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  #1  
Old 10-20-2019, 06:26 AM
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Round 1; Match 3: Gaijin vs ParcivalFair vs savoylen vs Yuul (vs GeneT)

Round 1; Match 3: Gaijin vs ParcivalFair vs savoylen vs Yuul (vs GeneT)

Quote:
Originally Posted by The 'Honorable' Chairman
right-aligned image
"Well, well, what do we have here?" The earth rumbles before spitting the four of you out into a broad open area covered with sand made of iron grit. How did you get buried underground in the first place? Who knows? It doesn't matter now, for onyx stands surrounding the battlefield are full of spectators that for some reason you just can't quite make out in detail... but you can hear all of them jeering and hooting as each of the first contestants are introduced. And beware, for in the shadow lurks a fifth competitor, chained but ready to be unleashed the moment a single one of you falters.

Here you will battle on the iron sands, under the watchful eyes of of the great and honorable judges:
  • Bhelogan
  • Sassafrass
  • Melchior
Gesturing to four heaping tables with his staff, the Chairman proclaims: As has happened many times before, and must happen again, you will now face off against each other! Only by using the following four ingredients,
  • A non-standard Golem
  • A Broken Crown
  • A Pot of Petunias
  • Ability
and crafting an encounter with your own talents, can you hope to survive! Two of you will be fortunate enough to be eliminated, a reprieve you each will treasure by the time your time here is done. The other two will be forced to advance into Round 2!


Let the Dungeon Mastering....BEGIN!!
Rules
  • You are to write an encounter using the four items / concepts above. All rules found here are to be followed.
  • The guidelines for the Judges' scoring can be found here. An "encounter" is specifically referencing a single battle, confrontation, or other situation for a group of PCs to come up against, and (hopefully) overcome. It should be something that can be a special, unique, focal point of a campaign.
  • The entry is to be no longer than 1,500 words, which includes *everything* you put into the post. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word counter is highly recommended.
  • Please make a simple post in this thread when you first read it, to let the judges know have seen it, and that you are on board. It doesn't have to be anything more than "read!", or something like that, though roleplaying it is also perfectly acceptable! Do not edit this post after making it; when it comes time to post your entry, do that in a second, separate post.
  • You have 7 days from the time this post is made to complete and submit your entry (in a new post; don't edit your first post!). It is not expected that you use all this time - the extra time has been given to ensure that, no matter what your timezone, your schedule, your sleep habits, your work or student life, or emergencies that could crop up, you should have ample time to complete your entry. Posting when you are done, and not waiting until the end, is also recommended, and rewarded.
  • You should post your entry into this thread within the generous timeframe, and ensure it is secreted (to the above judges) and spoilerbuttoned. Feel free to also PM your judges to let them know you have posted, if you wish. (DO NOT PM them your entry - just let them know your entry is submitted). If your post is not made within the 7 days, you will be automatically disqualified. If you have issues, be sure to PM Inem *before* your round is closed.
  • Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.

Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:10 AM.
  #2  
Old 10-20-2019, 10:59 AM
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"ṣ."

"Yeah."

"I need legs broken."

"How many?"

"Dunno. Least two. Maybe six ta be safe. Here the names."

"There are four names here."

"Legs don't have'ta be broken in pairs ṣ."

"Ah, right."

 
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  #3  
Old 10-20-2019, 02:53 PM
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Iron DM 2019 (Acknowledgement)"Sands? Again? Such a desolate landscape... when I have so much to share with the world...," the Polonium Challenger raspily bemoaned as freshly irradiated sand rained down around him. His dark, sunken eyes remained transfixed on the faceless crowds like a junkie desperate for its next fix...

"J... u... d... g... e... s..."

His attention drifted from the masses to those nearest him with such reluctance that he may as well have been trapped in molasses. Stepping forward left blackened, oozing glass with each footstep, which quickly cooled and cracked once free from his wretched aura. A sickly, silver-green hand reached forward toward the Petunias on the table, only for them to wither and die before the Polonium Challenger could get within arm's reach.

huuuuuuu.... A steady stream of hot air exhaled from his lungs disappointedly. His arm returned limply to his side; the flowers' rejection being both anticipated and unspeakably painful...

Speaking to no one, "Why do they always... run from me?... If... I could just touch them... they would understand my... love..."


-
Read and On board!

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  #4  
Old 10-20-2019, 11:56 PM
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The Barium Challenger Enters...

