[Announcement] Round 3 Results

[Bhelogan]

Round 3 is complete! I'll admit, this is one round where I had no clue of guessing who would make it through, and who would not to the final round. All week I have been working out various scenarios in my head, trying to guess who would actually get through. Everyone was so deserving! Having said that, the judges did the hard work of sorting through the entries, and the results are in:

It looks like Wrong Way Wally, and Sherman will not continue on to the finale. Huge thanks to Vex and GleefulNihilism for your wonderful characters, your team play, and your participation in Outplay this year. It was an honor to have you hear!

Congratulations to Qiksilv and squirmonkey, who will compete in the final round. Will the experience of Qiksilv help carry Samual Adams past the finish line, or will the hot newcomer, squirmonkey, with Counselor Albright continue the trend of first-time competitors taking the crown? We will find out soon, we are headed to the finale!

[rhaiber]

The Watcher is Watching With all the intensity of reactivating the ship’s systems, the commotion of fending off the security androids, and the excitement of discovering alien life forms, it was easy enough to forgive the members of the New Eden exploration team if they failed to notice a monitor in the corner of the bridge that came to life. The soft glow on the screen revealed the image of a luminous digitized face underneath a label that Sam and David had yet to turn their translation skills to. Had they done so, it’s uncertain if they would even know what to make of the title: Remote Holographic Artificial Intelligence Brainwave Emulation Relay. A nearby speaker emitted a soft, barely audible stream of melodic tones that might not even be recognized as language, while a series of characters in the bizarre alien script scrolled across the bottom of the display screen. The readout on the screen may have been scrolling by too fast for Sam's translation matrix to keep up with, but if he had tried, he may've made out something like this: R.H.A.I.B.E.R. ”Sensors detect unidentified lifeforms aboard vessel. Lifeforms have proven effective in restoring limited functionality to a number of vessel’s systems. Lifeforms have initiated reanimation sequence of ‘passenger’ cryopods. Lifeforms have also disabled vessel’s security measures. Analyzing … analyzing… analyzing… “Unidentified lifeforms constitute a significant threat. However, lifeforms interfacing with 'passengers' presents a 86.75309% probability of a favorable outcome. Assessment: to minimize threat, 2.5 unidentified lifeforms will suffice, while remaining lifeforms should be removed from vessel. Analyzing observed data to determine which lifeforms present optimal potential benefit to threat ratio… analyzing… analyzing…”

