#16
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The dreams invariably end when I realize that they are dead, and that this must then be a dream. I wake up, and I am overwhelmed with sadness, often on the verge of sobbing. I miss them very much. And then... I put it away. The alternative is to sit there and anguish over loss. And that, I think, sounds a boring way to spend the day.
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I took the road less traveled now where the hell am I? (Thanks Jhulae) "I suppose a good death is better then bad roleplaying." -#577 From The Canonical List of Famous Last Words |
#17
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I've recently been diagnosed with depression after displaying symptoms for a few years. I ended up getting treatment primarily through medication (Lexapro). I was actually a little shocked when half the people I told about that reacted with disappointment. "Drugs just seem like the easy way out". That I was somehow a lesser person for getting medication rather than "working it out" on my own. Half the time it doesn't even seem like the pills work. I don't know where I'm going with this. I surround myself with awful people I guess.
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To see what is right and not do it is want of courage. |
#18
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The thing about people who've never had to use meds is that they let the stigma around medication influence their opinions about people with actual conditions. They're not necessarily bad, just misinformed. And unfortunately that misinformation can cause pain for others. Most depression has a biological root, it isn't just "Oh, you've been feeling down lately. You don't need medication for that! Man up!" It's literally that you cannot stop feeling that way. I remember I literally had to be talked down and had a screaming match with my family when they insisted I consider medication I was so set against it. My pride and my ego had blinded me to the fact that feeling this way all the time wasn't normal and it wasn't healthy. The stigma associated with medication had distorted my view rather than my actual reasoning.
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Last edited by Noghri Sloth; Sep 18th, 2012 at 07:48 PM. |
#19
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For the record: I'm suffering from generalised anxiety disorder, with a side of social phobia and a good helping of dysthymia (which is a lower-level, but chronic, depression).
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#20
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My friend Bee has been in bad shape since Greg died. There's so much that hurts about this--Greg was so young, Bee is so young, they planned on getting married but never got the chance, stuff like that. Our mutual friend has her wedding planned for next month and Bee is in the wedding party, and I know it's painful for her to participate and be happy for our friend, much as she tries.
I feel helpless and stupid. I keep saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and blundering around in our friendship. A few times Bee has been really mean to me, but I think because sometimes she just has to feel something, and I'm safe. Another mutual friend said something very wise to me: "we're all learning a lot in this." I'm learning how to help, Bee's learning how to live this new life, and because I'm close to her I'm on the "front lines" a lot. I cry randomly at bizarre triggers and the smallest thing can set off rage or overwhelming sadness. Most of my support network is also Bee's support network and it's hard for me to decide who to lean on and when. Even Facebook is constrained for me now; I don't want to seem to fall apart in a forum where Bee can see me. Her pain is so much worse than mine. I'm sure my temporary menopause is contributing to my emotional instability. That plus Jason's health is a matter of concern again and school and work and I just feel like I'm buried.
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#21
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You've got a few friends around with shovels, should you need 'em.
I know it's none of my business, but letting people be abusive just because they're suffering a loss... that does not set the groundwork for a good relationship in the future. Sometimes people need to be reminded where boundaries exist to help them work through their grief; reminding people they can't kick you (or anyone else) in the teeth reminds them what has forgotten what normal actually feels like. Likewise... showing that emotions are normal is sometimes helpful. And that's all the more I'll say about that. (I know it's none of my business but (insert unsolicited comments about your business.))
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I took the road less traveled now where the hell am I? (Thanks Jhulae) "I suppose a good death is better then bad roleplaying." -#577 From The Canonical List of Famous Last Words |
#22
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Your comments are always welcome, and valued, loki.
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RPGX Podcast with Amber E. Scott RPG freelance writer: follow me at Amber E. Scott for updates about writing and the RPG industry |
#23
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Noghri, I remember a psych major friend telling me that one thing that can help on the neurochemical end in a small way for someone who's borderline and just needs a little more balance is tryptophan, which is synthesized to make serotonin, which helps keep you level (IE, pay attention to foods on this list: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tryptophan)
Any idea of how that plays out in reality? Medesha...good luck? I've been there, and it's a painful nightmare to try to balance self-care with care of others.
