if their doors are ajar, when suddenly you are shaken out of your distraction by a cold, sneering voice: ”What have we here, boys?” You look up and find yourself faced with a short, scrawny human, flanked on either side by a pair of extremely large ones. The skinny man is finely dressed and wears a dagger on either hip, and his face is swathed in a cloth mask. But your nose is not deceived…the odor from your mistress’s hut is overwhelming and unmistakable. The cold voice continues, ”I was just saying I could use a new throw rug. Get him lads! I’m going off to bed.” The witch-killer turns away and disappears into the darkness, and the two henchman start loading their crossbows! Madplume, you own your stereotypes. You are exceedingly wise, and in the ears of non-owls you always seem to ask the same one-word question: Who? This shortcoming prevented you from pressing Smacky for further details. But that is all right because you know instinctively what to do. Soaring aloft, you wing above the rooftops to study the behavior of the village humans. Immediately, you learn they are not very active at night. There are a few cats abroad, which reminds you that you are hungry, but you push those urges aside. At last you spy something interesting in a moonlit garden behind a large house. You alight atop a statue and listen to the two figures seated on a bench. ”Dymphna. My darling Dymphna!” ”Shhh…Gustopher someone will hear!” ”And what if they do! I am not ashamed of our love!” A mouse scampers past in the grass headed for the safety of a hedgerow and you nearly launch into the air and blow your cover, but manage to control yourself at the last minute. ”Oh but Gustopher, if my father knew I was here he would surely kill you! You know how protective he is.” ”That is why we must run away together. Now, tonight. If he ever discovers that you have been practicing witchcraft, your life would be forfeit as well. The daughter of the witch-hunter himself!”

OOC   Player Actions or DM Instructions Smacky, failed his Clever role and has gained 1 Danger point (which I added). Roll with Fierce (DC 7) to fend off his assailants or Quick (DC 6) to escape them, and he will avoid getting shot. Fail your chosen role and you will gain another Danger point from the resulting wound. Madplume has learned something of great interest. The sense of pride grants her advantage (roll 2d10 and take the bigger number) on her next roll. Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: ??? Danger: 1 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: Danger: 0 Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell? [ ] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [ ] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[stepanxol]

one is wounded, the other seeks to wound Smacky the fox Somebody said that Smacky the fox had been defying stereotypes all his life. Well, they had it precisely right: when facing two burly goons, where any fox would have darted, he chose to bravely BRING THE FIGHT to them! And to their ugly noses, to be precise, trying to bite them off. And the reckless maneuver paid off -- to a point. Smacky felt the first dart whizz past his ear while he jumped straight at the hulking gorilla to his left, chomping half his nose away and leaving him whimpering on the ground, bleeding profusely. But his luck ran out: when he turned, the second dart grazed his thigh, staining his fiery fur an even brighter hue of red! In panic, as the brute closed in to grab him and snap his neck, the courageous fox remembered a spell... one that the witch had used rarely, but to great effect. He looked at the thug straight in the eyes, and: "HOMO CONFUSUS ET TURBATUS!!!" Immediately, the large man stopped in his tracks. He looked at his outstretched hands, utterly stumped. What was he supposed to do, again? Smacky kept staring at him with deep concentration. "ETIAM, VICTIMA TUA EST", he urged, with a very human nod in the other man's direction. As the second minion proceeded to strangle his companion and snuff out his life, the fox limped away. The trail of blood was already thinning. He could do it. Madplume the owl Meanwhile, Madplume was pondering what she had just learned. Dymphna, the witch-hunter's daughter... practicing witchcraft in secret... and ready to elope with her paramour, Gustopher! If she led the hunter (let's say it correctly, the witch-murderer) to the couple, in the moonlit garden, she could provoke a bloody confrontation. But... there was a big but: that confrontation would likely end up with Gustopher's death, the wrong kind of death! She had to find something, a weapon, a trick, to give him the advantage; afterwards she would be free to provoke the fateful encounter... but how? Just in that moment, on the other side of the big house, a noise. The owl flew towards the roof to take a peek... that skinny man, finely dressed, wearing a dagger on either hip! His face swathed in a cloth mask! Yes, he was the the witch-murderer, and this mansion must be his very abode! These lovers must be reckless to meet here, so close to her father's prying eyes, thought the owl. Faint voices came from the garden... "Oh, Dymphna, it's so reckless to meet here, so close to your father's prying eyes! But I just can't stay far from you, my love." "Don't worry, Gustopher darling, he never ever comes here, and the trees are screening us from the windows. In fact it's safer here, because I can get back to my rooms at a moment's notice, if need be." Reassured about the lovers' (temporary) safety, and more confident than ever, Madplume decided to enter the mansion to find a weapon, ideally an envenomed one -- anything that she could bring to the couple to help them gain the upper hand in the future confrontation. She entered from an open window in the upper floor and after a few minutes she had the most outrageous stroke of luck! Yes, she found the most valuable object...

