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Old 04-17-2019, 11:26 AM
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The Eulogy of Kern Wizbolt - A Heavy Metal Tribute

I wrote a Eulogy for my brother's level two wizard after he died, which may or may not have been my fault. He loves Heavy Metal so I snuck in as many references to bands and songs as I could. I just showed it to a couple of friend I've made on the site and they got a kick out of it so I thought I'd share.

Kern WizboltThere are many in this world who aspire to the ranks of hero, though few ever have the strength and integrity to reach such heights. Then again, few men have wills equivalent to that of Kern Wizbolt, the Slayer. It was in the great battles of Nightstone that acid spewed like venom from his hands and flames leapt from him in a fit of pyromania. He led his motley crew of adventurers, their war ensemble, deep into the levels between heaven and hell, screaming for vengeance against those who attacked the city - for he was not one to simply watch as the palaces burn.

As they proceeded into the cave with rocks that glowed a deep purple, Kern found himself confronted by a maiden of iron, Snig-bat, looking for help to save her people from a deep threat - one that would certainly be a countdown to extinction for her and her clan. For all of their seasons in the abyss, they were still ill prepared to protect themselves and their children from the toxicity of the monstrosity that lurked below. Kern didn’t know what to expect of the black slime monster, but he was sure this would be a morbid tale.

Kern and his companions delved further into the darkness with no sign of the creature as they came upon a freshwater spring, a rainbow barely visible among its mist. Perhaps he was being paranoid, but something felt off and he whispered under his breath, “something wicked this way comes.” As they turned to leave they saw the enormous monster blocking their path. Scorpions crawled into cracks in the cavern walls, but Kern would not be intimidated. This was no longer about the safety of goblin drinking water. This fight was for the survival of the party.

Not long into the fight, the grotesque monster split, not once, but twice, as if saying, “welcome to my nightmare.” Kern was the only one able to take revenge for each of the creature’s hits, as it seemed he had the number of the beast. The beast would not be swayed and it seemed to truly have an appetite for destruction. It spewed toxic destruction as if spreading the disease of its existence, eating away at armor and flesh alike. The party fought valiantly and were able to dispatch one of the ooze monsters, yet two others still lived. Though, it was hard to tell if the mindless monstrosities were truly alive or just breathing slime with a pleasure to kill.

Kern spurred into action, determined to keep his friends among the living, and stepped between the black puddings. Quickly, he channeled tremendous power which beat against the acidic abominations like ten thousand fists wielded by a tornado of souls, forcing them to use the last of their strength to resist his attacks. His noble sacrifice saved them and, as he saw the world fade to black, he smiled. For his companions, though Kern walked in the shadow of the valley of death, their fight was not over. For his death would be avenged sevenfold even if their journey took them through the fire and flames. For they were soldiers of the wasteland and crying was only for the weak.

Kern Wizbolt was truly one of the great heroes of our time. To him we say, “See you on the other side.”
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