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  #511  
Old 02-04-2019, 01:56 AM
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I am moving this month somewhere around Valentine’s day. I’ve lived in the same place for almost a decade. My current place is a real dump, and it is going to be an unspeakably incredible upgrade with my new digs. But moving is tough, and especially after setting down roots for so long. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make, but I do have a mental illness (bipolar) and I am afraid, as always, of something so big jostling my stability and kicking me out into a manic or depressed cycle, or just generally getting unhealthy.

Other than that I have never been better. I’m well balanced emotionally and mentally focused and engaged with my day to day life and pursuing goals that I am continually updating. Physically I am in the best shape of my life. I just turned forty and my goal for this year is to see how cut I can get, without getting outrageous with routine or lifestyle. Basically I am probing to see how far I can push my fitness level within the limits of comfortable lifestyle.

I’m dating a fabulous woman. She is like a wildfire, raging and furious, but also elegant and delicate. She’s also an artist and just a super cool person, so I feel very fortunate to be with her. She is very extroverted though, and I am very introverted. I am discovering that I can mingle in the world of socialization, but it seems that I can only do that for a time, and then I need to withdraw and recover. We’ve been witnessing that this past week or two. As I said, I am very nervous about the move and it is hitting me in weird ways. I seem to be pushing heavily on my personal routines, like daily health regimens such as sleep, meds, exercise, and taking care of basic life stuff. But not really having space for being out with people. I can handle being alone with her, but she has gotten used to me saying yes to every social event she invites me to, so that has become her way of trying to communicate with me and connect with me by inviting me to all these things she’s doing and suddenly I am just like turning down all the things. So she thought I was losing interest and getting ready to ghost her and ditch her, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I just need to take a break from all the other people in the world cuz they stress me out and I don’t want to be vulnerable around them right now.

Well, we figured that out and I rode my bike to her place and we watched a movie on my laptop and it was really nice to spend time with her. She was making food for lunches and I got to have some, which was great because I had a big bike ride and hadn’t eaten all day and all I had was a protein bar and some lemonade. Anyway, it was a good night. And a great bike ride. There was already snow on the ground when I went to her place, but it snowed the entire time we were watching the movie, so the sidewalks were total garbage on the way back. My bike is pretty epic though, so I did alright. Only 10.2 miles round trip, but it took an hour and twenty minutes of actual riding time. It was actually a very intense little ride.

I’m happy with where my games are going. I am having moments of inspiration and I’ve been pleased with some of the things that have been coming out on the page. I hope that my fellow players are enjoying that as well.

I hope you all are doing well and improving. I can’t stress enough some successes in my routine have been the following:

-Sleep has got to be a priority, for me.
- Even if you don’t think you need them anymore because that is a very good sign they are actually working! Meds, if you take em.
-Exercise! Even if you don’t want to or don’t think five minutes will matter, When I was at the peak of despair in my illness my meds destroyed my thyroid and I ballooned up to 320lbs. I’ve struggled with that for ten years and the past three years I have really made exercise a priority. I’m down to 205 now, and it would be a very difficult thing for me to comfortably get any lower than that. But seriously, I do crunches and pushups for ten minutes at a time, if that, twice a day. I also run on the treadmill, but it could be a hike, taking the stairs instead of the elevator. It all adds up. Do it anyway.
-My Psychiatrist has assumed the role of therapist as well, and I see her twice a month. I’ve had her for 15 years. Very fortunate.
-Assess your people. Find the people closest to you and hold them tight. If someone causes you stress or drama, lighten your load or do what you can to minimize their impact on you.
-Find your passion
-Do good things/live positively.

These are very personal to me, and I don’t expect them to be answers to anyone else. But they are the pillars upon which I base my success. Maybe there is some wisdom to be found in them after all.
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  #512  
Old 02-05-2019, 12:19 PM
TronTheAllmighty TronTheAllmighty is offline
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This made me really sad...

Much of my family has suffered from depression over the years and I am glad to see all of these posts trying to help those with depression. I wish I could do more, but I am very glad to see this.
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  #513  
Old 02-07-2019, 07:49 PM
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This is a very good thread that I have always came back to look through over the years. It is a constant reminder that not only are none of us alone, but we are also willing to share, support, listen, and give advice to each other. Reminds me how much I love this community.
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  #514  
Old 02-08-2019, 10:42 AM
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Tron, when I feel poopy, I'm not the kind who wants lots of attention. I don't want advice or to be cheered up. I just want someone to say "I'm here if you need me." Maybe that's all you need to do with your family.
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  #515  
Old 03-04-2019, 03:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gath View Post
I am moving this month somewhere around Valentineís day. Iíve lived in the same place for almost a decade. My current place is a real dump, and it is going to be an unspeakably incredible upgrade with my new digs. But moving is tough, and especially after setting down roots for so long. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make, but I do have a mental illness (bipolar) and I am afraid, as always, of something so big jostling my stability and kicking me out into a manic or depressed cycle, or just generally getting unhealthy.

