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Old 10-20-2019, 06:22 AM
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Round 1; Match 1: Unko Talok vs Drager vs Silk vs DouglasDouglas (vs Carnage)

Round 1; Match 1: Unko Talok vs Drager vs Silk vs DouglasDouglas (vs Carnage)

Quote:
Originally Posted by The 'Honorable' Chairman
right-aligned image
"Ah, good. Good. My first toys have arrived!" Mist dissipates around you, and the four of you find yourselves standing in a broad open area covered with sand made of iron grit. Onyx stands surrounding the battlefield are full of spectators that for some reason you just can't quite make out in detail... but you can hear all of them jeering and hooting as each of the first contestants are introduced. An oddly familiar setting, to some of you. And beware, for in the shadow lurks a fifth competitor, chained but ready to be unleashed the moment a single one of you falters.

Here you will battle on the iron sands, under the watchful eyes of of the great and honorable judges:
  • Sassafrass
  • Raylorne
  • PIG
Gesturing to four heaping tables with his staff, the Chairman proclaims: As has happened many times before, and must happen again, you will now face off against each other! Only by using the following four ingredients,
  • A Newborn Dragon Hatchling
  • A Swan Pond
  • A Moldy Wall
  • Cold Feet
and crafting an encounter with your own talents, can you hope to survive! Two of you will be fortunate enough to be eliminated, a reprieve you each will treasure by the time your time here is done. The other two will be forced to advance into Round 2!


Let the Dungeon Mastering....BEGIN!!
Rules
  • You are to write an encounter using the four items / concepts above. All rules found here are to be followed.
  • The guidelines for the Judges' scoring can be found here. An "encounter" is specifically referencing a single battle, confrontation, or other situation for a group of PCs to come up against, and (hopefully) overcome. It should be something that can be a special, unique, focal point of a campaign.
  • The entry is to be no longer than 1,500 words, which includes *everything* you put into the post. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word counter is highly recommended.
  • Please make a simple post in this thread when you first read it, to let the judges know have seen it, and that you are on board. It doesn't have to be anything more than "read!", or something like that, though roleplaying it is also perfectly acceptable! Do not edit this post after making it; when it comes time to post your entry, do that in a second, separate post.
  • You have 7 days from the time this post is made to complete and submit your entry (in a new post; don't edit your first post!). It is not expected that you use all this time - the extra time has been given to ensure that, no matter what your timezone, your schedule, your sleep habits, your work or student life, or emergencies that could crop up, you should have ample time to complete your entry. Posting when you are done, and not waiting until the end, is also recommended, and rewarded.
  • You should post your entry into this thread within the generous timeframe, and ensure it is secreted (to the above judges) and spoilerbuttoned. Feel free to also PM your judges to let them know you have posted, if you wish. (DO NOT PM them your entry - just let them know your entry is submitted). If your post is not made within the 7 days, you will be automatically disqualified. If you have issues, be sure to PM Inem *before* your round is closed.
  • Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.

Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:01 AM.
  #2  
Old 10-20-2019, 07:31 AM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:03 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
  #3  
Old 10-20-2019, 07:40 AM
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What is it?
A cloaked and hooded figure of short stature enters the battlefield. The jeering and hooting of the spectators cause the figure to cringe but quickly stritens up as someone shouts, "BEGIN!!" Right! That's why this person is here, and the figure is a little less careful with obscuring itself. At first, one would think the person was wearing bright yellow clothes, but when a yellow covered hand reached up under the hood and started to scratch fast, the hood was displaced reveling cat ears and a furry feline face all colored in yellow. "Is it a lycanthrope?" "No, it doesn't look like a Werecat." "Is it a Kathar?" "No, too short." "Is it a male or female? I can't tell." "Who cares, look at it! It's so cute, I want to go pet it right now!" The spectators give the young girl a weird glance but had to agree. Whoever or whatever that thing is, it sure was cute. It was even blushing! Silk was indeed blushing at the attention of the spectators, and its cheeks were fire engine red as a result. Taking a deep breath, Silk tried valiantly to focus on the task at hand and ignore the speculative spectators.

