[Announcement] Round 1 Results

[Bhelogan]

The scores are in! Our top contenders from each group will need to tighten up their game, and get ready as the completion gets tougher every round. For everyone else, Fu's Bar is open for you to root for your favorite.

Click on the chart to see it larger

The Dice saw it one way, the judges another. Some of our favorites flew through with ease, while some fell just a bit short, and a few surprises came through in the numbers as well. In the end, those missed bonus points for Bracket 1 and 2, on the docks ended up costing some of the players in their rankings. (I know they are a little hidden lumped in with mechanical scores, but basically, everyone in the B group for those two brackets would have been 0.1 points higher in their total). Story objectives matter! Fantastic job to everyone who participated. Round 2 is just around the corner!

[Chrystrom]

Let me begin this round of scores and comments by saying that my hat is off to all of you who are participating in Outplay. There is a reason I am a judge this year, I wasn't brave enough to step into the ring like you did. So while I sit on this side of the table and make snarky comments, know that I do recognize and appreciate the guts it takes to step into the ring to be judged and I applaud you for it.

I have provided "daily" comments for each individual post you made. These comments were written as I read each post and reflect my thoughts at the moment of having just read that post.

Two general comments I will make to everyone- one place that many people lost points from me was in the layout of their mechanics section. If, by glancing at your rolls, I couldn't figure out easily what you were trying to do and if you had succeeded or not, then you probably lost a few points. So, if you make it through to the next round, perhaps look for some best practices among your competitors...and copy from them like there's no tomorrow This also just makes your GMs' and Judges' lives easier.

A second place that many people lost points from me was in the "Moved the Plot/Acted true to Character" section of scoring. I broke each day down to a total of 8 possible points and thus this section was worth 2 points each day. If your character acted essentially true to who they were that earned one point. If they actively engaged in team work and/or actively worked to move the plot forward they earned another point. If, on the other hand, your character essential spent that post standing around by themselves they did not earn that point.

Bracket 1 Bracket 1   Group A Market bananabadger/Brinehonz Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 37   Day 1 – Zero typos, off to a great start! I liked how you took your first post as a direct continuation from your application narrative. The artwork again was great and well tied into the post. I also approve of how you included interactions with other characters. It can be tough being the first to post, but you gave your fellow players hooks on which to hang their posts, great job with that (and thank you for the note regarding coordination with outer players so we knew you were not godmoding with your post). I also could have used some description of what Brinehonz looks like, his mannerisms, etc. With an intro post, help your reader be able to really picture this character from the get go. Missing some commas here and there. Overall, well written and entertaining. Day 2 – Zero typos again, good job. Ok the talking crab, 4th wall, extravaganza literally had me laughing out loud multiple times. I even think tears started coming out of my eyes. That was a lot of text…but every word of it was worth reading. What you lose in brevity, you more than make up in hilarity. So, I say let the crabs in! Give them a stat block! End the crab-phobia of Outplay once and for all! Day 3 – Another day and zero typos…keep up the good work. I like how you referenced your other players and what was occurring with them. Lots of flavor in this post, but a bit light on everything else. A fun and entertaining post, but after your other two post this one just felt light weight in comparison. Day 4 – Ah your record is broken with one measly typo today. Here I was just thinking as I started to read, “I wonder why he hasn’t done anything with the Shugaro thing lately?” and it’s like you read my mind. It is great how you work the other characters into your post, makes you seem like part of a team and not a solo character out on the town. After yesterday’s post this one steps your quality back up again. Good crabby bit of fun, Shugaro fever, working with another character…all good stuff. Day 5 – Zero typos…if it wasn’t for yesterday, you’d have bragging rights with lostcheerio (I’m sure she won’t even mention that she did better in this area than you). For the big finale post…this just feels a bit weak. Nothing wrong with it, but after the other posts from this week there’s just not much here - a little fun, a little team work, but not much to really finish with a big bang for the week. GleefulNihilism/Jiaze Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 29   Day 1 – A slew of typos (I counted 13 of them and that’s not counting the missing commas) and some awkward sentences here and there. I like the background you gave on Jiaze and the Trade Union. Gave good flavor for the character. What is lacking is any real description of her physically and any identifiable mannerisms. A picture does not excuse the need to use the written word to describe the character at least some. Just small things like mentioning her hair color, clothing choice, eye color, etc. can really help her come alive in my mind as the reader. Does she wrinkle her nose when she is thinking? Does she pull on her earlobe when nervous? Help breath more life into the character by including small touches like this, especially in an intro post. I’m not sure I like using a list to make your observations about the other characters (maybe this is a personal thing). It just seems like a short cut instead of taking the effort to use the narrative words to give us the same descriptions but in actual thoughts from the character. No interaction with the other characters and you didn’t leave any ‘hooks’ for your fellow players to build off of in your post. Day 2 – Three misspelling and one other typo in your post today. I like how you handled/ tried to handle the dice failure. Seeing a bit of Jia’s personality through her words but would be nice to see more of it come out. Also still lacking any descriptive text for Jia. Day 3 – Three typos today. This was a very short post. With this being one fifth of your total posts for this week, there was so much more you could have done here, even considering the situation Jiaze finds herself in. There’s just not a lot here. We only see the small bit of Jiaze’s personality come through in this post. Day 4 – Two typos today. This post as more meat on its bones than the last one. Here you are giving us more of Jiaze’s personality as she interacts with the Bouncers. Seeing her in this situation and how she handles it is fun and entertaining. I still feel like there is more you could do with your chance to write a post to impress the judges here. Day 5 – Two typos again today. This is your big finale post for the week…and it just doesn’t deliver for me. It’s a decent post with Jiaze’s personality showing up but even with her simply doing a “helping” action there was so much more you could have done here to finish strong. This felt a bit like walking across the finish line instead of sprinting. stepanxol/Salambiccus Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 34   Day 1 – Two minor typos and some a missing comma. There is no description of Salambiccus here…none at all. We get some words, some thoughts, a bit of action…which is all good…but no descriptive narration. Hard to picture a character without descriptive narration of some kind. What does Maggie the spider look like as she scuttles around the market? What does Sal look like as he juggles, or as he listens to the briefing, or as he insults the bard? Physical descriptions and mannerisms really help the reader picture the character. This was a very brief post for an intro post to a new ‘game.’ You interacted with ‘Gramps’ but none of the rest of the squad and you didn’t leave any ‘hooks’ for your fellow players to build off of in your post. I did like the scene with the apples. Day 2 – Zero typos. Opening paragraph was great. Grabbed my attention and was a bit of fun. Liked how you handled the fruit seller ‘diplomatically’ and with snark. Day 3 – One small typo today. I liked the creative narration of how you handled the crowd situation. Also, the limerick about the blacksmith was very good. Sal’s personality is shining through nicely in this post. Day 4 – Zero typos today, good job. This post was very short, terse even. This post represents one fifth of your total posts to impress the judges for this week and in effect you just didn’t do much with it. There is a bit of taunting but besides that it amounts to simply getting away from the smith in the fewest words possible. There was so much more you could have done with this post to show us more of Sal’s personality, background, character, etc. Maybe have him day dream as he goes over the roof on what “portentous adventures” await on the other side. There just isn’t much here. Day 5 – Two small typos in today’s post. Now we are talking! Where has then been all week? I love the t-shirt just to mess with Gramps! The mockery is great. This is Sal at his best…it’s too bad we had to wait all week to get here, but this was truly fun and enjoyable. Thaco/Essarion Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 3/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 26   Day 1 – One minor typo in the text. I could have used some description of Essarion. What does he look like? What are his mannerisms? You gave us a bit of his thoughts and some of his speaking, but no real description of him. As I read the post, I had no real mental picture of this character. This was your intro post bringing this character into this game and it just didn’t feel like you gave me a good sense of who this character is. I’m not sure I like the list format for making observations on the other characters. Seems like a bit of a short cut to do it that way versus needing to write full narration to go with each description/observation. As a judge I appreciate brevity, but this seemed really short for an intro post of your character into this new ‘game.’ No interaction with other characters and you didn’t leave any ‘hooks’ for your fellow players to build off of in your post. Day 2 – Two minor typos in your post. I like the little bit of background you throw in here for Essarion. Helps bring him alive a bit more. His personality is beginning to show through. Day 3 – Just one minor typo today. As a judge I appreciate brevity, but this post take brevity too far. With this post representing one fifth of your total posts for this week there was just so much more you could have done here. This isn’t a bad post, but there is also nothing special about it. It’s just a post…and a very short one at that. Day 4 – Zero typos. See yesterday’s comments. I do like that you interacted with the crabs a bit. Day 5 – Just one typo in today’s post. I like that you mentioned everyone else in your post, even the crabs. Brings the whole team together in the big finale post. This should be your big finish…jazz hands and all. While you do a lot more here than the previous two days’ worth of posting, I still feel like there could have been more done here to wrap up the week and to bring Essarion alive as a character. You give me a bit more to chew on here than most of the week and it is enjoyable, but there could have been more.   Group B Docks HellsingsRaxiel/Eleath Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 31   Day 1 – I did find three minor typos, not counting missing or extra commas, in this post. Eleath might not have much flair (especially compared to some other group members (yeah I looking at you Faye), but his personality does come out in this post. I very much enjoyed the interaction between Eleath and Faye, especially after just reading the other side of it from Faye’s perspective. I really could have used some description of what this character looks like. All I kind of had in my mind as I read the post was a general grim generic elf. This is your intro post for this character into a new “game,” so introduce him to your readers. Give me some details to help him stick in my mind – physical descriptions and mannerisms would make him much more memorable. Day 2 – Just 1 minor typo today. We already see a little growth in Eleath in just the second post. I loved the peek at his “dragging his feet” and the relationship between Eleath and Faye. A nice little gem of an insight into this character. Once again, I could have really used some sort of descriptive text for this character to help that mental picture. This was a short post for something that represents one fifth of your total posting for the week. You could have done a lot more here…just a bit more meat on the bone. Day 3 – Just one typo in today’s post. I like the flashback look we get of Eleath in today’s post. It is a nice touch as you continue to reveal this character bit by bit. Not much else though since I think you misunderstood the DM’s directions and missed the opportunity to take an action this round after your roll to make it through the crowd. Day 4 – There were four typos in today’s post. I really like how you worked in the conversations from Magna and Chervil into your post and had Eleath reacting to Chervil. This was a great touch and continued to make him part of the team and not a solo act. Eleath isn’t exactly humorous, but I like that you worked with what you have in the character here to do a light-hearted post. Day 5 – Three typos to finish out the week. I continue to enjoy the relationship between Eleath and Faye. I also like how you tie in Chervil into your post. You finish the post making a reference to some past event…but then it just ends. That seemed like the opening lines to some kind of revealing flashback, but then we got nothing. I would have really like to see another Eleath flashback/backstory reveal here. This was also your big finish of the week, I would have loved to see you go full out, hog wild with having fun here, or at least as much fun as Eleath ever has. Wishkamon/Magna Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 5/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 6/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 28   Day 1 – There are a slew of typos in this post. I counted a total of 12, not counting missing commas. I like all the little details you throw in here that make Magna’s personality shine through. Being the first to post can be difficult because you don’t have other players to build off of, but you do a good job here. I really like how you include all your team members, giving them hooks on which to hang their upcoming posts. What is lacking is any real description of your character physically. A picture does not excuse the need to use the written word to describe the character. This is your introductory post for this character into a new ‘game.’ You are setting the stage for the reader and other players to be able to see and know this character. If I hadn’t had the picture in your post, I wouldn’t have any idea what this interesting character looks like and, once again, you can’t just lean on having a picture there. Just add a few little details to help draw that picture in my mind. Day 2 – Another day with a big number of typos, I counted 10 (not including missing commas). I loved how you completely took what the DM gave you and ran with it. You took that hook and played it right out into a nice character interaction with the NPC’s, a bit of background, and then your next action moving things forward. Day 3 – Why do the guards have to be “exceptionally sexy”?! Can only good-looking people get jobs in Magna’s illusionary guards? Pfftt. That’s just looks-ism. A few missing commas and just one (at least I think) typo today. I really like how Magna’s personality shines today. She’s doing the crotchety old lady very well. I also like your use of the spell to aid your fellow player. That is a nice touch. And the dice seemed to love you today. My only gripe is the length of your post. This post represents one fifth of your total ability to impress the judges for the week and this was just very brief. It seems like you could have done so much more here to bring Magna alive. Day 4 – Five typos today and another fairly short post. You are only dealing with what is directly in front of you, but taking a bit more creativity to go beyond that would really help bring Magna and your posts alive. I do like that you mention the other characters and include Eleath in your post. Makes Magna part of a team and not a solo character. Day 5 – Just three typos in this final post of the week. Nice little – not – pun in the post. Have you been waiting all week to use that one? I really like how you tie everyone else up into your post. Highlighting what everyone else is doing and the part they are playing. The illusions are creatively disturbing…I am sure I’m going to have nightmares tonight…sigh. Magna seems to have come out of her crotchety shell a bit today…maybe a bit of character growth or maybe just an off day for her? Drachenspirit/Faye Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 32   Day 1 – Finally! Someone gives me an actual description of their character! Great job on doing that and written with brevity and flair. Faye’s personality just shone through like a polished gem right from the start. One typo (I think unless you intended to make a joke by saying “Brining” instead of “Bringing.”) I love all the interaction between Faye and the other characters of not only your team but even the other team in your bracket. This was a fun and entertaining post, it accomplished everything you were asked to accomplish and all done with restrained brevity. Day 2 – One typo today and a couple of awkward sentences/verb structures. Once again Faye’s personality shines right through and I liked the little background story you tossed in to highlight this. I’m really enjoying this interaction between Faye and Eleath. A short post though…you could have done more with a post that represents one fifth of you week’s posting. Day 3 - Zero typos today – well done! I continue to just enjoy Faye as a character. This post continues the great Faye personality and light-hearted fun. A gripe I do have today is that you never use Faye’s name or anything else to denote her besides variations of “she.” Try to break that up and be a bit more creative when speaking of your character. Constantly repeating “she” and “her” over and over gets repetitive and old. See yesterday’s comments about the length of the post…they still apply today. Day 4 – Just one typo today. Faye’s personality continues to shine, but there’s just not much here in this post. See comments on previous days about post length. I just would like to see Faye do, think, say, reflect on, flashback to…more. It also appears like you are taking two actions here instead of the allowed one action. Even your fieldset box is labeled “Actions”. Day 5 – Two small typos in today’s post. Another fairly short post, although a bit longer than the previous. I’m just liking Faye so much that I want to see you do more with her in these posts. She seems like such an entertaining and joyously fun character I’d love to see you just cut a bit looser and have more fun with her. Especially as this is your grand finale post for the week, it would have been great to see Faye end the week with a big splashy Faye-tastic post. HotsuSama/Chervil Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 31   Day 1 – I found zero typos in this post, so great job on that front. I also enjoyed the spoken dialogue and internal dialogue from Chervil. His personality showed up right from the start. I would have liked some actual description of this character. Having a picture attached to your post is not an excuse to not include at least some small details to help the reader picture your character. The instructions from the DM said, “For your first post, in addition to responding to the calling of the letter, and initial meeting with the Bishop, please indicate how your character will go about finding the Cult members at the Docks.” You did not cover the first two of the three items in that instruction. As I said on your application comments…you are a Rat with a cat, I would have loved a bit of background on this relationship as you introduced this additional “character” in your post. You responded to another character’s interaction with you, but you did not interact with anyone else, reflect on any of your fellow team mates, or provide any hooks for other players to hang their posts off of. Day 2 – Three typos today. Once again Chervil’s personality comes sliming through. He might not be lovable, but he is memorable. Today you gave me a tiny little bit of description of Chervil to help me picture him and to make him feel a bit more real. I like your including what the other players are doing around the dock area into your post. This was well done. Day 3 – Just one typo for this day’s post. I’d still like to hear a bit about why Chervil has this cat. Didn’t feel like there was much here today, just the basics of getting into the ship. This is one fifth of your ability to impress the judges and you just don’t do much with it. Take the opportunity to bring this character to life. Day 4 – Just one typo again today. More meat on the bone today. Chervil seems to finally be in his element and coming to life in this post. Nice to see him interacting with the other characters instead off on his own and his personality really comes out today. Day 5 - Zero typos today, way to finish strong! I love the interactions going on between the whole group in this series of posts, including this one. Too bad Chervil spent so much of the week alone, it is so much more entertaining when he has other characters to play off of. His reaction to Magna’s illusions is fun and inventive – great job here.