OOC   Player Actions or DM Instructions Well, given Smacky's stats, I get a 50% chance either way, so I'll go with FIERCE, much more fun! Dice Smacky FIERCEly (and bravely) tackles two big goons: d10+2sch7 (4)+2 ✘ Total = 6 ...aaaaaand it didn't work. Oh well. One more danger point for him (which I already wrote below) "Madplume has learned something of great interest. The sense of pride grants her advantage (roll 2d10 and take the bigger number) on her next roll." An advantage I will, ehm, take advantage of right now as I sneak in the hunter's mansion to look for a conveniently poisoned weapon or anything similar. I'll use CLEVER, of course Dice look, look, look for a deadly something: 2d10kh1 6, 10 (keeping 10) Total = 10 and IT'S A TEN!!! Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 2 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: to be chosen by the next player Danger: 0 Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [ ] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[Fillyjonk]

Snatchback Smacky, your mouth is busy enjoying the good taste of ripped off Goon Nose, but you still manage to cast Confuse—ah, such dear chaos that the witch gave you to wield!---and the Goon with a half nose quickly dispatches the one with all his nostrils. Maybe the return of the nose could be a bargaining chip, you might wonder, as you roll the cartilage around in your mouth, but when you see Half-nose is hastening after you, you inadvertently swallow. Oh. Well. You could fight again (Fiercely) or try your spell, or you could hurry around the grounds of this tidy estate— all right angles and freshly dusted plastic flowers that jut up from the AstroTurf— and try to find MadPlume to help you with this dude. Or...What? Madplume, the witch’s daughter Dymphna is pink and clean. Her plump face is scrubbed and shiny, her hair is — is she wearing a snood? A SNOOD? This is her witch-murdering father’s idea. The snood subjugates her curls and all her wild power. Her dress is unstained, even pressed, her legs are not akimbo, her waist and bosoms are constrained in whalebone, her dress constricts her legs from wild running or moondance. She is contained and orderly. So much so that if you didn’t KNOW this was your dear witch’s egglet, you would never know. You watch her exchange a dry, small, desperate, pecking kiss with her secret beloved, Gustopher. His own skin gleams like a freshly dusted and oiled mahogany table. His own hands wear spotless gloves as they chastely clasp hers. His love is tied off in his white cravat, pinched by his fashionably pointy gleaming boots. BUT NO! Dymphna is a force! A FORCE! She may look like a girl who doesn’t know how they kiss in Savoie (WET! MESSY! ALLLLLL THE HELL OVER) but she has to be that girl somewhere, right? She cannot release her full potential in all this plastic-flower-memorial tidiness and symmetrical tombs! You know you must unleash her, even though you are still reeling from the horrific revelations of her origin. Poor thing, raised by her father. That witch-murdering wastrel is so rich and embedded in the power structure and political and thin and sharp-nosed and lace-cuffed and elegant and exact. How was this man the witch’s lover? How was this man the father of her child? How was he allowed to steal this girl and PUT HER IN A SNOOD? Perhaps this is why he came back and murdered your dear witch—to keep her from reclaiming the girl who is trying ----IN A SNOOD, STORMS HELP YOU!---to release wild spells in virginal secret. OH, Gustafussy, should this child-of-a-wild-witch ever unwind herself, you might be killed! But what a way to go, young man. Ah well, you cannot lead the creeping Witch Killer/Duke who stalks you to the daughter as she presses her pursed, desperate, puckered mouth toward love. He will kill Gustapher. You fly silent and sleek into the house while the witch-0huntyer in his fine lord's arraignment prowls the grounds seeking his daughter. You are hoping for a poison weapon but what you find is better. Scissors. An instrument of undoing. The witch loved---NO! LOVES! She LOVES! You still have time to get her uptight witch-murdering ex-lover's eyes--- scissors! What bindings can you loose with these?

 

Player Actions or DM Instructions Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 2 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: to be chosen by the next player Danger: 0 Inventory: SCISSORS

Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [ ] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[bothers]