Lifeform observable data for threat/benefit analysis GleefulNihilism as Wally “Wrong Way” Taplin Criteria Score Comments Enjoyability/Creativity 6 I still love Wally’s dialect and voice. He may have one of the clearest characterizations in this game. It felt like his posts this week got a bit repetitive. He more or less rolled the same 3d6 for every turn (I know he alternated a bit between his ‘you make do’ skill and his ‘paperclips and duct tape,’ but it also feels like he uses those two skills fairly interchangeably. Clarity, Formatting, Technical 8 Your stat block and turn summary look much better this round, making it way easier for GM and judges to track what you’re doing. And you clearly have a strong understanding of how to use the system, though at times it feels like you might be bordering on abuse, with things like using a single roll to effectively repair both the sensors and the comms when the GM specifically asked for separate rolls, or using some shaky justification to make both your job training and skills work for every single roll. Grammar/Writing 7 It may feel a bit like nitpicking here, but we’re in round 3 now so I’m going to be a bit more of a stickler on things I would’ve let slide in earlier rounds: things like inconsistent verb tense or misuse of homonyms - things that came up once or twice in each post (I pointed out a few examples in the detailed notes below, but not everything) Plot Advancement/Character 6 I completely buy your characterization of Wally and everything he does is so logical based on what we know of him. However, this week he lagged behind a bit in plot advancement. The balance in some of these posts skewed a bit toward being reactive rather than proactive, and he backpedaled the action at times, sometimes bordering on tonal dissonance. GRAND TOTAL: 27   Detailed Daily Breakdown Day 1 - Be careful of tense shifting. Decide if you are telling this story in past tense (as most people are) or in present tense. I tend to think either is acceptable in PbP, but there should be internal consistency within your posts. This also led to some typos within sentences: “Was he doing this to displaying the Ceres 49ers’ baseball cap?”; “Last time he yelled out in frustrated.” Deciding to fix the sensors but then using them as comms is definitely creative, but feels like it might be a bit of a cheat. I could buy it as an added bonus if your roll exceeded the required number of successes, but since you just made your target, it feels a bit like gaming the system. I am glad to see your summary and stat block are finally coming together. Day 2 - Exact same roll as day 1. Good job taking the GM’s new information about energy conservation and acting on it, and seeing Wally relate his current situation to his past experience is great, as is his empathic understanding for what Jackie is going through. But why is there a coffee maker on a military gunship? Also, Bhelogan mentioned that Jackie found a spring already and was bringing water back from it. Why do you have her concerned about how much water Wally can spare for coffee? Day 3 - rolling 3d6 every day to fix something is getting a little repetitive. I mean it’s logical for the engineer, but also feels a bit like picking the low-hanging fruit after 3 days. I suggest trying something more creative to stand out. Minor typos: “statistically conformed” should say “confirmed”; “the solving of problems was kind of thing” is missing a word somewhere. The baseball talk feels a little extraneous. The lightbulb joke was amusing. Is this gonna be a running gag? Rules of comedy say you ought to have a third one coming. Day 4 - I do love your use of dialect for Wally: “tune-up in the old squirrel-box” is a fantastic phrase. However, the first section of this post feels a little extraneous and could’ve been cut. I know you wanted to acknowledge and respond to David, but the conversation felt a lot like others the two have had, and reiterating that Wally used the EVA suit felt redundant. Moreover, this section backpedaled on the tone of the story: see I like to have a bit of a soundtrack playing as I read through the story. For the first couple days of this round it was sort of ambient sci-fi ASM to fit with the mellow exploration with a slightly eerie and suspenseful undertone. But then after the intruder alert in the last GM update, I switched to action film-score for the impending fight scene. That created a tonal dissonance when I started reading Wally’s conversation with David. Instead of having this first section of your post disrupt the tone, I’d recommend either cutting it, or finding a way to address it while keeping things moving forward: maybe once the alarm sounded, Wally could’ve looked at David and said something like “Let’s take a rain check on that head-shrinin’ Doc; maybe now ain’t exactly the best time.” You’ve got some missing words again: “Wally the first verbal reaction.” Testing the robots’ ranged capabilities is a strong tactical move; deciding for yourself that they have none feels like shoulder-checking the GM out of his chair. Mechanically, I can see how your engineer training would apply to finding droid weak-points, but I don’t really see a justification for how your Paperclips and Duct Tape skill does. Day 5 - Today’s post lost some focus as it felt like you were trying to do a lot of different things without elaborating on them much. Wally spent time reacting to Lt. Pearson shooting the robot, reacting to Sam’s baseball cracks, reacting to David’s suggestion to amend the ‘Holy 7,’ reacting to Sherman opening the door, and reacting to Capt Worrel’s orders. Then we got a minimal description of Wally’s main actions for the turn (disabling the EMP and running diagnostics). It adds up to a very reactionary post with little forward momentum. I’m also a little unclear why you chose to run diagnostics on the last turn of the round. Logically, it makes sense in the narrative, but mechanically it does nothing to advance the key objectives Bhelogan gave you for this turn, and you won’t have any chance to act on anything you discover from the diagnostics. Minor word misuse (but a bit of a pet peeve of mine): Calvary is the scene of the crucifixion: not the word you want here. Cavalry is the who you want to send in to save the day. squirmonkey as Counselor David Albright Criteria Score Comments Enjoyability/Creativity 10 These posts masterfully convey internal conflict. Perhaps it should not come as a surprise but our ship’s counselor has the most interesting and compelling psychology. He has the most mystery still about his character, and the tantalizing reveals of his past and his motivation through flashbacks and internal monologue are thoroughly engaging for the reader. It’s great to see David differentiate himself and stand out from the pack –being the only non-Wrencher helps with that, but it’s the contrast against the rest of the group of his opinions on things like what to do with the aliens that really sells it. Clarity, Formatting, Technical 7 Mechanics are David’s weak-point. His application of skills on Day 1 had a shaky justification and his use of the help action on Day 2 was incorrect. However, the help action is one of the elements of the Outplay system that saw some revisions and is not as clearly delineated as some of the other rules. He seemed to get things corrected by the end of the round, but overall he is not as strong here as other categories. I’d look to clean this up if he makes it to the finals. Grammar/Writing 10 Looking at my notes, I didn’t find any issues with grammar or syntax at all. Plot Advancement/Character 9 Once again David has positioned himself as a real protagonist in the story. Unlike last round, where he felt a little disconnected, here he is once