[Game Thread] Princess For Sale, Very Cheap

[Fragmaster01]

Narration This room looks right. Lots of amphorae and such. You don't know what an amphorae is, but your character appreciates that they're large earthen jars full of liquid. Most likely your booze, and if you sample some to make sure, no one will know, right? Right? Oh you. Such a cad.

Miles: Radagast is meowing very hard to get your attention, and is dangling off of your right foot. This is rather odd, since your foot is on the ground. Was. Well, the floor is sinking into a bottomless abyss, though it's a bit dark to really make out how. All you know is the cat is dangling on for dear life, and this seems Peculiar. Perhaps he should stop that.

[Andramal]

(But...but...which room was the right room? The left, or the right?

...did one of the rooms lie!?)

[Morathor]

"Well I was gonna check the middle door, but if they found it in one of the others..." Terri's brow furrowed a little. "Wait, that's a good question... left or right? I guess it doesn't matter. But what's in the other one? Or the middle... okay, in character now." She makes a vague sweeping motion with both hands, as if clearing the out of character clutter from the table so she can begin.

Falaschi I quickly glance in both the rooms to the left and the right before opening the middle door. I want to be thorough, after all. Maybe there is wine in here as well; maybe it is higher quality, or perhaps lower. On the one hand I would rather not be presumptuous with others' property, but on the other I don't want the celebration cheapened by cheap wine. I conclude that we should bring the best wine we can find, and sort out any resulting problems afterwards.

Terri clears her throat before attempting to do the character's voice. Why she decided that her goat-man should speak in a higher voice than her own natural register is a mystery, even to Terri. Nonetheless, she goes through with her best high, friendly voice.

Falaschi "Well, what all have you found? Anything good in those, uh, amphorae?"

Terri shakes her head; of course the DM couldn't just call them jars. Well, even if his terminology was a bit pretentious sometimes, it was just a sign that he was so invested in his worlds. They felt so real sometimes, even when they were a little silly.

[Fragmaster01]

Narrator You do indeed find some wine, and it's... Radagast, quit it. It's the red sort, with a deep winey smell. You have absolutely no idea how you're going to get it out, but hey! You're a winner. Yo- oh for, cat. Stop it. What is your... problem...

Derrick trails off, as he seems to be slightly mesmerized by the fact that the cat is sinking into the floor, as if the floor were melting into a goopy mush. He makes to get up, but he too, and all of you, seem to be likewise jiggered to some strange Thing Beyond that is pulling you out of the map.

[Muggins]

Gabrielle is similarly enthralled by Radagast's melting antics. No, wait, that's not the word; she's horrified. Yes, that was it. Waagh!

Globule Globule, uh, takes a bottle. She..

Unsurprisingly, not even the fantastical world of Derrick's narration can obsure the fact that the local cat was turning into goo. Or that Gabrielle's rump was getting sucked into the chair, for that matter. Somehow she didn't think that was supposed to be happening. "Everyone else can see that, right?" she queried nervously, "not just me with the numbness and the dangling cat? No? Good." 'Good' was, of course, subjective. Objectively speaking, things were bad. Terrible, even. Disastrous?

[Andramal]

Gui was thinking, Holy Bleep - a sinkhole, but that doesn't really match up. Then again, what other, logical explanation could explain the action going on with the floor right now?

He tried grabbing at the table, but that failed. He attempted to get away from the table, the center of the strangeness, but all he ended up doing was sprawl out in the sinking. There was some choice swearing too, but hopefully his Momma will forgive that, if she ever found out.

[Morathor]

Terri found it hard to focus on the game as she started to melt into the floor, but she did at least try to maintain her composure. Freaking out was probably not helpful. Besides, it was probably some sort of drug reaction... except she hadn't taken any drugs. Not today, not for months. Had somebody drugged her? But when? How? Everyone else seemed to be freaking out too, so unless that was all in her head it was all the same source, but although snacks and drinks sort of went around at a gathering like this, she was pretty sure there was nothing that everybody had had. Especially since Gabrielle had arrived so late... So, was this real? That was impossible. Just impossible. Had to be some kind of hallucination, but... shared hallucination? It didn't make any sense...

Devoid of any rational explanation or useful ideas, Terri gave in and allowed herself to freak out. "Whatthe****whatthe****whatthe****whatthe****. .."

[Fragmaster01]

The floor calmly accepts your offering of cat, and lets you pass through. This is not what a floor is supposed to do, but he won't tell if you won't.

Outside the wall of reality is very chill. Nice and scenic. The various screaming and flailing doesn't seem to be helping matters, but presumably if you are being sucked down a cosmic drain pipe, there is somewhere to land at the bottom. Yes? Maybe?

Gui: The fall is stretching you out, like chewing gum, or a poor nerd being bullied upon. Also, something seems to have grabbed onto your butt at the base of your spine, and is not letting go. This interferes with your flailing significantly.

Gabby: If Gui is being stretched, you're being used as a tug-of-war rope. It doesn't hurt, which is even more worrying, as you definitely feel longer than before.

Terri: Your feet are twisting about, and someone's grabbed onto your ears and two spots on the top of your head, like a claw-game claw of sorts.

Miles: You feel very cozy, and small. Well, actually just fuzzy, but it's probably just you being allergic to un-reality.


You are mildly interrupted in your flailing by Derrick giving a muffled scream. Looking over at his general vicinity, you see small noodley black shadow arms reaching out from the space between spaces, and grabbing him over the mouth. Radagast swims over to his defense, but is swatted away. The arms do not want cat. Cat is not as good as fatty for breakfast. Shoo.