The course of true love never did run smooth Madplume Madplume waits on the chandelier with a shiny pair of scissors, for that witch-murdering A HOLE Owls can't use scissors. It's a scientific fact. Scissors were invented by creatures with opposable thumbs, for creatures with opposable thumbs, and owls have no opposable thumbs, and thus they can't use scissors. But wait! This owl, Madplume, was one time taught a magical little secret by a certain magical little witch. Now, Madplume, the witch had said, when Madplume was a silly young owlet who'd got herself trapped in a hunter's cage, all wet and scared and exhausted, and been rescued by the witch and dried off and soothed and fed on special magic witch food, she said, Now, Madplume. Now you know not to get in the cage, no matter how tasty the bait looks, so this won't happen again. But if it does, you shake your left wing like this, and you tap your right claw like that, and then you can open anything you please. And so not only was Madplume never trapped again, but she learned that if instead she shook her right wing like this, and tapped her left talon like that, she could close anything she pleased. Open, close. Open, close. Boxes, cages, fancy little doors, breezy windows, other familiars' mouths, the clenched fists of naughty village boys holding an unhappy familiar by the tail. SCISSORS. So the witch hunter, the witch's Worst Ex, the daughter-stealer, the murderer, the rich landowner with all the stuff and the reign of terror, all that blah blah, is now hunting Madplume the owl, is he? We'll see about that. Madplume was not subtle entering the mansion, and Scrooge McWitchkiller will surely be here soon to investigate. What can you do with scissors? Well, you could use them to cut off some evil magic snood that some a-hole put on the lovely witch's lovely daughter Dymphna to stop her using any magic. Or you could use them to stab out said a-hole's eyes. Or! You could use them to cut down a nice big fancy chandelier made of gold and melted-down orphans, so it lands right on that one a-hole's head. Madplume can wait. Owls are good at waiting. Smacky Smacky cowers behind the star-crossed lovers. The snood is invisible btw. Smacky, on the other hand is still running. Pant, pant! How can this guy run so fast with only half a nose? Chase, chase! He's slower than Smacky but he has more stamina, and he's better at navigating this fake plastic garden with its fake plastic earth and its fake plastic watering cans because that is his natural habitat. Where are the holes for Smacky to melt into? Where are the hedges for Smacky to vanish behind? And where is Madplume? Traversing a stately lawn, Smacky sees... more people. Oh, but these ones are in LOVE. Oh, they coo, and oh they hold each other's hands and gaze all sensible into each other's eyes. This is Dymphna, the witch's daughter, though Smacky doesn't know that. He doesn't know that the gent with the frilly collar and the sighing sighs and the intense gaze is Gustopher, her secret boyfriend. These things don't matter too much to Smacky right now, given his predicament, but: foxes are romantics. Smacky himself has half an eye on another young fox in the neighbourhood, and maybe once this is all over and he's not being chased by an angry human being all unreasonable about his bitten-off nose, and once his beautiful witch is alive and well again, he'll go round to the earth of the foxy object of his affections, and SCREAM AND SCREAM AND SCREAM, to show him how interested he is. Humans don't do the screaming thing (they do a load of other very weird stuff instead, like holding their big ape hands in each other's big ape hands, and mashing their faces together, and writing poetry), but, hey, love is love, and since Smacky is clever, he knows that people in love like to see cute things. You know what's cute? Foxes! Not just Smacky's favourite fox, though he certainly is, but foxes in general are cute to humans, especially when they are in love and holding hands and being all like "oh, what a beautiful evening". So he beelines straight for them. Smacky doesn't know the witch's daughter can't do her proper magic while she's wearing the stupid snood, and he doesn't know the witch hunter is the witch daughter's father, and he doesn't know that the witch's daughter's father will KILL the witch's daughter's secret boyfriend if he catches them together. All Smacky knows is that rich posh young in-lurve people in fancy gowns and ruffles don't like rough townsfolk stomping and bleeding all over the plastic ornamentals, trying to murder innocent woodland animals. Help! Oh help! Smacky yelps. They can't understand him, but they can see him running to them, they can see him hiding behind them, and they can see old half-nose McGee tramping up the astroturf after him, shaking his fist and bleeding. Smacky puts on his cutest, most helpless face, and does a little baby whine.

Player Actions or DM Instructions   Actions Madplume will wait for the witch hunter to show up in his own house, then use her open/close spell to work the scissors she found to cut his chandelier down so it crashes onto his MURDERING HEAD. She's using magic, so if she fails, she will gain 1 pt of Danger: Dice Quick 2: 1d10+2 (5)+2 Total = 7 Smacky is trying to look as cute and innocent as possible so that Dymphna and Gustaphor will defend him from/get rid of the dude that's chasing him: Dice Clever 2: 1d10+2 (4)+2 Total = 6 Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 2 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close Danger: 0 Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[AnotherDragoon]