Bracket 3 Bracket 3   Group A Market Yoshimi/Sorbo Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score This includes the -5 point penalty for editing outside the 1 hour limit26   Day 1 – Zero typos, great job on the editing! As a judge I do appreciate brevity, but this post takes the idea of brevity, especially for an into post, a bit far. There is so much more you could have done, especially for a first post in a new “game.” First, I would have really liked to see an actual description of Sorbo. What does this dwarf look like? What are his mannerisms? Paint that mental picture for me so that I can see this character. Second, I would have loved to have seen Sorbo reflecting on who his team mates are. Third, some interaction with your fellow characters would have been a great touch. I did really like the scene of Sorbo setting up as a caricature artist. It had some really nice details in it that made the whole scene come to life. The instruction from the DM were, “For your first post, in addition to responding to the calling of the letter, and initial meeting with the Bishop, please indicate how your character will go about finding the Cult members in the Market.” You did not include anything to do with the letter in this post. It is important to carefully read the DM post and respond accordingly. Day 2 – One minor typo in today’s post. Nicely done running with what the DM gave you in the update post. I like the details of Sorbo doing the painting for the little girl and his interaction with Jyl. I still would like some descriptive details for Sorbo tossed in here. Day 3 – Zero typos today! The formatting for your dice rolls and lack of clear labeling makes it really difficult to know what you are rolling for/aiming at. A quick look at a few of your fellow players and their formatting for the Action section would have given you a better way to do it. Very creative way to use this character’s abilities. I am enjoying this very unusual character and his unique solutions to problems. Day 4 – Another day and zero typos! I enjoyed the little “oops” details you threw in to make Sorbo less than perfect in what he is doing. Those are nice touches. Would have been nice to see Sorbo mention, notice, think about any of his fellow team mates by name in this post. It would have just showed him as part of the team and not a solo act. Day 5 – Just one typo today. I like this teamwork with Hazeal and the new way that Sorbo looks at her shows interesting character growth. This was a very nicely written and entertaining post. JustSomeGuy/Jeremy Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 10/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 36   Day 1 – Zero typos, great job! I enjoyed the little details you added that gave atmospheric feel to the setting around Jeremy. I would have really liked some description of Jeremy’s physical looks. Having a picture with your post is not an excuse to not give your reader words to help them see this character. Paint that picture with words, don’t just rely on the graphic. Jeremy’s personality showed up some in this post but I would have liked to see it a bit more. This is your intro post for this character into a new “game, bring him to life. I would also have liked to have seen more interaction with your fellow characters. You spoke to the generic group and gave orders/suggestions, but you didn’t really interact with anyone specifically or give us Jeremy’s thoughts or impressions of his team mates. Helping your fellow players out by giving them hooks in your posts that they can then use to build their posts off of, is always a great thing. Day 2 – Second day with zero typos, great job! Once again, the added atmospheric details just help bring this market setting to life. I could almost smell the place the way you describe it. Today we get a bit of Jeremy’s thoughts about his team mates, good job adding that in. Great job reacting to what the DM gave you and what the other characters are doing. Nice job referencing what is even going on in the other team’s thread (I think that’s a reference to the dwarf playing the harp). Day 3 – Oh you broke your streak…1 typo in today’s post. Love how you include everyone else’s character’s and their actions into your own post. I also like your descriptive word choices for these other characters. What an intense flashback scene! I loved it but it was also very uncomfortable reading. Great background on the Jeremy and his “imaginary” friend. I also really like your incredible descriptive word choices. You know how to paint a picture with a few words…I only wish you used that same talent to paint the picture of Jeremy a bit more vividly instead of just the world around him. Day 4 – Just 1 typo in today’s post. Again I enjoy your word choices. I like that you are working with a team member here and not just being a lone wolf. A bit of a weaker post today after yesterday’s…no flashback material, just the small reference to Jyl. I would have liked a bit more after some of your previous posts. Not bad today, just not as good as some of your other posts. Day 5 – Finished strong with zero typos and a creative and interesting post. This was a long post and covered familiar ground, being a sort of summary, but by taking it from the ghost’s perspective it gave the post an interesting twist. Qiksilv/Hazeal Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 5/10 Total Score 27   Day 1 – There were six typos in addition to a slew of commas missing throughout the post and several awkward sentences. Thank you for tossing in physical descriptive details in this post to help me picture this ugly dwarf. I really liked the list of “acceptable and unacceptable animals.” Hazeal’s personality pops through in this post in the little details you have throughout. I like that you included some interaction with your fellow characters and responded to what your fellow players had written in their posts. It would have been nice to have gotten a bit more of Hazeal’s thoughts on her fellow team mates, but the post was running long as is). I liked the creation of the ram and Hazeal’s interaction with it (Pro Tip: you actually can lead a sheep or goat along by holding out leaves just out of reach). Day 2 – There were nine typos in today’s post and again a large number of commas missing throughout. Ok you probably don’t know this about me, but I am a farmer…or more correctly I play at being a farmer. I have goats, and I really like my goats, but if I didn’t live where it was dang blasted hot and humid all summer…and spring…and fall…I would have sheep. So I really enjoyed the Morton story and details in today’s post. It made for a lot of reading that didn’t necessarily do much to ‘move the story forward’ but I liked it none the less. Morton’s personality…oh I mean Hazeal’s personality continued to come through in this post and I’m starting to like this ugly little dwarf. Day 3 – Just two small typos in today’s post. I really like how you took the little bit the DM gave you here and twisted it to fit Hazeal with the interaction with the blind old man giving her directions. Priceless. I also like how you interrupted your own “mission” to basically help out a scene with another Character. And I like Hazeal’s ‘delusions’ about maybe being good at acting…fun flavor for this character. Day 4 – A slew of typos today, I counted eleven, and there were missing commas all over the place. It might have worked better to focus on editing than writing so many “choose you own adventure” optional outcomes. The formatting of the post with all these multiple dice rolls and different outcomes was confusing…I’m still not one hundred percent sure I know what was supposed to happen in the post. You have an hour to edit your post after seeing your dice rolls, it would have been good to use that time to clean up all these multiple options into just the one that the dice actually said did happen. Besides that, I continued to enjoy this ugly dwarf. If you don’t feel for her then you are just an orc’s hairy dingleberry in my book. Day 5 – Five typos today. A long post today, but it was entertaining and you even through in a Goat joke! – that warms my heart. I am sad to see Morton go. I was hoping Hazeal was going to keep him around. Noquarter19/Jyl Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 10/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 35   Day 1 – Two typos. Thank you for giving me a description of your character and doing it in an interesting and well written way. I love all the little details of Jyl you throw in here, physical details and her mannerisms. I also really liked the background on Jyl meeting Jeremy when she joined the XCAG. Being the first to post can be hard, but you interacted with your fellow characters and gave them a hook or two on which to hang their posts. The instruction from the DM were, “For your first post, in addition to responding to the calling of the letter, and initial meeting with the Bishop, please indicate how your character will go about finding the Cult members in the Market.” You hinted at getting a letter (the scroll I guess?) and referenced the briefing – briefly, but did not really react to those specifically in your post. I would have liked to see you deal with each of those items a bit more as instructed. Besides that, this was a very well written and engaging post. It did a great job of introducing what looks to be an interesting character. Day 2 – 1 minor typo in today’s post. Great job referencing what your fellow characters are doing and interacting with them. Loved the flashback with Sorbo (Walrus smugglers!?). Jyl’s personality continues to shine through with all the little details, mannerisms, and thoughts you toss in here like hidden gems. Day 3 – Two typos in today’s post. I like how you handled this situation of Jyl being followed. Very creative and suited to her personality. Even when making her play against her character (by impersonating a little girl) it just fit her so well. No interactions with other characters, but Jyl is off on her own today…hopefully she will get back with the others tomorrow. Day 4 – One small typo today. I really like how you brought everyone else into your post. Great job including your fellow team mates into your post and reacting to what they have been doing. Jyl as the unicorn princess was just great. One gripe, I don’t believe you have referenced “Jak” outside of your application until now. It would have been good to have given a bit of background reference to who this was. Even a simple “Jak, her brother,…” would have been helpful. You shouldn’t count on the reader to remember all the details from your application (if they even read it), so help the reader out by filling out a reference like this when you mention a new person. Day 5 – Zero typos today, great job! Good job mentioning the other characters in your post, this really makes you part of the team and not just a solo character. I really enjoyed this scene of Jyl getting the paper, what a tense finale. And of course her personality shines through.   Group B Docks lostcheerio/Rammariel Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 10/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 39   Day 1 – Zero typos today, off to a great start! I loved how you brought the other characters into your post. The reference to rooming with Jora was great and you gave at least one of your fellow players a hook on which to build their post. Good use of humor throughout the post. I would have loved to have seen more physical description of Rammariel in this intro post. You had him looking in a mirror right at the start, that would have been a great chance to describe what he sees…or his own opinion of what he sees. Having a graphic attached to your post does not excuse the need to use words to help paint the picture of this character in the mind of your reader. You did give a few hints at possible mannerisms that made Rammariel more memorable. I would have loved to have seen some background info included here or a flashback including another character…something to give more a feel for who Rammariel is. This is your first post introducing this character to a new “game,” help the reader get to know this character right off the bat. My biggest gripe, the one thing that might keep you from advancing in this competition…now I have that dang song stuck in my head. Day 2 – Another day with zero typos, great job on the editing! I love Ram’s interaction/reaction to Xue-Mihon. Ram’s personality really shines through in this post. I do have one question: who’s Undomiel Brightstar? You mention this person, but there is no other reference point or description to who this is in the post. This might be someone from your application, but you can’t expect your reader (especially us judges you have sooo much reading to do) to remember a small detail like that. Help me out by telling me who this is when you introduce this person into a post. I really enjoyed this post today. Day 3 – A third day with zero typos. Ok now I am feeling the challenge. You are just taunting me as a judge, daring me to find the one typo you have deliberately hid somewhere in your post. Well Challenge Accepted….nope still zero typos. Darn you. Well tomorrow I’ll get you and your dog too. I have to say I appreciate the lovely brevity in your posts. You do what you need to do, you give us interesting character development, but you don’t waste words. This isn’t one of those 2500-word essays other players have been turning in (Yeah Bananabadger I am looking at you). I really enjoy your humor and it is subtly on full display in this post. Once again Ram’s personality is on full and wonderful display…and I finally get some decent physical description of this dwarf, even if it is disturbingly while his is stripping down. Day 4 – Darn you lostcheerio, I know you are just laughing at me, you and your mad editing skills. One of these days…one of these days, I’ll find the misplaced apostrophe that will bring your doom. Not much more to say that I haven’t said on other days – another great post. Your humor continues. No wasted words. Another song to get stuck in my head. Day 5 – Ok you have gone too far…I mean, take pity on your judge and throw me a bone…at least give me one misspelled word or a comma out of place. No, you have no pity in your soul…zero typos for the fifth day in a row…sigh. I really like seeing this bit of growth/change in Ram, now Rammar. Embracing who he really is, is nice character development. An enjoyable post with flavor and fun, but without unnecessary fluff and filler. MontageManiac/Rhun Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 33   Day 1 – Just one minor typo in this post. As this is your intro post, I would really have liked to have seen some description of what Rhun actually looks like. Having a graphic attached to the post is not an excuse to not use words to paint the picture of what this character looks like, how he moves, what his mannerisms are in the mind of your reader. I liked that you brought some of the other characters into your post, the opening scene seeing and talking to Xue-Mihon, responding to Ram’s ideas, and then including them in the result of your action. You handled introducing a new magic well, giving us details on how it works without going too far. I would really have liked to see Rhun reflect a bit on his companions. Just a few words for each of the other characters from his perspective would have been great. The DM’s instructions were, “For your first post, in addition to responding to the calling of the letter, and initial meeting with the Bishop, please indicate how your character will go about finding the Cult members at the Docks.” You have three section and the second and third sections cover the instructions from the DM, but your first section does not even mention the letter. So while I enjoyed that first scene I am not sure it met the intent of the DM’s instruction to “respond to the calling of the letter.” Day 2 – Only one typo today. This seemed like a lot of words, and I got kind of lost in all of them, just to explain that he was looking for people in the warehouse. I think you got a bit lost in your own interest in this ley-line magic and, at least for me, over did it. Day 3 – Just two typos today. This I think was your best post so far. You got Rhun out of the stand around ruminating on his ley-line mode and into action and it greatly improved you post. We finally see him moving and speaking more than just a few lines. This allows his personality to show through even more than it has in previous posts. I loved his reaction to Ram and then his interaction with the harbor master. The sound effects really added to the feel of the post. This was a really good post. Day 4 – There were four typos today. You seemed to have missed that one of your fellow players was also in the Harbor Master’s office to get the info you did so that you were not alone in knowing or being able to act on it. After yesterday’s good post you fell back into writing a text book on Ley line magic and/or Arbiters. Too much info for me on the ins and outs without it really making a good tie in. There might be a more narrative way to handle giving this kind of info that would make it more engaging, but this current method isn’t working for me. Day 5 – There was a whole slew of typos today, as I found ten. Despite the typos, this was your best post of the week. It was definitely on the long side, at over 1900 words, and it contained a bit of the ley-line magic info, but it was all interesting and built to a big finale. What a way to finish out the week and to have Rhun use his powers in a more active manner. Good job. Mindsiege/Xue-Mihun Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 5/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 5/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 26   Day 1 – There were four typos in this post along with several awkward sentences and run-on sentences. You seem to have a habit of stringing sentences fragments together into long complicated run-on sentences. Rewriting these and breaking them up into several sentences would really help the flow of your narrative. Thank you for giving me a well written narrative description of your character and not just relying on your graphic to tell me what Xue-Mihun looks like. I very much enjoyed this opening part of your post. You also met all three of the DM’s requested items for your post – good job. I like that you included your team mates in your post, including reflections and thoughts about them, interactions with them, and providing several hooks off of which they could then build their posts. This post was already getting long, but it would have been nice to get a bit of background on Xue-Mihun and/or her Blood Magic. You can’t count on everyone reading these posts to have read your character applicaton. Day 2 – There were three typos in today’s post and the long run-on sentences continued to be a problem. A bit like your application you used a lot of words relative to what you were accomplishing. Showing a bit of discipline in your writing and making sure that you aren’t just getting caught up in your own creative flow and throwing together idea after idea in long sentences. I do like that you are continuing to include your fellow characters in what you are writing. Hopefully it is being done with consultation with them…as it does appear to be from their posts. Xue-Mihun’s personality is coming through fairly well, but it could be even more powerful with a bit tighter word choice, which would then give you the room to make use of things like flashbacks to illuminate this character. Day 3 – Just two small typos today, but again the run-on sentences are killing your good writing. This is an interesting scene with Grudge and Xue-Mihun’s personality shows up strongly in it. I did feel like you used an excess of words. Day 4 – Four typos in today’s post and the long run-on sentences/overly complicated sentences continue. You really spent a lot of time going into deep detail on Blood magic and this ritual. I felt like it was too much for one post. That was over 2500 words that didn’t do a lot except tells me the bloody details of Xue-Mihun’s magic. While this is an interesting mechanic dumping it all here in one post made for a slow slog of a read. Day 5 - Just two typos today but several very awkward sentences that were hard to read. This was another post over 2500 words with redundant words and redundant phrases like “On previous adventures in the past,” obviously previous adventures would be in the past, so it is unnecessary to say both ‘previous’ and ‘in the past.’ Once again to achieve what you did in this post this was just way too many words. It is obvious you are enjoying this character but a bit more discipline in your writing would help the reader enjoy her more also. I do really like that you brought Xue-Mihun back together with the rest of the squad and had her speaking and interacting more with everyone. Jerzima/Jora Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 5/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 4/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 5/10 Total Score This includes the -5 point penalty for editing outside the 1 hour limit17   Day 1 – There was no post on this day. As such, no points can be awarded for this day’s posting. Day 2 – This post was over the 1 hour edit time limit so suffered a -5 point deduction to scoring. There were six typos in today’s post. I like that you embraced having missed the first day of posting by having Jora oversleep. This was a creative solution to the issue. The only problem with this is it does not fit with the posts of your team mates. They have already included your troll in conversations and events and you completely ignored what the other players had written to do your own thing. It is never good to ignore the other posts in a game, whether they are from the DM or other players. You need to fit your character into what is already been written. You gave me a few tiny details on Jora’s physical looks, but not really enough to “see” this character. Having a graphic in your post is not an excuse to not use words to paint the picture of your character in the mind of your readers. This is your first post (on day two), so take the time to really introduce us to your character. You did give us a few of his mannerisms and that does help make Jora more memorable as a character. Finally, this being day two, you did nothing to really contribute to the team’s overall mission. You simply hid along a wall. It would have been great to see Jora jump in more actively to the team’s overall goals. Day 3 – There are two minor typos in today’s post. Jora’s ‘accent’ seems inconsistent. At times he sounds like the worst stereotype of a Jamaican and others it reads like anyone else. It seems like the ‘accent’ should be a bit more consistent through all his thoughts, but I recognize that can be hard to pull off. Once again Jora didn’t actually do much to contribute to the overall mission. He snuck into the warehouse, but no one knows he did that and so far, he hasn’t achieved anything by doing it. This is day three and Jora has yet to actually contribute to the overall mission in any significant way. I will wait and see if anything comes of all this lurking around. Day 4 – Just two typos today. Jora’s accent is much more consistent today. I am enjoying Jora’s thoughts and words, but it would have been so much more pleasurable to have seen him interact with some of the other characters or even a NPC more. So far, this being day 4, all Jora has still managed is to do is to simply lurk about being camouflaged. I would really have liked to see more out of this character. I think he had a lot more potential to give if you had just been bolder. Day 5 – Zero typos today, good job! We finally have Jora back with the squad and the chance to get some good interaction or reflection on the squad mates. You give a bit of this but not much. I would have liked to see more as this is Jora’s first chance to really be part of the team. I do like the little bits of personality we see from Jora in this post. He seems like such a colorful character; it is unfortunate that we have not had the chance to really see him in full action. Jora is still lurking, but this time with purpose and action. But for five days (4 really) Jora has done the exact same thing every day…use his cloak to blend in. He has been a one trick pony. It would have been nice to see you break out from his and try some other actions, even if they were sub-optimal.

