[PF-1e] Blood and Guts

[Preacherwolf]

Originally Posted by ShadowcatX

Whoop whoop my however is correct. We won't talk about tenses.... Lol.

My however's, however, were not correct and were subsequently purged into the void

[LeoByron]

I am working on giving some feedback. I generally don't like doing it as it generally makes me feel like an arrogant peacock, but I'll have something out tomorrow, hopefully. I am halfway done my draft now.

[LeoByron]

[ShadowcatX]

Originally Posted by LeoByron

I generally don't like doing it as it generally makes me feel like an arrogant peacock,

Will it help if we all promise not to pluck your tail feathers for use as quills, even if we don't get in?

[LeoByron]

I will provide a small amount of feedback in three sections.

1) Writing: I will give a brief and succinct evaluation of the writing both in terms of its quality and function (Grammar, spelling, etc) and "style."

2) Character: I will give a brief opinion of the character and include any suggestions I might have to improve upon it or otherwise comment on how he or she might fit in the game.

3) Approximate rank: I will speak briefly about how likely the character is to have the desired Template and where the application stacks up so far and whether improvements might nudge it higher in that ranking. I will speak generally whether I think the application might rank, high, middling, or low in my esteem.

Preacherwolf - Lady Gwendoline Oakwater

triedtherest - Severous Crow

Firecat - Nichros Derry

ShadowcatX - Jaaren

mightymconeshot - Wyran the Fallen

Elanir - Sergius

Ermine - Dao Wu Feng

I have 3 incomplete applications remaining: Charsis by Rakaghi, Llordaeron Yaeru by Jacobzilla, and Aegion Melwasul by Tyeal.

I have set the deadline for Friday April 23rd, but if anyone puts their foot in the door with the bones of an application before the actual deadline I can allow more time for completion.

[Elanir]

Thank you for the incredibly detailed feedback.

[Preacherwolf]

Thanks for the detailed feedback. It really does help

[mightymconeshot]

Thanks for the feedback.

[Tyeal]

Alright! Had to knuckle down for a couple hours but I hammered out Aegion's application! Majority of details should be there but I'll go back and provide edits and clarification should Leo find the time to review it.

[Jacobzilla]

I think Llordaeron's done if you want to grade him as well.
I see we have a few alchemists but there's enough alchemical items we probably wont overlap.

[LeoByron]

I have updated the applicants table.

Jacobzilla - Llordaeron Yaeru (Lloyd)

Tyeal - Aegion Melwasul

I have good reason to believe Unforgiven will complete his application before the deadline or very soon after and since he has already placed his foot in the door, I may delay invites slightly to allow him, and any other newcomers, to craft their entry.

[Ermine]

[LeoByron]

I am adding Grave Knight

AND

Apostle Kyton

to the list of available templates.

[Eviltedzies]

