[Game Thread] Adventure Skeletons!

[Windmole]

Distraction! Their newly acquired human clothes expertly disguising them, the skeletal Doctor Bones and his friend and traveling companion Aphrodite stood in front of the crowd of wildly dancing humans separating them from their treasure. Finally, they had reached the sacred Scroll of All Knowledge, and with it the endless artistic amusement of infinite pictures to color in. With their three archenemies and a crowd of enthusiastic fleshies between them and their goal, they would need to remain completely unnoticed to obtain their ultimate prize without a fight. Their biggest barrier to blending in would be Aprodite’s missing toe, which would create some difficulties if they were to try to copy the humans’ frenzied dancing. With only a few minutes to reach the scroll and escape before their faithful skeletal hound, Oss, grew tired of waiting outside, a distraction would be necessary. "I know how t’ distract the fleshies," Aphrodite said with a chuckle, the one hundred baby spiders in her skull working overtime as she reached for her powerful Amulet of Turning People On. She rubbed the deep red gemstone three times in a circular motion and held it above her head. Accompanied by a quickly intensifying red glow, the sound of smooth jazz washed over the crowd, quickly drowning out the clumsy fleshy musicians. The focus of the dancing humans shifted instantaneously, as the red glow grew more intense still. Even their archenemies were helpless against the powers of the amulet. Barbarian Muscles McGee and the rouge Skinbag John hastily exited the room. In their rush, McGee gracefully swept the cunning wizard Encephalous into a bridal carry as the three were overcome with a beautiful and overpowering appreciation for one another. Aphrodite and Doctor Bones danced smoothly across the room, easily reaching the Scroll of All Knowledge, the duo trying their best to ignore the humans that chose not to exit the room. Doc grabbed the scroll and grinned triumphantly at Aphrodite. Their victory over the terrible, thieving fleshies was finally in their hands!

 

Rolls and actions Dice Roll to successfully dance to the scroll, +1 for amulet of turning people on: 2d10 10, 10 Total = 20 Humanoid Party of Level-1 Scrubs: Humanoid To Hit Toughness Fabulous Treasure Murder Hobo Barbarian 4 5/5 Really Great Greataxe (+1 to hit, two-handed, D8 damage, D12 vs the head) Edgy Rogue 4 3/3 Sweet Ninja Stars (4 quantity, D4 damage, D8 from hiding) Rules Lawyer Wizard 4 2/2 Complete & Unabridged Book of Rules Law (+2 on any check, once per post) Seduce All The Things Bard X DEAD Fickle Platerspiel (Flip a coin; heads cause all living creatures within earshot to dance for 30 minutes, tails instead deafen them for 30 minutes)

