[OOC] Studio Audience (general OOC)

[Unko Talok]

Hah! Surely I can't lose now that I have 1000 BONUS POINTS!

[Ion2Atom]

Congratulations! Well done!

[Unko Talok]

Ah, shoot. Once I saw Inem's adventure, this is how I thought it would pan out. It was just so darned good! But I got really darned close to his score (I think closer than the finals have come in the last two years?), so I'll still count that as a win! This was such a fun experience, and I'm reasonably certain that I'll be back fro a rematch next year. If I've got the time in the next few days, I'll post a closing RP bit (either here or in the game thread, if it remains open).

Merry Christmas, everyone, especially to Inem!

[Unko Talok]

After reading over the judgments, most of the problems that were pointed out were ones that I was concerned about myself when submitting. I had to cut things (like a fuller set of Unko stats, a much more interesting set of encounters in the Maze, and some fun lore surrounding the Hashishim) to fit the word count. Ah, well! There were a couple points from some judges that I might argue against, but it wouldn't make a lick of difference-- both because their word is final, and even if they did change their mind I'd still lose!

Some easter-eggs, for anyone that's still reading along!

• Zulfiqar was actually a blade said in Islamic mythology to be wielded by The Prophet Muhammad.
• The Roc is from Arabic mythology, and has a prominent role in several of the tales in Arabian Nights. I tried to get a "Can you smell what the Roc is cookin'?!" joke into the adventure, but it just wouldn't fit. The original lore of the Roc had nothing to do with a connection to storms, lightning, or thunder. But in Heroes of Might and Magic 3, you could upgrade Rocs to Thunderbirds, and they kicked ass.
• The Hashishim is a hat-tip to the disputed origin story of the original Assassins. I actually had/have a ton of ideas for how the Hashishim tie in with Zharat, the history of the Zharat Monastery, and the Salamander empire. Unfortunately, the ingredients and the story that surrounds them never quite let me work them in the way that I *really* wanted to, but they fit nicely into this adventure. In the original lore, Montage and this group of Hashishim were descendants of The Maniac, which is how they came into possession of The Maniac's Heart. But it wasn't a strictly necessary piece of lore, so got cut.
• Medieval Arabia actually produced a text that described How to make a musical robot band. I like to imagine that they only played the Star Wars Cantina song.
• Before I decided to tie-in all the names of the challengers (Unko, MontageManiac, Krow Nest, and Atua) into the story, Unko was named Imhotep, a servant to an Egyptian king before the Persian and Greek conquest of North Africa. He was mythologized into a god of healing, and (of course) appeared in Brendan Fraser's best movie ever, The Mummy.

I really had a ton of fun with this competition this year, and I hope I've got the time and energy to take another shot at it in ~10 months or so.

[Atua]

Congratulations Inem, commiserations Unko. Was definitely a fun time all round

[Inem]

Thanks for the congratulations, guys! I am very proud of my adventure for this round, I feel like it's definitely one of the best I've ever come up with for the competition (even though it definitely suffered in some places from me needing to cut explanations and flavor). I'm lucky I managed to have that fact coincide with the final round! I also got a little bit lucky not to get dinged in some places where I probably couldn't have complained if the judges had had issues with things, at least from my brief reading of the judges comments. I haven't dived in too deeply, because I'm simply to exhausted. I caught a nasty cold over Christmas (which somehow I manage to do every year despite my best efforts), and it has wiped me out the last few days. It's definitely robbing me of the energy to reply to Unko's closing RP bit with one of my own, even though I feel like it is deserved on his behalf. But it's not happening right now, and doing it a week from now will seem very strange and disconnected...

In any case, let's not forget to give it up for Unko. Our scores are incredibly close, and deservedly so! His adventure is great in his own right, and had I not been able to submit mine by the deadline for the bonus points, he would have beaten me out. Also special kudos to keeping every round centered around the same theme, I most certainly couldn't have done that and found it very prohibitive when doing that was a bonus ingredient a few years ago. So congratulations for a battle and a competition well fought! And good luck for next year!