OOCI can see the Thread, and I have Read it. Also, I support this message

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DMing: An Untimely EncounterPosting Status: Normal
  #4  
Old 10-20-2019, 12:39 PM
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The Burning SkeletonShuddering off the Iron Sands in which he had slept for nearly a year, a skeleton rises up from the arena, its eyes lit with dim pinpoints of a soul still hanging on. Floating around it are wisps of something that smells of Saffron, Cumin, and other exotic spices. All about its body are embers that burn into eternity, the still-hot molten bits of that rares of elements, inspiration.

In one of its claws it holds something that looks like a rusted, ancient lamp. The skeleton, as though waking and realizing where it is, looks down at the lamp and lets out a bellow of rage! It throws the thing to the ground, trying (and failing) to crush the lamp under its foot.

The skeleton then looks up at the Chairman, and its jaw opens slightly, like a hungry tiger. Somehow, the bone around the skeleton's eyes furrow, as though in anger or determination... Its head jerks from the Chairman to the four ingredients it has been provided. The undead thing lumbers forward, understanding the task at hand.

OOCRead!


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Old 10-22-2019, 05:03 AM
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Just a DwarfUnlike the other competitors that have entered so far the next is simply a dwarf. Short, rotund and bedecked with all sorts of crafters tools from pens to glues and hammers to little vials of imagination. He scratches his beard and looks at the skeleton muttering to himself "Some rum customers in these parts." the short cloaked figure with yellow hands he gives a nod as he walks to his table "Good to see other folks that aren't too tall." he says before settling down to work, paying no mind to the crowd.
OOCRead!
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  #6  
Old 10-23-2019, 05:00 AM
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DMing: An Untimely EncounterPosting Status: Normal

Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:03 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
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Old 10-23-2019, 09:39 PM
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OOC:Acknowledged! Work in progress!
  #8  
Old 10-24-2019, 12:48 PM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:04 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
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Old 10-24-2019, 05:50 PM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:04 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
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Old 10-25-2019, 02:51 AM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:05 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
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Old 10-28-2019, 01:14 PM
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PIG has spoken. It was a great read but I vetted everything by the point system. And...

1st Place!: The Scintilake Hostage by Unko Talok
2nd Place!: Verdigris: Corruption of Copper by Drager


Click below to see the details I observed on each entry.

 



 



 


 
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Last edited by Inem; 11-02-2019 at 02:39 PM.
  #12  
Old 10-30-2019, 11:28 AM
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I felt this entire bracket was rather weak and fell prey to the same mistake many people have made on this round before. The recipe called for an encounter, and in all cases I got a module. I lot of words were wasted by all competitors describing the lead up which could have been used tightening up the encounter portion. With no outstanding entries shining brightly above the others, and all falling behind the quality expected of an IronDM champion the highest obtainable score was an average. Here are my selections in order of 1-4.

First:
Drager it was a close call between first and second, but only because you provided a more fleshed out encounter. The formatting was easy to read, but the encounter boils down to a basic hack and slash. Nothing wrong with that, but nothing too exciting either. With less words spent on the lead in you could've worked out some interesting mechanics for interrupting the ritual. Also the whole encounter would probably take over twenty turns. Very long by PbP standards. With casual posting this encounter would take half a year to complete. The ingredients felt forced. It was a good entry, but a lot of improvement is required to be crowned IronDM champion. Score 7/7/6

Second:
UnkoTalok
This would've been first place, but I felt the encounter itself could've been more fleshed out. All I have is a fight against some swans and then you left the final portion of the encounter feeling incomplete and rushed. A lot of words were used describing the lead up which could've been used to better use on the encounters themselves. Everyone was guilty of this, so it didn't hurt you as much as it could've. Layout and formatting was good. Ingredients also felt forced, but they were tough ingredients. Score 6/6/6

