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  #16  
Old Apr 13th, 2021, 10:04 AM
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P.S. - I appreciate your use of colours to highlight the elements. Makes my job a lot easier!
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Old Apr 16th, 2021, 11:38 PM
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Descriptive elements: Natila, young woman, elven maiden, elven sorceress
Action elements First one is her move action, physically entering the room from the previous area. Second is casting detect magic or what not, standard action. Could have chosen a lot of fluff there for the standard; but I stuck with just the actual seeing of the magic as it seemed most relevant.
Motive The memories of her failure is what motivates her to be so cautious and thorough
Hook Pretty much everything spoken out loud is the hook, but I highlighted just the call to action.

Natila was careful as she stepped into the room, taking just a moment to give her surroundings a good check before he continued on. Once satisfied, the elven Sorceress closed her eyes to focus on what could not be seen with eyes alone.

Memories of a time long past filled the young woman’s mind, reminding her of the steep cost if she failed ”I must be perfect here, I swore to myself I would never fail again! Her inner voice roared. With eyes flashing open, Natila scanned the room once again, this time focusing on any weaves of magic that may lurk in the room. "Gregor, there!" the elven maiden exclaimed, pointing towards a chair directly in front of her. "That chair radiates a strong evocation aura. I believe it may be trapped. Be careful as you check for triggers"

Satisfied with her findings, the sorceress waits for her companion to disarm the trap.
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Last edited by DAquilina; Apr 26th, 2021 at 09:20 AM. Reason: Fixed a missing bracket
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  #18  
Old Apr 21st, 2021, 06:20 PM
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Hey, just wanted to drop a line and let you know I've been pretty sick over the last few days, so I probably won't be able to post for a bit. I apologize for the delay.
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  #19  
Old Apr 21st, 2021, 07:41 PM
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I am not worried one bit. I have no plans on going anywhere anytime soon. Take your time.
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  #20  
Old May 6th, 2021, 10:10 AM
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Hey man, so sorry for the delay. I'm hoping I should be able to address these more regularly moving forward.



DESCRIPTIVE: Perfect! Straight to the point for each of the major descriptors.

ACTION: Nailed it again. This is precisely the kind of focus that the exercise calls for. The goal is to think critically about what you're presenting in the context of PBP, and you've really gotten the hang of that.

MOTIVE: You have the right idea, but in this case, I would have highlighted I swore to myself I would never fail again instead. It's a more direct correlation to the action, i.e. cause and effect.

HOOK: There are actually two separate hooks there, though both are for the same character. "Gregor, there!" gives them an opening to expound upon directing their gaze toward the subject, and "Be careful as you check for triggers" (or rather, the whole second part of the speech) gives them the opportunity to deal with the problem. The one you highlighted is a much stronger hook, but both are valid in their own way.

All in all, great work on this one. I think this will be the last exercise in this lesson before we move on.



Exercise 1.5 - Wrapping it up

Write a post about a Halfling Rogue with a crossbow and a cleric named Amy interacting in a forest on a moonlit night. If you have difficulty writing dialogue for another gamer's PC, you can imagine them as an NPC that you have some control over, or imagine you are a GM, and you can control your own NPC (and the words of other NPCs).

Your challenge:

You must describe both characters' RACE, CLASS, and WEAPONS without using the words Halfling, Rogue, crossbow, or cleric. You must also include some type of hook/engagement to another gamer (a dwarf named Gorfan) that would draw them into your post/story AND use all four of the narrative elements we discussed (Descriptive, Engagement, Action, Motive).
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  #21  
Old Jun 1st, 2021, 04:50 AM
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I am checking in. I didnt forget, but I had some real life stuff that pulled me from my computer for a while. Ill update here in the next day or so.
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  #22  
Old Jun 1st, 2021, 09:45 AM
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No worries, life happens. Work's been pretty crazy for me as well, so I've been struggling to keep up with my games for the past two weeks. Hopefully, we can all get some respite soon!
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  #23  
Old Jun 12th, 2021, 09:19 PM
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"Corhorn, what is your hurry?" The elven priestess said with a hint of a humor under her rebuke. The tall woman looked very much in her element surrounded by the forest. Her sharp elven features were only made more beautiful by the lunar glow filtering through the canopy. The moonlight caused a slight glint off of the breastplate that peeked out from underneath her cloak of varying greens. The only thing that seemed at all out of place about this sultry woman was the large ball of steel spikes that sat atop a three foot metal handle held in her grip.

