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  #1  
Old Mar 12th, 2024, 11:12 AM
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Book Eaters

You are a group of goblin friends.

Life is good! Mud baths and toad stew every day! 17 days since the last known communal outbreak of toe fungus! Not a care in the world.

But today is different ... the Goblin Queen has summoned you to her throne. It is known she is seeking a group of Brave Quest-Goblins to go into the jungle and steal a Golden T-Rex egg so her little Prince PimplePop can have a baby T-Rex for his birthday.

Unfortunately, the regular Brave Quest-Goblins died last week trying to steal the Elf Queen's Magical Mystical Hive of Honey Bees.

So, you and your friends have to do. You think it is because you are Brave! Or maybe it is because you are Questy! Or, maybe, as the courtier said when he told you to come to the court, it is because you are Extra-Expendable! (That sounds important, right? Extra is always something good!)

Some lesser, non-extra goblins might think going to a T-Rex nest and stealing an egg would be a stupid and dangerous thing to do, right? Of course not! It’s an awesome idea and you are just the goblins to do it!

Now … who are you?

Goblin Heroes Assemble!
Introduce your group.

Name each goblin. (Each player has one goblin!)

Share an image or drawing of each goblin.

Tell about the goblin by filling out the goblin stats for each goblin with a 13-point buy system. (What are Gob Stats for? Well, most challenges will be determined with a d13 roll against a particular goblin trait. For example, if a goblin has to lift a heavy stone that is blocking the entrance to a burrow of The Wise Mole of the Forest, then the goblin rolls a d13 and hopes for the roll to be equal or less than its Goblin Abs score. All goblins start off with a 5 for each trait, and no trait can have more than 12 points.)

Goblin Abs! (Goblin lift! Goblin throw! Goblin strike a heroic blow!)
Goblin Smarts! (Goblin compute! Goblin remember! Goblin recall how many days in September!)
Goblin Sneaks! (Goblin creep! Goblin crawl! Goblin quick on the draw!)
Goblin Farts! (Goblin flirt! Goblin charm! Goblin assure them of no harm!)
Goblin Fabs! (Goblin does this one thing bestest of all the restest!)

Since Book Eaters is playing in Competitive mode, please select your Goblin Fabs skill from one of the listed skills in the Build A Goblin thread.

Your first post should be made on or before the start of the game on March 31. Please introduce your three goblins and their stats (stats in a stat block under a spoiler button).

You can see an example of the requested format in the Build-Your-Goblin! thread.

On this first post, each player can choose to write something about their goblin, or you can make three separate introductory posts. For the rest of the game, your team will make one team post per day. You can decide who writes each post and how closely you wish to coordinate, but you are to make one and only one post per day once play begins.

Good luck, Book Eaters!

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Last edited by bananabadger; Mar 31st, 2024 at 01:13 PM.
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Old Mar 30th, 2024, 02:51 PM
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The Book Eaters


The Book Eaters are Bug Guts, Mim, and Shaz Frat.

The Book Eaters are the youngest seniors at Goblin Prep, finishing up only their fourth super-senior year, with hopes to graduate before they're thirty, unlike Ole Horse who died a sophomore, and Lil Beans who never leaves the dorm bathroom. They love adventuring kits, books, clues, reading, fashion, literature, and socks. BFFs since the busted cradle, tight as toddlers and pals through puberty, they're a close-knit crew. They've got a zest for solving mysteries, definintely on the page and probably in real life? Oh, and heists? Well, they know heists. At least, they do on paper.
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Old Mar 30th, 2024, 02:53 PM
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Mim
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Mim

Goblin Abs! - 5 (+0) 5
Goblin Smarts! - 5 (+0) 5
Goblin Sneaks! - 5 (+6) 11
Goblin Farts! -5 (+7) 12
Goblin Fabs: Yodeling
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Old Mar 30th, 2024, 04:07 PM
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SF!
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Shaz Frat

Goblin Abs! - 5 (+0) 5
Goblin Smarts! - 5 (+7) 12
Goblin Sneaks! - 5 (+6) 11
Goblin Farts! -5 (+0) 5
Goblin Fabs: Sartorial Adventurer
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Old Mar 30th, 2024, 07:58 PM
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Big Bad Bug Guts
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Bug Guts

Goblin Abs! - 5 (+6) 11
Goblin Smarts! - 5 (+0) 5
Goblin Sneaks! - 5 (+5) 10
Goblin Farts! -5 (+2) 7
Goblin Fabs! Pole-vaulting over things

Goblin Lives - 5/5

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Last edited by AnotherDragoon; Mar 30th, 2024 at 07:59 PM.
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Old Mar 31st, 2024, 07:49 PM
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You present yourself before the Goblin Queen.