+

[Retry]

This was tougher than expected and I might've been harsher than needed when it came to judging actions. Each group was different in the way they operated as well as how the posts were designed. You never knew what you were going to see when opening the thread. Be sure to give props to our wonderful GMs, and well-done to everyone who participated!

Bracket 2 BRACKET 2   Group A Group A - Market   AnotherDragoon/Kase Kase-13 "The Wanderer" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 31 I enjoyed the play on the protocol calls throughout the week. The definitions became old really fast to where I actually started skipping over them at first with the thought "oh, just another definition." The audio was a bit more welcome as it gave some insight into why Kase was operating the way he was - which, when it comes to an android is very important in my opinion. He also did well to play off the hooks the others were providing and give ample amount in return. I mentioned in Round 0 that Kase felt very much like a background character and I was fearful that would remain true here. His move with the guard captain really showed him taking the reins, though afterward, he was quick to hand them over to Rocky.   Day 1 - We got to see more of the personality that you listed in the application for Kase here. The definitions and command calls were a nice touch. Day 2 - 'Possible brain injury' that got a good laugh out of me. It would've been fun to see more interaction here but it is understandable why he didn't. Doesn't really do much except follow the lead of another. Day 3 - The definitions are starting to wear, though the threats detection and playback audio help keep the calls fresh. I am not sure how the Omnitool is helpful here narratively? I get its purpose but the guards don't know what it does. Yet, he's definitely taken the lead in this situation! Go Kase! Day 4 - The response feels so proper for an android to say. I would have liked to see the omnitool in action since it was simply flourished last post and nothing more, really. Day 5 - The dice deities provided a nice finisher here. Plays nicely with the hooks provided by Haerrsk in her dialogue and finishes strong with the casual stroll away - though, in this area would that even work?   BlackDragon0/Demmuk Demmuk Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 3/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 4/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 4/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 2/10 Total Score 13 Demmuk struggled to stand out. The posts were often very short and quite difficult to read. When he made a stance for honor to the guards I got excited but the very next day he quieted back down and just followed with the flow.   Day 2 - A clever play on being the back-up for the team yet there was little to no substance here! He arrived and searched. You had the opprotunity to take a bit more time to form your post as a stand-in and only delivered less than 200 words with no real bite to them. Day 3 - Pick a tense and stick with it. You're flip-flopping between past and present tense a lot. I'm glad to see a lot more substance to this post, keep it up! Day 4 - Another post that is on the shorter side. The wording is a bit confusing. I had to read a few times to try and get, what I hope was the gist of it. The choice of font color really hurts my eyes, why are there two different colors? Day 5 - "After all, he was sent as backup, not to lead the team." I feel this line of thought sabotaged Demmuk for the week. Instead of seeing the proud samurai warrior we instead were given a quiet background character. He didn't shine very much and this post continued that trend. We are only provided some internal dialogue while everything else is quickly skimmed over in short sentences as Demmuk is pulled along with the flow yet again.   Born of Monsters/Haerrsk Haerrsk Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 5/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 28 Haerrsk often read like she was entirely by her lonesome even when next to her companions. There were more nods to the missing member of the squad than actually playing off the hooks the others provided. Due to this, she didn't help the others to shine as she was too busy being a large Gnoll huntress in the middle of a marketplace.   Day 1 - The middle fieldset has a chaotic flow to it that required me to re-read a few times. While it's good to remind the reader of your background, this felt very forced. You had a nice recovery with the market section and playing on what a commoner would perceive having just witnessed a Gnoll finishing her meal. Day 2 - Some more character information, this time it feels very organic. A very nice change from the first post, though not a whole lot is going on. You could have given a narrative reason as to why the dye could've been connected to the spiritual introspection. Day 3 - Ouch. The dice were not kind here. A nice misunderstanding from here to push the narrative in an interesting direction. Acting out under the perceived notion that they believe her to be the thief. Would have liked to see her playing off the actions of the others more. Day 4 - The bishop asked for subtly. As Haerrsk eluded to early on, such a thing is difficult with this group make-up yet brandishing a spear is about as subtle as a firecracker. Demmuk is given a slight nod here yet Kase's attempt at diplomacy would have been nullified if not for a kind GM. Always be sure to refresh before posting, read what the others are doing and play off it. You're a team, yet this post read like she was alone. Day 5 - A good nod to the missing teammate and smooth collaboration with those that are there. A relatively strong finish along with some comfortable glimpses of her life before the Crossing. Well done.   ekidnu/Rocky Rocky "Crusader for Earth" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 10/10 Total Score 36 Although he was apart from the team for a large majority of this week Rocky did well to pursue the mission. The dips into his backstory were organic feeling and just short enough to give the reader some information while leaving them wanting more. The posts also still provided a sense that he was connected to the team despite being apart.   Day 1 - I did ask myself "Can Rocky read?" when I read the GM opening post, I have my answer and a few laughs. Also does well to mention the others in the team while reminding us that Rocky indeed, isn't a coward. Day 2 - A lot of details about Terrans/Rocky provided here but not a whole lot going on. Great job pouncing upon the appearance of Demmuk. Day 3 - The tone switch between these two sections! The first one had me chuckling at the legend of Igneous, my new favorite folk-lore legend. While the second smashed my heart to bits like poor Bama! I very much loved how you listed what dice were for what and have even mentioned to the other judges my appreciation of you using the m tag for the dice. Makes it so much easier to decipher things. Day 4 - A clever use of a minor flashback here to explain some info about Rocky when he is isolated from the group. He seems to be the primary force searching for the cultist while the others were caught up by the guards. Day 5 - Another post without fieldsets, not losing any points over it since that is just cosmetics but it's weird to see some with and some without. The description of Rocky's voice paints a lovely image of how to read the dialogue. Finishing the week strong by taking the reins with the plan while offering the others plenty to play with.   Group B Group B - Docks   DaniLore/Sapphire Glass Sapphire Glass Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 4/10 Total Score 24 You did quite well to keep displaying the youthful and sometimes angsty attitude of Glass. Many times the Oni-box felt like an Omni-box with all its applications. Glass took center stage a few times and did alright helping the others shine through his distractions. The final post felt like he was giving in too much to chaotic impulses that I'm honestly conflicted over.   Day 1 - The first section did great to display the personality of Glass and lay the groundwork for why he's there in Orchardbank. The second section seemed a bit isolated. Interactions are kept at a minimum despite being with the party and having plenty of hooks to play on. Day 2 - A little heavy on the background fluff. Party interaction is high here and Glass is maintaining that energetic feeling of youth. Keep it up! Day 3 - The flashback feels unnecessary. It could've been easily slimmed down into quips that gave insight into Glass but saved them from an exposition. There are a lot of unfinished tags and unformatted dialogue in the flashback as well. Overall it takes away from this post. Day 4 - That is a very weird term to use for non-tabaxi (Nekked) haha! It feels very coincidental that Glass just so happens to be a junior medic, though as one that dabbles with string/needles I suppose it's to be expected. I am also curious how he would mend wounds if most of them are invisible? Day 5 - Where did this cantrip come from? While the others were making their move to distract Glass could've accomplished the task and been the hero. Instead, he gave into destructive chaos that I would likely chalk up to as entirely unnecessary. He was invisible. He was right there. He instead chose chaotic destruction. This poor lad is probably going to be scolded by Silver if she catches wind   DAquilina/(Daryl) (Daryl) Demon accountant Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 10/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 38 It is such a weird yet interesting concept for a demon accountant of high standing to be out in the field. Overall it was quite fun and the use of his AG was versatile and well-used instead of a one-trick pony. Sometimes he felt a touch too nice for a demon, yet you did well in explaining why he was nice. Overall Daryl was enjoyable to read!   Day 1 - I have to admit I still get a kick out of the angle of a demon accountant in the field. I like that Daryl actually communicated with the team on a plan of action even though it was everyone was to act independently. Gives the feel of some semblance of a team. Day 2 - Did he just con the dwarfs into a possible deal just to reclaim wages?! That is genius if he did! Although I would've enjoyed some more interfacing with the party. Day 3 - It's a fun thought that the only thing saving these folks from Daryl's wrath is paperwork. A nice touch to explain what is holding a demon back. Though a demon shouting in the middle of a riot, no matter how well dressed, is likely only going to cause further panic. Day 4 - I've been thoroughly enjoying how you used Charlene as an AG throughout this. She feels incredibly powerful yet those powers haven't been abused. They've been cleverly wielded to help the narrative, even when it is as simple as opening a door. Day 5 - I'm sorry, I really am. I'm rolling with laughter here! Daryl reveals himself, talks about OSHA violations, and then sets fire to the place! His actions were so well-intended and were doing fantastic to help the actions of the party shine. The thing almost every judge says they want. Yet instead, the place is (very likely) on fire now   GeneT/Tikum Tikum Menikem Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score This includes the -2 penalty26 Your writing was beautiful and elegant. Though oftentimes the actions in the post were so passive that it all amounted to fluff. Except for the finale, that went from 0 to 100 real quick. We were fed a different flashback each day that many times was irrelevant to the situation outside a slight reference Tikum made. Her gear is hardly mentioned or given any relevance to the situation aside from being there - and this seems to only extend to the amber.   Day 1 - We get to see a lot of Tikum right off the bat. How she is "for a lack of a better phraseat home," with the squad as a whole, and then finally when she's working. The shift between dealing with the urchin kids and the target was so sudden it caused me a bit of whiplash as I was forced to re-read to ensure I didn't somehow miss anything. Day 2 - A lot of fluff in this post. All of it well-written and with a lovely flow, yet it seems to circle around the intent of the post too much. When the intended action is finally reached even that is under a layer of fluff. That being said, the action itself was brilliant. Just kidnap the target to extract info! Day 3 - At first I was confused why we were being told the tale of Simmy and the Great Iron Door of Ix, yet the second section tied that together wonderfully. Day 4 - Some minor formatting mistakes in the second section. Using the same trick as yesterday in providing a story only for a quick reference has lost its luster. I am now coming away from the post feeling it was unnecessary. Even though you would've still succeeded, the penalties were not applied to the rolls. Day 5 - With the precedent of flashback first that you've set this week I was caught off-guard that the first portion was present-time. The flashback at the end was a fantastic ending touch. I would like to have seen the Skull of a Crow tied in since it's her spell focus, instead, we were given the amber necklace which wasn't even mechanically used. I am very confused by her dialogue with Aegaras here. He hasn't acquired anything (yet) to take to the cart.   User/Character Aegaras "The Drunk" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 35 Everyone seemed in love with flashbacks this week and many of Aegaras' were fairly dark. His title gives this false impression, which he seems to thrive on for the misdirection. Most of the week felt like a steady build-up to the final day where he unleashed the vocal barrage that was teased at numerous times. Well worth the wait. You also did well connecting with the various members outside of flashbacks. With the exception of one time, you also did well explaining how your AG came into play.   Day 1 - A few formatting errors here and there. I definitely could sympathize with Aegaras when it came to writing a letter. He is also quick to take the helm and push the narrative forward, I look forward to seeing how he fares. Day 2 - I enjoyed the shifted point of view. This post feels like watching a movie heist being laid out in real-time. Great job incorporating all of the posts into this one point. Day 3 - The flashback was a very smooth transition yet overall I came away questioning why it was necessary. Overall, he's rolling with the chaotic punches of the unfolding events wonderfully. Day 4 - How did the shattered orb cause bruising? Or was it the bruising that incurred from obtaining it? The plan is probably about as bold as can be. Here is hoping it works! Day 5 - This flashback felt well used. It wasn't very long and covered provided insight into how Aegaras likes to act. This is a fantastic end to the week as this is the behavior that has been fed to us narratively this whole time. It is nice to see it in action finally. Although I am confused by HOW he cast his spell using his father's sword. No mention of it is given in the post, how/when does it come into play?