As Derrick is pulled away, and Radagast flies off, they both vanish into the walls of the spiral as they hit them. You are mildly alone.

[Andramal]

What can one say or express to such a sensation?

Oh my God I'm about to be violated by tentacles!?

Well, that is one thing, admittedly. It's probably not what is actually going to happen, but having your body defy shapely physics, while getting eaten by a carpet with an inter-dimensional belly, opens up the possible things quite a bit.

Whatever happened to Rabbit holes with furniture pack-rat eccentricities in the walls?

[Aerandor]

Miles, as usual, had delved into reading his Bone comics as soon as Derrick had finished explaining the nature of their first mission. Choosing which door might lead to some wine bottles was far too mundane a task to hold the 14 year-olds interest. Even once Radagast started pestering him, he merely took a cursory glance at his foot to try and shake the thing off. While a sinking floor would have appeared unusual to most others, Miles was far too focused on getting back to his comics to realize what was actually going on. That was until the cat dissolved.

That got his attention. "Uh, guys.. " was all Miles got out before the goo started pulling him into the floor. At the last moment, Miles reflexively latched onto his treasured comics before being sucked into the vortex. An embarrassingly high-pitched scream emitted from Miles mouth as he falls, a scream that seemed to become impossibly even higher-pitched as he fell. And yet the feelings of warmth and comfort, or fuzziness, whichever, were at contrast with the visual experience he was having. "Dudes, is this like, Nirvana or something? I'd say heaven, but this really isn't what I was expecting." Lost in the echoing void was the realization that Miles' voice no longer sounded like that of a 14 year-old boy. Also, Miles did not feel to elaborate on what he expected heaven was supposed to be like, at least not with two females present.

[Morathor]

Terri reaches up for her head, or at least, tries to. It's rather hard to move your arms when your body is being pulled apart and put back together by nightmarish forces. Without anything more useful to do, Terri's mind leaps to an appropriate song. Not that she can sing it at the moment, but the lyrics running through her head manage to distract her a little from the freakiness. Sanctus espiritus, redeem us from our solemn hour, sanctus espiritus, insanity is all around us...

And then the freakiness is over. Well, mostly over. She's not at Derrick's house and anyway, Derrick was eaten by tentacles or something. Also, her legs feel really weird. Her head feels a bit weird too but mostly her legs.

[Fragmaster01]

Your scenic adventure comes to a halt as you crash into... something. The floor, you presume, or what passes for it in these parts. The sounds of muffled celebration reach your ears, though what they demand you celebrate is beyond you.

Gui: You have landed sprawled on your back, leaning slightly against a wall. A little green fuzzy thing has landed on you, though this is not quite as important as the fact that you are also fuzzy(though with a much more majestic coloration).

Miles: You have landed on a fluffy sofa of sorts. Warm, too. Only in time will you realize that it has claws the size of your head.

Terri: Your world is dark, for you have landed face down in a pot. A nice, clay pot some 5 feet tall, and currently home to a satyr who's head cleverly defeated the top of the pot. Violently. Your head is no worse for wear, due to impressive construction, but you are somewhat upsidedown, with your waist hanging on the rim of the pot, and your goatshoes dangling limply. Little help?

Gabbi: You too have fallen into a bottle, though this is made extremely disconcerting by the fact that you are now the shape of the bottle. This is a feeling you never thought you'd experience, and it's weirding you out miserably.

Aside from your unfortunate circumstances, the room is very dusty, brown, and indeed rather similar to the one that Derrick was describing before everything went pear-shaped. There is a nice wooden chandelier, though, with little candles lit in it. Must be a bar or something; somewhere that wants to be festive.

[Andramal]

OOCville It seems safe to assume that we are fully what we are, sooooo...

Gui groaned, and didn't notice how the depth of his voice has changed. He definitely noticed the pain in his back, as he seemed to be sprawled on top of something himself. "What, The, bloody..."

Fluffy couch Gui tried to sit himself up, which won't quite go as planned, and will probably send the green fuzzy thing rolling down his belly to the floor at this legs.

[Muggins]

Of all the sensations and emotions that Gabrielle experienced during her time in non-space, anxiety was the main one. Interdimensional portals were not her forte, and the screams and cries of her companions all but confirmed that the portal wasn't supposed to be there. It was either that or Derrick pulling a sweet trick that nobody else had expected, but that seemed unlikely given that the void had just eaten him. Gabrielle briefly assessed her options; either sit there in the swirling void and scream too, or lament about the agonising pain in her arms. She went with the latter.

"If interdimensional travel feels like this, then I don't want to be a scientist," she whined, "these were my favourite sets of limbs - my only sets of limbs - and now they feel like an old gran's. Fantastic." She would've complained further, but the tug-o-war sensation was swiftly banished as the interdimensional portal gave way to a room. A big one, dank and dusty with plenty of containers. Also monsters, but she'd get to that later.

More importantly, why did her current shape seem approximate to that of a bottle?

[Morathor]

Terri kicks her feet wildly--they feel so weird--while calling out. "What's going on? Where are we? Can someone get this vase off me? Seriously what the hell is going on?" Of course, her words are probably muffled by the sturdy clay walls trapping her. Even inside the pot, the resonance and echo are doing something weird to her voice. If the pot is rendering her voice unrecognizable to herself, then it's likely that she's completely unintelligible to anyone outside of it. Still, hopefully they'll get the gist of her concern. That, or she'll tip the jar over with her flailing legs. If she's really lucky, it will break at that point, but even if it doesn't it will surely be more comfortable than being stuck upside down, with blood rushing to her head...