She makes you bow and cower, but you do that a lot anyway, so you're really good at this. Then she says in her booming, regal voice: "Do not rise, my gobs! I like to see my subjects quake with fear! Keep on shaking on! But listen to me ... tomorrow, you will venture out into the wide world and travel to the lands of the Terrible T-Rexies. There, you will procure a golden T-Rex egg and bring it back so I can give it to my Little Prince Pimplepop Poppsy Woppsy!"

She stands from her throne and from the assembled courtiers of the court come gasps of admiration and acknowledgment of the import of this occasion from the court--for Queen Goblin stands only to go to war or to receive Very Important Dignitaries (well, she stands when she needs to go to the bathroom, burp, change clothes, change crowns, go check on her pet hogs, spend the day lounging in bed and telling courtiers to "go away," visit the royal kitchens, visit the royal game room, and many other times ... but the court always gasps from the courtiers--because anything the Queen does is gasp-worthy!).

The Queen then approaches you, and moves down your lines of friends, blessing you each, in turn, by placing her foot on the back of your head and pressing it into the floor. Oh, what a great Queen!

As she does so, she speaks in her honey-coated-with-flies lips!

"Mim, serve me well!"
"Shaz Frat, serve me well!"
"Bug Guts, serve me well!"

As she says this, a courtier hands you a map of Goblin-World. Some areas seem like you might have heard of them ... some look strange.
 


Psst! The egg is in the mountains, the picture with the T-Rex in it, the courtier whispers to you.

"Now, you may head out into the world. I expect you to return with a Golden T-Rex Egg and a Great Goblin Epic! (There are gasps of astonishment from the court!) You can write your epic each day, or compose it all at once. And remember, include pictures in the Epic. Epics without pictures are like hobbit fat without mustard. Now ... be gone and get me the egg!"

From the courtiers of the court, there comes gasps of awe and admiration. Then, to your amazement, cheers for you and your group of goblins as you begin your Quest.

OOC
Congratulations, you are off!

You are at the bottom of the map, where the tent marks Goblinopolis. Where do you want to go now? You can move to any adjacent hex.

From now on, please refer to the map when telling me which direction you want to move each turn.

In order to get the "Prompto Gobbo Daily Point" you need to make your next game post within 24 hours of this post. This is only for the game post, the Great Goblin Epic can be finished as you wish, but must be finished by the end of the quest to collect your Great Goblin Epic points.

I have also opened a thread for your Great Goblin Epic! You can finish this at the end of the adventure, or add to it each day. The Epic doesn't have to be a chronicle of truth and accuracy, but rather a heroic account of heroic deeds. Goblins aren't big readers, so try to keep below 250 words per entry!

Please let me know if you have any questions!

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Old Apr 1st, 2024, 03:48 PM
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OFF WE GO
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Bug Guts notices how the Queen's heel lingers on the back of his head; he's probably going to become her consort when they tame that dino...

Shaz Frat clocks this. There are seniors ten years older than her crew, but they had to move down a row this year, because Book Eaters took over the prime lunch table. The clique is so tight that Shaz can read Bug Gut’s mind. She kicks his ankle.

Their tattoos, after all, are not identical. Hers is a call to anarchy. It says, **** THE MONARCHY! His is more aspirational, and says, **** THE QUEEN!

Of course the tats are both in Elvish runes. They aren’t crazy enough to foment either open rizz or open rebellion. Also, she did meet this one elf at a an anarchist rally who said her tat actually means, **** a toaster, but he was probably messing with her.

She isn’t reaaaaally an anarchist, anyway. That’s crazy. She's actually working toward a feudally factioned kakistocracy, which is pretty much what the prep school lunch room is already. Her parents are, unfortunately, Torrids. Almost every gobbo kid who gets to go to prep school has Torrid parents. Her particular spawners are second tier pro-courtier/monarchists who suck the fatty juices of the queen’s favor. Toe-licking moneygrubbers. Bah!.

Shaz is not down. She wants to tear the whole situation up, re-distribute wealth, let the gobs revert to small mistrustful war-bands who hate each other, battle for every scrap of territory, and play thrash music at Lolthapalooza down in the Underdark.

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"Shaz Frat, serve me well!" The queen says.