Bracket 3 BRACKET 3   Group A Group A - Market   JustSomeGuy/Jeremy Jeremy Winthorpe "The Ghost Writer" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 5/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 32 Jeremy and Occam are a very powerful duo. Capable of summoning overcast on a whim, speaking telepathically, and even altering memories. He feels like he could very easily become a villain if he so chooses. The amazing power did very little to aid the team he was a part of. Jeremy felt very much like the star of his own show. Outside essentially talking out loud and knocking out poor Mortin, Jeremy's interactions with the group seemed low for what his power could've provided them.   Day 1 - In Jyl's post there seemed to be a connection between the two that feels either one-sided or dashed here. You have to assume that the reader didn't read your application. Many will likely ponder why Jeremy has the ability to speak telepathically. Eluding to Occam's part in this would've been helpful to smooth things over. Day 2 - I see now that my previous statement was misguided and it was mostly Noquarter playing with the past. There are a lot of parts in this post where it feels like Jeremy just doesn't trust his team at all to do their jobs. From immediately suspecting Jyl was the 'thief' to almost killing Morton that was being handled by Hazeal. A clever cover at the end, though Jeremy would've likely been better equipped to follow after the spotted elf. Day 3 - A personal That I won't deduct points forpet-peeve of mine is re-stating someone else's dialogue. I don't like reading the same dialogue twice unless needed for the story. You can save time and words by just eluding to it in narration. The flashback to lead into his choice of the spell was expertly used. Though, Jeremy is still very much a star of his own stage. With those (very) powerful psychic abilities he could be doing a lot more to aid the others in chasing down the task at hand. Day 4 - Did you folks discuss a plan of action here beforehand? 'Lo and behold - Jyl slips up on Oring.' Feels very much like god-modding if you didn't. Good use of your psychic abilities here to assist your teammate in pinpointing the item they need. Obtaining eight successes in a turn is insane! Day 5 - The shift in point of view is interesting yet does little to advance the narrative or plot. Leaving the party behind is quite the gambit and leaves us with a cliff-hanger for the week. Why would Jeremy volunteer to do it himself when there are others in the team more apt for infiltration and escaping if needed? Jeremy continues to be a one-man show to the very end.   Noquarter19/Jyl Jyllaina Quickstep "Jyl" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 10/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 32 I didn't much care for Jyl from the application that was provided. Boy, did you make me eat my words and make me regret giving a low score haha! While the dice were not kind you constantly referred to the team or played off the hooks they were providing and giving some in return. This gave a great sense of Jyl being a part of the team and not just a lone assassin trying to finish a mission. Overall I really enjoyed her.   Day 1 - Great job painting a picture of Jyl for the reader people tend to rely on images too much. I really enjoyed the connection to the party that is described here no matter how short-lived it has been. I ponder if a discussion was had with JustSomeGuy about Jyl and Jeremy's connection as their post doesn't seem to acknowledge it at all. This is already far better than the application. Day 2 - Interesting choice to roll with someone else's failure to resolve her own. Another dip into party relations is very welcomed and helps flesh out how this team works. I'm interested if this was discussed with the others or not. Another failure, I know this pain - keep rolling with the punches! Mechanics is only half the battle! Day 3 - Jyl's story made her seem like she was a cold-blooded killer. I'm honestly glad to see her use her wit and shirk off the suspicion onto someone else to get away with possibly none the wiser. The only problem is she hasn't really moved the narrative due to this. Time to make the last two days count! Day 4 - A fairly long post here, one thing that stood out to me is there are a lot of sentences that began the same way. . "She did this", "She saw that", "She snickered." Now, this isn't bad grammar per se, but it does feel repetitive to the reader. Change up the descriptors some. I really enjoyed the internal conflict that showed near the end. She really does try and hold herself to a specific image. Day 5 - You've done wonderful throughout the week to remind the reader of the other members of the party and that continues to shine here. Simple name drops make you feel more like a team player instead of a lone agent and even though she had a rough time this post wrapped things up well while still giving nods to the team. Well done.   Qiksilv/Hazeal Hazeal Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 4/10 Total Score 25 You were thrown off-balanced early on after Mortin Fluff Fluffers McFuzzyface rejected Hazeal's attempt and went on a rampage. After that Hazeal struggled to find a hold in the developing situation. Often times she was swept up in the events of others, though did well to profit off them. You were able to recover your stride on the final day but it felt a little late at that point.   Day 1 - A good sum of inter-party dialogue, a perk of posting last. Even though she's often (actively) ignored you can get a sense that this is her party with how she acts with them. Day 2 Why are we getting a flashback about Morton of all things? It's a fun little aside but does absolutely nothing to move the narrative forward. I absolutely loved the added bit into the statblock haha. Day 3 Honestly, with a group like this I'd probably do the same as her; just shout out my plan. Who knows where they could actually be? Good move there. This is an interesting choice of actions here to seize upon Sorbo's actions to steal someone's pants. Day 4 What is this? Why is this like this? To have this much for a pass/fail means you likely both prior to hitting submit. Why not delete the one that became irrelevant by the initial roll instead of forcing the GM and readers to try and decipher which to actually read? Day 5 I appreciated the label for the spoiler button. Great tie-ins to the other team members here through the narration. I snorted at 'Mr. Fluff Fluffers McFuzzyface.' Causing another, more contained, RAMpage was a very clever move and fitting end for McFuzzyface's week.   Yoshimi/Sorbo Sorbo "The Painter" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score Includes a -5 penalty28 Sorbo was interesting to watch. Through his use of paints, the environment and those in it seemed to bend to his whim. This allowed for some colorful scenes unfolding that were just like a work of art. The biggest problem I had was Sorbo felt very, very isolated. Team interaction is at a minimum through these posts, even when they come up to him begging for help they the interaction felt minimal.   Day 1 For one who specializes in the Overt Sorbo feels very introverted here. Party dialogue is fairly minimal and reactive. His target audience was good but maybe an example of how they reacted to him would've painted us a better picture of how he operates as you did in his application. You also did an edit far outside the allotted time. Day 2 This post is much better as it plays on the fictional audience, although his interaction with Jyl feels like he just ba dum tssbrushed her aside. The tactic used for tracking was quite clever though. Day 3 Let's get crazy indeed! I was not expecting that and enjoyed every bit of it! I am not sure how this ploy will work or if the goon would write any address (or even his own for comic relief), yet it is very creative! Day 4 We're on day four now and Sorbo hasn't really interacted much with his party. His spells are amazing and he's doing a lot to move towards the targeted goal but he's doing it alone. Day 5 Finally nice to see some work with the team on the final day. The misdirection ploy was very clever in my book. That's bound to work in the Crossing's favor in some way or another as the mission moves forward.   Group B Group B - Docks   Jerzima/Jora Jora Blightspear Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 5/10 Total Score This includes a -5 penalty20 The delayed entry and edit outside the given 1hr window really hurt you here. Jora didn't really get to shine much. He was as stealthy as they come and his quick thinking using a spear to pole vault out of a stampede was probably my favorite part. The issue was he was too stealthy - as in he didn't shine at all. Jora was stuck firmly in the background giving only minor bits of dialogue before vanishing all over again.   Day 2 - A nice attempt to recover a missed day yet it fell short. Your teammates provided you plenty of hooks to play off of and even interacted with Jora to where you could've instead had him stuck in a daydream or something. There is still plenty of time to recover though! Day 3 - An interesting dip into the story of one of his AG. Well done seizing upon the opprotunity Xue-Mihun provided. Let us see if Jora can return the favor with some results. Day 4 - Pole-vaulting!~ A clever way of avoiding the wave of dock-workers. We're getting a better sense of Jora here and I'm glad to see someone jump on the obvious hook of the day, Ram's singing. The only issue could be you're shouting your plans in the middle of a crowd. Having a CN 5 seems to be limiting your course of action so I feel for you here. Day 5 - A few minor formatting issues such as the internal dialogue not given either quotations or being which, this is not required, but it helps if quotations aren't used.italacized. Your big success would've been an excellent platform to show off and show us how Jora would behave with such a resounding success. Even a simple 'too easy' would've helped. With what was presented and what actions were performed Jora, sadly, fell into the background and didn't shine much.   lostcheerio/Rammariel Rammariel Silvermist "The Dwarf who was raised by Elves" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 10/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 38 This adventure really took its toll on poor Rammariel it seemed. Much to my delight as it was a great read with lots of humor and constant dips into his background and psyche that were juicy and short to keep us wanting more.   Day 1 - The narration establishes that Rammariel loves his companions but there aren't too many hooks provided to them aside from an innocent inquiry. The pointed lyrics were amazing though, I got a good chuckle from those. Day 2 - That first sentence was a lovely touch. Helped set up an expectation and then dashed it away with a professional standard to help give a great deal of depth into Rammariel. The action is simple yet solid, this team seems heavily built for reconnaissance missions. Day 3 - This is probably my favorite post so far in the competition. It had me laughing the whole time. The professional relationship telepathy, the transformation, the jazz hands - everything! It gives us a physical description of Rammariel and plenty of subtle humor that I just adored. Great job! Day 4 - I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day now! I'm always a fan of those who try and use support moves for the team, sadly the dice were not in your favor here. Regardless this should be a pretty decent hook for others to work off of. Day 5 - The OOC helped organize things a bit. This trip seems to have been the straw that broke Rammariel's back and I'm loving it He is both shining brightly like a star and creating opportunities for Jora to do what he does best. A strong finish to the week.   Mindsiege/Xue-Mihun Xue-Mihun "Enrapturing Sorceress of Unsacred Rites and Forbidden Knowledge" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 6/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 28 You did fantastic describing Xue-Mihun's appearance along with how she acted, thought, and moved through the scenes. There was just an abundance of unnecessary descriptions added in that often prolonged the point of the post. Near the end we really got to see her shine with the party, hoping to see more of that if you make it through.   Day 1 - The largest opening post of the two brackets I'm judging. You did great to have a lot of inter-party dialogue to discuss a plan. Hoping to see you pull back on the reins for word count as we move forward. Day 2 - You continue to do a great job integrating your team into your actions and painting a vivid picture. The issue is you are still using too much fluff in your narration. Day 3 - This is much more manageable for length. Still a lot of unneeded wording and run-on sentences. I feel we're finally getting to see the corrupted portion of this blood mage relying on her magic instead of her words. Day 4 - A very lengthy post. The ritual, while interesting, was overly detailed. The reader doesn't need to know each step of the process and the extra fluff didn't really add anything of great value. If she was so sure he had everything she needed then this post might've been better spent regrouping instead. Although, I can understand the need to verify info before sharing it. We're running out of time though! Day 5 - Clever explanation of why she only got some info through the use of haste. I'm glad to see the group back together and a lot of collaborating going on here to pull off probably the most unique diversion tactic I've ever witnessed. Xue-Mihun tends to shine stronger when among the group than she does alone.   MontageManiac/Rhun Rhun "Arbiter" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 6/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 32 The Path of the Divine was a very helpful spell to finding information for the team. The issue seemed to be relaying information. Most of the week was spent using Path of the Divine to perform reconnaissance on the area or people. While this helped form the final day's post it did little to provide hooks for the others to play off of or really help them shine as well.   [*]Day 1 - There was no reaction to the letter as requested, the narration sort of leads up to it before shifting scenes. With his divination has he become a Rhundar?! .... I'm sorry. This move at least provides the other two with some hooks to play on. I really appreciate the ooc declarations. Saves us me time.[*]Day 2 - That is a very unique and interesting bit about how emotions clouded information gleaned from the leylines. It provides a limitation to an ability that feels incredibly powerful at first glance. Having it in this light helps us understand why he would need a team. Hopefully, he can start providing more actions other than recon. [*]Day 3 - Enjoyed the description of how he cast his cantrip. We get to see him acting his part as an Arbiter as well at the risk of losing what we could deem subtle. Though, the song and dance sort of threw that out the window. Would like to see something other than Path of the Divine being used. I understand the Mechanically, narratively, and competivelywhy it is being used again but three days in a row of the same trick tends to make things stale.[*]Day 4 - A bit long but has some fun content within. I've been continuing to enjoy the description of the different skills he's deploying and how he uses them. One gripe I had with this post was it felt like a switch was hit to where Rhun went from working with his team to going solo. I understand there is a limited number of days but most of them are close by, heck Ram is making his presence well known.[*]Day 5 - It's good to see the switch was turned back as there is plenty of party dialogue here. It's slightly long and the formatting makes it feel longer, yet it is pretty well packed with content. I personally enjoyed seeing the rebound from the reliance on the Ley Lines. As mentioned in Day 2 it helps us understand the limitations of this immense power he holds and now shows us he's playing with fire to use it. A strong finish along with a dip into his background, well done!