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Sarosian Signature. Just here for a bit looking for a review of this one shot. October 2018 Last edited by CE2JRH; Sep 20th, 2012 at 09:04 PM. |
#24
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Quote:
![]() That said if anyone is considering using it, be careful if you are already on medication as you do not want to accidentally serotonin wash. Very bad juju that. I am curious though has anyone used a tryptophan supplement before? How did you react to it? Quote:
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#25
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...r-crashes.html
I think the good news here is that fatal car crashes are down 25%.
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I took the road less traveled now where the hell am I? (Thanks Jhulae) "I suppose a good death is better then bad roleplaying." -#577 From The Canonical List of Famous Last Words |
#26
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Ew... Daily Mail...
I've been struggling with depression for a while, more pronounced in the past year. Moved away from most friends and family for graduate school. The family has had some problems with my religious outlook, and have been distant. I've been trying to fight it through exercise and time with the wife. But it's getting to me.
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#27
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Can I just say how awesome it is that this thread exists?
I've been around people with varying levels of diagnosed and undiagnosed forms of depression all my life, and the biggest issue that I've seen with them--consistently, anyway--is that they feel they don't have any kind of support from anywhere. Having a support network and knowing that people are there, on any given level, is a fantastic feeling, and that this community has it makes me glad to be a part of it. And the resources besides: this is just a good idea in general.
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#28
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#29
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I'll throw my hat in here. I don't think I could count everything I have on one hand... okay, well, I probably could, but I haven't tried, because it sucks thinking about all of it. I'm better then I was 10 years ago, which I'm thankful for, but at the same time, I'm still not terribly happy with me. >.>
I've found two solutions that work MOST days: find humour in everything, and help people. It has given me a fairly dark, yet broad sense of humour. I tend to try keeping the darker part of it to myself though, since I know most people don't tend to react too kindly to some of it, but it works for me, so I'm not going to change it. Plus, on a bad day, it really helps to be able to read, or watch, practically anything to try and keep myself from getting too depressed. The other part I think is pretty self-explanitory. I do what I can within my own limitations to help out, even if it is just doing people small favours that ultimately don't mean all that much in the long run. I just find it incredibly difficult to not be in a good mood when I've had a dozen people in one day tell me I'm awesome or amazing. ... Which I am, but I digress. Heck, the last four days alone I've given more of my time to other people than I've kept for myself. It may also be partially because if I have too much time to myself with too little to do, my mind wanders, and that never helps. My solutions probably won't work for many... if anyone, except me, but I figured I'd throw them out there anyway.
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#30
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I think this is a great thread. I personally am on disability for chronic bipolar depression type one (thankfully with psychotic features). I've been in the hospital mental ward at least six times over the last four years with my first time back in 2001. I'm on something like six different meds for my bipolar disorder but i still seem to stay on the low end of life. I can't take anti depressants because they shoot me into mania, which would be great if I didn't have mixed episodes. So we settle for trying to keep me out of the major lows, and when they come, we focus on getting through them alive.
What do I do for catharsis? What keeps me going, distracted enough that I forget about death for a while? Dndog. I'm a full time gamer. My only other obligations are therapy twice a week, psyhiatrist once a month, letting my mom's dogs out four days of the week and the occasional odd job from my mom. I'm pretty much a shut in the rest of the time. Oh, and I have to manage my meds, which requires continual effort. With somewhere around thirteen meds and a biweekly injection, keeping track of it all takes discipline. I live in Alaska so there really isn't much in the way of support groups up here. I went to rehab in California for six months a couple years ago. Once I convinced them that I had actually been sober for ten years they let me switch from AA meetings to NAMI and other mental health support groups. A shame there aren't any up here. So I'm too unstable to roam the general forums, so I stick to my private games. Even there I get out of control sometimes and have to step back and take some time to regain perspective. (it's hard to act normal when you're psychotic, believe it or not...). Well, I've rambled long enough. Thanks for reading. I'm interested to see where this thread goes so I'll check back later.
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Last edited by Gath; Sep 27th, 2012 at 02:18 AM. |
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