Yeah, sure. Shaz thinks. Like to serve you. On a platter. Apple in your mouth.

She keeps her eye roll pointing invisibly at the floor though. She wants the job! She will follow this map. Maybe the Book Eaters will keep that T-Rex for their own damn selfs, to ride. OR! Maybe the Trex can be trained in EGGio to eat princes as soon as it hatches. HA!

She looks at the map. I say we head toward the Skull-Headed Samba Centaur camp. They seem cool. Probably. What are centaurs? Minarchists? I think? She has failed civics only twice, hence her smarty-pants rep as a prodigy.

Mim is uncomfortable being ground under the heel of the monarch because this is a $90 blowout and the queen's feet are damp. But today the rough dry bread is buttered on the side of subservience, so she tries to scootch a bit, and at least get a neck adjustment out of it.

When Shaz projects a plan, she says,"You guys. Centaurs are like goblins with horse butts coming out of their butts." She farts a little bell tone, the fart that means: citation needed, but adds, "Of course, I want to ride one."

OOC: The Book Eaters will head out, leaving the town Jam-Hex for the Centaur-Samba-Looking JamiHex aka A-4.

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Old Apr 1st, 2024, 05:17 PM
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Fresh from the warm, fuzzy feeling of queens deposed on platters and horse butts on top of butts, the Book Eaters set off into horsies grassies land.

It's a long journey, the sun beats down on you and ... there are no horsies. There is, however, grassies. So much of it and so high that you can't see anything around you!

It's not your fault. It's the fault of stupid-horsies stupid-grassies stupid-land.

All is lost. Here you will wander in circles forever and die. The quest is over. As the posh folk say, "ciao, ciao, moo-cow!"

Normal goblins would be lost and panic ... but we have said it before and we will say it again, you are Quest Goblins!

And you will find a way.

But just before you find a way, you notice something wiggling in one of your travel bags. It is not a snake. It is not a frog. It is not a salamander ... unfortunately it is not any of these roadside dessert treats. It is much worse.

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He's so adorable! He's so regal! He's ... a problem stowaway.

It is Prince Pimplepop.

"Hello!" says the prince with his charming smile. "Betcha didn't expect this, did ya? Well, gobs, like it or not, I'm going on this adventure with ya!"

He pulls up his trousers and tries to look authoritative.

"OK, now, enough lollygagging! Let's go! "

And he marches off, in an entirely wrong direction, circles back without seeming to realize he has, and seems quite surprised when he encounters you in front of him.

"This way, right? Ehhh...which way?"

OOC
Congratulations! You have unlocked the trivia questions portion of the scavenger hunt.

From now on, as long as he lives, Prince Pimplepop will give you one RPG trivia question. You will know you have found the answer to the question because it will be marked by an image of a Scavenger Hunt Winner dinosaur and egg avatar that looks like this:

For competitive-play teams, each correct answer is worth one point. You have until the end of the contest to answer each question.

You can now choose to leave the horsie grassie land in one of two ways ...

1) at random (if so, give me a 1d6 roll), or ...

2) Attempt to see your way out and choose your direction.

In order to see your way out of the grasslands and choose your direction, you must form a goblin tower, with all three goblins participating and succeeding on their rolls.
  • One goblin must stand at the base and succeed on a goblin abs roll to be strong enough to sustain the tower.
  • The second goblin must stand on that goblin's shoulders and succeed on a goblin sneaks roll to keep balance.
  • The third goblin must stand on that goblin's shoulders and succeed on a goblin smarts roll to figure out the correct way forward.

If any of the goblins fail, then the team may try once again this turn.

If the goblins fail a second time, then they fall back into the grasses and will begin their next turn at this location.

If the goblins succeed at the tower (either on first or second attempt), then they are free to choose the direction they wish to leave. If you succeed you also see a strange half-horse, half-human creature approaching.

At this point, you may choose to make contact with the Centaurs, or not. If you choose contact, 2 of 3 goblins must succeed on a Goblin Farts roll to greet the visitor in a diplomatic and respectful way!

The next DM post will pick up the narration beginning with that success or failure (but be sure to give me your exit direction regardless of whether you stay for diplomacy or not)!

Remember, you can narrate your post to describe what really happened and include the rolls, but don't forget to also (or eventually) make the day's entry in the Scroll of Great Goblin Epics (Now with Pics!) and use no more than 250 words to narrate what really, really (wink, wink) happened during the day's adventure

Team Post Count: 9/10 remain
Next Team Post: 4:17 pm EST, April 2
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Old Apr 1st, 2024, 06:51 PM
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Still A4
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Prince Pimplepop is a freshman. Mim tries not to look at him or think about him.