Speaking of next year...I think this is probably going to be it for my active career in this competition. It's interesting: I went from always wanting to compete in Iron DM but the time of year never working out for me for several years, to taking part four times in a row. I believe that's 15 matches, 14 wins (+1 loss to the later champion Mozuba in the semi-finals), closing out with a winning streak of 12 straight, unless I'm counting wrong somewhere. Also being the first person to defend the title (and then doing so twice in a row), an achievement I'm quite proud of. I've enjoyed this competition a lot, but all good things must come to an end. I agree with the sentiment that's been flying around for the last few weeks, that it's time for a new Iron DM (though I didn't agree with it until one win later ), and I don't want to discourage anyone in the community from taking part in this event because they feel like they have no chance of winning (because once one person has won three times in a row, I feel like a few people would feel that way, even if it isn't an issue for most). Add to that the fact that I'm not sure I have the energy to go through this grind again (because honestly, 'The Grind of Iron DM' was the first thing that popped into mind for the 'The Grind' ingredient). I was able to motivate myself for the final, because I didn't want anyone to get the crown without having to fight their hardest for it, but it's starting to get to the point where it's a little bit hard to find the motivation to put in as much energy as I used to. I've already slipped into proofreading once or twice less than I used to (and wouldn't rule out this is why Sass has been finding typos, unless he's just crazy and imagining them, which I'm also not ruling out for Sass )...and that's with a schedule in my own life that was very beneficial to competing in this contest. I'm going to be starting a new job in a few months, and already know that is also going to be using up more of my time and energy when the next competition rolls around. So, with all that combined, I think it's going to be better to retire gracefully at the peak, rather than trying to force myself through another year, where I might end up mailing in entries rather than giving you guys a run for your money! I won't call this decision 100%, because a lot can theoretically change in 9-10 months, but honestly, I'm currently feeling like it's 99% guaranteed.

That being said, I don't plan on vanishing from the competition. My life at all permitting, I'm absolutely planning to stick around as a judge next year, and a harsh judge I shall be! You want to make it to the top, your ingredient usage will have to be top notch!

Which brings me, finally, to the topic of judges, and for that matter, the organizers. Thank you Hugga! Thank you Ion! Thank you Bhelogan! Thank you HenryLockwood! Thank you Sassafrass! Thank you Squeak! Thank you MoonZar! Thank you Bade! I hope I haven't forgotten anyone, In which case it is not meant as a slight but simply a function of my brain exhausted by illness screwing upbut if I have, thank you as well! Thank you anyone who might have been involved behind the scenes that I don't know about! It might be us competitors who get the spotlight, but it's you lot who volunteer a significant chunk of your time and energy who make the whole Iron DM happen in the first place! And for that, a really, really big thank you! Anyone still hanging out and watching this thread, give them all a big hand!

[MontageManiac]

Thank you to both finalists for some really inspiring entries that I know pushed me to do more each year however I could. Thank you to the judges for providing your time and energy to read through all the entries. Thanks to the other competitors who made the journey so much more entertaining than simply a creative writing exercise! Happy holidays everyone!

[Atua]

So, it has been a little slow here, does anyone want me to unsecret my entry so at least people can read it?

[GodRosen]

The entry that was unsecreted by Hugga on the 22nd?

[Atua]

Oops, silly me, I hadn't noticed

[Unko Talok]

I didn't realize that it had been unsecreted! I'd like to take a look and comment, but things are going to be busy for me for the next week.

[Atua]

Great, thanks Unko. Don't rush on my account

[Unko Talok]

Here I am! I'm back to normal (or as normal as things get in UnkoLand)! I'm caught up on my games! And now I'm going to make-believe that I'm an IronDM judge! Wheeheeheehee! I can't promise that I'm doing a good job of proofreading my post here, because I've already been slow enough in following through on my promise! But I'm trying to give a keen and careful eye to your adventure. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here, so take it for what it's worth!

 

Something falls into the crucible, screaming and writhing. In a few moments, a charred and burning skeleton emerges, its eyes embers and its bones dripping quickly-cooling molten... something... whatever it is that dreams and imagination and the stuff of nightmares is made of. He looks over your creation, and with a hollow, distant voice, passes judgment.