"Hurry?! Who’s Hurrying? Not Gorfan! That’s for sure." the agitated Corhorn replied. "Not all of us, Amy, can survive off of berries and nuts. Some of us actually need food. Our poor dwarven friend is practically wilting back there. If we don’t get him some ale soon, I am afraid he might just keel over where he stands!" the small thief said tapping his miniature ballista like weapon on his shoulder, continuing to scamper down the trail

"Well, it was your choice to leave the tavern back there." the warrior of defender of Corellon pointed out as she strolled after her smaller companion.

"They called me a gnome!!" the diminutive scout screamed. "Not all small people are gnomes! How dare they mistake me for a gnome!" Corhorn spat on the ground. "Would you hurry up, Gorfan, we have places to be!" The impatient companion shouted out, to ensure that the dwarf could hear him.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Descriptive elements: I feel I have plenty in here. Race/weapon/class for each as requested.
Hook: Yelling out to Gorfan to hurry up, and/or saying that he could use a drink ‘if’ he was in ear shot to hear that.
Action: Scampering and strolling. Move actions.
Motive: Corhorn is hungry and trying to hurry to the next town. Amy is comfortable in the woods and enjoying the moon lit stroll.
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Last edited by Master of Monsters; Jun 12th, 2021 at 09:20 PM.
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  #24  
Old Jun 14th, 2021, 09:52 AM
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Good stuff! I do feel like you overthought the exercise a little in a few places where you scrambled to find a direct synonym ("miniature ballista-like weapon", "warrior of defender of Corellon" (I'm assuming this part was a typo)), but I really liked Cohorn's outburst about gnomes. It was a good way of ensuring that your descriptions about him being small wouldn't be misinterpreted.

If I had any advice here, I would say try to be a bit more esoteric in your descriptions to try and build an "atmosphere of intention." For example, you can say that Cohorn uses a crossbow by saying that he is "drawing back the string of his weapon and setting a bolt in its mechanism" to paint the picture without having to find another word for crossbow.

That said, I really do like the personas that you have created for your party.

Speaking of synonyms... On to the next!




_______________________________________

Lesson 2
_______________________________________

PrefaceWords can add spice to your posts; brightening the dull, adding interest to an otherwise bland paragraph. G. Gary Gygax (the inventor of Dungeons and Dragons) was well aware of this, and tossed the most wonderful and spicy words throughout his writings, interspersing them in every module, book, and article he wrote. One could scarcely play a game of DnD without picking up something to add to your vocabulary.

In these exercises, you will be asked to expand your vocabulary, and use words in new, proper, and interesting ways. Don't fret if you are unsure of the meaning of a word. You have the entire internet at your disposal, we are sure you can find the proper definition, and then use it to complete your task.

But remember, words like these are spices in a post: lightly sprinkled, they should complement your words, not overpower. They should be used to make a good post *pop* with a little extra sparkle, not tossed about like lettuce in a salad. Over-used, they will make you look pretentious. Use with caution, and with pride.

Exercise 2.1:

Use each of these Gygaxian words in a one- or two-sentence post. When a word has multiple meanings, choose one more likely to be used in an adventure gaming session. Don’t be afraid to look these up, the entire idea of the lesson is to add words to your vocabulary that you can use in your adventure posts. Each word/sentence can be separate and unique, they do not all need to be tied into a single theme or story.
  • fresco
  • hassock
  • thurible
  • periapt
  • scarab

Your sentences should indicate that you do indeed understand the word, and are not simply "tossing it" somewhere in a sentence. For instance, if the word was "Ochre", the following sentence would not be accepted:

The swordsman opened the door and was surprised to see so much ochre in the room.
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Last edited by DAquilina; Jun 14th, 2021 at 09:52 AM.
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