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  #31  
Old 01-04-2019, 09:23 AM
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Still time to get your app in for what promises to be an intriguing game!
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  #32  
Old 01-04-2019, 10:29 PM
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Quick question. Will players be allowed to have mounts or pets/companions? Curious.
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  #33  
Old 01-04-2019, 10:46 PM
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  #34  
Old 01-04-2019, 11:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lydklein View Post
Quick question. Will players be allowed to have mounts or pets/companions? Curious.
Eventually, yes. Starting out, no. Given the pace of PbP, it probably won't be a while IRL before the characters are in a place to gain those things. That said, relatively early in the grand scheme of the things your characters should have opportunities to acquire companions/mounts.
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Old 01-05-2019, 02:34 AM
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Thanks! Hope to have my app up in a few, max.
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  #36  
Old 01-05-2019, 10:00 AM
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FYI, swapped out my application for a character that fits the game a little better thematically.
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Old 01-05-2019, 05:54 PM
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Reminder: Application deadline is Monday the 14th

Application ReviewsWell, Saturday morning rolled around, and since there is still about a week left before the deadline I figured I would read through the applications and provide some feedback. For those of you who have not yet provided an application, you can request that I review and provide feedback once before the deadline, but I don't make any promises about being able to do it in a timely manner, or at all, especially given that I have family coming in from out of town next weekend. I will try my best to accommodate requests, however. Note: my feedback doesn’t need to be taken, nor does making changes to your application guarantee that you will be selected for this game. I just offer my thoughts to applicants in hopes that it might help them to make better applications in the future, as well as to better conceptualize these and future characters.

As a reminder, applications will be judged on character quality and how well I think your character will fit in with the rest of the characters. I’m not trying to meta-game a ‘party composition,’ but will have to be trying to match up character abilities as well as personalities. Formatting quality of your post as well as longevity of time spent with RPGX will also be factors, though they will be secondary.

Reading through what is currently here… I am going to have a very tough decision to make. Honestly, well-written everyone!

UngainlyFool: There is a reason I recruited from our previous game . I expected something of high caliber from you, and you have definitely set the bar high. Vanna feels quite real, and I love her pained history. It definitely gives an understanding of what fuels her reckless abandon. I would love to see more of how she acts around others, but then as a lonely barbarian tutored by a mysterious druid, I suppose she wouldn't really be around others that much anyway! I guess that will have to be left as something to explore later.

Bhelogan: This application is much better than your previous application, as I really get a sense of who Sergus is as a person and a glimpse into his personality and demeanor. I also really like the letter in your application. It gives Sergus a sense of family as well as shows how he might approach conflicts. Your application begins to outline a tactician who is more measured in his actions, which could contrast wonderfully with UngainlyFool's Vanna. I also like how you managed the "character must die" direction without actually going into the death sequence, quite creative. I'm curious if Sergus has any character flaws or vices, as he is largely presented as a relatively stoic older sibling/unit commander, but you did manage to give him some humanity (elvishness?) within the writing.

DialPforPickles: Nice application. Relatively simple but gives a nice breadth of information. Similarly to Sergus, I'm curious if Fluke has any character flaws or vices... I'm also curious how he got the name Fluke, as that seems to be a relatively specific nickname. One thing I would suggest is working with RPGX's text formatting capabilities. It can really help your applications (and all of your posts) look much cleaner and make for easier reading.

TiesKnots: You do a good job of describing the setting in your backstory. I can see the streets and the crowds. The town is actually oddly vivid in my mind for how you described it, well done. I would love to see some more work done on fleshing out pieces of Falco’s personality. I understand what he does, and how he does it, but I don’t get a ton of interpersonal interaction. This application definitely screams street thief, but I would love to see some interaction between Falco and Lily or Raven or anyone else for that matter to help flesh out the character.

MeredithS: Holy cow! While this is definitely a rough draft and very much unfinished… I really really love this. Your style… your story, amazing! Keep it up. I would recommend making sure the train of thought flows clearly, as there were a few times I found myself having to re-read a section just to clarify what was going on, but that is largely due to the intricate detail you are presenting and I may not have been reading carefully enough. I am sure you already have a path planned for this, but make sure you keep to the racial restrictions. Excellent musical selections as well. Brava!