Rules, Rolls and OOC 'Doc' aka Doctor Bones Ancestry: Skeleton +1 Skills Skeleton knowledge Culture (especially Skeleton) Oss (combat, provides a +3 bonus if facing bone-chilling despair) Note about Bone Parts and Armor: Please add an "A" for armor next to the part(s) that are protected. Example: Torso (A, A, 6, 7) Hit Box Table for Doc (record hits with an "X" in place of the "_"): Number = d10 result for bone hit by attack, A = Extra Hit Box for Natural or Worn Armor Head (10) _ _ (skeleton is eliminated from the game if all head boxes are checked) Left Arm (8, 9) _ _ Torso (6, 7) _ _ Right Arm (4, 5) X X Pelvis (3) _ _ Left Leg (2) _ _ Right Leg (1) _ _ Bone Status Table for Doc: Bone Off Broken Replaced? Torso Right Arm with scimitar Left Arm Pelvis Left Leg Right Leg Inventory: Item Description Scimitar One-handed weapon, d6 damage Magic Bone Glue Re-attached natural bones get an extra hit box Fickle Platerspiel Flip a coin; heads cause all living creatures within earshot to dance for 30 minutes, tails instead deafen them for 30 minutes Aphrodite Ancestry: Dwarf +1 Skills Dwarven Hardiness (+1 hit box to torso) Stonecunning (+1 to rolls involving rocks, including attacks using rocks) Oss (combat, provides a +3 bonus if facing bone-chilling despair) Note about Bone Parts and Armor: Please add an "A" for armor next to the part(s) that are protected. Example: Torso (A, A, 6, 7) Hit Box Table for Aphrodite (record hits with an "X" in place of the "_"): Number = d10 result for bone hit by attack, A = Extra Hit Box for Natural or Worn Armor Head (A,10) _ _ _ (skeleton is eliminated from the game if all head boxes are checked) Left Arm (8, 9) _ _ Torso (A, 6, 7) _ _ _ Right Arm (4, 5) X X Pelvis (3) _ _ Left Leg (2) _ _ Right Leg (1) _ _ Bone Status Table for Aphrodite: Bone Off Broken Replaced? Torso Right Arm X Left Arm Pelvis Left Leg Right Leg Missing toe (-1 to balance rolls) Inventory: Item Description Amulet of Turning People On Gives +1 on rolls to make living creatures uncontrollably amorous Lush Blonde Wig Armor, gives one extra hit box to the skull 100 baby spiders in her skull +1 on rolls that require thinking? Securely tied package one piece of equipment from the D&D 5e Adventuring Gear list.

[bothers]

Endings and beginnings Ah, adventure. Somewhere else, sexy wizards are battling. In a different place, cute little animals are revenging. But you two? You two are triumphing. Aphrodite, in her lush blonde wig, plays the trombone in a tavern, surrounded by adoring (fleshy) groupies Mighty Aphrodite, you dial down the frenzy and you dial up the lovin' feeling. Fleshies are oh so susceptible to music, the way it zooms and wobbles into their fleshy lugholes and vibrates the little hairs and cartilages (so inferior to bone!) and zaps up their webby nerves into the wet, moist, biological tissue blancmange they call their brains (so inferior to spiders!). They're even more susceptible to that fabulous amulet you picked up, all that time ago. It only works on living people, it says, but Aphrodite-- you're not living, exactly, but perhaps you have an eye socket to be caught all the same? Not here, among the sweaty, palpating epidermiseses, obviously. But as your gleaming white bones move smoothly through the crowd in your ersatz human suit, handily compensating for your missing toe with expert ball changes and shaking your chemise like a pro, perhaps you feel not just powerful (which you are!) but beautiful and charismatic. Perhaps, when you get home, you'll take up an instrument, like the trombone, and seduce your way through the world's ossuaries? You could be Aphrodite, the famous traveling Skeleton Adventure Bard, and do a much better job of it than that one human you deaded! Maybe, maybe. Doctor Bones nobly wields a scimitar from the back of a pale, bony horse Doctor Bones, Bones, calling Doctor Bones, is this your Last Crusade? You swing your smaller traveling companion and dance partner easily through the writhing mass of meat, as smooth as an infant's tooth enamel. You tip your human hat with the point of your scimitar arm in aknowledgement as you pass a pair of Rules Lawyer Wizards, grunting in each other's protuberant meaty ears, "on page seven thousand and ninety eight of the handbook, it clearly says...". The magnificent curves of your gorgeous skull are exposed, but they certainly don't notice you as they argue and complain and press their horrible slobbery tongues together like fat pink slugs and worse. Perhaps you've learned that you're a fighter, not a lover. There are so many human dungeons to delve, and so much cool treasure to be liberated. A skeleton could get a taste for adventure, for roaming the lands. You could ride a skeleton horse, and carry a shiny shield, and be a Grand Cleric Of Bone, protecting the little skellies and healing the injured with your magic bone glue. Maybe, maybe. A story, for each of you. Not the only story, to be sure. Success is double-jointed. You've won this adventure, and rattled off into the sunset, Oss following faithfully at your heels. But is your Scroll of All Knowledge safe? After all, you'll show it to the other skeletons and the word will spread, and others will want to colour it in too, and some of them won't even ask before they wear down your best crayons with their sad, unadventurous scrawls that they can't even keep inside the lines. Will you hoard your winnings, compelled to seek more, beset always by the fleshy, oily, stinky enemies who would take them from you? Will you build a dungeon of your own, or will you gather a party? Ah, who can say. None of us can pierce the veil of the future and tell you how things will be. But we can leave you now, elated and sated by adventure, turning each leaf of the scroll in delight ("look at this picture! this is of a skeleton!"), chattering your teeth and your skull spiders happily, Oss wagging his tail like an abacus, and wish you both the very best of luck. Oss the dog says: that's all folks!

