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  #61  
Old 10-10-2012, 08:22 PM
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Change of season? Not sure how dramatic the seasons are in your location but all the leaves are gone up here (Alaska) and snow is expected by Monday. There are a lot of people who just dig life and the onset of winter just means they do different things and wear different gear. For others it can bring on really intense mood changes. In particular due to the change of light and dark cycles, it getting darker and darker throughout the winter, lighter and lighter during the summer to the point where there are only a couple hours twilight on either solstice.

The caffeine was probably not a good call and it can take a day or two to reset from it. If you plan on dropping it, might consider having just a single soda or something for a couple days to avoid headaches and migraines.

Sorry to hear you had a rough day. That's interesting to hear you talking about time slowing down and getting hyper aware of everything. Remember that Mindfulness I mentioned back a few pages? That's the kind of situation that the program targets. However, you're getting caught up in it and getting whatever endocrine responses from the effect. Something to try next time that happens - and it may not work, may not even apply, but it might be something - is while you are in that moment of hyper awareness, look for something that catches your eye, anything, perhaps this might be a situation where the more unique the better applies. Find that something, the bobble head Cthulhu doll on someone's desk (I've got one!), the rubber ducky magnet on the pegboard, the fish tank, whatever your environment is in that instant that you experience that feeling, start scanning for something you find unique and then focus on it. What is it? Where is it? What is it doing? What is it's purpose? What color is it? What is it made of? How much would it weigh? Would it float in water? I like water. When was the last time I was at a pool/the ocean?

Those last two are obviously not a part of the planned process, but the point of the exercise is to divert your attention from whatever is making you panic and redirect it to a tangible thing, something you can analyze and focus on and maybe you won't even notice if/when your line of questioning turns into a whole other train of thought.

Anyway, that's what I know of it. But I'm no shrink and I dropped out of the class, so take it with a grain of salt.

Cheers though, I hope the rest of your day goes a little easier.
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Last edited by Gath; 10-10-2012 at 08:23 PM.
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  #62  
Old 10-13-2012, 08:16 PM
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Thanks Gath, i've been following your advice and I feel much better I was able to get through the day just fine and the next as well.

I get the feeling by it's suddenness it was the over stimulation of the caffeine, especially since it left after my body had recouped. That said, anxiety is something that does happen with MDD, they believe it may even have some of the same causes as depression.

How is everyone else doing? Any progress? Is the journal going well Med?
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  #63  
Old 10-14-2012, 06:36 PM
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Just went through all the documents on our mortgage last night. That kicked the anxiety up a notch. Way too much stuff, and the bank is on the other side of the country, whilst our broker is over a thousand kilometers away to the north! (for those who know Australia: we're in Sydney, Broker is in ~Brisbane, and bank is in Perth...) Rather hard to understand everything when they just mail you a huge stack of documents, and ask for them back ASAP...

Three weeks left. Then, hopefully, we can settle in our new place, and remove some of this stress.
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  #64  
Old 10-14-2012, 08:10 PM
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My family is in real-estate HVG, but most of the info I have is U.S. specific, and even then it's State specific on top of that. Do you have someone representing you, like a buyer's-agent?

Just breath, if the paperwork is causing too much anxiety then you aren't going to be able to get it done anyways so give yourself permission to take small breaths and work through it one bit at a time if you have too. You might also try keeping some cheerful, upbeat music playing to keep your thoughts occupied so they don't ruminate too much.
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  #65  
Old 10-14-2012, 11:04 PM
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Haven't done anything with a buyer's-agent, but the broker did deal with most of the financial / bank side of things, and we have a conveyancer working with most of the unit inspection stuff. So it's just the long slog of receiving documents, signing them, then sending them off. The large stack was nerve-wracking, but knowing that any mistakes would require further forms to be sent across, filled in, then re-posted...easily a week of snail-mail travel time...that adds to the anxiety!

Fortunately, our Conveyancers actually have their office in the same area as the unit, and thus are part of the same strata - all that side of things was very easy to deal with.
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  #66  
Old 10-15-2012, 02:33 PM
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Hi folks - and hello again to those of you I know I've been on and off and around, working on stuff, which is why I haven't been on-site, though I probably should because of one of the things I'm working on!

Anyway, I noticed this thread and thought I'd chime in. I've a depression history in my family - at least one member diagnosed with it - and after years I was likewise diagnosed. My husband's been diagnosed as well (makes things interesting here from time to time). I've more or less dealt with it pretty well for years, but a few years ago it just hit hard and, well, now I see someone. Jondera, I also know what you mean; my dad gave up on therapy because he decided it didn't work for him, and he's the master of avoidance - usually by means of laughing it off (which doesn't always mean he's DEALING with said issue).
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  #67  
Old 10-16-2012, 08:07 AM
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So I had a talk with my shrink yesterday. It's been four years since I've been back from Canadia. During the first year or two I frequented the hospital mental unit - up to five times in less than two years I believe, with one stay lasting almost a full month; interesting watching winter turn to spring turn to summer through the window of a hospital room.

Well, for the past two years I've been on a pretty stable regiment of medication, with minor changes here or there and for two years I've stayed out of the hospital. But I swallow sixteen pills every day that are specifically related to my disorder. And they are supposed to keep me at a certain level, a baseline that is close to 'normal' when instead I remain somewhere in between down in the dumps and suicidal. Now don't get me wrong, it's good to stay up out of that suicidal land, cuz that's a scary place, and to be honest, I'd rather be down in the dumps than suicidal. But it means I have to take all of these meds with their side effects, nothing major really, but eight out of twelve of them 'may cause drowsiness' which is interesting because I end up with this flat expression unable to filter life fast enough to have a meaningful interaction.