Hurry up and wait Smacky Smacky cowers behind the star-crossed lovers. The snood is invisible btw. A fox is nimble. A fox is quick. Most of all, a fox is sly. But humans, loud and graceless as they are, have been built and bred for endurance. Even if they're missing half a nose because it was deservedly bitten off, they can run on those two improbable legs all day. To make matters worse, this village is full of human things for humans in perfect orderly rows of surly contempt for the natural world leaving little to no shady nooks or dark burrows to slink into until Old Man Half-Nose gives up and moves on to tormenting something else. Maybe if Madplume was here you could work together to shake this would-be fox killer but, she is elsewhere and Smacky has found himself upon a large and pristine lawn. A beautiful pair of humans here are locked in the midst of a strange mating ritual, by the looks of it. There is no screaming, biting, or pouncing but you know that look in their eyes. It's one you've made yourself at that cute fox around the way. The look says, "Hey, let's go roll in some leaves". Now, foxes are clever. But you don't know that this young woman making leaf-tussling eyes at the attentive young man is none other than Dymphna, the Witch's daughter. Her secret lover would be in grave danger if her father, the detestable Witch-Killer, would find them together like this. But you don't know that either. What you do know is that absolutely no couple has ever enjoyed being interrupted pre-leaf tumble by an angry man bleeding from his face. Young couples appreciate it even less when the murderous maniac is chasing an adorable fox like yourself. So, you ask for some assistance through yips and whines as you hide behind the lovers. Dymphna doesn't know you helped her mother, Smacky, and the Snood is keeping her from her own magic but, maybe she still can recognize what you are because her eyes go angry. Or, maybe it's just the sudden intrusion. She shouts at the man with the bitten nose to "Leave the poor frightened animal alone!" The bleeding man shouts back about the "Demon what ate me bleedin' nose!" Gustopher, the secret beau, steps forward and says flatly, "Look man, I'm sorry about your nose but you're ruining the vibe. You need to go." While the humans are busy with loud talking and fast arms a fox could slip away unnoticed. Do you remember the direction you last saw an owl flying? Madplume Madplume waits on the chandelier with a shiny pair of scissors, for that witch-murdering A HOLE Owls are quiet. Owls are patient. Owls are wise. Madplume has found the Witch Killer's manse where he built up an orderly village around himself to keep the wild out with its tamed hedges, clipped grass, and painted fences to hide away with a stolen daughter. You certainly made an entrance, crashing through the window like that. Now you wait, perched on his grand chandelier with a pair of scissors and a mind for vengeance. An owl can wait all night listening to field mice fart and clean their whiskers until they come out into swooping distance. In fact, you can hear 7 in the walls and another five under the floor boards right now scampering about deliciously. The fact is Madplume, you know if you wait long enough he'll come to you. Eventually, he is outside grumbling about the broken window. The door swings open and there is silence. Heavy boots, getting closer. There he is Madplume, the man who murdered your Witch. He is directly below you looking everywhere but up. The mice never look up either. Owls can't use scissors, no. That's just silly. But, you are no ordinary owl Madplume. You know things. Like how to use magic to open and close things. The Witch showed you how to escape a cage but that same minor magic can be applied to other things, just as well. Things that open or close; like scissors. So while owls can't use scissors, magic can. SNIP. The Witch Killer looks up and sees you. CRASH! It was very loud and there is some blood, just a little spattering, but the Murderer is now sprawled out under his grand chandelier. You can still hear him breathing but he isn't moving for now. The chandelier is covering his whole upper half, an owl might need some creativity or help getting at that killer's face or moving the chandelier.

Player Actions or DM Instructions   Actions Madplume: Smacky: Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 2 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close Danger: 0 Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[squirmonkey]

Fulcrums and Friendship Smacky Gustopher, Dymphana, and Smacky (kinda) The entire affair with Smacky's now-half-nosed pursuer has been embarrassing, but now he has out-foxed the old man. The star-crossed lovers, Gustopher and Dymphana, have shielded Smacky from the old grump's wrath, and now he is free to do as he pleases. He is just about to turn and leave the humans behind, but something in the back of his mind stops him. What will keep him from having the same problem the next time he goes into town? The town was built for humans, with no nooks or crannies for foxes to hide in. If he wants to continue to explore, he will continue to require the assistance of humans. And while Smacky has no way of knowing that Gustopher is the Witch-Killer's son, or that Dymphana is the Witch's daughter, he feels an affinity for the two, if only because they have just taken his side against ol' half-nose. So he waits in the bushes until the lovers' shouting causes the old man to depart, and then reveals himself again. This time, he doubles down on his appeals to them. If he can seem cute and likeable enough, he reasons, he will be able to use them to move freely throughout the town. He rolls in the grass, makes his eyes wide, bats the air with his paws, and makes adorable whimpering noises. A part of him thinks this sort of pandering is beneath him, but it is for the Witch's very sake that Smacky must swallow his pride. The mission comes first. Madplume Stupid AI's never seen a collapsed chandelier before... gotta do everything myself... Victory. The Witch-Killer is dead, crushed beneath his own chandelier. Madplume is elated, and allows herself a quick flap around his house, before returning to business. When she returns to the body, however, two disappointments sully her mood. The first is that the Witch-Killer is still breathing. Not dead after all, then. Merely unconscious. Madplume chides herself for celebrating before securing the kill "A fledgling display... honestly!" The second is that his entire upper half is buried under the chandelier. Even if he were dead, it would be most impossible to access his eyes in their current position. It is this issue that Madplume finds most critical. He'll be challenging to kill with no access to his upper half. The chandelier and Witch-Killer are, however, too heavy for an owl to lift unaided. But that hadn't stopped Madplume from dropping the chandelier on the man in the first place, and she resolves not to let it stop her now. Her plan is simple. She needs another heavy thing to drop. Then she can establish a pulley or lever system to move the chandelier. The plan is sound, though somewhat overlooks how to set up a pulley or lever system as an owl. But Madplume knows well that perfect is the enemy of good, and trusts in her future ability to resolve the minor flaws in the plan. For now, she searches the Witch-Killer's abode for something else heavy that could be dropped or knocked down.