Third:
Silk
You even identified this as a module instead of an encounter. The recipe called for an encounter. Everyone was guilty of the same infraction, so it didn't actually hurt you as much as it could've. Formatting was adequate, and you provided me with more DCs required than the other contestants. With a stronger entry this could've easily scooped second or first place. What I didn't like was the forcing of the players to come into contact with the mold, and then forcing me to determine how it happens. This is your encounter you're writing for me. You shouldn't put any of the burden of plot or outcome into my hands. Ingredients weren't used significantly better or worse than the other entries. If you have to mention the DM should suggest running your encounter isn't finely tuned enough. It's the player's game, and as a DM I don't like telling my players how to play. You should've included the means of railroading them without making it obvious. Score 4/4/4

Fourth:
DouglasDouglas
Could've been a much better entry with proper formatting. I mentioned in my intro post, and in the OOC thread to make oneself aware of acceptable formatting. Since I mentioned it twice in two separate locations I have to assume you had the chance to read it. You did yourself a disservice not reading prior year's entries as they would've indicated the generally accepted format for this competition. You provided me with a great write up for an encounter, but you did not provide me with an encounter and this is why you've scored last place for this bracket. I see by your post count that you are new to this site, and I think it's great to have our newer players participate in these special events. I hope you can take what you've learned this year and come back stronger for the next IronDM. It's a challenging contest. Score 2/2/2

Honourable Mention:
Carnage
You were guilty of the same infraction as DouglasDouglas. Regardless of which competitor failed to produce a valid entry this one was not going to make the top two from me. Formatting is key in these events, and some reading of prior year's entries would've helped alleviate this issue.
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Last edited by Inem; 11-02-2019 at 02:39 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment!
  #13  
Old 11-01-2019, 05:13 AM
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Unko TalokTechnical
  • Running-Potential for future shenanigans is a good call, but unexpected is the "in case your party is too strong" stuff, so good call on that. 4/5
  • Presentation-Good tables, terrible title font. Otherwise inoffensive walls of text. 3/5
  • Writing-Writing is fairly good on this one, fun for the GM. 4/5
Total: 11/15

Player
  • Play-A good time for players, I think. 4/5
  • Read-Well-written and flavorful where it should be. 4/5
  • Creative-Mimic is interesting to me. Neat elements. 4/5
Total: 12/15

Audience
  • Newly-Born Dragon Hatchling-The moral conundrum prevents this from being a boring use of this. 3/5
  • Swan Pond-Now this is interesting. 4/5
  • Moldy Wall-Meh? 3/5
  • Cold Feet-It works, I guess. 3/5
Total: 13/15

Total: 36/50
DragerTechnical
  • Running-Fairy straight forward here, has a lot of potential to be cool and fun. Good inclusion of books. It's important to list which edition of D&D for this site, but I won't dock you for that. 4/5
  • Presentation-Inoffensive, good font choice at the front. 3/5
  • Writing-Writing is good, though I see some commas that make me grumble. 3/5
Total: 10/15

Player
  • Play-Lots of potential to see players shine. 4/5
  • Read-Good, kind of the same complaint above as far as flow/commas goes. 3/5
  • Creative-The swan thing was interesting. 4/5
Total: 11/15

Audience
  • Newly-Born Dragon Hatchling-I like how this is open-ended at the tail-end. 4/5
  • Swan Pond-This was super cool. 4/5
  • Moldy Wall-Less interesting but still cool. 3/5
  • Cold Feet-Eh? 2/5
Total: 13/15

Total: 34/50
SilkTechnical
  • Running-A nice little detective story, with good options, but at times I felt there were gaps. 3/5
  • Presentation-Presented well, though I'm not a big fan of colors used this way. 4/5
  • Writing-Good writing, the inclusion of Read sections is rare, but more on that later. Maybe it goes here? Either way. 3/5
Total: 10/15