 

Rolls and actions Humanoid Party of Level-1 Scrubs: Humanoid To Hit Toughness Fabulous Treasure Murder Hobo Barbarian 4 5/5 Really Great Greataxe (+1 to hit, two-handed, D8 damage, D12 vs the head) Edgy Rogue 4 3/3 Sweet Ninja Stars (4 quantity, D4 damage, D8 from hiding) Rules Lawyer Wizard 4 2/2 Complete & Unabridged Book of Rules Law (+2 on any check, once per post) Seduce All The Things Bard X DEAD Fickle Platerspiel (Flip a coin; heads cause all living creatures within earshot to dance for 30 minutes, tails instead deafen them for 30 minutes)

Rules, Rolls and OOC 'Doc' aka Doctor Bones Ancestry: Skeleton +1 Skills Skeleton knowledge Culture (especially Skeleton) Oss (combat, provides a +3 bonus if facing bone-chilling despair) Note about Bone Parts and Armor: Please add an "A" for armor next to the part(s) that are protected. Example: Torso (A, A, 6, 7) Hit Box Table for Doc (record hits with an "X" in place of the "_"): Number = d10 result for bone hit by attack, A = Extra Hit Box for Natural or Worn Armor Head (10) _ _ (skeleton is eliminated from the game if all head boxes are checked) Left Arm (8, 9) _ _ Torso (6, 7) _ _ Right Arm (4, 5) X X Pelvis (3) _ _ Left Leg (2) _ _ Right Leg (1) _ _ Bone Status Table for Doc: Bone Off Broken Replaced? Torso Right Arm with scimitar Left Arm Pelvis Left Leg Right Leg Inventory: Item Description Scimitar One-handed weapon, d6 damage Magic Bone Glue Re-attached natural bones get an extra hit box Fickle Platerspiel Flip a coin; heads cause all living creatures within earshot to dance for 30 minutes, tails instead deafen them for 30 minutes Aphrodite Ancestry: Dwarf +1 Skills Dwarven Hardiness (+1 hit box to torso) Stonecunning (+1 to rolls involving rocks, including attacks using rocks) Oss (combat, provides a +3 bonus if facing bone-chilling despair) Note about Bone Parts and Armor: Please add an "A" for armor next to the part(s) that are protected. Example: Torso (A, A, 6, 7) Hit Box Table for Aphrodite (record hits with an "X" in place of the "_"): Number = d10 result for bone hit by attack, A = Extra Hit Box for Natural or Worn Armor Head (A,10) _ _ _ (skeleton is eliminated from the game if all head boxes are checked) Left Arm (8, 9) _ _ Torso (A, 6, 7) _ _ _ Right Arm (4, 5) X X Pelvis (3) _ _ Left Leg (2) _ _ Right Leg (1) _ _ Bone Status Table for Aphrodite: Bone Off Broken Replaced? Torso Right Arm X Left Arm Pelvis Left Leg Right Leg Missing toe (-1 to balance rolls) Inventory: Item Description Amulet of Turning People On Gives +1 on rolls to make living creatures uncontrollably amorous Lush Blonde Wig Armor, gives one extra hit box to the skull 100 baby spiders in her skull +1 on rolls that require thinking? Securely tied package one piece of equipment from the D&D 5e Adventuring Gear list.