Eviltedzies Application: Sinadra before his Undeath Name: Sinadra Race: Half Elf Class: Antipaladin Archetype: Soulrender Alignment: Neutral Evil Intended Role: Undead Minions, Demoralizer, Melee Damage Template Preference: Graveknight > Necropolitan > Death Knight   Height: 6'1" | Weight: 210lb | Age: 32 | Hair: Black | Eyes: Crimson Usual Attire: Sinadra prefers fine silks and leathers when he has no expectation for conflict and despite lacking the intimidating form of his full plate. He is meticulous with his personal grooming and this extends to the care he puts into keeping his garments fresh and pressed smooth. When heading into battle however, Sinadra dons his foreboding suite of custom fullplate originally inspired by the various unique armor styles of the Hell Knights. Appearance: Sinadra inherited an almost perfect mixture of traits from both sides of his lineage with his tall slender form retaining the elegance of the elven form while beneath his clothing his well honed body ripples with toned muscles criss crossed with numerous scars. Even before spending prolonged periods of time within the confines of his armor or hidden away from the world as he explored his own depraved experiments, Sinadra's skin is pale like softened moonlight. This contrast strikingly with his crimson eyes which immediately draw in onlooker with a seductive allure mixed with a sense of foreboding nervousness. Flowing locks of ebony hair trail past Sinadra's shoulders frame his pale face with an almost ominous sensation.   If men seek to live life with no regrets, then I seek to continue my eventual eternal undeath without them as well. Sinadra is a man who early on learned the world is not as black and white as many would make it out to be. What is considered good and right to some can conversely be considered evil and wrong to others. This perspective temper's Sinadra's viewpoints on many aspects of life in general, including necromancy itself. Who is he to judge how others choose to live their lives even if their lives come into conflict with his own? Such pragmatism in his approach makes Sinadra a rather open minded man in many regards and he rarely judges others quickly or without due evidence. This way of thinking however indirectly led Sinadra down the more darker paths of the world for when his fascination with death came to bloom he found himself calmly rationalizing the occastional grave robbing or murder as necessary acts to promote his own research. Rarely did he hold anything against those who suffered at his hands and if it wasn't necessary for his research a quick and painless end was often considered an efficient use of time and energy for Sinadra as opposed to it being because he felt any actual empathy for his subjects. In time however, Sinadra came to find the psyche of the mind just as fascinating as the body after death. The look of shock and fear in a person's eyes as they beheld a loved one rising from the grave as a shambling corpse evoked a primal joy from Sinadra that he could never quite place. In time, Sinadra began using his words just as much as his necromantic powers to experiment on others. Insults, flattery, and deceptions became common tools in Sinadra's arsenal although reactions of anger, fear, or dismay often elicited the most genuine feeling of pleasure within Sinadra. In keeping, his experiments began expanding to pre-undeath evaluations though to the lament most would consider Sinadra's actions horrific torture. Such simple minded thinking from the common folk never deterred Sinadra however and he ever strives to unlock the secrets of the body, mind, and soul. For all his rather negatively stereotyped morale inclinations, Sindara is not without some trappings of humanity about him. Where often many think of necromancers as foul decrepit figure hunched over black tomes in some filthy pit, Sinadra prides himself on keeping his person as neat and tidy as the situation allows. Be it his pricy attires of silks and leathers or the fragrant colognes he often dabs upon his wrist and neck, Sinadra is a man who considers his presentation to the world as being just as important as the methodical process of his research. In time, Sinadra even came to develop a taste for the finer things in life. Wine, music, and women were indeed all wonderous experiences though at the end of the day none ever truly satiated him in the ways his work did. Even so, Sindara considers such luxuries to be creative muses at times and often carries a small journal with him to jot down some passing thought as to how better improve upon his works. Sinadra's pride in his work can be a double edged sword at times. Many seek to cull him and those who practice his art from the realm for good and Sinadara is not ignorant of this fact. Yet there are times when Sinadra cannot help but provoke those who would ignorantly seek to destroy his work without questioning its' necessity or purpose. Paladins, clerics, and more righteously inclined folk are often a tempting nectar for Sinadra as he yearns to open their eyes to the possibilities of the world. More often than not this desire leads to inevitable conflict and more than once Sinadra has found himself in over his head and been forced to flee. This habit has slowly evolved over the years as Sinadra has learned from his mistakes. Where once he might have been impulsive with his actions, the man now knows that patience can be a valuable asset when setting up a new experiment.   "I find perspective is subjective; and yet, we still take comfort even if we know it to be a lie." A bastard child raised in the countryside by his seamstress mother, Sinadra was always a shy child who was shunned for his pale skin and his suprisingly dispassionate reactions for one so young. When he was not helping his mother with chores around their tiny one room cabin, Sinadra was often found pouring over what scraps of written materials he could get his hands on. It wasn't much, but the stories and knowledge helped Sinadra escape the confines of his tiny village and explore a vast world around him. During Sinadra's adolescene, he became a regular target for the town bullies for his odd behavior, pale skin, and was constantly subject to harsh gossip regarding his bastard lineage. It was during one of these incidents that one youth took insulting Sinadra's mother too far and something within him snapped. Lunging at the boy, Sinadra's hand suddenly glowed with malicious black energy that snuffed out the life force of the boy with a single strike. While the other children screamed and ran off to find help, Sinadra stood in rapt fascination with the energy coursing through his body and the dead body laying on the ground before him. When the town guard's questioned him Sinadra seemed unapologetic or even shocked by his actions and coldly explained what had occurred. After that day, Sinadra and his mother were ostracized from the community. While being left alone by the townsfolk suited Sinadra, his mother did not fare nearly as well. With nobody willing to purchase her textiles, Sinadara's mother was forced to find work in a brothel a village over and in time her health depreciated substantially. With is mother being the one person in his life Sinadra truly still cared for, he did all he could to comfort her and tend to her as her health worsened but in the end it would not be enough. On her deathbed, Sinadra's mother told him that his father had been a man of the cloth who had stolen her innocence and threatened her if she ever dared try to expose him. Imparting to Sinadra the last of their coin, his mother begged him to seek out his father's aid. She passed peacefully in her sleep that night, one last mercy in a cruel life thought Sinadra. With nowhere else to go, Sinadra left his home to seek out his father. His mother's story still echoed strongly in Sinadra's thoughts and his anger simmered over how his mother had been mistreated and forced to flee. When he finally arrived at the city of his conception, Sinadra learned his father had become a high ranking member of the local priesthood. Debating how best to approach the situation, Sinadra decided to enter the priesthood to slowly move closer to his father and obtain his confidence without him knowing Sinadra's true lineage. It was during his introduction into the religious teachings of the faith that Sinadra learned of the practice of necromancy. The faith taught that it was an abomination; and yet, Sinadra instantly recognized the energy described in the texts was near exactly what he had felt flow through his veins that day long ago. Unable to learn more openly, Sindara slowly worked his way up in the ranks of the faith while secretly studying the forbidden tomes in the archives for any stray scraps of knowledge he could find. Years passed in the blink of an eye. After a time, Sinadra had grown confident in his skills in necromancy and decided it was time to move against his father. Having learned his father was not the so pious man he pretended to be, Sinadra blackmailed his father in an attempt to seek revenge; however, fate had a strange sense of irony for after revealing his lineage to his father Sinadra learned the man had been infertile since his birth making it impossible that the man had been his father in the first place. Angered at the revelation, Sinadra felt conflicted about the true cause of the pain in his life. In the end, Sinadra realized that even if this man was not his father, he was the man responsible for his mother's exile and suffering. In the end, Sindara slew his false father simply because he, not Sinadra's true father, had been the cause of the suffering in Sinadra's life. Feeling unfulfilled with how things had ended, Sinadra decided to leave one final impression upon the city before his departure and confessed to the murder of his father in the holy court before revealing a newly animated zombie of his false father. Before the guard's could strike it down, Sinadra commanded his father to reveal every dark sin he and the church had committed over the years stunning all in attendance. For the final nail in the coffin as it were, Sinadra pointed out that by the laws of the city, he had been an ordained member of the clergy during his execution of his false father and, thus, had been within the lawful confines of the law to execute him. Sinadra then departed before the others present managed to recollect their thoughts long enough to realize that Sinadra's necromancy alone was grounds for his arrest. Freed from the shackles of his past, Sindara made his way into the world and devoted himself to his necromantic craft with a renewed vigor. In time, his dark powers grew and with them Sinadra's own twisted sense of morality darkened ever more. In time, Sinadra discovered rumors that the Holy Lord of Strathmoor Demetrious held dark and forbidden secrets locked away within the vaults of his castle. Intrigued, Sinadra made his with to Strathmoore and took up a loose alliance with a few other individuals who sought the downfall of Demetrious. Whether they sought revenge, power, or riches Sinadra did not care. He sought knowledge and in Demitrious' downfall he would find it. Not to mention Sinadra would feel immense satisfaction at bringing a man of such holy renown low and dragging his reputation through the mud.   "If you continue to stand in between me and my work you shall inevitably become a part of it." The air around him felt hot as Sinadra watched the color fade from the clergy men’s faces. It was amazing what some well-placed words could do for persuasion. "I request that the present clergies perform my trial here and now." Pews of church goers watched in both horror and amazement as this lone acolyte openly revealed such a heinous crime so boldly. The guards that had surrounded him looked to Sinadra and the back to the clergy. The lead cleric cleared his throat and spoke with a noticeable wavering in his words. "Very well. We shall hold your trial for your transgressions here and now with the presiding clergy as your judges and jury." Sinadra let out a slight sigh of relief. He had gambled on the clergy’s fear of him blackmailing them and it had worked. "Now I can begin to open their eyes." The lead cleric began to regain some of his demeanor and spoke now with an air of authority. "You stand here before this jury, Sinadra, accused of murdering a fellow clergymen. How do you plead?" Sinadra gazed back into the man's eyes resolutely. "Not guilty." A phew smirks spread across the clergy members as the lead cleric continued. "No evidence links you to the crime other than your own testimony. You have no evidence in your defense. If there are no more testimonies, the jury will now decide your sent..." "Wait!" Sinadra shouted, almost a command more than a request. "I have something I would like to say before the jury decides my sentence." The lead cleric frowned at the sudden outburst but waved his hand dismissively. "Hurry up then." Sinadra straightened himself up in preparation for what was to come. "This church teaches that those who sin are guilty and will pay for their sins in the afterlife yes?" The cleric seemed somewhat taken aback by the question but answered anyway. "Yes. Those who sin will be punished in the nine hells after their deaths. Only those who follow the ways of our god will be sent to paradise." Sinadra held his tongue for a moment to collect his thoughts. "I've got you right where I want you." "What gives you the right to tell others how to live their lives?" Anger flashed across the cleric's eye as his retort burst forth from his lips in an almost mechanical way. "Our great god whose teachings have been passed down from generations to generations. We simply show sinners the error of their ways." Sinadra could not hide the smirk on his face as he unleashed his next question like a parry of a blade. "And what proof do you have of your gods existence?" Some of the other clergy members gave shouts of heresy, but were quickly silenced as the cleric rose from his seat clenching the table. "Our god bestows upon his faithful a small fraction of his power. Our magic is proof of that." Sinadra turned and looked to the crowds eyeing him from the pews. "So what you’re saying... is that if I say I worship a flying goblin and display some kind of magical power than it must be the truth and that what I say must also be the truth." The cleric almost spat his next words as his face grew red. "You are a murderer, a sinner, and a heretic and I will not sit here and listen to this mockery of our faith any...." Sinadra cut the man off with a sharp tone that cut through the din of the church. "ANSWER THE QUESTION. By your own logic if I say something is true and show some sort of power to justify my statement then it must be true. By the way your own dogmatic functions you have the divine right to FORCE people to live their lives how YOU believe they should..... Is not slavery against the code of the church?" By now Sinadra was letting all his pent up emotions flow, the words coming like flashes in his mind. "If what you do is truly good then that makes slavery no longer evil. Who is to say what good and evil truly are? Who is to say we have the right to tell others what good and evil are?" Outrage erupted from all corners of the church as churchgoers and clergymen alike screamed and raged at Sinadra. The guards that once held him at sword point now surrounded him to protect him from angry church members. "It seems they cannot handle the truth." Speaking more to himself than to those around him Sinadra reached into his magical bag and pulled out the dead body of his false father. Stunned silence covered the crowd as this man who so boldly claimed to be a murderer now proved his own crime. Sinadra began to incantate as he felt arcane energies surge through him. Black shadows flowed from his outstretched hands into the body of the man lying dead before him. "Arise once more and speak the truth." As the negative energy flowed through the body its eyes cracked open. Rising to its feet it looked at Sinadra with its emotionless gaze. "Ask of me and I shall answer in truth as I am bound to fulfill my service." Many patrons fled as cries of necromancer shot through the air. The guards now turned and set a ring of blades around Sinadra. Sinadra watched as each of the clergy realized who it was that stood before them. "Your murdered clergy member has returned to give his final confession." Raising his hands high, Sinadra spoke with the fury and commanding presence of a general. "Those of the faith that break their vows and commit sins of dark lines are to be tried and executed by one of the faith." The guards brought Sinadra to his knees as he felt the cold steel of a blade resting gently across his throat. Directing his words to the animated corpse, Sinadra spoke with a slight pride to his words. "Speak of every sin you and your fellow members have ever committed that you can remember........ father."

[Ermine]

Originally Posted by LeoByron

I am adding Grave Knighr

AND

Apostle Kyton

to the list of available templates.

I'm assuming (since as of the time I'm writing this, they're not in the first post) these have the 2 level adjustment? And are 25 point buy?

Also, updated my template preference accordingly.