Watered Down Love Overview: What a charming adventure! As I read through the lore, I thought it felt like a wonderful 19th-century fairy tale. Are you descended from Hans Christian Anderson, by any chance? I also really appreciate the dungeon-crawl-esque approach (A connects to B, C, and D, B and C connect, etc) but set in a large city. DM Perspective / The Technical (13.5/15) How easy would it be to run this scenario? How well is the scenario/adventure presented? How well is the scenario/adventure written? I enjoyed the story and its presentation, as well as the organization! It took me a couple read-throughs to feel like I actually understood the adventure, but I think that's more my failing than yours. (no penalty) The only place that I really would have appreciated more description is how the water responded to the beam of light-- I was imagining two possibilities: 1) the entire city is opened, and there are walls of water surrounding the city, with the sky above open and clear. 2) the water forms kind of a "cave" over the city, creating a bio-shock-like atmosphere of aquatic oppression. I think you were aiming for (1)! Did I screw this up? Did you?... (Minus 0.5 points) In Area B, the Dancehall, is a new specter encounter triggered every time the party has to re-attempt the dance? That was a tad confusing to me (no penalty). One of my players is going to eat that damned candy. What happens if they eat the candy? Is the adventure doomed? Do the spirits of Erised and William lash out? Do they get super-special-awesome powers? Do their teeth break? And also, what flavor is it? (Minus 1 point.) Related to the above point, what happens if the players worry about the downstream villages before breaking the dam? Do they get treasure (in the form of proving the stories true, or tribute of some sort?...). Do the spirits attack in some mecha-spirit form to punish the party for not freeing them?... I understand that this was necessary to emphasize the remorse and redemption, though! (No further point loss, though-- you already paid the price!) Player Perspective / The Story (13.5/15) What would this scenario/adventure be like to play? Is the story interesting to read? How creative is the scenario/adventure? The scenario was easy to read and enjoyable, and I think it was quite creative-- fulfilling the love of two courtly spirits trapped in a terrible prison of their own bodies by a demon? What adventure! I've got minor concerns about the players failing their checks at the bird-pillar encounter. As level 7 characters, they shouldn't have much of a problem. But if they do happen to fail two saves in a row (the probability of that depends on a DM ruling, in my view), the adventure ends, without any real recourse. Yikes! That might be really disappointing. (Minus 0.5 points.) In area B, the Dancehall, you say that upon interaction the players get possessed, but there's no option given to save against this possession. I've met plenty of players who really hate when they don't at least appear to have a choice / chance of resisting. Maybe that's just a personal preference and they should deal with it... but I'm gonna dock another bit of points. (Minus 0.5 points.) Every combat except the demon is with a specter! Variety is the spice of life. Where's the enormous possessed sea-turtle who took up residence in location C and thinks he's a visiting lord? Or maybe a giant heron who sees oodles and oodles of suddenly land-locked fish now that the city is exposed, and descends to fight off the PCs to acquire food? This is difficult, given the space restrictions, but I really would have loved to see more variety of combat encounters. But the boss battle is something special, which mitigates the problem quite a bit. (Minus 0.5 points.) Audience Perspective / The Ingredients (28.5/34) How well was the ingredient used? Does the bonus ingredient usage work? Remorse & Redemption! I think of "redemption" as requiring some personal action, rather than being redeemed by the actions of another. So for me, the second half of this ingredient really missed the mark. But the first half is great! (3/5) Divisive Teamwork! This one was also a little rough for me, as the challenges presented during these teamwork scenarios aren't really dividing the party, they're just challenging / opposing the party. I might have required, in the dance hall, that the dancing (or the possessing ghosts?) to compel players to attack each other. But this was a really tough ingredient, IMO. I'm glad I didn't have to use it. (4/5) a Drowned Valley! Heck yeah. You nailed this, and it was a great setting for the tone of the adventure. (5/5) Vapor! I wasn't sold on this until I realized that it was also the demon's attack. I think that's a good thing, as I didn't even recognize the ingredient, despite having just read the ingredients list. Great job! (5/5). Ornithomancy! This is one of my favorites. Everyone is lucky this wasn't my ingredient, because my use would have been much grimmer. :evilgrin: (5/5) a Support Beam Uh-oh! You didn't include here exactly what you wanted the Support Beam to be. The obvious one is the Dam's support beam, which to me is just too darned mundane. But the cool one is the beam of sunlight that sends the lake into vapor and keep some of the water at bay outside of where the city is (depending on how that worked, narratively...). (4/5) Bonus: a Flying Fish! Double use! Oh, I wonder if each of those flying fish was someone that the Demon tricked, just like he tricked William! Was that part of the lore? (1/1) Strength through Defeat! I guess I can see this one... This is another tough ingredient, but it just didn't hit home for me. (0.5/1) Candy! Honestly, this was the weirdest element of the whole story for me. The candy being a key didn't make sense, nor did the fact that the candy survived underwater for all that time, and it really bugged me that my stupid, jerk of a player would eat the damned candy. I'm taking this point away. And then I'm gonna eat it. (0/1) a Ballerina! This was great, and the story wouldn't have been nearly so magical without it. Bravo. (1/1). Total: 55.5/64

[Atua]

Thank you so much for setting aside time to review my adventure, much appreciated. You definitely noticed a few holes in the adventure that I can approve on, I certainly didn't think the candy would be consumed and the party get stuck, that was the last item I attempted to incorporate, and it looks like I did a poor job of it. Also, the dead end with the party not getting past the bird pillar concerned me, hence why I tried to make it not too difficult (Also, they could always come back the next year to try again) WRT to the support beam I wanted to incorporate a beam of light as well as a beam of wood/stone, hence having both in the story.

For the atmosphere I was aiming for Bioshock, a tunnel of air and a sort of bubble around parts of the city, but I was starting to run out of words when it came down to describing it in more depth. Also, I like the fact that you expanded on the adventure suggesting things like the flying fish are other people tricked by the demon, that is definitely a worthwhile consideration.

Overall though, once again I really appreciate your effort in reviewing, and I will definitely try to be here again next year, as although these things are time consuming, the end products are always fantastic.