again at the forefront, interacting with the others and exhibiting leadership. The intense internal monologues make it very explicit to the reader why he does what he does and how it fits with the rest of his character. There were two little moments that felt a little out of place for a counselor: making fun of Wally, and asking Sherman sensitive questions about his parents in an unusual setting without establishing a safe space, but you did at least acknowledge some of this awkwardness in the narrative. GRAND TOTAL: 36   Detailed Daily Breakdown Day 1 - I really enjoy David’s internal conflict over his use of Grissy. Seeing the motivations of a fanatic serving a cause compete with those of the counselor’s calling to help others is fantastic. The shift to problem solving could’ve been jarring but you expertly make the transition by using a callback to Wally’s assertion about working with your hands to help compartmentalize concerns. Mechanically, I like that you rolled against your strengths by making a tech roll, though I’m not sure that “Put Your Phone Down” as written would totally apply to disabling an unknown EMP on an alien craft - feels like a bit of a stretch. Day 2 - I like the flashback. It provides interesting insight into David’s motivations for reclaiming humanity’s lost past. But the way it is tied to the present narrative feels a little forced. He sees glowing strip lights and that reminds him of looking at Earth through a telescope? Which makes him ask Sherman about his dad? I do like that you are always actively engaging with other players’ flags, but this one felt a bit clumsy. I know “tell me about your parents” is the therapist cliche, but it also tends to be a sensitive topic, especially when talking to an orphan, and a trained counselor would typically wait to ask something like that until a safe space was established rather than slide it into an unrelated context like getting a door open. I know I’m nitpicking here, but I can’t help feeling this post fell short of the standard you’ve established for David. Mechanically, I love any time someone uses the help action, but it looks like you were a little confused on the rules, offering a flat 1d without rolling to help. Day 3 - I love that we can always count on David for some internal conflict and irony-laden self rationalizations. His assertion to himself that his failure with Grissy has everything to do with her and that he would’ve been better off working with Sherman is amazing. Day 4 - Everyone seems to be starting off their posts today by backtracking a bit, though the way that you frame yours as a full-on flashback actually makes it feel a bit less like a backpedal and more like a cut-scene, pausing the flow rather than rewinding it. And I do love the way you are providing us these tantalizing glimpses into David’s past. He is now the character with the most mystery so these flashbacks are thoroughly engaging. The jibing comments with Wally definitely seemed out of character based on what we know of David up to this point, but you did at least acknowledge that it was “not very Counselor-y” Day 5 - Such a simple post, but possibly the best for David all week. Seeing the wheels in his brain turn as his mouth moves in an entirely different direction is fantastic, between lying to distance himself from Grissy’s actions and then diplomatically greeting the aliens we know he wishes had just died = superb. Also an excellent use of mechanics and teamwork. Vex as Sherman the Stowaway Criteria Score Comments Enjoyability/Creativity 8 There was a little tonal dissonance on day one with Sherman shouting “Wheeee!” as the gunship crashed, but later in the week Sherman’s posts hit a great balance that allowed for upbeat innocence without feeling out of place with the rest of the story. There were even some truly poignant moments, such as his observations about the nature of family. Clarity, Formatting, Technical 9 One thing I will say about Sherman’s posts this round: they are smooth and consistent. You come up with creative solutions, justify the use of skills and clearly delineate your expected outcomes while leaving room for the GM’s interpretation. I also find your summary blocks super clear and easy to follow. Grammar/Writing 9 There was some slightly awkward syntax, but the sort that would only stand out to an English teacher or a copywriter, and not necessarily even grammatically incorrect, just a little awkward in places. Plot Advancement/Character 9 There is a near-perfect balance between acknowledging and interacting with other characters and taking the spotlight to drive the plot forward in your own direction. One thing got me caught up this week: Sherman’s misunderstandings. First I liked them – it was a neat running gag. Then I found it hard to believe that he still labored under obvious misconceptions, like David being the captain. Then I realized you were committing to them because no one had ever corrected Sherman. But then I thought again-again and realised that no one is correcting Sherman because these gags only ever play out in internal monologues and he never says any of them out loud, which feels like a missed opportunity for character interaction. In the end, I don’t think you could be penalized for this, nor have I decided yet how much I like it, but if Sherman makes it to the finals, I’d like to see you take this to the next level and make it more than an inside joke with yourself. GRAND TOTAL: 35   Detailed Daily Breakdown Day 1 - Nice, solid introductory post for the round. I like that you took the time to react to Piper not being there. I like it even more that you didn’t include any reaction to Grissy getting cut –after all, Sherman has had minimal interaction with Grissy and would barely notice her absence. I still love Sherman’s upbeat tone (it’s even better as a juxtaposition to all the anxiety in squirmonkey’s post this turn), but there were two moments where it felt like it went a bit far: one of those is his continued confusion over David as Captain. I know I complimented you specifically on this last round, but that was right after the sim; now that you’ve been planetside for weeks, Sherman would have to be either oblivious or delusional to continue believing David is the captain. The other is the moment where he cheerfully cries “Wheeeee” as the gunship is crashing. In some games, that would be good for a gag, but it seems out of place with the tone established by the GM and the rest of the players. Mechanically, using your stowaway skills to get into the wreckage of the ship makes perfect sense. Also, I love that you updated your flags and drew attention to them. Day 2 - This is it. This is the perfect balance for Sherman. The light-hearted cavalier way that he discusses his past shows his upbeat attitude and unorthodox worldview without tipping over the edge into goofy or campy. One thing that fell short on this post: the Multitoool. You self-handicapped the tool yesterday by declaring that the EMP rendered it defunct. Now today, some of its lighting features suddenly come back online? I know the tool is largely fluff and doesn’t grant any advantage to rolls, but it feels weird to backtrack on a narrative point you established yourself. Moreover, it wasn’t even necessary to have the lights, since the GM update established that there were glowing floor lights inside the ship. Day 3 - Some slightly awkward syntax: “Looking around to seeing Wally and Sam” “as neither did the fact” “felt as safe as never before.” But these are the sort of errors that most readers might not even notice and only stick out to English teachers and the like. The misunderstanding of ATDBM works for me a but more than the continuing captain confusion. I get that you are committing to things here: once Sherman mistakes something he will continue to labor under that misconception until someone corrects him, and as yet no one has corrected him on either of these things. That could be because these misnomers are occurring only in Sherman’s internal monologue. New flag idea for you “Correct Sherman when he says something wrong, otherwise he will just keep doing so.” If Sherman says some of these things out loud, it will encourage the others to engage in dialogue with him. Mechanically, your idea to track the source of the EMP is logical, useful, creative, and well-executed. Day 4 - This is a smooth and solid post. You acknowledge everything going on around you with a fresh perspective that keeps it interesting and avoid redundancy. You provide rationale for taking a different action from everyone else, as well as a clear explanation of how your skills apply to the task. You describe your success, while leaving the door open (figuratively and literally) for GM interpretation. In the end, it’s nothing fancy or complicated, but I can’t point out anything lacking in this post at all. Day 5 - The flashback to the preacher is really well-written. It provides great insight into Sherman’s POV, with a perfect childlike innocence and wisdom. I’m just not sure why it comes at this point in the story. I got the Eden connection and the tie-in to wanting to give them an apple, but it feels a bit slim. On the other hand, the call back to the “recycled cup of spits” is perfect comedy. Little copy/paste error: your turn summary still says Sherman is unlocking the doors, but that was last turn. Qiksilv as Samuel Adams Criteria Score Comments Enjoyability/Creativity 9 This week was really set up to lean into the engineering characters with so many objectives involving repairing systems and investigating alien tech. This was also a trap since it could’ve led to you doing the same thing over and over, but you cleverly avoided that trap and kept Sam creative. You still did some basic engineering repair moves, but you also took some risks offering the help action several times to try things that might otherwise be outside Sam’s wheelhouse, like linguistics and diplomacy. The fake baseball humor felt a bit cliche, but I love the way you used the absence of Piper to give us a window into Sam’s soul. Clarity, Formatting, Technical 9 Your summary blocks are fantastic: clear delineation of the rolls you made and rationale, clear links to where the rolls were made and even to pertinent info from the OOC thread. Only one thing brought you down this week: the messy roll with the incorrect number of dice, and additionally an incorrect statement of results. Now you did the right thing by reaching out to the GM and explaining things in the summary of your main post, but this kept you just shy of the perfection needed to score a 10 here. Although I don’t feel like I can penalize you too much for that because you use the help action more than anyone, and I do love me some helpin’. Grammar/Writing 9 One or two minor typos, usually involving usage of homonyms, but nothing that slows the reader down. Plot Advancement/Character 9 Sam excels at teamwork. His actions almost always involve interacting with other characters, he uses the help action effectively more than anyone, and he addresses other player’s flags left and right. The only danger when it comes to plot advancement is that he could end up falling into the classic trap of the support character. If you make it to the finals, look for ways to help Sam take the spotlight. GRAND TOTAL: 36   Detailed Daily Breakdown Day 1 - I am glad you took some time to address the Piper situation. That relationship was one of the best parts of Sam’s arc last week. You also updated your flags ��. Even better, you took the time to interact with all the other players’ flags. It’s interesting to see Sam reluctantly step into the leadership vacuum. Day 2 - Exact same roll as day 1. Keeping Piper still on Sam’s mind makes sense based on the strength of their established connection, but you do a great job of keeping it subtle so your posts don’t become dominated by looking backwards. Be careful of getting too tech-heavy in your narrative. It’s still comprehensible, but it feels like we’re getting mostly technical documentation with a sprinkling of character and plot – I’d like to see that ratio reversed. The flag interaction asking Wally about baseball felt a little out of place, like you were checking off a box rather than integrating it into the story. Formatting-wise, I love you summary blocks with easy to follow links to rolls and pertinent OOC posts (honestly I have not had the time to keep up with the OOC thread, so I never would’ve found that needle in the haystack otherwise). Day 3 - Love it when anyone uses the help action, but your roll post is a bit messy. You rolled 3d6 instead of 2, then it says you got 4 successes instead of 2. I know you conferred with Bhelogan about this error, and reaching out to the GM to clarify such things is always the right thing to do. However, with roll results no longer being a scoring factor, what we’re really looking for when it comes to mechanics is understanding of the system and avoiding confusion – this is a minor fault, but still short of perfection. Also, we have a broken image on my end again; I thought that was something you fixed after round 1. Also, Sam’s suit just comes back online? After the last couple rounds of rolling to try to get things operational, this seems like a bit overly convenient. I noticed the same thing about Sherman’s Multitool: if you guys both decided to write into the narrative that your gear was rendered inoperable by the EMP, then just saying it comes back without a reason feels like you’re backpedaling your own plot points. Minor typos: “Sam will differ to the other man” should say “defer.” Also, I like that Piper comes up again, but this time Sam is considering how his emotions will affect his work - keeps it fresh for the reader and avoids being repetitive. Day 4 - Excellent flag interactions. I would like to see you find a way to work some of them in without backtracking so you can maintain the forward momentum of the action scene, but bringing Grissy back up to David does provide some delicious irony. When we get back to the action, I love the way that you structure your post by explaining your actions along with their intended results but stop just short of detailing those results. This is an easy gift to the GM, who could describe everything turning out exactly as you intended, but also leaves them the freedom to assign their own, different outcome without needing to retcon anything. I also appreciate that your narrative provides justification for why your skill applies - you are delegating responsibilities to Ienn in order to use your ‘here, hold this’ skill. Day 5 - A solid post all around. You supported Wally’s call for a full systems diagnostic, while directing Sam’s attention to two of the primary objectives. Mechanically, you justified the use of both your job and your skill in a way that is believable. You made efficient use of NPC resources. You interacted directly with two of the other characters in a way that felt natural and connected directly with your own forward momentum. You gave us one last callback to Piper, while keeping it quick and concise. A suggestion: if you continue to the next round, the “man, Piper would kill to be here” reflections might get old. I’m not saying you should drop it because she obviously had a huge impact on Sam, but maybe consider the next step forward –realizing Piper is not going to get the chance to be here, what might Sam do to fill in her shoes and make her proud? This could give him motivation and a push to step outside his comfort zone.

