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  #5131  
Old Dec 22nd, 2020, 04:02 AM
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lymphomaniac lymphomaniac is offline
what is this I don't even
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"climb the ladder" they told me...

"fix the flood lights" they told me...

well, Imma drop this flood light right on this director's head at centre stage...
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  #5132  
Old Apr 17th, 2021, 06:42 AM
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Blorg the Useless, a mentally impaired half-orc half-elf janitor the play mainly kept on out of pity, sees the random guy dropping a floodlight on the director while he was cleaning in the rafters. He rushes over with a frantic yell: "Director, nooooo!" and proceeds to hit the killer over the head with his mop, knocking him off his ladder. The man dies instantly as he faceplants onto the stage with a rather satisfying thud.
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Last edited by Dystopian; Apr 17th, 2021 at 06:43 AM.
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  #5133  
Old Apr 17th, 2021, 08:51 AM
GabeTheKid GabeTheKid is offline
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Johnson Webbley: An esteemed hunter back in the day, a wanted criminal now. Patient, disciplined, dedicated. I tracked down and collected every animal there was, but at the end of the line, I still wasn't satisfied. The collector within just couldn't rest and I eventually started to hunt humanoids, which satisfied my addiction for a little longer but angered society at the same time. On the run, it took great effort to find this exceptionally rare half breed. A half-orc half-elf. I leveled my trusty elephant gun at the "creature", pulled the trigger, and after a satisfied sigh and a hasty checkmark in my notepad, I was gone.

Last edited by GabeTheKid; Apr 19th, 2021 at 02:20 PM.
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  #5134  
Old Apr 17th, 2021, 01:17 PM
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The law always gets its man. Alive - well, that's another matter altogether. Just like this Johnson. Poaching out of season, he was. So we poached him like an egg, we's did.
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  #5135  
Old Apr 19th, 2021, 10:00 AM
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OOC: Lympho, can you try to include an actual character that's doing the killing? It's kinda hard to just kill off some random, nondescript person, not to mention not as fun.

IC:
Perry Pushover, an average overworked, underpaid cart driver, was not having a good day. His children disrespected him and his wife left him for a copper. It was sheer coincidence that Perry happened to come across some policemen hauling off the body of some criminal they'd just killed. Overcome by grief, he cracked the whip and the cart, laden with several barrels of ale, crashed into the policemen, knocking them down like bowling pins... if bowling pins made squelchy crunchy noises and let out screams of pain when they fell that is. For good measure, Perry turned around for a second pass, looking behind him at the bloody mess he'd left behind with a satisfied smile.
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Last edited by Dystopian; Apr 19th, 2021 at 05:46 PM.
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  #5136  
Old Apr 25th, 2021, 04:05 PM
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Great, I killed the game thread... :/
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  #5137  
Old Apr 25th, 2021, 04:39 PM
GabeTheKid GabeTheKid is offline
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No, you haven't!

I'm Peaches. I'm usually quite well-mannered for a horse but today was different. I was doing what I have been doing for as long as I can remember. I pulled a cart across town on the same route I've done yesterday and the day before but for some reason, today my handler decided to give me all sorts of odd commands and now I can smell blood in the air. I'm quite certain that I haven't done anything wrong, yet the world around me just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I'm not sure what happened but I had enough and I've decided that I don't want to be anywhere near death so I thought maybe a good kick would cause this "Perry" guy to steer us in the right direction. Bad call... Though I can't see what happened because of these stupid blinders, the sickening crack and the subsequent silence painted a crystal clear picture. I need to not be here. I have to run!

Edit: Before you came in and revived the game, it has been idle for almost half a year. It's just how Pbp is sometimes.

Last edited by GabeTheKid; Apr 26th, 2021 at 06:34 AM.
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  #5138  
Old Apr 26th, 2021, 05:52 PM
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We're Cream - and what goes best with Cream? Well, Peaches, of course. Ever heard of Peaches and Cream? So there we are looking for the sunshine of your love, and we were waiting so long to be where we're going - so long that Peaches wilted under the sunshine. I suppose you could say we dehydrated Peaches. Oops. Hey - dehydrated, shrivelled, dead Peaches still works great with Cream!
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  #5139  
Old Apr 26th, 2021, 06:21 PM
GabeTheKid GabeTheKid is offline
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Oh, the pain of being just below average in every conceivable way. It has plagued me throughout my whole life. Everywhere I went, everything I did, tainted with this unbearable sensation of always falling short, leaving me with nobody to blame but myself. What do they expect from a guy named Joe Shmoe, anyway? Or hell... What did I expect?..."Maybe if you put in some effort you could be something other than mediocre. You're an underachiever, Joe, and that's why you're fired." "Oh, I'm sorry, you're just not my type. But you're a great guy, I'm sure you'll find someone!" Their voices, still ringing in my ear. The knot in my throat, still causing every gulp to physically hurt. My chest still feels like it's about to cave in. What a horrible day yesterday turned out to be... Then again they might be right. I just kicked over a cup of cream like I'm some bratty child. Who does that? I truly am an embarrassment.
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  #5140  
Old May 10th, 2021, 05:08 PM
GabeTheKid GabeTheKid is offline
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OOCHaving trouble killing the poor guy, huh? You guys are too nice.


Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t! Everyone's looking! God damn it! It was such a perfect plan! This was supposed to be the easiest part too! It was all smooth sailing but then this dumbass stepped onto the street. What do I do? What do I do? Think, Brian! I've been sitting in the middle of this intersection for far too long when every second counts. How did this guy not see that he had a red light? He was the only one to step off the sidewalk. What a dumbass! He looks pretty mangled too. Probably dead. Oh man, everyone's looking at me now. The car is hot, no doubt about it. And a lot of people have seen my face. I'm not at fault here. I should get out and play my role but I just don't have the time. The white smoke coming from under the hood means the radiator has ruptured. The nuclear warhead in the trunk needs to get to its destination unnoticed by 10 PM tomorrow night or the whole operation goes down the sh*tter. I can't risk waiting for the cops but if I run, they'll catch me before I get to Washington. Years of preparation for this terror attack and a freaking braindead pedestrian topples the whole thing. I can't let that happen. Come on, Brian, think! You need to make a decision right now!

OOCNow let us see if he can become an accidental hero in his death.

Last edited by GabeTheKid; May 11th, 2021 at 07:31 AM.
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  #5141  
Old May 12th, 2021, 11:32 PM
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I'm the "cussing" police. I take people who say naughty words and cuff them. Too bad I cuffed Brian too hard across the head, tearing the artery in his neck, resulting in his head expanding like a hot air balloon, after which it popped and sprayed blood everywhere, fml.
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  #5142  
Old Nov 6th, 2021, 12:17 PM
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Since "cussing police" isn't an actual government-recognized branch of law enforcement, it was only a matter of time until the actual police came knocking at your door. Probably here to book you for manslaughter. Trickey situation. Though you tried your hardest to not be seen or heard as you waited at the door for them to leave, your ears caught one of them whispering something under his nose as they turned to leave. One of them just cussed, and you're sure of it... That switch in your head just got tripped and the reaction is almost painful. There's a perpetrator of linguistical crime at your doorstep. Try as hard as you might, that sort of thing just can't be let go. Time slows as your mind starts to fade out.

A surreal feeling overtakes, as you watch your body move. You're merely an onlooker, as the main character of this story is propelled forth by righteous fury. Only a few moments stick around of what goes down in the next few minutes. The feeling of reaching something cold within the piles of socks. A sea of shouting pierced by loud bangs. The flashes barely pierce the dark veil that descended onto you. Something stings a little.

Your chest is throbbing and a burning sensation starts to radiate from multiple points of your body. The thumping in your ear is amplified by the hardwood floor pressing on the side of your head. The stinging smell of gunpowder is slowly overpowered by the smell of iron. You feel the floor rebound each time a boot slams down onto it, as the law storms the house but their panic-filled shouts blend into one another until there's nothing but dull murmurs. The pain is now gone. It's calm. It's a bit cold.

I wonder if that's really what you felt. I can only imagine. I can do nothing but guess as I stay wide awake each night. A good cop eventually stopped your reign of terror, by doing something bad to you. Whatever is left of you will now have to live on in me as I carry the weight of killing you in the name of justice. I am a hero, trusted by the people who rely on my bravery. I am a murderer with a license to kill. I am a regular person, awaiting judgment. I am a police officer who's been put on administrative leave for taking the life of a suspect. Am I good, or am I bad? The people may decide.
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  #5143  
Old Nov 29th, 2021, 03:27 PM
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I am jurist Albright, selected as the lead jurist for really no good reason. The jury pay is too low and I'm very impatient. I'm trying to get through deliberations as fast as possible so I flip a coin to decide whether how to puts the jury. It lands on heads so I decide to push the jury towards a guilty verdict.

So what I do is that I say things like "that cussing policeman wouldn't hurt a fly" and "we always convict people for murder if they shoot their coworkers" and "that's just how things are". Then after I present my guilty verdict, I go back to my better job for the remainder of the day.
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  #5144  
Old Jan 17th, 2022, 04:53 PM
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I'm David. I am a former soldier turned assassin.

I killed Jurist Albright for his actions in jury convicting the wrong guy. I shoot him from a building far away with a .50 cal. It was the best day of my week. Got paid alot.
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  #5145  
Old Feb 2nd, 2022, 10:32 PM
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So, this is a funny story really. At least, I think it is. The name's Hal. Forgot my last name, it's been so long. I guess you can call me Spaceman Hal. You can say that a certain comic strip from the 80s really influenced me and my aesthetic. Did I use that slang term right?

So. I could talk about how that "toy" you lifted off me was actually an alien heat ray from some planet in the Arcturus star system, able to vaporize living matter but leaving dead matter alone. That's not what killed that David guy, though. Nope, that was my ride. My hot rod from outer space. My pride and joy, gifted to me by my well-off Arcturian parents, which is now totaled and being picked out of the wall of the guy's hideout. The garish design probably looked like something off the set of a movie. Well, if you folks still used practical effects. Movies have never been the same since CGI exploded in the early 2000s.

You probably think I'm crazy now, right? Well, at least a Nordic-looking rich kid -- better than certain other analogies in this day and age -- managed to crash his rigged-up remodeled car into the trailer of a notorious killer. That's gotta account for something, right? You could see the proof there and everything. Well, most of it. Some is probably covered in the guy's remains. The way it was described, you'd think he got melted by a neutron projector. At least my ride didn't hit the hillbillies, right?

Seriously, I hope they're careful when they pick apart my broken baby from that guy's rust bucket bungalow. Just because you still haven't invented cold fusion in 20-stinkin'-21 doesn't mean the block around the repair shop needs to get leveled by nuclear fire. Maybe the Reptilians were right to call Earth a backwater world, yeesh.

Last edited by Seeks; Feb 2nd, 2022 at 10:34 PM.
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