Technical Tips

[Medesha]

In this thread, you can ask questions and post information on technical aspects of writing (grammar, punctuation, spelling, structure, scene organization, etc). Some of this may overlap with the creative aspects of writing; that's fine. No one's perfect.

[Medesha]

The Turkey City Lexicon is an extremely funny tip sheet for sci-fi and fantasy writers, written by a few SFWA (Science Fiction Writers of America) members. If there's one thing I could show you to make you a better writer, this is it.

[Korias]

I just want you guys to read over the first part of this application, so I have everything on order. The Main Question: Would you buy this module just from reading these two peices?

"Hunted!”
A D&D adventure for 10th-level characters


Introduction

Adventuring Gains Notoriety amidst the hierarchy of nobility. As an experience is gained, so does your reputation. And not all reputation is good. Rumors have spread that certain kings and queens are seeking your head, and will stop at nothing to have it. Wanted posters have been put up around the local streets, and now your name is on every bounty hunter’s list.
Your Being Hunted!

This adventure is for a party of 10th level characters that have started at a lower level and are currently level 10. As the DM, you will need the 3 Following Books: The Players Handbook v3.5, The Dungeon Master’s Guide v3.5, and the Monster Manual v3.5. Keep in mind, that as you will have 3-5 Assasin groups attempting to capture and/or kill your PCs, you may want to have something that details each Asassin’s particular traps and skills, his methods, and his alliances with other Assassins.

Adventure Background
As stated before, characters reputation is stretched far and wide. The King of Newhalzen, Markeus Corganashus, resides as supreme authority in Newhalzen, a medium sized city of 8,029 inhabitants, 79% of which are human, has made alliances with local villans and evildoers to get his way. Unfortunately, the PCs recently slew one of his better champions, and the king is a tad bit irked. Learning that the PCs were head his way, he begins to think of a plan of revenge, by killing those that killed his champion. He hired the greatest assassins and trapsetters in the city, determined on making the overzealous adventurers pay for their crimes against him. Each assassin was given a target, and each a significant bounty. Now the assassins roam the streets, seeking their targets with the intention of death.

[Medesha]

You'll want to fix a few errors before you submit this. I assume this is a full-length module and not an adventure (like you'd see in Dungeon magazine)? If so, where do you intend to send it?

Adventuring Gains Notoriety amidst the hierarchy of nobility

Why did you capitalize "Gains Notoriety"? It took me one or two reads to figure out what this meant. Consider: "Your great adventures grant you great notoriety amidst the nobility."

As an experience is gained, so does your reputation.

Emphasis mine. Also the first part of this sentence is passive, which game designers hate. Passive voice occurs when something happens without a subject.

Passive: "As experience is gained..."
Active: "As you gain experience..."

So you want to rephrase something like this: "As you gain experience, you also gain reputation" or "As you gain experience, your reputation improves."

Rumors have spread

Again, passive. Try, "Rumors reach your ears that..." or "You hear rumors that..."

Wanted posters have been put up

Passive. Consider, "Wanted posters appear all over town" or "You spy wanted posters with your face on every street..."

Your Being Hunted!

You're (you are). Capitals probably aren't needed either, so rewrite: "You're being hunted!"

This adventure is for a party of 10th level characters that have started at a lower level and are currently level 10.

Cut out the last part. "This adventure is for a party of 10th level characters."

As the DM, you will need the 3 Following Books:

The three following books; don't capitalize random words.

Keep in mind, that as you will have 3-5 Assasin groups attempting to capture and/or kill your PCs, you may want to have something that details each Asassin’s particular traps and skills, his methods, and his alliances with other Assassins.

Huh? What's in the adventure if you don't provide the assassin stat blocks, methods, skills, etc? This is work the game designers have to do. Also you spelled "assassin" three different ways in the same paragraph. Prestige class names are never capitalized (unless they begin a sentence or they're a header).

As stated before, characters reputation is stretched far and wide.

I'd cut this line out. You've stated it before, so you don't have to state it again.

The King of Newhalzen, Markeus Corganashus, resides as supreme authority in Newhalzen, a medium sized city of 8,029 inhabitants, 79% of which are human, has made alliances with local villans and evildoers to get his way.

This is a run-on sentence and contains too much information. If this is just a blurb to make me want to buy the module, you don't have to say the city's population or that 79% of the population is human. Cut that middle part out.

Learning that the PCs were head his way, he begins to think of a plan of revenge, by killing those that killed his champion.

A few grammatical errors here. Learning that the PCs were heading his way, he thinks of (no one "begins to think" unless they stop later) a plan of revenge. The structure is a little off; I'd rephrase, "Learning that the PCs are heading his way, the king decides to get revenge by killing those who killed his champion."

Also consider making the last paragraph present tense; most adventures are written that way. For example, instead of "He hired the greatest assassins..." write "He hires the greatest assassins."

seeking their targets with the intention of death.

Wording here is a bit off. Consider, "seeking to slaughter their targets" or "seeking to execute their targets."

I know this seems like a LOT of criticism, but you have a solid adventure idea here. You need a spellchecker and to learn a few of the conventions of module writing (passive voice, etc) but those come in time as you practice. Please rewrite it and show us a second draft. Thank you!

[Korias]

What I need is a virus scan, apparently.

I see where your going with the passive against active tenses. I will change that in the submission.

I have a habit to capitalize incorretly, so I apologize for the mass capitals.

Thanks for the gramatical tips and such.

This is going to be a full length adventure, sent into the design test at Wizards.

I know, its still in the idea stage, but I hope to flesh it out a bit.

[Medesha]

Excellent, excellent. I'm sure you'll do a good job working on it, and we'll be happy to take another look before you submit.

[Meatball]

I'm wondering what most magazines are looking for in the realm of word count for short stories. I've heard generally under 10,000, but no idea of a lower limit. Any rules of thumb or is it different for every publisher?

Edit: Ignore this post...saw Med's post in the other forum on word counts generally being 2,000 words to 10,000 words.