[Retry]

Round 3 Great work folks, this is the point in the competition where judging becomes more difficult as everyone is bringing their A-game. I'm excited to see who we have heading to the finals! I wish you all the best!   Samuel Adams Enjoyable & Creative Clarity, Formatting, & Technical Grammar & Writing Moved the Plot / True to Character 8 10 9 10 TOTAL: 37 Feedback Sam did some fantastic group-play this week. He was conversing and collaborating with everyone and taking charge when needed. You did great letting the reader experience him starting to realize his affection for Piper grow with her absence from this trip. Your summary fieldsets continue to be amazing and so helpful! Making mention of the permission you received from GleefulNihilism to speak for Wally and explaining the syntax error made in a roll. You've done great to cut back on the word count. If you make it to the finals you'll need to help push Sam a bit further to make him (inter)stellar!   Wally Enjoyable & Creative Clarity, Formatting, & Technical Grammar & Writing Moved the Plot / True to Character 8 8 9 7 TOTAL: 32 Feedback I feel you've definitely fleshed out and perfected Wally's personality this week. I absolutely loved the almost sad attempts at jokes but my absolute favorite was the banter with Sam. Especially the suggestion for a duel. Wally feels a lot like that senior guy on the team who's been doing this for twenty-some years that you go to for anything odd over management. This translated into actions that got things done and freed up resources for the team to use like Ieen. The issue here was the mechanical stagnation of reusing the same actions in rotation that arguably provided the same results. If you make it into the final you will definitely need to break away from the support role and take center stage. Busting out all the (bad) jokes and clever fixes you can muster! Or have him break out of this mold he's been comfortably sitting in and perform something really reckless!   Sherman Enjoyable & Creative Clarity, Formatting, & Technical Grammar & Writing Moved the Plot / True to Character 8 8 8 8 TOTAL: 32 Feedback We are provided some fun dives into Sherman's backstory this week and the influential personalities he met back on Mars. The tale about Faisal had me wanting to know more because it was left without proper closure. "Last time I saw him, I was stuck in and already scrapped Ghoul and couldn't get out on my own." This line snagged my imagination and took off with it. Why was that the last time? What lead to that event? The world Retry may never know!! He might be relying on the multitool a bit too much since acquiring it. Having it break from the EMP only to be better and then gain a whole new function felt a bit odd but well-executed while staying in character. One item that continued throughout the week was a copy/paste error that was never caught. In your statblock you have a broken tag. There was also some tag errors with dialogue. But to finish things on a positive note; I really enjoyed the fact that Sherman has a crush on a frozen alien he just 'met.' More-so, that he's driveling on about them to poor Jackie haha!   Counselor Albright Enjoyable & Creative Clarity, Formatting, & Technical Grammar & Writing Moved the Plot / True to Character 9 7 10 9 TOTAL: 35 Feedback The sheer speed in which David discarded and even smeared Grissy proves two things: 1) he's a terrible person 2) He'll do anything to achieve his goal. Both points should be pretty obvious to those who've been reading along. Highlighting this, however, was brilliant. Also, setting up the internal dialogue of "they'll find out [...]" can be appreciated from a GM stand-point for future hooks or a exit if the results aren't in your favor. The first two days were the rough spot in this week mechanically. The rapid-fire of dialogue just before the EMP went off could have used some spacing or different flair to help it read better. Having a luddite try and open a piece of alien tech felt a bit out of character. After that it was relative smooth sailing however. Interactions with the characters felt organic and interesting. He even managed to find another who disdained androids like he did! I would be interested in seeing if he tries to win Sam over to his side in the future, if provided the chance.