Well, there is a treatment that has been around for a long time. It's got a pretty bad wrap because of its indiscriminate use in the early years, but like other medical sciences they have been able to fine tune it to something that they only perform on people who are good candidates for it and the level of technology is profoundly advanced. The treatment is called ECT, or Electro Convulsive Therapy. I've only read about it in the wikipedia but my doctor says 'I am a perfect candidate' for the treatment. Some benefits include possibly getting off all meds, possibly flatlining at a higher more normal level and to have reduced number of episodes, among other things. Again, I haven't done all the research there is to do, so I am only going off of info on the web.

The good news is that medicare/medicaid will cover the treatment. The bad news is that it is in Seattle and I am in Alaska, so I would need a plane trip and an apartment for several weeks in order to get it done. And who knows what kind of reaction I will have initially. Will it break my mind? Will I turn into a vegetable? I suppose these things are possible.

So the other news is that I can't afford all of the accommodations and plane rides or I would do it myself. Instead I need my parents' help, which means I need their consent - which is going to be difficult to get, but I got the ball rolling. I spoke with mom yesterday who said even though she had several other things going on (which gave me a major guilt trip!) she would talk to my dad while they were on vacation next week. It's a start! I don't plan on doing anything for several more months. I have tattoo appointments out until June or July, so maybe after then. I'd hate to get caught in the middle of a tattoo.

Well, this is definitely a to-be-continued post/topic. I just felt like getting it out.
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  #68  
Old 10-16-2012, 01:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormhammer View Post
Mine also stems from a psychologically abusive father. I could only be on my guard for so long. After awhile you become a "beat dog" that would rather cower from its master than stand its ground. Soon that attitude or state of mind becomes the way you act around most people. With a father who always pointed out your every failure and shrugged off your every accomplishment as meaningless, you begin to grow paranoid. Soon everybody is criticizing you or laughing at you. When does the criticism end? When does the criticism stop when its in your head? I've ultimately arrived at the conclusion of disowning my father. No more visits with the family. No more holidays. No more phone calls. I'm completely at peace with the entire premise of walking away. But I know, deep down inside, that it won't fix the problem. Not completely.
I'm kind of late to this thread, but when I read this, I had to comment.

My "issues" stem from an abusive mother. When I was younger, it was both physical and psychological, once I got too big for her to physically threaten (when she punched me in the face and I laughed at her pathetic attack) it turned straight to psycological.

I am adopted to begin with, which I always knew and growing up, I thought that what I went through was because there wasn't that "attachment" as I wasn't truly a part of her. Growing up, I had learned more of her past and the things I went through, sort of make sense.

My dad wasn't really around to do anything and truthfully, when I was younger, I tried talking to people. I wanted to run away and I even contemplated suicide. At the time, I had a school councilor say to me that they would have abused me as well, for skipping a class and a psychologist say that I was childish. No one who is supposed to listen, listened.

I remember at one point where I screamed out that I would never be like my mother, when I had my child. I'd never physically harm them nor would I degrade them the way I was. And, I haven't. I've broken that chain of child abuse.

While I'm no where perfect, I still battle with depression and anxiety. I have self-esteem issues, trust issues and I have/am losing the ability to really interact with a girl that I am attracted with. I'm divorced and have been single for about 8 years now.

But, I know who I am and I know that if I didn't experience what I did, I wouldn't be the person who I am today. I guess, the way I look at it is like this. I'm strong enough to have survived it. Maybe I "took one" for someone else by me going through the abuse and such, wheras if someone else went through it, they might not have been able to handle it or break that chain. I dunno. Now, I'm just babbling. Carry on..
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  #69  
Old 10-16-2012, 07:14 PM
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I'll be honest Gath, I have only heard of modern ECT being used for really major depressive cases I don't know much about it's use for chronic bipolar depression so I can't help you there. I would assume that it operates under the same principles in which case you are right, it does have its uses and is not overused by any extent like it was back in the day.

My understanding is it works similar to hitting the reset switch, which would give the psychotherapy and medication the edge it needs to keep you flatlined. Does your doctor know what kind of ECT schedule you would be looking at?
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Old 10-16-2012, 07:25 PM
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I am only just starting the research on it now. I don't anticipate anything happening for at least three to six months. Besides, I want to get my tattoo finished before I start going out of state for extended periods and apparently there is some short term memory loss during the treatment so I'd like to get all my games in order on site here too. Either at a place to conclude or hold or maybe continue incoherently, whatever. That's going to be a bummer.
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  #71  
Old 10-16-2012, 07:34 PM
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Will I turn into a vegetable?
Mm? Wha?
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  #72  
Old 10-16-2012, 07:54 PM
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I meant it in a good way, Turnip. A good vegetable.
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  #73  
Old 10-18-2012, 12:59 AM
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Wow, that's some heavy stuff, Gath--and everyone. Best of luck to all you here.

My anxiety journal is oddly comforting. It's nice to see about some things "yeah, that's reasonable, that's something anyone would be anxious about," and for other things, "that's aberrant, that's strange, it's something I'll work on in therapy."

Been very busy this last week and it's been difficult to manage my emotions with all the obligations I'm trying to meet, but things should get better after the 22nd.
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  #74  
Old 10-18-2012, 07:30 PM
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great to hear that the journal idea is working out! I may try that out myself...maybe Will get through moving first!
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  #75  
Old 10-26-2012, 08:26 PM
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So how important is spirituality to everyone? I don't just mean meditation, but an active spiritual life or connection with nature? I find that if I have been negligent in maintaining that part of my life my Depression is more likely to increase, but if I am active in that aspect of myself the Depression lessens. Any similar experiences?
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