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  #16  
Old 10-11-2019, 07:41 PM
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How's this?
Lesson continuedGregor looked around the room suspiciously. There didn't seem to be anywhere for a creature to hide. He slowly climbed the stairs and examined the door to determine what kind of material it was made of, what kind of key it might take, and if he could see any traps.



The lithe skulker pressed himself against the cold stone wall as he eased himself closer to the staircase. He had heard the rumors of a beast that guarded the room above, but had never seen it himself. Talking to the resident help brought out stories of the dangerous monster that lurked beyond the stairs where he now found himself. The stories had brought on nightmare after nightmare for the youth, but he didn't care. He desperately needed to get into the room above. Taking care to peer deep into the shadows one by one, Gregor inched forward. Sweat plastered the mop of sandy brown hair to his dirt stained forehead. His nerves were on edge even as his sharp hazel eyes told his mind that the way ahead was clear. Noting the direct line upwards that the stairs took, the boy tiptoed forward towards the unassuming rectangular slab that stood waiting for him ahead. The steps just barely creaked beneath his feet as he moved closer to his goal. The softer creaking of his leather jerking appearing much loader to the frightened boy's ears.

Step by step he crept forward until he was kneeling before the plain door with it's oiled bronze knob and lock. A cursory look told the keen eyed human the door was wooden. Probably run of the mill standard oak, but it was carefully crafted and polished smooth by an attentive hand. Before even touching the door he ran his eyes up along the edges of the doorway up, around and then down its frame trying to determine if any visible traps had been set up. His reputation at stake he took his time, keeping an ear open for any movement or signs of a creature coming up behind him. When he was done pulled his attention the the lock itself. Wiping away the sweat that had dripped into his eyes Gregor slipped his long fingers into his satchel preparing to pull out his precious lock picking set. He just had to get into the head master's office. If he could fetch that letter to his parents he could stave off a very painful conversation for another day.

If Gregor was anything, besides a disappointment, it was an avoider. And he desperately wanted to avoid seeing his father's disappointment again.
OOC
Description: Gregor is described as a youth, boy & skulker with sandy blonde hair, hazel eyes, carries a set of lockpicks and in the moment nervous, desperate,sweaty and filthy.

Hook: He desperately wants into that room up the stairs. Trying to get something up there. Despite the rumors of a monster that is protecting it.

Action:He creeps up the stairs, checks the shadows of the staircase for the presence of a monster, examines the door edges for non arcane traps and peeks into the keyhole to see if he can determine the type of lock. Hand reaches for the lockpicks.

Motive:Needs to get that letter from the headmaster of his school that is currently in his father's lab.
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  #17  
Old 10-14-2019, 10:48 PM
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Hello! Sorry for the delay, it's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and I've been busy with events and family. I promise I haven't been ignoring you!




Descriptive: Almost, though it appears as if you are conflating this with some of his motivation, i.e. his desperation is more indicative of the why rather than the what. The descriptive elements I see are: lithe skulker, sandy brown hair, dirt-stained, hazel eyes, boy, leather jerking, human, long fingers, lock picking set.

Hook: The post you provided actually does not provide a hook. Remember that a hook needs to be a sort of explicit invitation to action by amother character (or, in some corner cases, the environment by the DM). As an example, imagine that Gregor was working with a partner. You could say something like:

Quote:
The boy's eyes scanned the door frame, looking for any traps the headmaster may have left to ward off pesky students such as himself. Taking a sharp intake of breath he looked back to his partner Aaron. "It looks clean to me, but you've always had a sharper eye for these things. Do you see any traps?"
Action: You action is spot on. Nothing to say here.

Motivation: Also spot on. The one note I have here is that it yur motivation can also be implicit, as is the case throughout the post when you describe his desperation in the moment.

As a more general note I will also point out that characteristics can be descriptors or motivation depending on context. For example, if a character is generally a nervous person, this might come through in their behaviours and how they interact with the environment, and it becomes a fundamental part of their personality. However a different character's nervousness might just be a result of the task at hand, like a meeting with a superior or a dangerous battle after one of their allies is already hurt, in which case they might be motivated to behave more cautiously.

In any case, let's move onto the next exercise.




Exercise 1.4

Same as before: improve the post below using any number of the four elements. Once you've written your edits, highlight and describe the elements that you've added.

PostThe elven sorceress stepped into the room cautiously, looking around to see if there were any surprises to be seen. She then closed her eyes and began to look for the things unseen, looking for magical auras of traps or treasures
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  #18  
Old 10-15-2019, 06:33 PM
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I'm having a tough time with the entire "Hook" section of these lessons. Grrr. Gimme time to play with this. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
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  #19  
Old 10-16-2019, 10:46 AM
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Try to think of it from the other side. If you're getting ready to post the first thing you'll do is read everything that happened between your last post and this one to get a feel for how things are flowing, and to see if there's anything that you need to respond to. Your job becomes much easier if you're given something to play off of.

Here are some examples:

Quote:
Elvira sighed, putting her hands on her hips and stepping back from the doorway. Her spells hadn't even made the thing budge. Casting an eye over her shoulder, she addressed her companions. "Well, I'm out of ideas. Explicit call to action. Opens options for dialog by all of the other players.Does anyone know how to opent his thing?"
Quote:
Arnold brought the shotgun to rest on his shoulder, still smoking from its grisly disposal of his rival. He held out his other hand as an invitation to the boy he had just saved. "Explicit call to action. This is a trite example, but it showcases how you might try to drive the story to the next plot point.Come with me if you want to live."
Quote:
Kraven felt the burning of his lungs, but there were far too many ghouls behind him to consider stopping, even for a moment. His companions, bless their souls, probably wouldn't be able to make it in time, but the mission was too important. The scepter was finally in his grasp, but it would all be for nothing if Fa'zhel's minions caught up to him while he still had it. He had to make a decision, and fast.

The sound of his footfalls echoing in the darkness began to change, slowly but surely, while he racked his brain for an answer. There were two responses -- a fork! The creatures pursuing him were relentless, but they were also mindless. Their single objective to to find and kill him, then drag the bloody corpse back to their master. They didn't care about the artifact, but Bonsley and the other sure did. This was the chance he'd been waiting for. As the split became visible, he did the only thing he could: This is an implicit hook. You aren't explicitly calling for the other players to do a specific thing, like respond to a question or open a door, but you've created a situation that they can play off of when they get to that same spot. The DM's job would be to reference that hook at a later time. Imagine the party tracker following tracks so that they can find their missing friend, and when they get to the fork they notice something on the ground down the path that the tracks do not lead. They can choose to investigate or not, but that choice only exists because of what your player did here.he threw the scepter down the left path as hard as he could while turning to the right. The thing had lasted for 10,000 years; it could take the hit, and when his companions caught up, they would find it and get it out of this gods-forsaken place. All he had to do was draw away the monsters, and if there was one thing he knew how to do, it was run away.
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Old 11-04-2019, 12:09 PM
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Hello, Lydklein! Just checking in to see how you're doing. Did the examples above make sense? Do you have any other questions?
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  #21  
Old 11-04-2019, 12:46 PM
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They help. I'm just wracking my brain between having RL stuff. These exercises are my kryptonite apparently. Lol
But that's ok. That's the point I wanted to address. Sorry it's taking forever though. I'm not quitting. Promise.
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  #22  
Old 11-04-2019, 12:56 PM
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No worries! Your block, your rules. If you need any help at all don't be afraid to reach out
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Old 11-04-2019, 02:23 PM
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I will! Thank you
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