[pianoman90]

It is wonderful being on the other side of the competition this time as I got to sit back and watch the drama unfold all around me! There was some fantastic plot drive and characterful inventions to keep everything running as quickly as possible. I have included an overall comment as well as day-by-day comments - bear in mind that I wrote those daily comments as the competition was going through, so they may be a little harsh (and sometimes turn out not actually to be true), but I left them anyway. Well done to all involved in Round 1!

Bracket 1A   Bananabadger Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 33 Generally really creative writing and character voice throughout - I didn't know what to expect from your writing each day and I was hardly disappointed at all! Three of the five rounds had the same blessing spell used which, while effective in the most part, shows your character to be a little dependent on that one ability. A fun read each day.   Day 1 The backstory was enjoyable to read, and the picture set it off well! I like the interactions with the others, especially setting up the possibility of cross-group collaborations with Magna. We will see whether it is taken up by them or not. Be super careful with Shugaro - I will likely be watching for him like a hawk and I spent a good chunk of last year’s competition being a little annoyed at inconsistencies in the spelling of his name. A decent set of actions to get us started, though it depends wholly on the successes of others. Day 2 Oof – that was a massive (nearly 2000-word) wander through breaking the fourth wall there. Highly researched, clever, and impressive in the rambling, but I found it a slog to get through. I appreciate the sentiment, and it is refreshing to read something completely different to what you might otherwise find, but the meandering got dense for me before the end. It was a shame that there wasn’t any more information given or presented to the other characters for you to work with or bounce off, but the action of this post doesn’t fill me with confidence to move the plot along. Given Gramps penchant for helping others that he showed in the first round, I would have liked to see some collaborative action instead of just tossing crabs in with the live animals. What does a lobster know of the movements of humans around them? And what are you searching for from the GM to help build your next post and set of actions? Day 3 You are now only relegated to reacting to what the GM throws your way rather than driving the narrative yourself. I am not a fan of repeating any actions throughout a round where possible, but the choice of buffing the others is perfect for this situation. Is it driving the narrative forward towards the Grey Guard problem? Unlikely, but at the least it is hopefully helping one of them get out of a sticky situation. I liked the mental image of Gramps spinning wildly on his peg leg as it stuck fast in the ground, though the gif is breaking the fourth wall again for me – this time not in such a useful way as last time. A couple of formatting and grammatical errors scattered through, but I only notice them when I am going back through the post with a fine-tooth comb. Day 4 You are mixing timelines here, making the references to Shugaro a little estranged. I said that quote of yours in the very first round of the competition, even before I had gotten round to mentioning my name in the event. Trying to be too clever can get you in trouble sometimes as well – I know for a fact that 667.54 hertz is just barely north of a E. Perhaps Gramps is just a little tone-deaf. Never underestimate the weird specific knowledge of the people around you! Good choice of actions, so long as they don’t realise that you cast the net in the first place. The invisible net should work well, so long as Essarion can step in and take advantage. Day 5 A couple of sentences ended up being slightly incomplete, or with slightly incorrect tenses, but overall the writing was solid. You are also aiding Essarion, which puts a great deal of pressure on the shiny elf though again, I would have liked to see a different aspect of your character rather than spamming the buff spell again. This one doesn’t have as much RP flavor-justification behind it this time, apart from a generic blessing. Nevertheless, I suspect it will help drive the narrative forward, which is still the most overarching desire of any action. Thaco Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 29 Quiet characters like Essarion are hard to work with sometimes, they might need much more observational or descriptive input to help them jump off the page. Essarion's last post was the crowing narrative achievement of the round, something that you and the others had built towards and you pulled it off well.   Day 1 I would have liked to see more interaction with the others apart from the overall analysis. Some discussion about a plan of attack might have been forthcoming, or building off the cross-collab with Magna and the Market group, but I did like the action you took at the end of your post - it was one of the more clear directions for the GM to work with. Quiet characters can be hard to like in amidst some extremely colorful ones. Day 2 Still no real collaboration with the others just yet – each PC in this thread is content to work individually, but given the hard limit in each round in Outplay, these tactics might not pay off. Having said that, the pompous nobleman is trying his darndest to make his actions true to form, and the demand to find workers might be the most direct form I have seen in this group of getting to the pointy end of this round. A shame the rolls fell flat for you, but that is Outplay! Day 3 You have a difficult situation in front of you, and you have managed to get enough dice rolls to succeed. However, your subtlety is going out the window as you draw attention to yourself – I wonder whether this will be wise and how the GM reacts to this. Always keep in mind what you are trying to achieve overall in the round as well – Bhelogan specifically said this escape wasn’t going to take up your whole turn. Make sure you keep the GM on his toes! Don’t let yourself only act reactively to what they throw at you. Day 4 I like the internal discussion of tactics, though perhaps they could have included Gramps and the crabs in some way, rather than simply relying on your own skills. Good choice to jump in as a substitute for the thug that Gramps took out, though the big and flashy nobleman doesn’t particularly blend in compared to the rest of the dockworkers. Aren’t you worried that he will just stand out like a sore thumb and be questioned as to why he is there at all? Day 5 You were left to be the savior of the round, lifted up by the others and ultimately gathering as much information as possible and you did a good job of it! Engaging the laborers in multiple different ways and asking them a variety of questions to help glean some useful information is exactly the way you should go about this. I liked the last leading question and hopefully that gives you something very concrete to go forward with. Turns out you didn’t need any of the Help actions either, you made 3 successes within the first 3 rolls. A good, decisive way of finishing off your team’s round of actions. GleefullNihilism Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 32 Jiaze found herself in a few tricky spots due to the dice gods, but she managed to get out and make her presence known at the last. Her Practical Magician's Trade Union angles were always fun to read and you might have been able to lean on this angle a little more throughout the day, demanding spot-checks or unionizing the marketplace for interesting ends. A fun read!   Day 1 What was the purpose of the detailed backstory in the first section? I don’t see the need for something like that, even in a first intro post for a character. That could have gone in the backstory section of the character itself if you wanted. A grammatical/spelling error or two jolted the reading a little throughout this post. Always ensure you spell the names of things that the GM and other players state first correctly (eg. Orchardbrick). A few sentences looked like they might have been missing a word here or there. Your request might not get much from the GM – the chance to make it more complicated is a chance to make it specific. I like the angle, but how it helps you drive towards finding out about the Grey Guard remains to be seen. Day 2 Watch those typos! One reared its head in the very first line, but after that the post was pretty clean. I like the direction you are going with this, Jia is a no-nonsense manipulator of matter, though the rolls spat back at you this time. Given the failure, it was tough to try and turn this around into a request for information – it will be interesting to see how the GM spins the failure and your line of inquiry might come up blank very quickly. Let’s hope you can get something to drive your storyline forward. Day 3 You have been pushed away from the rest of the group, and I like the idea of using the heavylifting spell to make yourself hard to move. The writing was good and reflected the dice failures and success accordingly. However, this moment betrays the GMs intention to throw a curveball into the game and you have only been able to oblige by acting reactively instead of proactively. Could there have been something in your post that helped move the main narrative along? Some information gleaned from the two thugs who are dragging you off perhaps? Day 4 I stand corrected, you can’t have made another action last round. Make sure you complete your sentences most of the time, don’t leave a few in a row that are half-formed like you did in the first paragraph. One is ok, but a couple in a row make for odd reading where we have to fill in the blanks. Using toddler as a verb was fun, though I initially thought that meant Jiaze was going to throw an epic tantrum. Not sure how the thugs would have simply released Jiaze based on your line of thinking – in a different scenario, they might not have been bothered at all by what Jiaze could do to them. And when and how will you evade the thugs once they take you to wherever they are going to get back to the market? A few questions here that will need some handwaving from the GM to allow you to rejoin the fray I think. Day 5 There is a single direct focus in this group’s actions this time, which puts a lot of pressure on Essarion to pull off the desired action. There may have been more information that you could have teased out of the cultists with a different set of actions, rather than just piling in on the help action. Consider that he will now have upwards of 6d6 to roll and get the desired 2 successes, which seems like a little overkill. Still, Jiaze was out of action for a couple of turns and has had to play catch-up to get back to the action. Stepanxol Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 32 Sal was vivacious and grabbed a lot of the attention around him. This helped some of the quieter characters slip away and continue with the plotline, so good on you for taking the fall a couple of times there! Enjoyable poetry to read full of flavor and character, well done!   Day 1 I like the interplay with Gramps – the two dwarf characters have already started off in a great direction. Your poetry is to applauded too – it made me chuckle! The action chosen was a tricky one, I will be interested to see how the spider conveys its knowledge to Sal once he gets out of this sticky spot. Good, succinct writing and I am keen to see the next step of the jester’s plans. Day 2 Ah – missed a trick here I think. Bhelogan’s post indicated that Maggie had been successful with the eavesdropping, yet you chose to go ahead and do a little more snooping around. Given the short time of this competition, an extra post sunk into a repeat action isn’t necessarily going to move the action forward. Some sort of exchange with Maggie about what the spider had learnt already would have been good to see and would have been a trigger for Bhelogan to throw you some good info to work with. Nevertheless, nice work with resolving the apple vendor! Day 3 I love learning new words – Laxity is one I hadn’t come across before, so thank you for that! Good use of situational items and moves, and the RP surrounding it to justify the ‘bait and switch’ use is particularly fun to read. Given the barest successs, the first line of the next fieldset where he talks about how easy he avoided the mob jars slightly – it would have been better to play off the dodgy rolls and indicate the difficulty of his movement instead. Not sure why you went ahead and tried to help Essarion after Gramps has already contributed +1d to his next action. Jiaze might have been a better target for his aid, but neither are necessarily helping to drive the main narrative forward – could Sal’s action be better used to return to the main plotline? Day 4 Last turn’s action turned out to be a bigger risk than you bargained for, but you did well to navigate the smith and angle yourself back towards the other group again. A shame that your action needed to be fully used for the escape attempt, Sal and Maggie would have had fun with the thugs at the fish market. The taunting is great, but it jars a little in its high-brow lexicography compared to your first sentence. The colloquial ‘you wanna know the truth’ and ‘this place ain’t a fleabag’ betray a different voice compared to ‘your breath is like the effluvium of a peat bog’ – make sure your character’s voice and mannerisms are consistent. Day 5 Odd that your final post had different formatting than the previous ones. A word out of place here ‘darting this was and that’ let you down, but I appreciate Sal’s attempt to help out the main group here by creating a problem and proceeding to fix it. Sal has spent a good deal of this round taunting and running, which has helped draw focus away from what the others have been up to. Subtle? Not necessarily, but a good team player.

