[OOC] hobnobbing with the riffraff-- random musings and banter

[Fil kearney]

LOL I lke what you ot.

[Surreal]

Heh, I once had a character named Tarnep (though not-so-affectionately known as "Turnip") who was the epitome of big and dumb. He had ton of random stuff houseruled into him mostly because they were funny and/or somehow fit into the story. For the most part he was a barbarian with some magic blood in him, except he didn't really have any control over the magic portion (and for the most part we just made it up on the fly). If we was fighting and got angry, sometimes he would enlarge... or sprout hair... or spontaneously combust. Come to think of it, I think we gave him fire resistance due to the sheer frequency of him igniting himself. Not that it did any damage, but it'd burn off all his body hair which would mysteriously grow back in a few hours. Sometimes a magic missile would fly out of his hand, which naturally would lead to Tarnep staring at his hand and eventually blasting himself in the face. Twice.

A trap they couldn't surpass? Throw a rock at it. A treasure chest they couldn't open? Hit it with a rock. If it proved to be a particular tough chest, tie a rope around it and use it as a flail against the next monster. Oh, he also had an "imaginary friend" named George who was in fact a forest gnome living in his backpack. Kind of like "The Cheat" from Homestarrunner, except hairier and feral, though with occasional moments of semi-lucidity when he was in fact Giorgio dela whatever, grand high paladin of something or other (I forget the names) who thought Tarnep was his horse.

... but I digress. :biggrin:

[Fil kearney]

Holy crap, that is hysterical!

Althouh I've had numerous anecdotes in my day, I don't think they are nearly as funny in text as that.

[Surreal]

That's not as bad as one in game event that my friend had:

pc: I remove my loincloth...

dm: you what? ok y'know what, just roll for it

pc: roll for what?

dm: hey, if you're doing the loincloth thing, that's a skill check right there

pc: fine... *rolls a 1*

dm: ooh, and now you've fumbled your loincloth

pc: oh you've got to be kidding me... lemme try that again... *rolls a 1*

dm: aaaand you've tripped over your own loincloth, hitting your head on a table

(the table's laughing at this point)

dm: *randomly rolls a 20*.. and it looks like that table scored a crit

(the game is done at this point as everything degrades into giggles and lewd table jokes that really only made sense at the time)

[Fil kearney]

LOL

classic. LOL

[Silent Wayfarer]

Dammit Surreal, don't give him ideas!

[Surreal]

What's Fil going to do? Send an army of animated tables at us in Chapter 2? Though come to think of it, a bunch of animated objects under mob rules (DMG2)... then throw in a ton of cutlery and table settings to make a swarm. You could even combine the two to make a Hivenest Monster (Dungeonscape). Then all you'd need is an intelligent clock and candelabra with levels of aristocrat and bard, an afflicted were-lion, and a wench in a poofy yellow dress.

[Silent Wayfarer]

Don't make me Rule 34 the porn for that.

[Surreal]

*shudder* daminnit, I was exposed to the atrocities of rule 34 a few weeks ago and only just got those images out of my head, now they're back.... graaahglkajhrgka *brain melts*

[Fil kearney]

I don't know rule 34.

[Silent Wayfarer]

Originally Posted by Fil kearney

I don't know rule 34.

Rule 34: There is porn of it, whatever it may be. No exceptions.
Rule 35: If there is no porn of it, someone will make it.

Speaking of which, I found a series of anatomical nudes of the various female D&D core races. Quite interesting.

[Surreal]

Originally Posted by Fil kearney

I don't know rule 34.

Be thankful.

[Fil kearney]

ooh! mass table and cutlery mobs queued up for the mournland excursion down the road.....

YES!

[Silent Wayfarer]

Originally Posted by Fil kearney

ooh! mass table and cutlery mobs queued up for the mournland excursion down the road.....

YES!

I actually found porn of that once. That candlestick and the clock guy, and Belle...

It was captioned "Be Our Guest".

[NoldorForce]

Actually, Rule 34 is "If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun."

My favorite one, though, is Rule 37. "There is no 'overkill'. There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'"