Tinuviel: I like the sequence you have laid out. I get a good sense of Singrid, who she is, what drives her. I’m certainly a little mystified by Svärt, but I’m sure that is part of the story. No need to elaborate on it if you don’t want to, but I am definitely curious about him, and the staff. I would be curious about other aspects of Singrid’s personality too, prior to and after Kara’s being taken. Is (was) she generally jovial? How well did she work within the local guard or militia, did she get along with everyone or was she generally difficult to get along with, etc.

Sarsprilla: Great application. I enjoyed seeing Lithoniel’s progression (in reverse!) through her life and having interactions with many different people. It is well written and well articulated. One general comment is that writing in PbP tends to be in the 3rd person, though isn’t required. I definitely felt connected to her and the world you built for her. Her story is tragic and ill-fated. I love it!

MIniSchnauzer: While I find Ursula interesting, the application is leaving a lot to be desired. I would definitely recommend looking at the other applications and reviewing the introductory post to see what I am looking for, since this is more indicative of a generic application on the site.

Ucha Nekome: First note, you can format the pictures to have some of the text wrap around them. I believe giving them a [IMGL] or [IMGR] does the trick. No big deal, but I did notice it. Second note, there is a general iffyness to playing characters too young. I don’t have a problem with it if done properly, but I just wanted to give you a heads up that you may want to reconsider your character’s age, especially given that I would like to take this game a bit darker than your average happy-go-lucky D&D experience. Those points aside, I do like your application. I think the split personality idea could be a very interesting storytelling tool, and I like the curious and innocent nature of Erixa. I think it could be fun to explore her relationship with her inner demon, see how the personalities could be made to work together or made to fight against each other! So many fun ideas! A little more character development of Erixa would go a long way I think since Ira is kind of the mystery to this application it would be nice to really understand and feel Erixa as a fleshed out character concept.

JohnStone: This application doesn’t seem finished. I like the concept so far, but I really can’t say anything else. If you do work on it more I would be happy to take another look.
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Last edited by Giot; 01-05-2019 at 06:01 PM.
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  #38  
Old 01-05-2019, 06:11 PM
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Thank you! I hope to be done with my draft this evening. I finally had a day to myself lol. And no worries on the racial restrictions. Indeed, Grey will break his oath, fall from grace and die mortal (Variant Human-Lvl 6 Paladin,1 Warlock, I am still considering how to break up the levels actually to fit his background.) Thank you for your advice. I hope that after some formatting and better spacing between paragraphs will clear up some of the heavier detailed scenes. Throwing it onto my Word program later should help me with that. I'll let you know when Im ready for your final review. Thank you for such a great game concept. I hope to be in your consideration at deadline !
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  #39  
Old 01-05-2019, 07:12 PM
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Thanks for taking the time to give great feedback on all these, Giot! I'll see if I can get an interaction post up. I'm glad Vanna came across clearly enough.
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  #40  
Old 01-05-2019, 07:47 PM
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Ok, here is my app.
@Giot- please let me know if there is anything missing. Feedback is welcome.
 
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Last edited by lydklein; 01-06-2019 at 11:03 AM.
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  #41  
Old 01-05-2019, 07:59 PM
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I opened up my application publicly, finally feeling that it was finished, still reserving some more time for touching up and formatting fixes. I'm not sure I like the font style either. Thinking that the final review will be ready Monday night or latest by this Tuesday.
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  #42  
Old 01-05-2019, 10:19 PM
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lydklein: I definitely like the post, and I loved how you described the arcane archer concept. One thing I love seeing is how people actually describe magic as opposed to just saying "casts X spell". I also like the somewhat anti-hero style she seemed to have developed over the intervening time. I would love to see more interaction between her and others, either before or after Gildrien's death. Very awesome!
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Last edited by Giot; 01-05-2019 at 10:19 PM.
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  #43  
Old 01-05-2019, 11:00 PM
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Will try to have those interactions in by the due date. And thanks for the input!
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  #44  
Old 01-05-2019, 11:43 PM
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  #45  
Old 01-05-2019, 11:57 PM
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Thank you Giot for reviewing my application. I am very happy that you enjoyed the read and hope that it is to your standards!

In the actual roleplay I will play Lithoniel in third person, I just felt compelled to write this piece as it is for some unknown reason. Call it a compulsion of sorts

Good luck to everyone else, I am looking forward with bated breath to the 14th.
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