Bracket 1B   Wishkamon Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 34 Magna's voice and character was consistent throughout, and you did a fantastic job of utilizing nearly the full set of your character's abilities. A couple of missed letters and typos from time to time made me do a double take, but otherwise Magna very effectively helped drive the plot forward.   Day 1 Magna’s voice and character is coming through, and the interaction between group A and B is good to see. A good start, but I haven’t seen anything from Magna directly driving towards the purpose of the adventure yet. Don’t be afraid to be specific! I saw a few typos sneak into the paragraph starting ‘She offered her help de-barbng’… Day 2 A much better choice of actions this time, though a mean-spirited GM might throw in a (mostly) innocent red herring character to throw you off the scent. With three successes, that should be fairly unlikely. Good flavor with the distraction of the crocodilian box, but still a couple of typos jolted the writing. Be careful of ‘rouse’ vs ‘ruse’. Day 3 I love Magna’s actions here to get the people out of her way – low profile may or may not be totally successful here, but the whackin’ stick is perfect, as are the vines. The assist roll may or may not be helpful to Eleath and I appreciate the sentiment, but I would have liked something more pertinent to the overarching plan of this round. Your RP reflected this, but the dice roll for the turn could have been better used (unless Eleath desperately needs that extra +1d – we will see!) Day 4 Watch those words that are missing letters! ‘taking’ vs ‘talking’. I like the utility action to help out Eleath here, so long as the ex-Scythe can stand the noxious smell. You are both at the pointy end of this round and taking control is exactly what you need to do here. 3 successes is a wonderful result, and should be well rewarded. Having Eleath along should reap rewards so long as he is also similarly successful! Day 5 Your chosen action was dramatic in the extreme, and I liked the flavorful follow-on from the gas attack the turn previous. I also like how you have managed to use many different spells and actions this round, showcasing your character’s versatility and depth and helping drive the narrative always forward. Successful dice always help, and you have capitalized on a cohesive team to hopefully get some real information and intel of substance to go forward into the next round. Hotsusama Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 33 Chervil started out as a potential loner character, but integrated fairly well towards the end. He reminds me of what I imagined Dug to be from last year, and it is pleasing to see how the underhanded tactics and underworld conniving can be used to help, rather than hinder. The odd formatting or grammar error throughout, but Chervil helped spur the action on always.   Day 1 I often wondered during last year’s competition how Dug would operate as part of a successful hero-ing business, but Chervil is providing that commentary for me this year. Conniving and scheming, I really get a good sense of character from Chervil. The docks are certainly home turf to someone like you and you are playing to your advantage. A very good roll means you should have great success with your chosen action! Day 2 This group is on track to drive the plot forward well, and Chervil is definitely doing his part! I like the interaction with the others, (especially where Chervil is worried by Magna’s guard illusions!) and at a certain point, the group will probably need to band together to focus their actions as effectively as possible. A decent roll, but not overly successful. Let’s hope Chervil can gain some significant insight onboard the chosen ship when it comes in. Day 3 Good choice of actions – Chervil has found himself in a very useful spot, so long as he is on the right ship. I appreciate the desire to find out more, these short rounds are not going to come to much without some serious digging. I would have liked to see more of Joy – how did the cat go getting past the mob of sailors? Good successes with the dice roll, even if the code didn’t quite work for you this time. If you change the modifier to the dice to ‘sml6’ it should work fine. Day 4 A shame you ended up on the wrong ship. I think there was something of a clue at the end of day 2 from Bhelogan, but it was a little oblique so I can’t fault you for following through here. I like the sass in your post, Chervil has something to prove and he isn’t going to let Magna dictate terms completely. A misstep with ‘the wharf near the out-of-place working crew rose…’, did you mean to reference the stinking cloud? No matter, the charismatic action was straight to the point and hopefully effective enough, possibly paired with Eleath to back you up. Day 5 I am a little confused by the text color changes – were they there to reference the illusion in some way? Good choice of action – it should serve to sow chaos into the scene and have Chervil come off as the hero of the situation, especially if the dockworkers are as gullible as you make them out to be. I have enjoyed Chervil’s antics, early on I was worried he was going to be a bit of a loner character while you were on the ship, but you brought it back and have used the guileful trickery that Chervil brings to good effect. Drachenspirit Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 34 Faye was always trying to push the narrative forward and collaborating with other PCs proved effective at the beginning. You landed in hot water halfway through, but managed to get out and the final contributing act should help bring something unique to the table for next round.   Day 1 A little rambling, but Faye admitted as much in her own voice. I like the interaction with the others, but found it strange that Faye didn’t want to speak at the meeting. She seems to like to talk and run her mouth about all manner of things, but perhaps she just has more sense than I give her credit for at this early stage and knows when to stay quiet. A good set of actions, reliant on Eleath, but I would have rolled a contingency assist roll in my post, based on the aid of Eleath. Day 2 Be careful not to dictate the behavior of other PCs in your own post. It remains to be seen how much back-and-forth is going on behind the scenes, but if I were Eleath and it hadn’t been cleared first, are you sure that he would have wanted to drag you bodily away from the situation like you described? Your first post was a good choice of activity, and it reaped good rewards. Repeating it is likely not to be quite as effective, depending on how harsh the GM decides to be. Maybe Eleath is stopped before annoying the guards again this time? Maybe Faye is discovered in the act. We can only wait and see. Day 3 Nasty dice for you this time – a shame that your plan didn’t work. I wonder where (or in who…) the dagger will end up? Such a failure might result in particularly bothersome outcomes depending on how mean the GM wants to be. Your actual action for the turn doesn’t reflect the RP you have put forward – because of the failure of your dice, you have left everything as ‘intending to do XYZ’. This is tricky because your action can’t really stand, I would have written up a couple of contingencies – one where you were successful in getting out of the fray and one where you weren’t. This is frustrating for sure, but sometimes extremely important in a swingy sort of situation like this. Day 4 Oh my, dragging an innocent bystander in front of the famous captain and trying to high-tail it out of there? A bold choice and in a more traditional DnD game I would be calling for a bunch of impressive rolls here to make that work. Perhaps that is a perfect reason why this system can be so much fun, far more outrageous ideas can be attempted. It is in keeping with Faye’s style too, and true to her character, so I enjoyed reading this, as much as I enjoy reading what sort of hot water this choice of action will land Faye in next. Day 5 Half your post was dedicated to what had just happened, rather than pushing forward though I appreciate that Faye felt the need to catch up on the situation. Your choice of action was a good one, reading the lay of the land and seeing that the focus was on the crates, you were able to sneak up to the leader and hopefully gain some information that would not have otherwise been forthcoming. This sort of thing (and the successful dice rolling that you added to it) is perfect to keep the GM on their toes and present you with something useful for your initiative. Good work! HellsingsRaziel Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 28 Because you posted towards the end of each round, Eleath's decisions came across as a little passive as they just slotted into someone else's plans. This is a frustrating part of Outplay for sure, but it meant that your post neatly finished the round, rather than standing out from the rest. Great success with your dice at the end to set up the next round.   Day 1 A dour foil to the rest of your party – an unlikely combo, but I can see it working! A bit of a passive post, not speaking or driving the action forward, but that is to be expected. You were the last to post and clearly there had been some back-and-forth about what you would do, so you achieved the result you needed spectacularly. A good team player, but nothing that stood out about the post just yet. Day 2 A shame that you and Faye decided to repeat the action – if I were the GM, I would likely want to be harsher in the admonishment from the NPCs for the repeat, I would much prefer to see new angles explored. Having said that, I suspect it will be quite successful yet again, so maybe I am just being harsh. You are deliberately pushing the action along, which is to be applauded, and if the pairing of Faye and Eleath continues to prove successful, then it may not matter how they got there. A couple of word choice errors but otherwise the post was fairly clean. Day 3 I like the chance to throw in a useful throwback section to your post, it helps build the style of Eleath well. Hopefully if we get to combat, Eleath can show off some of this brutal style and score well accordingly. You missed a trick here – Bhelogan stated that the action to move through the crowd was only part of what you could do this turn. Make sure to keep the prime narrative going forward where you can so that you aren’t only able to act reactively to what the GM puts in front of you. A bit of clarity around who rolls the dice when buffs and advantage are given needs to happen as well, I don’t think Magna actually rolled anything on your behalf. Day 4 Eleath’s reactions to Chervil mirrored my own in last year’s competition with Dug, one of the sponsors. The less-than-salubrious characters tend to grate against people like Eleath, so I appreciate the amount dedicated to this in the post. I would have liked more direct action, rather than just ‘looking mean’. Could you have aimed for a more proactive action, perhaps threatening the dockworkers more directly, or ‘confiscating’ cargo under the direction of Chervil’s watchful gaze? Something to get you more integrated into the scene than just a bystanding guard would have been more effective here I think. Day 5 A great deal rode on Eleath’s ability to discern what was in the crate at the end of this round. You had been set up admirably by Magna and Chervil, and your choice to dive in and attack the crate might not have had the subtlety and tact I would have gone with. I think Eleath just became overwhelmed with the idea of hitting something finally, but I do hope that it results in a good piece of knowledge to take forward into the next round. Turns out you might not have needed the help from either Magna or Chervil with the luck of the dice favoring you at the end.

Bracket 2A   Born of Monsters Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 35 Haerrsk has a strong voice throughout and you played him with great situational awareness. Combat was something that was only luckily avoided for the group, which threatened to derail the plot completely there in the middle, but you rounded off your contributions nicely.   Day 1 I get a great sense of Haerrsk’s voice in this post. He isn’t afraid to point out the blindingly obvious, and use that to his advantage. Your eclectic group of companions should definitely spook these cultists and reveal something about their presence, so I applaud you for taking that direct route and sticking to it. The post was light and humorous, without any obvious formatting or grammatical errors, I look forward to reading more! Day 2 Good realization as to the lack of foresight with splitting the party. I wondered how a few groups were going to regroup and this one was no different. Hopefully Haerrsk doesn’t go on too long a wild goose chase here! Perhaps there could have been some engagement with a ‘bow street runner’ type, the sort of street urchin who could have been paid some menial coin to find the others and let them know of the gnoll’s plan. You will have to meet up eventually, and in a competition like this time is of the essence. Good effort to link in the hunter’s dye, we will see whether the GM goes for it. Day 3 Unlimber is an odd word – would ‘retrieve’ been a better choice? The guards are itching for a fight, and your post looks like it has just guaranteed it. Intimidating might have been a logical choice, but I think building off Kase’s tact might have been more useful. Always keep in mind what you are trying to do as well – was this necessary amidst the short time span you have to post and move the narrative forward to help find the cultists? Could you have added something else into your post to keep working towards that goal? We shall see the result of your dice failures when the GM puts their post up. Day 4 Be careful with your use of conjunctions (‘But’ and ‘And’ in particular) to start sentences, especially back-to-back. The sentence instead should be rephrased if you can to avoid this, it helps strengthen the prose. It was lucky that combat wasn’t triggered, as that could have devolved quickly for Haerrsk and the others here. You now have a chance to jump towards the main objective and those three successes should help admirably! Day 5 Nice of you to remember Menasse, sorry that he couldn’t post and be a part of the round. Good choice of action too, you chose to do something unique and hopefully contributing to the next round with the successful recovery of the red-liquid bottles. This post was a great length and well-written. A good way to round out the first week! Ekidnu Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 37 Rocky glided easily through the round like he did through the earth, bypassing many of the problems the rest of his group faced and as a result, was best placed to contribute to the main narrative. The mental image of a pile of drifting sand (with a pair of diamonds that poke up every now and then) will stick with me for a while I think!   Day 1 I like the explanation of the illiteracy – it means you are tied in really well to other characters straight off the bat. I don’t know why, but ‘Me go here’ rankled me a little. I understand the desire for a halting language for Rocky’s voice, but I would have still expected ‘I go here’ for some reason. Only a tiny thing. An interesting choice of actions – as a GM, I am not sure exactly what to do with that, especially given there are 3 spectacular successes. How would you know what is unique and individual about the Grey Guards’ footfalls in an unknown place like Orchardbrick? This remains to be seen. Some great touches documenting Rocky’s experience with the humanoids and the post didn’t waste words. Day 2 Good idea to keep everyone informed of Rocky’s progress – the round will move in a more unified way if the others pick up on it. As a quiet, stealthy post, it didn’t have all that much substance, but hopefully Rocky can uncover some significant things by following the footsteps. I do appreciate the succinct, yet informative backstory tidbits. I believe there are two sets of footprints leading in different directions here, can Rocky follow two sets at once? Day 3 Good that you didn’t get tangled up in the thief-scandal, someone needs to keep the narrative going in the right direction. I like the set-up of Igneous the Immovable and the short vignette in Rocky’s backstory about Bama seems brutal in its morality – am I reading it correctly that Rocky just killed one of his parents as some sort of lesson learned? What lesson is there, apart from meeting stubborn resoluteness with destructive force? Not sure that serves the picture I thought I had of Rocky very well. Day 4 The quiet, stealthy approach has served Rocky well, he is the only one who has actually made it to the end-goal of this round by the looks of things! I would have liked to see some more detail gleaned from his tremorsenses – could Rocky have discerned anything about the cultists themselves? Height, weight, shoe size, whether they favor their left or right foot, etc? It would be mostly for flavor, but it could be fun to challenge the GM to send along a little more specific knowledge to Rocky. Eyes like a wizard’s rat was fun, but I would have loved to hear the explanation of the garden and the Ritual of the Eyes. I appreciate the desire to keep the posts short and perhaps this leaves intriguing tidbits to share down the track. Day 5 Excellent final post – you were finally able to meet up with the rest of the group again and convey your plan (straight to the point!) and you enacted it to perfection. This is a classic example of how to make the GM dance to your tune and as you were first, the others in your group have plenty to work with. They have a number of angles to head on in now, and a number of targets to check out. Let’s hope they grab this scroll and find out what the stuff under the apples is all about! AnotherDragoon Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 34 Kase-13's charming robotic insights painted an excellent picture of the scene from behind android eyes. Posts were excellent length and often bounced off and complimented other characters really well. A couple of grammatical errors and lack of specificity held you back, but a great contribution nonetheless.   Day 1 A few mixes of tense clunked in the writing, but I loved the overall tone. Kase cuts a unique swathe through the world with its inner monologue and outer attempts to ingratiate himself with the others. The actions you wanted to take looked relatively vague, no more than ‘keep an eye out for strange people wandering around’. With your unsuccessful rolling as well, this looks like it won’t amount to much sadly – don’t be afraid to be much more specific with your actions. Day 2 Great play on the failure of the previous round. I love Kase’s bluntness an the internal dialogue that an android will have. Tricky to build on Rocky’s post with such little to go on, but at least you are moving in the right direction here. I would suggest trying to find something still specific to do while following along, grabbing something else that Kase might have noticed, amongst the hubbub, or another idea to pursue while wandering, so that he can take more control of the narrative rather than waiting to be a passive observer of what the GM hints at. Day 3 A few mixes of tense in your writing jump out at me in this post in the paragraph starting ‘He manage to catch a glimpse…’ While you acknowledged the aggressive approach that Demmuk took, your own post isn’t exactly a smooth follow-on. If I put myself in the shoes of the guards, I would be mightily confused by the two extremely opposite approaches. Having said that, I think your way is going to prove more effective. I was initially confused by the dice roll, but I think you ended up with plenty of successes anyway. Was there any way of keeping an eye out on the crowd to stay true to the original purpose? Scan the surroundings for anyone else who was looking shifty and therefore they might be cultists? Don’t lose sight of what you are ultimately trying to do. Day 4 Be careful of half sentences, sometimes a dash or comma will suffice instead. Diplomacy here was helped along by a generous GM I think, but you are the beneficiaries of this and it is good to see you moving as quickly as you can towards the warehouse to rejoin Rocky and the pursuit of the main quest. A success on your lone dice bodes well too! Day 5 Good – you jumped in to collaborate with the others and not just double up on someone else’s action. The paper was the obvious choice, but I would have liked more of the post dedicated to the actual heist – your dice have reflected extreme success and I suspect there would have been an amazingly chaotic scene. You did describe part of it in ‘a flurry of activity’, but that left me wanting more. I have appreciated the android playbacks that have come and gone throughout your posts! BlackDragon0 Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 4/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 5/10 Total Score 21 Some opportunities to grab the narrative were missed here, meaning Demmuk took a back seat in a very busy group. Grammar and formatting let you down - take a look at a few of the other players and see what they are doing. There is no problem borrowing formatting options from others, and always make sure to read your posts aloud (or if you have a useful person nearby, get them to do it as well) - it is amazing what we can miss sometimes!   Day 2 Welcome! While some players have written too much, the brevity in this post doesn’t give anyone much to work with. I would have liked to see some sort of engagement written into your post with something in the market. You could have noticed the piles of sand around the place and assumed it was Rocky, or the gnoll Haerrsk might have stuck out above the crowd, giving you something to latch onto. In addition, I can’t see how you got your roll – it looks like the text of a proper dice roll copied and pasted from somewhere else. For your stat block at the bottom of your posts, I suggest removing your backstory – it is not needed for this adventure. Day 3 This is a better post length, though the sentences are stilted by too many full stops. Think about the punctuation of a sentence and how it would follow normal speech patterns. Good crack at updating Kase on the situation Demmuk has observed so far and sticking to the prime directive should always remain at the forefront of all players in a tightly scheduled comp like Outplay. I like how you played into the monstrous angle of your Dragonborn character, and used the Signature move and gear to your advantage. Always reread your posts aloud to make sure they make good grammatical sense and you will find great success! Day 4 Typically, an inner monologue is represented by the italic text instead of brackets – it helps visually break up the writing in a less clunky way than brackets here. Your choice of text colour for your whisper was a little hard to read on my normal background and on the default background, again a typical formatting choice that doesn’t impact reading ability is to make the text size smaller ([size=1]Sample text here[/size]). I would have liked to see Demmuk take charge of something in particular here, rather than just following along. Could he have listened out for something, or inspected the building more closely? Contributing some unique piece of information to each GM post update should always be the aim. Day 5 The others hadn’t left Demmuk with a great deal to add to the situation, so I appreciate the time taken to think of something useful to contribute. The journal is an excellent way of documenting the information gathered so far. Perhaps you could have made a run at the elf anyway – given this is a competition, there was almost nothing to lose in going out on a limb and trying something. Make sure to take always run your posts through something like MS word – there are issues here with grammar and incomplete words that would show up in such a check.