They are in centaur lands, but there are no centaurs or anything. Just grass.

"Boost us!" says Mim. Sometimes they make a tower to see over stupid things like lacrosse crowds and mannikins and palace guards. Their towers do not include freshman or monarchs or people who wear sleeveless shirts under vests.

Bug Guts boosts great. But Mim and Shaz can't get the top of the tower together.
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Old Apr 1st, 2024, 09:09 PM
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"Wow! Is that, like, a class cheer or something?" Prince Pimplepops asks as he sees you assemble and disassemble. "You're cheerleaders, right? Ummmm....wait, wait, I got this! Give you a "G," right?" he beams, looking for approval.

There is silence as he waits for your answer, filled by the approach of footsteps.

Looking up, you see a legendary Centaur! And not just any Centaur ... you can tell by his broad-rimmed felt crown that this is the Centaur King!
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Credit to Plaid for some of the best images in this game

"Hey-ho!" says the centaur. "I am the Centaur King!" Stating the obvious. "Welcome to my Kingdom!" Some might not call this a welcome, but whatever.

The Centaur King snaps his fingers and other centaurs, some horse-heads on human-bodies, other human-heads on horse-bodies, rise from the grass.

They are holding trays of rye, of barley, of oats ... of all sorts of disgusting things. But ... you know what is expected of you,

Prince Pimplepop, at least, politely nibbles at the food before disappearing in the tall grass and gagging. While high-pitched belly-retching sounds emerge, the Centaur King asks you strange questions: "Your Good Queen Tomato-Blight ... is she still ... ummm, single? Does she like rides under the moonlight? Is she more of a trotter or a pacer? Manes--long or braided? Ah, well ... there was a time. But a stallion must be free and move on!"

You hear more puking, whether caused by rye or lovestruck centaur weirdness, it's hard to tell.

The King seems annoyed by the sick Goblin Prince, but royalty makes allowances for fellow royalty, so he merely presses a letter into your hands and asks you to deliver it to the Elf Queen, should you see her in your journeys, as he bids you a good journey and passes on this advice...

"Be careful of the road ... do not cross it in the middle of the map, lest you be trapped by the allure of mud! Also, please don't come back here ... you made a mess of our barley patch."

As he leaves, Prince Pimplepop, a bit more yellow-green than usual, rises from the grasses and asks...

"You know, all that puking got me hearing this voice in my head, the one that always gives me questions I can't answer. It said: Once upon a time we were all new members. Find a post made by the one, the only, the dirkest of admins greeting a new user to the site that is cubed! What does that mean?"

OOC
The dice were cruel. But no worries, the game is generally written so that a failure just causes you to lose a life or some bonus points or info, it won't derail the game and there shouldn't be many more lags if you fail on something else.

OK! You are back on the journey (assuming you are moving on)! Please tell me the direction you wish to go if you are moving on.

Also, feel free to interact with the King before you leave (I will include any needed responses in our next post).

This is Prince Pimplepop's first question. You have until the end of the game to answer all the questions, or you can answer them as you go along. To answer the question, give me the link to the post that corresponds to the answer--you know you will have found it (or at least a right answer to a question) if there is a dino avatar included in the post.

Now...onto the lovestruck Centaur's letter. He has charged you with delivering to the Elf Queen. You can do that. You can chuck it alongside the road. Or you can open it and then do what you like with it. The letter is in spoilerbutton below. Book Eater's honor, if you open the spoiler, you have broken the seal on the letter.

 

Conditions: 1) Banished from the Centaur Kingdom (you cannot pass through the Centaur lands)
Team Post Count: 8/10 remain
Next Game Post: 9:15 pm EST, April 2

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Old Apr 2nd, 2024, 06:00 PM
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OnwardsShaz Frat is the smartest gob in school, which perhaps not been great for her moral fiber, but here we are. The narrator disdains the verse, but Shaz is smart enough to recognize great love poetry when she reads it. Would this work on her? Hells yes. She has gotten exactly one poem in her life from a drippy dorkazoid named Flerp Drizzle, and it said:



This now? The end couplet is, first of all a ACTUAL couplet, rife with pentameter of the iambic persuasion. Mayyyybe the language is a little bit Foal-Splosion, but he is an old, so whatever. Time to GobZ it up a flick…She scribbles on her own paper: As soon as she is done, she folds it into a complicated shape and passes it to Bug Guts. “Buddy, you want to get a leg over on ummmm—” she glances at the Royal Frosh and its totally his mom soooooo...she finishes, “That, uh, chick you like. I REPURPOSED this pome for HER.”