[orcbane]

 

squirmonkey: 39
Enjoyability: 10
Technical: 9
Writing: 10
Role: 10
How to get more points next round:
I blame you, not the American healthcare system, for this outrageous medical bill I have to pay after your posts made my jaw fall off my face and hit the floor. This was spectacular. There was one typo, but that's nothing. Looks like there were some rulesy issues holding your back from perfection. Ace that and maintain this level of excellence.

What you need to do to win:
Surprise us with an incredible conclusion to David's story.

My favorite moment:

Originally Posted by squirmonkey

"Hey, Sherman!" David shouted, "Come over here, kiddo!" After he said it, David wasn't sure he should have called Sherman "kiddo", but it had felt right at the time.

 

Vex: 33
Enjoyability: 9
Technical: 8
Writing: 7
Role: 9
How to get more points next round:
Excellent use of changing Flags to represent changes to the character circumstance and development. The multiple and nested spoilerbuttons were a bit of a formatting nuisance, but the summary info was presented very clearly once finally gotten to. We got a bit of character development, but Sherman's contributions beyond the scenario sagged in the middle. You still need to run spell checks to catch those half-dozen typos and watch for formatting errors. Your writing is good, especially when you fight off the impulse to over-write. Remember to call out that you're engaging with other characters' Flags in your summary.

How to win:
Let Sherman live up to his full potential, bust out of his boundaries, and bring something wild to the story.