Bracket 2B   GeneT Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 29 (-2 for post editing penalty) = 27 I was left wanting more clarity with much of your writing. At times you used beautiful, descriptive language but I needed to guess intentions a little more than I would have liked to. Keep the writing exactly as you have it, but include a brief description in the mechanics section to illuminate exactly what your intentions are, including whether you need to succeed high or low, and you will likely have a very thankful GM and judge team.   Day 1 There is a balance to be found in writing half-sentences like you did in the first paragraph. 1 or 2 of these in a row is ok, but when you start to stretch it out and repeat yourself, it loses its impact. Also, any time you write a word that is incomplete, even in your colloquial character voice (movin’ for example), you need to put apostrophes where the missing letters are. A few clunky sentences in the second fieldset. Outright is a single word. Nice tie-in for each character, giving them a backstory within Tikum’s world. I can’t make out who Tikum is asking – give a name to the ‘Goods and Necessities’ fellow you are talking to. This might have helped the last few paragraphs of the 3rd fieldset be less convoluted and more straightforward to follow. If the Mechanics gave more detail it would have worked better. Day 2 Again, I come away from your post thinking that it is too wordy, and more oblique with what you are trying to drive at than I would like. I loved the lore about the nine parts of the human soul, but for me that could have been all that was needed for nearly the whole first two sections of your post. Good co-ordination between your fellow PCs with Daryl’s smokescreen now making sense to me, but how do shadows work in the middle of a mist cloud? Additionally, a post like this looks like it is making the GM work extra hard to ensure your intentions are met in the way you would like them to. Make it easier for them to parse the useful information in your mechanics section and I am certain you will have a more grateful GM! Day 3 I might have been more harsh on the shadows-in-the-mist angle Tikum was trying last round, but your GM provided for you to maintain your action choice. I feel you are driving towards something slowly with your vignettes from the past, but I can’t find the relevance or connection to the rest of your post just yet. Maybe I am just slow on the uptake - I am reading quite a number of these, so something might be lost on me that is clear to others. A fascinating take on moving through the press of bodies, I liked it! However, if you cast no shadow because the sun is directly overhead, so too then does everyone else have no shadow. I am not totally certain how the bit of amber helped you here, the lack of clarity in the Gear description has left it too vague to be of direct use. Day 4 Another flashback ties you and Kase together, though sadly you aren’t near the android in this scenario. I hope I get to see some interaction between the two of you, based on what you have written here. Odd choice of words a little further down - hearts don’t usually stumble and bellies don’t usually skitter. A missed coding here or there as well, I note that you used about 40 minutes to edit, so this serves as that annoying reminder that there is always something else to check! A shame you didn’t include any of your local group in the Trisfae Arch flashback – they wouldn’t have a clue what you referenced late in your present-day RP block. The order of posts in this group has confused me – I am not privy to the PMs flying around, but ‘listening to the plan’ that isn’t actually there yet leaves me as a reader confused. I will likely get the full picture soon enough. Day 5 This was exactly the right sort of flashback this time, explaining in a beautiful and succinct way what demons lie at the heart of Tikum and how she can always move towards the Bright. I find your choice of actions again a little jarring based on the action of HenryLockwood. Aegeras has set himself up as a ‘security inspector’, checking in on the progress inside the warehouse, he doesn’t have anything necessarily to take to the cart, unless I was reading his post wrong. Something reinforcing his authority as a foreman/inspector would have served better I think. Still, you have made Tikum’s character central to the plotline and I wonder whose identity you assumed by putting on the hood – is this a member of the infamous Grey Guard that you have taken down? HenryLockwood Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 38 An excellent, characterful voice carried the narrative always towards the end-goal here. Aegeras grabbed the attention of those he interacted with and succeeded in his job as the Face of the round. Good length posts kept me interested and wanting more.   Day 1 I get a great sense of Aegaras’ voice here, through the letters and storytelling. Missed a bit of formatting on your speech in the second fieldset. Simple, but effective interaction with the others at this point, it gives the others enough to work with while you all go off on your own paths to investigate. You are relying a little on the DM taking initiative in sharing information with you instead of asking pointed questions. You might not get much of substance to work with, but that remains to be seen. A solid opening post! Day 2 Good collaborative efforts in this group here should be well-rewarded. I can’t necessarily tell from your roll whether you are aiming for above or below your CN with your action, it would be good if you could spell it out for tired Judge eyes. Your post was quite fun to read, easygoing and succinct. Nothing wasted yet, and as a bonus it should reflect well in moving the action forward quickly! Day 3 Everyone has gone in for flashbacks at the moment! Yours is fairly dark and sorrowful and, if I am being brutally honest, convenient that Tikum and yourself survived. Aegaras shouldn’t have any inherent magical ability to keep himself alive in the freezing cold, should he? Unless the chattering of teeth counted for some sort of magical cantrip. Other than that small gripe, it was the right sort of length for a diversionary flashback, unlike some absolute whoppers that have been going around the traps. “Back to the task at hand!” I am so glad someone is keeping track of the main narrative as well, it isn’t always clearly in every player’s mind. Kudos to you to keep finding ways of dragging your posts kicking and screaming towards the pertinent goals set out ahead of you. Day 4 This is a better flashback, more pertinent to the storyline you are contributing to. Your main actions play well into the narrative established by the others, and help bring clarity to a scene that was a little convoluted at first. Aegeras is setting himself up to be the Face of the operation, while the others sneakily move around. Light and Shadow indeed, I like where this is going and it gives the GM multiple angles to work on this scene with. Day 5 You capped off round 1 with a humdinger! You built beautifully on the post before and, conscious of what your fellow Companions were up to, you took control of the situation well to keep the focus on you and your eloquent verbosity. The switches in character emotion and voice made the conversation flow nicely, especially when PbP doesn’t allow for back-and-forth conversations so easily. The dice rolls too are right on your side, meaning that the bluff you threw at the workers there should be believed with all certainty. You tied in a heck of a lot about the scene you had just been through as well, using the Renonculus particularly well. Great end! DAquilina Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 36 Daryl's unique presence led to a few chuckles as I read the demon-in-a-human's-world perspective. A few bold actions drove the plotline along nicely, but this was paired with a few more passive turns that let the action simmer. You certainly brought a lot of fire and brimstone to the table!   Day 1 Daryl starts off with a bang! Coming at the adventure from a completely different tack is refreshing, and you are pulling it off with suitable aplomb. Given the diversity of races and characters around, I am not entirely surprised the Bishop didn’t pay you much mind, but the jab about a literal demon in front of a holy man made me smile. Missed a touch of formatting, probably with a bit of editing gone awry about halfway down your second fieldset. You too, are not driving at anything specific with your information gathering, so it remains to be seen how the DM will respond for you. Day 2 Uh-oh… Remember that bit about subtlety? It was extremely successful (no less than 5 successes!) so I would be quite lenient as a GM here, but you might be attracting plenty of the wrong sort of attention with a post like this. Not that I think that is necessarily bad – in Outplay we need to push the envelope harder and faster than normal to get the results we are after, but I am keen to see how this plays out. A bold choice! Again, I wonder what exactly you are hoping to achieve with this smokescreen? Day 3 Your action made perfect sense in the end after everyone’s post last round. I went back to reread your 2nd post and it all started to come together for me. Complex planning, but you were getting somewhere! This is looking like a nicely complete post as well, though your choice of actions to calm the crowd is not really driving at your main aim – admirable, but this curveball is stealing precious time away from you to find out more about the cultists. Try to throw the GM for a spin too with some outside-the-box thinking to help push forward with your own agenda too. Day 4 Thanks for putting more context around the actions of Tikum in your post, it has helped me make sense of the cloaking action. I would have liked a sense of who said those words in your quotation marks, I had to go looking, but that is only a minor gripe. Charlene is proving to be exceptionally useful! Good roll to help get inside and your group should be well on their way towards finding out what the cultists are up to! Day 5 I am a little confused – what was the point of the invisibility cover for you? It seems as though the stealthy options presented to you were discarded and the sudden materialization of a demon like yourself surely wouldn’t go unnoticed, right? Especially one that starts spouting hellfire all over the place. It does force the action, but I think you could have used the advantage you had from last turn to… look inside a crate? Poke your head in where it shouldn’t have been and glimpse something that could have been useful in the next round? A fun post of bureaucratic OHSA fluff in any case. DaniLore Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 31 Glass' character sparkled and danced his way through the round, riding on some creative uses of his Oni-box and highly successful dice rolling. Glass' eyes got a bit too big for him in the last round, spoiling an otherwise stealthy option by bringing everything tumbling down, but it sure was a dramatic end.   Day 1 Be careful of overusing your commas. They can make sentences quite convoluted and mix up singular and plural sometimes. The first sentence of your second paragraph would have been better served with a colon ( rather than a comma as they were two independent clauses. I fall into this trap all the time too! ‘Dourly glowered’ is a tautology, only one of these words could have served. Azurulean is not quite what you are after either I think, azure itself can be used as an adjective. A few formatting issues with missed bold texted speech, but I appreciate your fairly direct question. Day 2 You were after ‘improv’ in that second sentence – the curse of an overactive spellchecker sometimes! Good to see you touching base with the others, working together will gain you far more than apart. I was a little confused at first at what you were driving at in the bottom part of the first fieldset, whether you meant to go over to the West docks or not, but I got there in the end. From a mechanical perspective, I would like to see a little more clarity with your rolling and description to know what you are aiming at for successes. The GM has to work out for you whether your roll resulted in 4 successes or 2 – you can add as much detail to this part as you like to help clear it up. Day 3 Some funky editing problems throughout the flashback (coding was all over the place) muddied the post. I saw you working on this one and writing it totally after the dice rolls only gives you an hour for the entire thing – you used every second of that and still didn’t make it totally clean. Feel free to write up large chunks away from the site, then copy-paste across to save a bit of time. The flashback was pretty massive chunk – was it all needed? Because you did roll first, your post could reflect those successes in your actions well which was great. You arrived at the Western dock finally, but you still had a chance to push the narrative forward – you could have taken the opportunity to look around for the cultists instead of waiting to be led. Wherever you can, always take control of the direction of the plot yourself. Day 4 ‘Nekked’ was an odd choice - were you worried about using ‘naked’ for any particular reason? It is a little strange to read Glass’ inner thoughts about her fellow Companions only now, this looks like it should have been a first-glance sort of observation, rather than four rounds in. Your speaking voice has changed too, I think you were more eloquent in your first couple of posts than you are now. The ‘Misc uses’ of the Flying Fang technique are going to be a stretch to get to healing Tikum, and the dice have betrayed you here too. You have also gone in for two separate actions as well, fixing Tikum’s wound as well as trying to stealth. This post might be too much for one round, but I will leave that to the GM to decide. Day 5 I am surprised that none of the invisible players chose to utilize stealth to subtly get information or hard evidence to take back to Bishop Bartholemew. Glass was described as sitting directly on top of a cultist crate, didn’t he think to have a peek inside? I believe cantrips were supposed to be declared as part of the character make-up, not thrown in when it suited the narrative. This was also the least subtle way of finishing off the round as well – the chances of Glass and his companions ending the day as happily as your second paragraph described now is highly unlikely, Glass may well end up on the extreme wrong side of the law with an act of clear destruction. You certainly capped off the first round of actions with a serious bang!

[savoylen]

Great job everyone in all brackets!! I'm not the guy to break down each of these day by day or count your sentence fragments. I'm looking for solid mechanics, interesting solutions, team play and CLEAR layout of your post so its easy follow. I'm only going to comment on what I feel is the most important aspects of your series of posts that I feet could have the biggest impart overall should your character advance.

THANK YOU ALL for the hard work and great game play.

Round 1 - Bracket 1 - Group A bananabadger-Brinehonz 9 10 10 7 36 Your layout and makes the mechanics easy to follow your narrative. GREAT work there, it makes all the difference. Day two was the highlight. I know its hard to pace these kinds of things but you might want to purposefully leave yourself a bit more gas for the latter posts which seemed to wane a bit toward the end. GleefulNihilism-Jiaze 8 10 8 7 33 Some days were just simply not as strong as other days. I'd get all excited to see what Jia was going to do... and then left a bit underwhelmed. I think she needed a bit more of a spot light and development than she got. stepanxol-Salambiccus 6 10 9 7 32 Keeping the steam going for 5 days is hard. The quality and content varied A LOT some days compared to others. I'm not sure the focus was on spot some days and at times I think you left chances to interact with other players in the group on the table. Thaco-Essarion 4 7 8 7 26 This was a hard group to be up against in round 1. Your post were good but just not up to the same level as the rest of the group. I like brief but if you are going to do that, the content has to be solid enough to shine when others are using all the words. Sometimes twice.