Player Actions or DM Instructions   Actions Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 2 Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close Danger: 0 Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [ ]

[Yoshimi]

Dramatic Twist! Smacky, you try to attract the attention of the human lovers who inadvertently just helped you defeat the bad-tempered old man, leaving him half a nose poorer. You yip and growl amiably in fox language and adopt a non-threatening posture of submission that has helped you solve so many problems in the past with diplomacy instead of violence. The dashing swain points at you. "Good heavens, Dymphna!" he cries, using his sweetheart’s nickname. "A rabid wolf!" Dymphana stands before her lover and holds out a hand as if to ward off evil. "Nay, Gustopher, 'tis a fox possessed by demonic forces, come to vex our uncommonly perfect village! No wonder so many troubles have fallen upon us lately." The young man’s eyes open wide. "If you say truly, then only one person in the village can stop this menace, though it is the one I least wish to confront." He takes Dymphana’s hand and begins to run in the opposite direction from you, crying, "To the witch-killer’s house!" As they leave, Dymphana steps over a chunk of nose, which you pick up. Madplume, you are heady with success at having dropped a chandelier on the witch-killer in his own home. Yet the man lives, and what’s more his prized eyeballs are out of your reach under the broken chandelier. You flap frantically about the cluttered room and up and down the stairs to the loft, looking for something to drop on his other half to finish the job, and something else to help you hoist the chandelier off his face. But so intent are you on your search that you fail to hear the footsteps behind you as you alight on a wooden table. A cage drops over you and is held down by a wiry arm, and a gaunt face leans down to survey you with a sour expression. A cold voice says, "I know why you’re here, enchanted owl. Oh, yes." Then to your surprise, the voice softens. "But you’ve got it all wrong. I didn’t murder her." Suddenly the man wails, "How could I ever harm a hair on my beloved witch’s head? Me…who has loved so many witches that it earned me the name…" His tone turns deep and sultry. "...Witch-Killer!" He starts to pace back and forth. "Did I not adopt Gustopher, the son of my previous witch girlfriend, as my own and help to raise him? Did I not sire Dymphana with your very own ravishing mistress, little owl?" The self-styled "Witch-Killer" seems to forget all about you now. "Oh but I was there when she died. I saw him do it. Always so hot-tempered. Always so jealous. A monster of a man. And yet I cannot stand against him, our own perfect mayor of our oh-so-perfect village, or he will ruin me!" The pathetic figure starts to sob. "Oh who can stop that horrible, grumpy old man?"

Player Actions or DM Instructions   Smacky and Madplume both failed their Clever rolls and gained 1 Danger, which I have added to their stat blocks. Smacky can make a DC 5 Clever roll with advantage if he wants to follow Gustopher and Dymphana to the witch-killer’s house, because he has their scent which should not be too hard to follow. Madplume can use her spell to get out of the cage without rolling. She can roll a DC 5 Quick roll to get out of the Witch-Killer’s house without being noticed. But she can also watch and wait instead, or do something else you may think of. Actions Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 3 Inventory:A chunk of human nose Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close Danger: 1 Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [ X ]

[stepanxol]

One gets in, the other out Following the couple of lovebirds to the witch killer's mansion was a piece of cake. With a nose like Smacky's? He didn't even have to put an effort. Likewise, Madplume knew just one spell, but it was the perfect tool to get out of predicaments such as the present one. As soon as his captor went away, she had the cage unlocked and was ready to go. She had decided to trust the so-called "killer", in reality a tender lover (and father), and now she had to warn her companion that the actual murderer was the mayor! Alas, what was supposed to be a silent, clean getaway became a messy affair when she, once again, failed to notice something that she should have noticed. While chased, she managed to reach the mansions' back entrance just as Gustopher and Dymphana, the unsuspecting half-siblings in love, were crossing it hand in hand. Chaos erupted! Everyone was shocked, astonished, flabbergasted at the sudden multiple revelations! In the ensuing melee, while doing her best to avoid any personal harm and disengage, Madplume managed to yell a warning to the fox: "Smacky! We got it all wrong! The man who killed our beloved witch, the one we need to part from his eyes, is the mayor! An horrible, grumpy old man!" I'm warning you, I say!