YO, QUEEN!
Your Gobby face was given nature’s glow-up
By love, oh ruler-schooler of my heart;
TFW your bougie booty shows up, ‘s
Louder and sweeter than the dankest fart;
You lounge on thrones,
I loaf on kicks
No cap, I simp for you
Your vibe is sick!
Like swag, like drip,
Like bops that slap,
Your DTF-ness
Is my happy-haps.
Your main character energy lets you live rent free
Inside my head; Netfix-n-chill with me.
–Bug Guts

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Ye gods but this is even BETTER! It is for Bugs, but it SO damn good that she makes a second copy, replacing the word GOBBY in line one with ELFY and signing it for the centaur and keeping the wax seal, just in case they decide to pass on a love note to the Elf Queen after all.

Bug Guts takes the poem. The seeds, or whatever that elf food was, made Bug Guts shiver and convulse but he was smart enough to see when something was expected, and these royalty types always Expected. He chased it down with a pouch of powdered beetles; gots to maintain those gains, you know.

"You're crushing on the Elf Queen, Poppa Pony? Well, I guess that explains the organic snacks."

They're all doing their best to pretend the little prince never flopped put of that backpack and he decides that this is going to be the true challenge of the quest. Well, maybe they'll get lucky and a harpy will swoop down and solve one of their problems. As the horse lord left them and the prince of puke, Bug Guts says " No offense Pops, but we've seen all the grass we can handle for one life. Elves like that stuff though so maybe work on that rizz game and shoot your shot!"

He read the alterations Shaz made to the load of horse, uh you know, and slipped the copy in his pocket with a wiggle of his brows over the shades. "You know, the best way to dismantle a monarchy is from inside one." Then he quickly dodged.

Mim has made short work of the Prince's Riddle. HERE IS THE ANSWER.

They travel on toward what might be a trailer in a loop of mud or river or rope.

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Old Apr 3rd, 2024, 08:19 AM
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Prince Pimplepop seems extremely pleased with the answer that Mim gives him ... in fact he ... is that skipping? The frosh is actually skipping behind the three of you as you travel onward. Some gobs, apparently, have no idea of the monarchy's impending doom. Or maybe he just doesn't know when to stop and smoke a cig.

"Hey! You guys are swell!" he calls out as he lops behind you. "We might find it our pleasure to recognize your service with an Order of the Dog's Mangy Claw or such ..." he says, looking to see if it meets your approval, and too obviously coveting just that.

In any case, Book Eaters plus one travel along for several hours until you come to an area where a road loops around a grassy plain.

In the center of the plain stands a grand wagon, drawn up at rest now with its team of 8 oxen lazily munching in the grass.

The side of the great vehicle has been pulled down to reveal an ornate stage with layers of curtains and painted backdrops within it. On the state and around it are several orc actors in extravagant clothing that might be costumes, or just might be the sign of flashy dressers.

They are delighted to see you and nudge you toward the stage where they perform a short but inspiring drama about a young gnome who flew to the highest mountain on a pteranodon of wispy clouds.

Book Eaters, its hard to read your cool exteriors .. but is it possible that you think these orcs are cool? They are absolutely killing it with the card games they play on the side and their ability to pull of red boas with yellow stockings. They're thespians, but not like ... nerdy ones. They know the cool, dark plays. And their laughs ... they don't seem fake and bougie.

But ... maybe they don't come across that way? Maybe they're just big oafs in a souped-up oaken play-mobile.

Two things are certain though ... 1) these Orc Actors from Equity Union #11 definitely and straight-out admire Shaz Frat.

"Gobbbbbbb," they say, "that is definitely a killer combo. It's street, but it's also haute. It's care-free but yet curated. Can we show you our wardrobe? You might have some ... ideas?"

The other thing that is certain 2) Prince Pimplepop is having the time of his life. The orcs are, like, totally indulging him, allowing him to dress up as the Sea Captain of the Royal Goblin Navy and then having him pretend to be Gpoe, the ancient traveler who ventured into the misty lands! Finally, they dress him up as the Elf Princess, and the orcs put on bumblebee costumes and buzz-buzz about as the princess' royal hive.