Round 1 - Bracket 1 - Group B HellsingsRaziel-Eleath 8 8 9 7 32 This is solid work. Not all posts seemed to get the same effort though. At times I enjoyed the flashbacks more than the current line. I'm not sure that's always good. Your asides and flashbacks should make what is happening in the current scene even more interesting to watch. I'm not a big fan of "quotes" as a way to control narrative flow but you made this work. Wishkamonv-Magna 9 7 8 8 32 I enjoyed watching this character. Not all the posts are equally developed - meaning you lost the chance to show her off a bit at times. Drachenspirit-Faye 9 9 8 7 33 Love, love, love the visuals you paint in your posts. This system lets you know when you fail (which are the things we remember in many of our games). Don't be afraid to narrate those moments as well. When she fell off that crane, you could have kept the narrative going and ran with it rather than waiting for the GM to fill in the those blanks for you. I felt there where a few other lost opportunities to show her off. Bottom line is I think you might have been holding her back a bit. HotsuSama-Chervil 8 8 8 9 33 How did that cat happen? I hope we hear about that at some point. Very nice start on flavor but important details were missing from the first post. I enjoyed the varied use of Hero Forge to bring life to the character visually but including that in your narrative is important too. One post as very much less developed than the rest - a missed opportunity there. Your ending post was very strong - l loved the way you tied it up.

Round 1 - Bracket 2 - Group A ekidnu-Rocky 8 8 8 9 33 Rock was a bit of solo show but I think the situation called for it. The posts varied - sometimes they seemed very different in feel. I like the imagery of how this character worked. Born of Monsters-Haerrsk 8 8 9 9 34 I enjoyed this quite a bit. You have a nice rhythm to your narration and gave Haerrsk plenty to do. There might have been a few missed opportunities to really work with others in the team. It seemed like you were still struggling with how the system worked, even a bit at the end. AnotherDragoon-Kase-13 9 9 8 8 34 This group had A LOT of diversity making it a bit easier to follow the overall story. I like the cooperative play you worked in. You posts got stronger as you went and enjoyed the use of Hero Forge to pose you art. BlackDragon0-Demmuk 7 7 6 5 25 Your post got stronger but then dropped at the end... tip: Let the GM recap, as a players we need to be adding to the story and developing when we can. There were missed opportunities for Demmuk in places. Perspective and voice changed dramatically at times.

Round 1 - Bracket 2 - Group B HenryLockwood-Aegaras 9 9 9 9 36 I like how clear you are in the narrative and in the mechanics as to what the character is accomplishing in the post while at the same time giving wonderful diallage and descriptions. The italics use was confusing to me. At times it was the character or other's thoughts, then at other times is was something else. DAquilina-Daryl 8 9 9 8 34 There was a lot to like about Daryl. You have a smooth canter at times and then at others is gets a little choppy. His action did move things along (they had too) but I'm not sure it took advantage of the others. DaniLor-Glass 8 8 8 8 32 It took a couple of posts for me to really start to get a real feel for Glass - perhaps too long. There were times I felt you were asking too much of the mechanic (one roll but multiple outcomes needed). I enjoyed the medic-patient scene quite a lot. The end seemed a bit close to 'jumping the shark' especially given the goals and instructions from the patron. GeneT-Tikum 7 8 9 8 32-2=30 I got a little lost at times in what we trying to accomplish on a few of the posts and the mechanics didn't seem to help at those times either. I like your narration and imagery! Just some minor editing issues in consistency (missed SAY for example in last post).

[Imveros]

Here we are, the end of round one. Great work all around everyone, but I won’t waste my shot to shill the great work group two did. Lots of stuff to be proud of over there.

Moving forward with the judging, I received some feedback about being too picky with the grammar and the spelling for round zero. Since this isn’t an English MidTerm, I promise to take it easier with the word processor. Another general note I’ll make is that more doesn’t equal better. If a flashback doesn’t directly impact the current scene, I’d rather not see it. Better yet, try and craft a scene that doesn’t need a 500-word flashback. Brevity is the soul of wit after all.

Bracket 1   Group A bananabadger/Brinehonz Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 35 The posts were in nice manageable chunks, and even though they were often quite large, they still went down smooth. I enjoyed the crab interlude as well as the varying post pictures. The mechanic’s sections were well labeled and organized. Everything flowed well and any odd sections I attributed to in character idosincricy. I’d like to see more varied actions taken though. No one likes to get stuck in a rut, even if it is a sick +5 rut of smiting GleefulNihilism/Jiaze Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 32 I’m digging the flavor you’ve crafted for this character, but it shines through more in some posts than others. It’s hard to shine with so many zany/bombastic characters to work with. The mechanic’s sections were well labeled and organized. Some of your writing felt a little disjointed and possibly rushed? I know I was pressed for time some of those mornings. I appreciated the colored text though. You need a little something to break up those big old chunks of text That said, nothing I saw was a deal-breaker in any way stepanxol/Salambiccus Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 35 As I mentioned in my about the judges post, I wanted to see people working together to tell the best story they could. Sala was great at working with others and keeping things flowing in the right direction. It’s a tough juggling act between sharing and hogging the spotlight. The mechanic’s sections were well labeled and organized. Everything also flowed smoothly while reading. Thaco/Essarion Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 5/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 28 This bracket had a lot of spotlight hogs and it seems like Ess was never trying hard enough for his spotlight. The mechanic’s sections were well labeled and organized. I’d like to have seen more structure to the body of your posts. Things like color and pictures and fieldsets help break things up and keep the eyes interested. It’s tough seeing walls of plain old text sometimes.   Group B HellsingsRaxiel/Eleath Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 31 Strong silent types usually aren’t the best at collaborative storytelling, but I enjoyed reading the posts and they worked well with the team you were given. I’d like to have seen them grab a little more spotlight for themselves though. The mechanic’s sections were well labeled and organized. The nested fieldsets and the use of the quote feature helped break the posts up nicely. I wouldn’t have minded a few pictures though. I’ve heard they’re worth a thousand whole words! Wishkamon/Magna Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 6/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 28 I’ve never been happier to be wrong. MY judge feedback was that I’d seen plenty of swamp witches before, but this one had some pep in the step! Several of the posts felt a bit choppy and a quick read-aloud would have helped. Some of the posts felt a little rushed as well. I know I was pressed for time with a few of my posts as well. I liked the headers and their various justifications but the subsequent posts didn’t have as much organizational love. I did like seeing the colored text. It makes big posts a little easier on the eyes. Drachenspirit/Faye Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 30 Great job with the collaborative storytelling. Points for action-packed posts as well. The mechanic’s sections were well labeled and organized. I annoyed the colored text and the plentiful use of white space. Those small digestible chunks of text really come in handy when you’re reading close to 100k words. I will say that some of your line breaks were odd. If you’re going to break a line I’d like to see a little space between them. HotsuSama/Chervil Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 33 Mafia rat started off shaky, but found his voice and stuck the landing on the last post. One of the better bookends I’ve read in the competition. That said, I had to drag/select that chunk of varying red texts because they made my eyes cross. I’d also like to see some of those bigger chunks of text broken up a little so they’re easier to digest. 100k words are quite the feast and I had to pace myself. The mechanic’s sections were well labeled and organized. Chervil proved that it’s great to have friends in low places You also moved the story along without leaving anyone behind.

Bracket 3   Group A Yoshimi/Sorbo Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 32 - 5 point deduction = 27 I was going to be very disappointed in you if you did go the whole hog on the Bob Ross and I wasn’t disappointed. He was a bit of a loner though, and everyone needs a happy little friend by their side. I’d like to have seen a little more organization to your rolls. IE directly stating +1 from x +2 from XY, It’s an occ section its ok if it’s cold and clinical. I enjoyed the next fieldsets in the first post, and then they were gone! Some of the larger chunks of text could have used some spaces to give my peepers a rest. Always moving forward, just make sure you’re directly taking the other with you when you do. JustSomeGuy/Jeremy Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 5/10 Total Score 34 I love the character, I just wish it had felt like Jeremy had a team. As a one-man wrecking crew you had little use for the other players and collaborative storytelling is high on my list of things to look for in a “Best Player”. The posts are in nice digestible chunks, with colors, pictures, and all broken up in fieldsets. The OCC sections are excellent and the writing was smooth and a pleasure to read. Qiksilv/Hazeal Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 4/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 5/10 Total Score 23 I liked the character, but they’re just lost behind all the noise. In my opening comments, I mentioned the brevity is the soul of wit, and all of your posts felt too long. Some of them are far too long. You grab some spotlight but then wander away from it sometimes. I also wasn’t a fan of the choose your own adventure style fieldsets. Either make a post that has a smaller impact due to the roll, or roll first and type like the dickens to meet that hour deadline. You could have also written both and then deleted the evidence of the path that was never meant to be. I’d also like to have seen some more white space and formatting, maybe a picture or two to keep things spruced up. Noquarter19/Jyl Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 32 Glad to see I was wrong with my round zero Jyl is far more than halfling thief 27b. I’d like to have seen more consistency with your dice formatting the sch coding works just fine you just. The posts were fun to read but could have benefited from more white space or formatting to break them up a little better. Varied sentence structure also helps a big chunk of words go down more smoothly as well. Excellent collaboration and plenty of hooks to go around for your group to run with.   Group B lostcheerio/Rammariel Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 10/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 38 If I’m being honest, I thought that hipster dwarf was going to get boring fast, but his antics were a delight to read as were his interactions with the world and with his fellow crossing companions. The posts are also well formated with plenty of places for my eyes to rest and digest the meal before them. The OOC sections were also well laid out, but I’d like to have seen some fancy dice coding in there like all the cool kids were doing MontageManiac/Rhun Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 34 Loved the flavor and loved the way he reacted, but he could have been more of a team player. Collaborative storytelling is all about tossing out hooks for others to use. You also relied heavily on only one spell for the bulk of your rolls. They were effective, dont get me wrong, but no one likes a one-trick pony, no matter how glittery their mane is. Lots of white space and formatting breaks to make those larger posts go down more smoothly. The massive character portrait annoyed me at first, but it fits right on those longer word count posts. Mindsiege/Xue-Mihun Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 4/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 24 I enjoyed the character when I could find her buried behind massive walls of text. The actions and mannerisms were focused and group-oriented. The OOC sections were also well-organized b8ut could have used some fancy coding. My main issue is that the posts had good bones but were not enjoyable to read. Cards on the table, I’d have skimmed them had I not been contractually obligated to read the whole thing. Sentence structure and grammar combined with the mass of the posts made them hard to swallow. Brevity is the soul of wit. Jerzima/Jora Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 5/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 4/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 5/10 Total Score 21 - 5 point deduction = 16 Jora was ok, but in such a competitive bracket, he really needed to grab for that spotlight with both hands. I’d have also like to have seen more uniqueness from him but he never seemed to break out of the mold. He did think outside the box though, and I appreciated the problem-solving skills. The missing post and massive breach of time standards also hurt your scores. Your OOC portions were well organized but I’d like to have seen some fancy dice coding.

[Homestarbaby]

Great job everyone! Really, there were no bad posters or roleplayers and it felt really nitpicky getting in to compare or contrast. I feel bad because I would definitely enjoy all of these stories at a casual read, but as a judge I had to pull out a lot of subjective standards. Best of luck to all in your future endeavors. I can't wait to see what the winners come up with for the next round.

Bracket 2 BRACKET 2   Group A Group A - Market   AnotherDragoon/Kase Kase-13 "The Wanderer" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 29 FEEDBACK: Fun narrative choices in character. A little bit distracting and lengthy sometimes, but your dedication to characterization is admired!   BlackDragon0/Demmuk Demmuk Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 9/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 33 FEEDBACK: A bit of a rough start, but wonderful improvement as the story progressed. Great length for posts and very descriptive on details.   Born of Monsters/Haerrsk Haerrsk Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 28 FEEDBACK: Long posts due to formatting choices, and assuming lots of the grammar was an in-character choice. Played to your strengths and rolled well with bad rolls.   ekidnu/Rocky Rocky "Crusader for Earth" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 10/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 32 FEEDBACK: Wonderful job with formatting and narrative. Would have liked to see this character interact with teammates more.   Group B Group B - Docks   DaniLore/Sapphire Glass Sapphire Glass Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 27 FEEDBACK: Character seemed to live in the moment more than work with the group or the goals. Aegaras is entertaining.   DAquilina/(Daryl) (Daryl) Demon accountant Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 7/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 29 FEEDBACK: Fun concept, but some of the characterization effort got distracting and self-focused. Admiration for creativity!   GeneT/Tikum Tikum Menikem Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 29 FEEDBACK: Nice use of images! Posts were a bit long but very enjoyable, and only a slight hiccup with rules.   HenryLockwood/Aegaras Aegaras "The Drunk" Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 6/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 30 FEEDBACK: Good player interaction and descriptive actions. Some long posts and rule cringes, but overall a great job roleplaying!

Bracket 3 BRACKET 3   Group A Group A - Market   Yoshimi/Sorbo Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 4/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 30 FEEDBACK: Character is well written with a lot of personality in each post. Creative character interaction with the face paint was nice. Just have to make sure you are following the rules!   JustSomeGuy/Jeremy Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 33 FEEDBACK: A couple of typos that are bound to pop up given the length of your posts. Enjoyable reads, and every post had a solid contribution to the plot. A bit lengthy on the read, but fun content throughout!   Qiksilv/Hazeal Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 7/10 Total Score 31 FEEDBACK: Everything was well written, participation with other characters was fairly good, and for the most part the character worked to move the plot along. Greatly appreciate how it was later formatted into optional spoiler button reads, though still read it all. Just felt like there was too much going on in every post to keep track of it all.   Noquarter19/Jyl Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 5/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 10/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 29 FEEDBACK: Clearly some confusion on understanding the rules. A very fun character with a detailed backstory. Enjoyed the flashbacks a lot, but they also seemed to be more of the focus of the posts rather than the plot of the game as a whole.   Group B Group B - Docks   Jerzima/Jora Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 7/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 3/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 8/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 6/10 Total Score 24 FEEDBACK: Fun character that worked well with the other players. Very slow start, but a good finish!   lostcheerio/Rammariel Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 8/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 7/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 6/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 29 FEEDBACK: Missed some rules but seemed to be self-aware enough to catch mistakes and self-correct where able. Enjoyed the songs as well as how the character handled failures.   Mindsiege/Xue-Mihun Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 6/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 8/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 6/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 9/10 Total Score 29 FEEDBACK: I really like the character concept and the interaction with other characters. The posts felt very long and were usually a bit of a challenge to get through.   MontageManiac/Rhun Criteria Score (How well did you like the content)Enjoyability and Creativity 5/10 (Was the post clear, easy to follow, Used these system rules correctly)Clarity, Formatting, and Technical 9/10 (No obvious spelling errors or grammatical blunders, how was the quality of writing?)Grammar and Writing 9/10 (Did posts move things forward, and fit the theme of the character doing them?)Moved the Plot / Acted true to Character 8/10 Total Score 31 FEEDBACK: Loved the use of colored text, and there was a lot of good drama. The posts were so well organized and sorted, but they were so very long!