My favorite moment:

Originally Posted by Vex

Sherman waited another second for anyone else to chime in and admire his work. When nothing came forward, he continued: "Soooo.... it gets brighter when movin' in the direction of the pulse." His eyes shone brightly in the alien glow. "It's now got three thousand an' one functions!"

 

QikSilv: 35
Enjoyability: 9
Technical: 8
Writing: 8
Role: 10
How to get more points next round:
The word-count is still up there, which is making it easier for little errors to creep into your text and for strong prose to sputter. That said, you made some marked improvements over previous rounds. Break up your paragraphs (your post-5 paragraph that starts with "Captain Worrell had placed a high priority" could have been lovely at 3 paragraphs). There are still some little technical errors that are hurting your score and your formatting may need a smidge more visual interest. Sam is easily the least distinct of the four characters, but you're overcoming that with excellent storytelling and engaged play.

How to win:
Take Sam from the default space guy to a spectacularly unique character they'll name a city after, not just a beer.

My favorite moment:

Originally Posted by Qiksilv

The outer hull of the gunship did a great job at sucking up heat; as one would expect of an atmosphere-capable craft. Sam probably could have handled the section he removed even without gloves. However, the inside of the plating had not faired as well as the special alloy plating. The inside looked about as good as when his father had tried to make Chow Mein instead of Spaghetti with their standard meal kit; which is to say it was black and smoking.

 

GleefulNihilism: 33
Enjoyability: 8
Technical: 9
Writing: 8
Role: 8
How to get more points next round:
Great addition of the summary at the bottom. Remember to call out your engagement with other characters' Flags in your summary. Trim the length down a bit more. Get your it's vs its straightened up and proof-read to make sure you've chosen the correct words. That "Um, Two Sugars" font color is like a laser beam in my eyeballs. When your writing is good, it's VERY good... but sometimes it comes across as perfunctory, more counting story beats than getting sucked into the narrative. That line of Morse Code was inspired.

How to win:
Show off Wally's vulnerabilities and make his triumph (or demise?) arrive over more than just the inadequacies of the world external to himself.

My favorite moment:

Originally Posted by GleefulNihilism

He dares to suggest that Earth-Based Baseball Teams are *inherently* better then Belt-Based Baseball Teams. Now, Wally was aware that it was a statistically conformed fact at least in terms of pennant races and win-loss records, for the simple reason that Belt-Based Teams have to practice in Pseudo-Grav Environments and that has an effect on the deep field game. Since more play fields and stadiums were on Planets, that did put Belt-based teams at a definite disadvantage at least in an overall statistical sense. Wally knew that, he actually thought of that in the moment.

But try getting a Belter to admit to that.

[savoylen]

Another brilliant round. I had to blow through this due to school cranking up next week so I might have missed some little details. I gave it a full read, gave it a day, and did it again. If anyone had any blaring issues, I sure didn't spot them. That says a lot for the quality of the work and coordination you are doing... I don't read anything outside the official thread so however you are doing it, keep up the great work on that front.

squirmonkey:: 8.9.7.7:: 31
David's best days for me were day 1 and 3 with low points at two. Though he was fun to read and an interesting character, I didn't enjoy some of the internals. There were also a few mechanical issues and at times I had a hard time believing his momentum in the story.

vex:: 5.8.8.9:: 30
I struggled with Sherman the most this round. His best days for me were 2 and at times, 5. The other three days, he didn't seem to be able to hold his own with the others. There were technical issues and some problems with the text that caught my attention, even though I wasn't looking for them. Moving forward you might want to double down on finding those.

QikSilv:: 8.9.8.9:: 34
Sam was the stand-out character for me this week... which surprised me. His weakest day in my book, was day 4. Overall, I was able to connect a bit deeper with him than previously which is a good thing! You seem to be headed in a good direction with him - keep up the great work finding that balance between distinguishing the character and being internally consistence.

GleefulNihilism:: 7.9.8.7:: 31
Wally has been one of my favorites from the 'get go'. This week his low points were days 1 and 3. There were some true stand-out moments that continued to set him apart. The writing is strong but this week, it didn't hold me to what you were laying down as in previous weeks. I'm still not sure why that is... I started to power through a few sections and then made myself go back and pay better attention. There were minor issues with language here and there but with a word-count like this, there are going to be a burp here or there until you hire an editor or decide to read it backwards once or twice.