"Wow!" Pimplepop says when he can get a break from all the main-stage-excitement, "the only thing that would make this better would be if that voice in my head just quit talking for a moment ... it keeps on asking me if I can find a blue bird lurking in the background of this Iron DM judge’s picture from 2023. What's that even mean? Please...make it stop?"

The orcs are perplexed and unable to understand what is bothering the Prince. Trying to assist, they suggest that the gobs take their turn and perform.

"How about the "The Tragic Love of the Centaur King and the Elf Queen" in 250 words or less?" suggests the group's director.

The stage is yours, gobs!

OOC
The stage is set!

The play task will bring you two game points if you choose to accept it.

Whether you do or do not, please have each gob make a combo Goblin Smarts/Farts roll to see how they interact with such a smart and sophisticated crowd. Each goblin must add up those two scores, then roll 2d13, trying to roll at or under the total of their Goblin Smarts/Farts roll. Because Shaz Frat has Sartorial Adventuring, Shaz Frat automatically succeeds and gives advantage to Mim and Bug Guts on the roll.

You also have Prince Pimplepop's second question, which you can answer at any point before the journey ends.

When you make your next post, please include the direction you wish to travel next (you have three directions you can travel ... or you can spend more time with the orcs?).

Conditions: 1) Banished from the Centaur Kingdom (you cannot pass through the Centaur lands)
Team Post Count: 7/10 remain
Next Game Post: 8:30 a.m. EST, April 4


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  #13  
Old Apr 3rd, 2024, 10:03 PM
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The orcs are cool. Undeniably. Mim considers stuffing the prince into a sack or chasm real quick so the Book Eaters don't get tainted by his presence in front of the cool orcs. But instead she pulls some sunglasses out of her bag and positions them over his face. And wraps a scarf around his neck.

"Don't ever make that weird shape with your mouth again," she says, demonstrating the expression she means behind her hand. "Make it more like this. Push your shoulders like this and your hips over here. And your name is now Blisterbark. If anyone asks you how you got that name, go like this with your eyebrows, and then go 'huh, ha ha, huh, umm, yeah' and then look off in that direction, and fart like this."

Mim isn't smart. But she can fart. She demonstrates for Blisterbark -- the first one comes out kind of squinchy but fortunately the cool orcs were still appreciating Shaz's fit. The second one she lingers on, deliberate and sly, but vibrant, emerging, unforgettable. And then gives them the classic Mim 'Oh, was that my fart? oh ha, huh, umm, yeah ho, herrm, oof, it was, oh' that she's known for around campus.

Shaz Frat also thinks these orcs are cool. Shoe game recognize shoe game.

She is down for the theatrics. She whispers to Mim and Bug and Blisterbark, "The play's the thing, wherein we could destabilize three governments. "

She is hoping for the story of a Centaur-Elf political alliance disguised as a love match, where the goal is, DESTROY ORCS.

The Big Opener would be called, BLOOD WEDDING, and near the end of act one, humorous side characters would sing a song about the wedding night difficulties encountered when the bride and groom have six legs between them. Everyone would leave the theatre hummign and singing:
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Forget the consummation,
Let's go crush the orc nation!
HEY NONNY HO! (What did you call me?)
Those orcs have got to go! (WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!)

But she leaves the playwrighting to her friends and spends the too-short time they have here helping these guys up their already legendary accesso-rizzing.

Bug Guts can vibe with these orcs. They just hang out with their friends and goof all day?!? Yasss, please. He leans in next to the prince and whispers, "Yo, just listen to Mim and maybe don't do any skip here. I mean, just look at these balls-out (this word means extreme so it's ok to say in front of a freshman, plus the hyphen makes it formal so ok for a prince too) BOHO (This is a word he borrowed from Shaz, he thinks it means being naturally cool without caring about that stuff) baddies! If I could convince them to come perform for your mom, I mean all us gobs, I'd be so in. Er, everyone would be so jelly of us. Right? Just vibe with us bro."

He likes the angle Shaz is playing even if he doesn't always understand the intricacies of political manipulations. This will be funny and that makes it the best choice. He talks to a few of the orcs with instruments and asks them to play a few simple chords when he starts the performance and make sure the audience knows the lines they'll be shouting back.

Bug Guts takes the stage and does one of his special farts where he poses and flexes with the sound. "I have to admit, I don't know many plays about tragic love so keeping below 250 words should be easy. What I do know is we just came from the grasslands and the Centaur King is seeking an alliance with the Elf Queen. So, here's a little song about how we goblins think that might go." He signals for the music with a pair of snaps that turn into finger guns and sings...