Player Actions or DM Instructions   Argh. This is hard. I really don't know where I should be heading, and specifically if I should trust the big twist -- I'll begin by rolling to see if Smacky gets safely to the witch-killer's house. Dice follow the scent, clever (+2), DC5, with advantage: 2d10+2kh1sch5 (4, 7 (keeping 7) )+2 ✔ Total = 9 OK, this much is done. At this point, and assuming everything is as it seems (unlikely), I'll use the owl's Quick roll to get out of the house, meeting Smacky on his way and warning him about what's going on. Dice let's get out of here unnoticed: d10+2sch5 (2)+2 ✘ Total = 4 Aaaand it's a failure. Since I need to post and we have to move this along, and I didn't roll under my Danger, I'll just "fail forward" and assume I get out of the house safely, just not unnoticed. You may want to impose Madplume some other penance, like maybe losing the scissors? Anyway. Actions Smacky moves towards the killer's house Madplume escapes the cage and goes to meet him to fill him in on what's going on. Chaos ensues. Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 3 Inventory:A chunk of human nose Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close Danger: 2 (up from 1) Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker These are the table rolls and decisions on the one-page RPG, The Witch Is Dead. You don't have to roll these in the forum. You can use physical dice on your own desk or pick from the table if you see one option you really like. Don't stress yourself out by rolling if there's one option you're dreading. Just pick! Or roll without that option. Do whatever you want. You do NOT have to reveal the results of your rolls. Just mark that you rolled, and work the results into the narrative as needed. Don’t bogart the rolls, but ALL the rolls below (except possibly the GM roll for the TWIST) should be complete BEFORE it is FILLYJONK’s turn again. Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [X]

[Fillyjonk]

The Tender Lover Madplume, you believe this stuffy nobleman (who apparently fathered both Gustopher and Dymphna) is telling the truth when he says—Record Scratch! — The mayor is the real witch killer. You also understand it’s bad to do a make-egg with your nest mate. You get weird babies. BUT. You have a bigger problem. This man has confessed he is—A Tender Lover. The witch loathes Tender Lovers, the way they chain small damp fervent kisses while crooning goo in Iambic Pentameter. Your beloved witch is a whirlwind in all things, mating included, and after she has screamed, Shut up and ************ the *** *** *****, you *******! she doesn't want a man to noodle moistly about and say, “Precious dearest, forthwith, shall I touch thee, And gently place my left hand on the swell Of your charming bodice. Ah! Verily! I’ll palpate gently–-Gentlemen don’t tell what might come after; Rest thee in assure- -ance, I shall be slow, gentle, not untoward. I brush dust from your white skirts, Ah! So pure — (Actually, Darling, if you like we could pause here and I could wash and iron this frock for you as it seems to be quite matted with the blood of seven enemies and leaf detritus… No?) Shall we undo a button? Or—Too forward?” That last line is one too many syllables, and the meter is off, so he has to stop and count the beats on his fingers and, well, no. Just no. Madplume, you were being chased, but he calls off his goons now that you are on the same page. Or rather, adjacent pages. His page says, “I AM INNOCENT” and your page says, “KILL THE MAYOR! TAKE HIS EYES!” but close enough. You can go. However, if you leave now, he will make Dymphna, child of the wildest witch, wear a snood. And a corset. And pinchy shoes. Never shall she know the Chaos magic that is her birthright, or thrash in mad passion with some non-brother-loverboy-or-lady to be determined later. She will do needlepoint for decades and then die. He clamps her down, fearing her maternal genes might make her want to try cannibalism or free verse. The witch herself would rather be dead than in a snood, and as important as it is to get the eyes, it is just as important to unbind Dymphna’s hair. Well. You know the spell that holds the secret to UNLOCKING. And this Tender Lover? He is locked. You could cast Unlock on his brain, his heart, his soul, peel away the order (and the sanity, too, obviously, but you can't hatch an egg without breaking it, now can you?) If you fail, it will kill him. But hey! ”Death is better than unfreedom!” So says the witch. What do you say, Madplume? You make your choice, and then you scupper, meeting up with Smacky and filling him in that you need MAYOR EYES, and then running into the incestuous Un-lovers chastely holding hands and sneaking somewhere to do something innocuous and/or boring in all of their constricting clothes. Are you going to slip by them, or stop and tell the truth, or take them with you to get those eyes? Smacky, you go ahead to scout. The small, mean-faced Mayor is inside his fine mansion, wearing silk pajamas and eating a platter of huge truffled shrimps. What will you do?