Player
  • Play-Lots of neat player opportunities, with some epic moments. 4/5
  • Read-So my big complaint here: why in a Read section would you ever say "The Players"? That requires a rewrite in my book, so presenting it as-is is a no-go. That's muy not good. Otherwise fun and epic. 2/5
  • Creative-Seems at home in Urban Arcana and a lot of urban fantasy these days, so there wasn't a lot new for me. 3/5
Total: 9/15

Audience
  • Newly-Born Dragon Hatchling-This was kind of cool, maybe a little sad too. 4/5
  • Swan Pond-Nothing to stand out here except the appearance of dragons. 2/5
  • Moldy Wall-Now this was neat, the lone surprise for me. 4/5
  • Cold Feet-Eh? 2/5
Total: 12/15

Total: 31/50
DouglasDouglasTechnical
  • Running-Has some neat elements that could be fun, but it would be nice if I could read it better. And what edition are we running here? What's the game? 3/5
  • Presentation-Wow, ok, formatting at all would be nice. Functional I suppose? That's all I can spare for points here. 1/5
  • Writing-Writing is functional. 3/5
Total: 7/15

Player
  • Play-Dream stuff is always fun but potentially inconsequential to how games work, but I feel players would enjoy this. 4/5
  • Read-Nope. Not much to read at all. 2/5
  • Creative-The elements of the dream stuff is fun. Some of the ingredients are interesting. 4/5
Total: 10/15

Audience
  • Newly-Born Dragon Hatchling-Neat stuff, overall. 3/5
  • Swan Pond-I kind of liked this, a neat take. 4/5
  • Moldy Wall-Eh? 2/5
  • Cold Feet-Also eh. 2/5
Total: 11/15

Total: 28/50
CarnageTechnical
  • Running-Could be interesting with that ending but the rest is hard to read in this formatting. Also what game? What edition? What DCs? Give us something. 2/5
  • Presentation-Criminey, no. Format and separate! Break things up for us 1/5
  • Writing-Writing is less than satisfactory in places. 2/5
Total: 5/15

Player
  • Play-Elements of this could be cool, and players would enjoy the ending. 3/5
  • Read-Nothing to be read at all. 1/5
  • Creative-Nothing really creative here to stand out. 2/5
Total: 6/15

Audience
  • Newly-Born Dragon Hatchling-Ominous ending, but fairly predictable. 3/5
  • Swan Pond-Not much here to care about but functional. 2/5
  • Moldy Wall-Same. 2/5
  • Cold Feet-What? 1/5
Total: 8/15

Total: 19/50
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Last edited by Inem; 11-02-2019 at 02:38 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment
  #14  
Old 11-02-2019, 02:37 PM
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With a flash of arcane energy, the 'Honorable' Chairman reappears in the arena. "Now then, this concludes the first match. You have waited long enough. Let us see what the judges make of your creations. But first things first...I'm afraid it looks like all four of you manage to prepare something. Good for all of you. Unfortunate news for someone else...". The Chairman looks to the shadows, where the outline of a fifth figure was looming. The chains binding them suddenly tighten at a gesture from the creature running this show, and in an instant, the silhouette is pulled into the arena's floor by its bonds...with something telling you that it isn't just being delivered to the basement.

"As for the rest of you...well, I'll make it quick. Two of you could have stood to read the rules more carefully and pay closer attention to the ingredients." There is a thud, as the 'Honorable' Chairman stomps his staff on the floor of the arena. And a moment later, two of the competitors have stopped moving. Silk stands there, unmoving, his form calcified in the pose he was holding. Meanwhile, DouglasDouglas has found himself covered in a white-metallic layer, becoming a statue made of titanium.

"Now then...that means that the other two of you shall be stuck here a while longer. Prepare yourselves, for your next battle is about to begin..."

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Record
Last year's finalist Unko Talok takes first place in Match 1, while newcomer Drager was not far behind, in second.
 

Last edited by Inem; 11-02-2019 at 06:56 PM.
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