"Oh, you all must've heard of the Elf Queen so fair
with alabaster skin and goldenrod hair (Yuck)

But what of the thirstiest pony the realm's ever seen?
I'm naming, of course, that cringy old Centaur King (Ha!)

With a gambol, a prance, a gallop, and a buck
He'd sing, and he'd dance for a chance at some... luck (Heh)

But love uninvited is seldom requited
Till one of his lines did get bited (Oh?)

It must've been love in the air
for our six-legged pair (Yuck)

And invitations were sent for a ceremony
wherein kingdoms unite in matrimony (Huh?)

A happy ending? That isn't the case
For this is a long and fatal love chase (Oh!)

The biggest wedding in the land
Hired the hottest orc band (Heh)

And when the Queen saw the Orcs
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she forgot the hooved dorks (Ha!)

Taking the L was too much to stand
And old Centaur King cried war on the band (Oh!)

He said "Forget Consummation
I'll crush the orc nation!" (Whoa!)

HEY NONNY HO! (What did you call me?)
Those orcs got to go! (WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?)

Blood Letting, Blood Wedding!"


Bug Guts bows with possibly the hottest fart of his life and jumps off the stage. He says to Blisterbark, "Yo B, I totally saw a bluebird back that way with a falcon in tartan." He raises a fist to the orcs and calls out, "Hope to jam again soon but we've got an egg to snatch!" Before turning to head off with Shaaz and Mim toward the Toad Hole on their map.
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Last edited by AnotherDragoon; Apr 3rd, 2024 at 10:37 PM.
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  #14  
Old Apr 4th, 2024, 08:21 AM
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The orcs are, at first, confused that goblins, mere little wisps of orcs, would know the genre of Orcgesamtkunstwerk ... but once Bug Guts got to the line about the "cringy old Centaur King" they let out whoops of joy.

"That's right...the philistine and his fillies were more interested in our oxen than in our opera bouffe we brought 'em!" the director shouts approvingly.

For some reason, the orcs decide that this is a participatory theater, so some put on horse masks and others simply stand frozen in place, breaking their motionless pose only to join in the wild applause at the very end.

They urge you to return, to perform again! And they escort you past the road with fanfare and cheers of goodwill.

"Oh, if you come back this way, be sure to skip the road in the middle!" the director shouts to you. "It's blighted with mud-bathers. Some gobs and orcs go in ... and never come out!"


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Frog ... moments before murder


Not long after parting with the orcs, the Book Eaters come to an area of land that begins to change. The ground becomes soggy, and soon there are large pools of water, leading to entire sections of swamp.

"Well, nobody said a BlisterBark was afraid of getting wet!" Prince Pimplepop says, bravely taking the lead and sinking deep into the mud, nearly up to his chin. "Arrgh! Voices!" he screams, holding his ears as if in pain. "It's claiming to be some bard who has been wandering around supporting new gamers with BB coding tips. What does that mean? And why is it wandering in my brain?"

But that wasn't the only danger ... because as Prince Pimplepop sinks into the water, you realize you have wandered into Frog & Toad Swamp.

Every goblin knows about Frog and Toad. They're friends. And they are the main characters in delightful little-gobbo tales.

Not much happens in Frog and Toad stories. They go on picnics. They ride bikes. They go swimming.

And then, inevitably at the end, either Frog kills Toad or Toad kills Frog. It's always a delight to see who offs who. And how.

The overall favorite, of course, is when Toad jammed Frog's long scarf into the spokes of Frog's bike and Frog choked to death as he careened into the human village and was promptly skinned and roasted. But all the tales are almost as good.

Legend has it that Frog and Toad tales are actually based on a population of killer frogs and toads who live together in a swamp far, far away.

Book Eaters ... apparently you are far, far away.

Here it is in the frog leg flesh!

The thing about these frogs and toads, as every goblin child can tell you from the story "Frog and Toad Snorkel in the Swamp," is that frogs and toads like to lay low, just underneath the water with their backs sticking out like harmless rocks or maybe a very solid water lily. But if a gob tries to cross the swamp by stepping on them, then zipppppppp! goes the tongue and down the frog-hatch or toad-hatch goes the gob.

Fortunately, a smart and nimble gob might be able to step only on rocks or logs and avoid frogs and toads by looking for small bubbles.

No bubbles? Then it's a log or rock--safe for stepping.