Player Actions or DM Instructions   Normally "players" should not resolve their own rolls, but since I have told you the resolution should she pass or fail, feel free to narrate the results if you do the roll. This roll is DANGEROUS, would use her CLEVER +3, and the DC is 8 because this is a new use of her spell. If she rolls, she can use the spell as an offensive weapon going forward, and you should UNSECRET the spell mechanics in the stat block. If she decides not to use the roll, please delete the mechanics in her stat block. SMACKY can make a roll of his choice to attempt an objective of his choice. Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 3 Inventory:A chunk of human nose Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close   Danger: 2 (up from 1) Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker ALL ROLLS COMPLETE! Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [X]

[bothers]

Tender are the eyeballs Madplume learns a whole lot of facts from the witch hunter, about how the witch hunter is not the witch killer, and about how the witch hunter is the (biological?) father of both Gustapher and Dymphna, and about how the REAL witch killer is actually the mayor. Also, Madplume can talk to humans now, because of reasons. But what a lot of things she has learned! Now she just needs to decide what to do about it all. Fact the first: it was the mayor wot dun it. Conclusion: It's the mayor's eyeballs we need so we can bring back our wonderful, wild, and never-once-wicked witch. Also maybe we can redistribute his wealth, as well as his eyeballs, to the witch? Something to think about, anyway. Fact the second: the reason the witch hunter will KILL Gustopher if he catches him trying to lips and hands all over Dymphna is because they are siblings. Conclusion: Incest is not the best. Maybe we should do something about that too. I mean, not only is poor Gustopher the buttoned-up, dry-pecky type, and Dymphna is the wild, passionate type, but all their children are going to end up with the Habsburg profile and fifteen fingers apiece. It is against the natural order. Fact the third: this witch hunter guy, the one who didn't kill the witch, writes shamefully enjambed poetry that's all "tender" this and "bodice" that, and Madplume and Smacky are suffering second-hand cringe on the part of our Witch because she... what? Dated this guy? Had a passionate affair with him? It all seems very unlikely. Conclusion: Well, small wonder Gustopher turned out how he did. But there must be more to Pops than this, surely? What if, thinks Madplume, what if this tight, constrained, tedious noble just needed to be... unlocked? To be opened up, wild and free, the way that Nature made him, the way the Witch must surely have needed him? All it would take is a shake of a wing, and a tap of a claw... The Mayor, in his red-and-black silk pyjamas, sits alone on a fancy armchair shoveling shrimp into his stupid face from a silver plate. Whatever happens next, it's now Mayor Time. Madplume goes and finds Smacky and explains everything. Then Smacky and Madplume go and find Dymphna and Gustopher and explain everything except the bit about how pops is mad/dead now. Check your birth certificates if you don't believe us, says Madplume, in her brand new talking-to-humans voice. But you should definitely stop holding hands and making those spoony faces at each other, and rip your constraining girdles off and do something cool and adventuresome instead. Also, the Mayor murdered your mother and we're going to get revenge, wanna come? Oh, Madplume. It's a lot to drop on a tragic young couple at once, and who even knows how they'll take it? While all this has been going on, Smacky has scouted on ahead to the Mayor's mansion, which even grander and stuffier and gaudier and unnatural than Dymph & Gusto's Pop's place. He peers in a window and watches the Mayor chomp his way through a pile of truffled shrimps that is even bigger than Smacky himself. Once we've got THE EYES from the Mayor, Smacky thinks, those shrimps will make a fine-ass buffet for the Witch's waking-up party. When Madplume shows back up, with Gus & Dymph in tow or not, she parks her feathers in a shrub while Smacky explains his highly complex plan for Ending This: I'll sit here, he says, as quietly as he can yelp, and SCREAM. When he puts his head out to shout "shut up!", you fly in, and I jump in, and we get his eyes. Plus, I want those shrimps.

Player Actions or DM Instructions   MADPLUME has the option from the previous GM round to use her open/close spell to open Pops' mind to new possibilities, and she's taking it. This roll is DANGEROUS, would use her CLEVER +3, and the DC is 8 because this is a new use of her spell. If she rolls, she can use the spell as an offensive weapon going forward. The spell mechanics (from the previous GM round) are in the stat block.   Dolph Lundgren as Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. If he dies, he dies. Dice What's in the box: 1d10+3sch8 (4)+3 ✘ Total = 7 SMACKY is going to SCREAM outside the Mayor's window to annoy him into opening it. I think this is probably a Clever roll since it's interacting with a human, sort of. Dice OPEN UP: 1d10+2 (10)+2 Total = 12 If you'd also like a Clever roll to decide whether or not Madplume's hurried exposition drop is enough to convince Dymph & Gus to come along and do a premediated murder of the village's elected representative (lol), here you go! Dice C'mon! It'll be FUN: 1d10+3 (2)+3 Total = 5 Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 3 Inventory:A chunk of human nose Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close If MadPlume chooses to try this unorthodox spell, fail or succeed, she will understand it is now a weapon. The DC is 8, it IS dangerous, and it uses her +3 clever stat. Once per round, Madplume can target an intelligent creature's brain/spirit/heart with her unlock spell. On a success, the persons repressions unlock, btu they descend into madness that can be flavored by the player or left to the DM. On a failure, the heart and brain literally pop open, and the creature perishes. Danger: 2 (up from 1) Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker ALL ROLLS COMPLETE! Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [X]