Other than that I have never been better. Iím well balanced emotionally and mentally focused and engaged with my day to day life and pursuing goals that I am continually updating. Physically I am in the best shape of my life. I just turned forty and my goal for this year is to see how cut I can get, without getting outrageous with routine or lifestyle. Basically I am probing to see how far I can push my fitness level within the limits of comfortable lifestyle.

Iím dating a fabulous woman. She is like a wildfire, raging and furious, but also elegant and delicate. Sheís also an artist and just a super cool person, so I feel very fortunate to be with her. She is very extroverted though, and I am very introverted. I am discovering that I can mingle in the world of socialization, but it seems that I can only do that for a time, and then I need to withdraw and recover. Weíve been witnessing that this past week or two. As I said, I am very nervous about the move and it is hitting me in weird ways. I seem to be pushing heavily on my personal routines, like daily health regimens such as sleep, meds, exercise, and taking care of basic life stuff. But not really having space for being out with people. I can handle being alone with her, but she has gotten used to me saying yes to every social event she invites me to, so that has become her way of trying to communicate with me and connect with me by inviting me to all these things sheís doing and suddenly I am just like turning down all the things. So she thought I was losing interest and getting ready to ghost her and ditch her, which couldnít be further from the truth. I just need to take a break from all the other people in the world cuz they stress me out and I donít want to be vulnerable around them right now.

Well, we figured that out and I rode my bike to her place and we watched a movie on my laptop and it was really nice to spend time with her. She was making food for lunches and I got to have some, which was great because I had a big bike ride and hadnít eaten all day and all I had was a protein bar and some lemonade. Anyway, it was a good night. And a great bike ride. There was already snow on the ground when I went to her place, but it snowed the entire time we were watching the movie, so the sidewalks were total garbage on the way back. My bike is pretty epic though, so I did alright. Only 10.2 miles round trip, but it took an hour and twenty minutes of actual riding time. It was actually a very intense little ride.

Iím happy with where my games are going. I am having moments of inspiration and Iíve been pleased with some of the things that have been coming out on the page. I hope that my fellow players are enjoying that as well.

I hope you all are doing well and improving. I canít stress enough some successes in my routine have been the following:

-Sleep has got to be a priority, for me.
- Even if you donít think you need them anymore because that is a very good sign they are actually working! Meds, if you take em.
-Exercise! Even if you donít want to or donít think five minutes will matter, When I was at the peak of despair in my illness my meds destroyed my thyroid and I ballooned up to 320lbs. Iíve struggled with that for ten years and the past three years I have really made exercise a priority. Iím down to 205 now, and it would be a very difficult thing for me to comfortably get any lower than that. But seriously, I do crunches and pushups for ten minutes at a time, if that, twice a day. I also run on the treadmill, but it could be a hike, taking the stairs instead of the elevator. It all adds up. Do it anyway.
-My Psychiatrist has assumed the role of therapist as well, and I see her twice a month. Iíve had her for 15 years. Very fortunate.
-Assess your people. Find the people closest to you and hold them tight. If someone causes you stress or drama, lighten your load or do what you can to minimize their impact on you.
-Find your passion
-Do good things/live positively.

These are very personal to me, and I donít expect them to be answers to anyone else. But they are the pillars upon which I base my success. Maybe there is some wisdom to be found in them after all.
I am afraid of moving too.. it causes me to feel terrible. Even if its a 10x upgrade..

How did you handle it? Are you feeling better now?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ble-after-move
Psychologytoday has a good article about it.. maybe it helps
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  #516  
Old 03-04-2019, 03:54 AM
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It's incredible.

It totally threw me off of my routine. But I am slowly working to get a handle on that now. The space itself is just unbelievable. I've dumped a bunch of money to sort of front load the moving in process. I keep hearing how people are supposed to do it piece by piece over years. That just doesn't work for me. It seems like that would be a major stressor for me to have my place unresolved. Then I would not be able to stop thinking about what I could or couldn't do or should or shouldn't do to make it better. It would be maddening for me. I simply assessed the situation, looked for available options, and made decisions based on my means. Done. Now I can get back to a normal life.

That's one of those interesting differences between a "normal person" and someone with a disability. It's not super easy to tell where or how it is going to land, but there is something that needs to be done to cope with a situation that would otherwise be totally laid back and casual for someone else.

For example, piecing together a living room over two years or a lifetime.

Well, I've never had a living room, so that situation is already stressful for me. So me having a living room and having it be unfinished for an undetermined length of time is going to be another stressor for me. Having an unfinished living room and being unable to entertain because of it, or entertaining but feeling self conscious about having an unfinished living room is another thing that will be a stressor for me.

So yeah, I can totally have that living room and leave it unfinished and never entertain, but what's the point of having it then?

No, the solution is to find your vision, explore available options compared to your means, and make it work asap. Maximize effort, minimize stress.

But that's all pretty much done, which is a big relief. Now it is just a matter of getting back to life.