Bubbles? It's a killer frog! Or maybe a toad? Still, either way a killer!

OOC
You're making great progress, Book Eaters!

If you want to keep progressing, you will need to make a combined Goblin Sneaks/Goblin Smarts roll.

Similar to what you did at the theater, you will combine the total of these two scores, roll 2d13, and hope your combined Sneaks/Smarts score is at or under your 2d13 roll.

If a goblin succeeds, the gob is able to advance! If a gob fails, it is still able to advance ... but one of its gob lives must linger forever in the Frog & Toad Swamp.

Be sure to let me know where you go next!

Conditions: 1) Banished from the Centaur Kingdom (you cannot pass through the Centaur lands 2) Welcomed by Orc theater troupe
Team Post Count: 6/10 remain
Next Game Post: 8:30 a.m. EST, April 5

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Old Apr 4th, 2024, 07:18 PM
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Shaz thinks the key to bouncing across safe is a good breakfast. She searches the nearest puddle for toad and/or frog eggs, then makes a quick fire and gets out a loaf od travel-bread. She slices it and gobbles out the middle bits, then pan cooks them in Hinlard, crackign an egg and letting it cook in the eaten out middle of the bread. TOAD-IN-A-HOLE, the perfect high protein pre-leap snack. She passes them around to everyone, even the Frosh, and so fueled, she leaps lightly across on her snazzy, Shazzy shoes. Next stop, T-REXIAN EGG MOUNTAINS!

Blisterbark sinks into mud and confusion, but Bug Guts has the trivia answer he's looking for.

"Yo Blisterbark," Bug Guts beams, still riding high on the adrenaline from impressing the independent orcs, he offers a hand and yanks Prince Frosh out the muck with a wet squalch. "You remember what the orcs said about mud baths, I can't be your step da, uh danger dude, if you go and get yourself stuck." He smashes his egg-in-a-basket with the fervor only young goblins with big dreams can muster.

They can see the mountains rising like rusty daggers stabbing at the horizon, almost there! Soon those terrible lizards would see what a real team of questing gobs can do. A crow flies across the scene and - SCHLORP - a stretchy tongue snatches it from the air.

"Hey, remember that Frog and Toad croak tale about how Frog ate up all the grubs before Toad could have any and then fell fast asleep snoring? Toad was so hungry and annoyed he couldn't sleep so he poured dried corn kernels down sleeping Frog's throat followed by a heaping scoop of coals from their campfire until Mount Frog erupted in an explosion of popcorn! Toad ate his fill and slept like an egg. Now that was crungly, ha haha ha ha!" Bug Guts nimbly bounds from stone to stump with an occasional "Pop, pop!" to illustrate his favorite Frog croak.

Mim considers their new role in this freshman's earnest little life. If they're going to be mentors, they need a solid mentor vibe. They need to be like, responsible. Feed him some books. Make sure he doesn't cut class and doesn't decide to play the clarinet. Bug Guts can show him how to be strong. Shaz Frats can show him how to be free. They can answer his questions, change his clothes, try to make him stop sniffing, and but what can they really do about his situation? He's a spoiled little poop, about to get even more spoiled when his royal Mumsy gifts him an live toy dinosaur baby. Is that... even cool? Is that... even good for him?

"Blisterbark," she says, "Do you even want a T-Rex egg? I mean, do you even need a T-Rex egg?" Blisterbark might benefit from living life without a T-Rex to control. Shaz Frat on the other hand, could put such a creature to good positive use. Effing up centaurs. Mystifying orcs. Confusing elves. The Book Eaters, with a T-Rex egg, could take the adventure off the page. "Think about it," she suggests sagely, planting her burly boot down on certainly a rock. "Just--"

And then she falls into the gaping mouth of a hungry toad and is consumed by it, disappearing into the swamp, leaving only ripples over the toad's sinking, satiated head. And dies.

She is reborn, into the stomach of a toad. Well eff. So this is what it's like to go adventuring, instead of just reading about it. This is what it's like to be the queen's annointed. Rolling around a giant toad's stomach with a bunch of worms and mayflies. Mim crawls out of the toad, shaking the slime out of her hair, reanimated now but with one less screw-up between her and oblivion. A wiser mentor. An older goblin. She pulls a book of poetry out of her bag and meditatively chews on it.

"Just think about it." She scrapes her wet hair back from her face and carries on after Shaz and Bug Guts.

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OOCOnward we go to hex B2. Mim loses a goblin life, having missed her roll.
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