[AnotherDragoon]

The eyes are windows to the soul and windows are made to be opened The Mayor shouts out his window while Smacky and Madplume look on, shrimps not pictured Owls are very wise Madplume, it is known. That's probably why the witch hunter chose to turn all the cats made of missing pieces out of their metaphorical bags. The heaviest ones being the fact that Gustopher was Dymphna's brother, making the witch hunter their father. That's why you heard he'd kill (not physically) Gus if he found them performing intimate physical behaviours with each other's faces. Smacky would maybe say something like, Littermate has the word right there in it and a fox must mate. He wouldn't understand why the witch hunter would care about something so biological but you do. Because owls are wise and you know that when bloodlines are kept pure for long enough what you get are funny paintings of nobles with strange jaws and puffy lips for the future to say, maybe we shouldn't do this. You also learned who really killed your witch and it wasn't the witch hunther, who despite sitting alone writing drippy poetry somehow managed to have some kind of thing with your witch, but the Mayor of this all too perfect little village. So lucky old witch hunter gets to keep his wet eyeballs inside his face holes for the foreseeable future. But that Mayor will need to give his up so that your witch can live. You think of a smart new way to apply your unlock/open spell and test it out on the witch hunter. Maybe if you unlock him, open his mind a little, Pops would be a lot cooler. Maybe he'd even help with some Revenge. So you concentrate and use your spell but the only thing that happens is Pops grabbing his head with a gasp as blood pours from his nose and ears. I'm sure that's fine. Oh yeah, and somehow Madplume can talk. Well, owls are very wise, you know, and you have a special bond with a recently deceased witch. Magic, who knows how it works? Not Dymphna, she doesn't even know who most of her family are. You find her and her brother Gus with Smaky and tell them why people might think it's weird they want to make out in cemeteries so bad. You tell them that the Mayor killed their mom and how you want to scoop out his eyes to bring her back to life. For a moment, it looks like Dymphna is ready to go kick in this witch murderer's door but she scrunches up her forehead and says, loudly, "Dad's been lying to me?!" She storms off in the direction you just came from while Gustopher looks like you just swooped down and snatched away his puppy. Anyways. You both know where you have to go and what you must do. Smacky lays out the plan outside the mayoral mansion, he'll do the thing that foxes do to make people think ghosts, banshees, or possibly small demons live in the woods. Then, when the killer opens the door to see what's going on you both can slip inside. Simple enough really. You can both see him in there alone since the two servants brought his silver plates heaping with plump prawns with a red sauce in a small bowl. He's been drinking from a wide-mouthed glass with a long stem and announcing that it's Coctail hour! to himself when he isn't horking down fistfuls of sea bugs. Smacky makes with the screaming real insane like and soon the Mayor is leaning out a window with succulent shrimps and a hint of horseradish on his breath screaming, "Befoul someone else's lawn with that infernal racket! Is a man not entitled to the shrimps of his own table!?!" Now those are some very pluckable eyes, are they not? You can see piles of pink sea bugs on a table set with candles in ornate holders, gold spoons, and little golden forks with two tines. The window is open and he hasn't seen you yet, small nocturnal creatures that you are. Now is your chance to get in and get even.

Player Actions or DM Instructions   Madplume failed a dangerous roll to use her magic on a human but removed herself from the situation so I didn't add a point of danger. Both familiars should roll to get through that window. I could see Fierce, Sly, or Quick being applyed depending on the rp so use whatever feels right. Because of the Crit you will make it in either way but, slipping in unnoticed will be harder. Roll 7 or more to get in without being seen, maybe you're very sneaky or, very fast. Smacky’s Stat Block Name: Smacky (he/him) Species: Fox CLEVER: 2 FIERCE: 2 SLY: 1 QUICK: 1 Spell: Distract/Confuse Danger: 3 Inventory:A chunk of human nose Madplume Stat Block Name: Madplume (she/her) Species: Owl CLEVER: 3 FIERCE: 1 SLY: 1 QUICK: 2 Spell: lock/unlock, open/close If MadPlume chooses to try this unorthodox spell, fail or succeed, she will understand it is now a weapon. The DC is 8, it IS dangerous, and it uses her +3 clever stat. Once per round, Madplume can target an intelligent creature's brain/spirit/heart with her unlock spell. On a success, the persons repressions unlock, but they descend into madness that can be flavored by the player or left to the DM. On a failure, the heart and brain literally pop open, and the creature perishes. Danger: 2 (up from 1) Inventory: SCISSORS Rolls Tracker ALL ROLLS COMPLETE! Player Rolls: What Animal are You? [X] What Animal Are You (second familiar)? [X] Your Witch Taught You (Smacky) A Spell [X] Your witch taught you (Madplume) a spell [X] GM Rolls: The Village Is [X] The Village is also [X] The Witch Hunter is [X] But Here's The Twist [X]