I am putting a hold on my studio for now. I gotta take a break from interior designing and get my routines back in order. But the only thing I will need to have done to that space is track lighting, but that is kind of on the back burner until I get the space sorted out. I haven't caught the bug yet for dealing with that space though. It will happen, but not right away. Maybe need to build up some more means to apply to that space.
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  #517  
Old 03-04-2019, 07:51 AM
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Not necessarily in order:

The biggest sources of (dis)Stress (as opposed to (Eu)Stress) in life:

Death of a spouse
Moving
Loss of a career job
birth of a child
death of a parent
retirement


Humans tend to like routine. It's comforting, stable, and probably, life-saving (we are geared to notice "changes", because they might have been tigers or flash floods, etc.). Some people like routine more than others, from debilitating OCD to random chaos. But in general, we are hard wired to like some sort of routine in our life, and changes to that cause stress.

Heck, I was up at 3:30 am this morning for an hour, simply because I was stressed about the POTENTIAL to move... and what that would entail for my life, my family, etc.. Not moving. Not even sure it would happen. Just stressing out about the possibility of it.
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  #518  
Old 03-04-2019, 09:51 AM
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I recommend the book called "The power of habit" by Charles Duhhig.
Phenomenal book that shows just how much routines are ingrained in our being.

Its so scary to move but I hope it will all work out in the end.
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  #519  
Old 03-04-2019, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Admin Dirk View Post
Not necessarily in order:

The biggest sources of (dis)Stress (as opposed to (Eu)Stress) in life:

Death of a spouse
Moving
Loss of a career job
birth of a child
death of a parent
retirement


Humans tend to like routine. It's comforting, stable, and probably, life-saving (we are geared to notice "changes", because they might have been tigers or flash floods, etc.). Some people like routine more than others, from debilitating OCD to random chaos. But in general, we are hard wired to like some sort of routine in our life, and changes to that cause stress.

Heck, I was up at 3:30 am this morning for an hour, simply because I was stressed about the POTENTIAL to move... and what that would entail for my life, my family, etc.. Not moving. Not even sure it would happen. Just stressing out about the possibility of it.
I will probably have to move with kids and find another job within a year and my wife is trying her best not to let it unsettle her too much. It's not easy.
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  #520  
Old 03-04-2019, 04:08 PM
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Routine, and feeling like you're actually doing something. I used to think "Man it would be great to not have to work," but it's been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I haven't had a job since... I dunno, maybe 2013 or 2014, and it makes me want to tear my hair out. I keep thinking "Gah I want to apply for a job," but unfortunately I know I wouldn't last long. Even things I've tried to do from home have become too big of stressors and set off my anxiety.

Life is fun
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  #521  
Old 03-05-2019, 03:16 AM
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I had a party tonight. My girlfriend is awesome and a beautiful social butterfly. I fully embrace it with all the glory that it brings. She invited me to a game night at her place, which is a cramped little apartment with no space for games - and a dog. As she mulled over options (which there weren't any) I offered, "Hey, why not have it at my place?" She alighted on that idea and didn't even micromanage me in preparation for the party. But I did my part and pushed myself to get things set up.

I'd had a trial run with game night with my Numenera group on Wednsday. But man, things were on point tonight and it all just went really well. I am super happy with this place. And the lovely lady in my life. I think she is going to have some fun entertaining with me at this place.

Not working is not the same thing as not having a job. I haven't had a job since 09, but I still keep myself busy. I do my artwork periodically. I also do odd jobs. But it is amazing how much people take for granted. Most days for me going to the gym is the main objective. After that it is just l-i-v-i-n. Going to the grocery store, letting out my mom's dogs, maybe getting out side. Quite possibly doing something artistic. But if I can go to the gym and eat a healthy meal and get 500-1500 words out on RPGX then that is a good day.
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  #522  
Old 05-13-2019, 09:18 AM
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I'm nearing the end of my annual insurance coverage for psychologist services, so I'm now going to monthly sessions instead of bi-weekly, in hopes of extending it a little bit.

My co-worker is getting tested for ADHD, and she and I mirror a lot of behaviour. I've suspected I may have ADHD, and it is often co-morbid with depression. Plus, my dad clearly has Tourette's Syndrome, even though he was never diagnosed-- I think Tourette's was only really recognized long after his time. The idea of going on medication doesn't appeal to me, but an official diagnosis might maybe help?

Aaand my marriage remains perpetually at Defcon 3. Things are getting better, I think, and a bunch of that comes from me learning patience with my wife's crap. We come from different histories, different cultures, and my crap and her crap haven't meshed well. My reactions to her nonsense have been to shut down and withdraw. I'm working against that programming, and I think it's getting better. I don't know if it's enough to save our marriage, but at least it can only get better between us as people, and only get better for the kids.

Just a li'l update. How are you guys doing?
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  #523  
Old 05-15-2019, 08:02 PM
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Today was a nice day for me, with no crisis requiring my immediate and tiring intervention. Leaving one job, starting another, buying a home/selling another, and preparing to move across country all at one time has me a lot frazzled, and pretty low on energy and reserves of energy.

First one in a while, and I hope I can string together a couple.
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  #524  
Old 05-16-2019, 01:44 AM
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Way to go! One day at a time!
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