What have we gotten into?One moment things were dark, somehow an even mix of terrify and cozy all at once, the next he was moving up and up and up, spit forth from his terrifyingly cozy and apparently underground prison. Taking a few furtive steps forwards and checking himself over it is revealed that he is wearing an impossibly clean chef's uniform, albeit festooned with an incalculable amount of pockets and short hanging loops. A glittering array of knives, miscellaneous implements, bottles of spices whose names escape him but he knows in the back of his mind, maybe, what they do.

Another stumbling step has him looking all about, at the crowd he cannot focus on, the others around. There is a voice speaking, but it is...

Unimportant. Yes, that.

What is important are the tables heaping with otherworldly substances. He would be scratching his head right now if only for the fact that it would knock his perfectly shaped and pristine hat off. "-finately drank too much last night, need to fry up something greasy...

-this do?"
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  #5  
Old 10-21-2019, 11:06 AM
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Time & Place

He still felt it, sometimes. Still felt he could see through it. His right eye was gone, though, taken as payment for services rendered, and anything he saw could be nothing but phantom images.

Still, he could swear that sometimes, when his focus slipped and he gave into daydreaming, that lost eye reported back to him a number of disorienting images: an arena, filled with black metallic sand; a table, laden with a bizarre and random array of objects, some of which seemed to be little more than mental concepts; a person, speaking to themselves; a confused man in a hat; a monster of a humanoid, shedding sand and pulsing with soft blue energy. And at the head of them all, a shell of a man with a staff, demanding they each take part in a battle.

And when he dreamed that night, that battle played out in his mind, unbidden visuals from his missing right eye. He had no choice but to take part, it would seem. Such was the nature of it all.


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  #6  
Old 10-21-2019, 09:06 PM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:08 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
  #7  
Old 10-21-2019, 11:37 PM
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AcknowledgementPulling himself from the iron grit, Savoy Len sees that the others are already gathered. ~Is it possible to both desire the coming battle yet be in angst of it.~ It would seem so. Savoy doesnt sense it from the others yet, perhaps it is there.

Savoy dusted the last of the tailings from his leather duster, standing tall.

It was time.
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  #8  
Old 10-24-2019, 12:18 AM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:09 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
  #9  
Old 10-24-2019, 04:16 PM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:09 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
  #10  
Old 10-25-2019, 06:51 AM
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Last edited by Inem; 10-27-2019 at 09:10 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
  #11  
Old 10-29-2019, 09:28 PM
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Last edited by Inem; 11-02-2019 at 02:44 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment!
  #12  
Old 10-30-2019, 12:10 PM
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Scores
CategoryGeneTsavoylenGaijinYuul
DM Perspective / The Technical*(15 points)12131213
a. How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure?*(5 points)4545
b. How well is the scenario/adventure presented?*(5 points)4444
c. How well is the scenario/adventure written?*(5 points)4444
Player Perspective / The Story*(15 points)12111312
a. What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?*(5 points)4354
b. Is the story interesting to read?*(5 points)4444
c. How creative is the scenario/adventure?*(5 points)4444
Audience Perspective / The Ingredients*(15+ points)20101710
a. How well was the ingredient used?*(5 points each)20101710
Total Points44344235



GeneT
Good thing you stepped up here, even with being an alternate. Eclipse Phase is not a system I am familiar with, so I had to do a bit of digging to figure out what some of the terminologies were. Sci-fi isn’t my personal favorite cup of tea for RPGs, but it does hold appeal overall. As an encounter, basically we have an auction situation, where the players need to get the goods at any cost. There is enough substance around the auction to let a GM run it, and not have to create too much counter material. Given that this is an encounter pulled out of context for a game, those characters probably have enough other background and hooks to throw in other pieces. This doesn’t get me jumping out of my chair in excitement by any means but is a solid entry non-the less. Overall, a nice job.
savoylen
Another sci-fi setting, with some rules to adapt to D&D 5E. The encounter itself is constrained in such a way that it would be pretty easy to run. The biggest issue I have with this, is how the ingredients are used. With the exception of the Petunia, they are almost entirely in the backstory of why the encounter was setup, but not actually something the players are going to run-into, or maybe even ever discover. In cooking terms, it would be like hiding that healthy brokenly, by grinding it up and mixing it into the dough used for pizza crust. It doesn’t really stand out and isn’t featured. The other issue and this is not unique to your entry, is the context of this round was to describe an encounter. This was setup more as a small adventure with several encounters in it. Not the worst offender, but something to keep in mind.

Gaijin
WordCounter.net had you come in at exactly 1500 words. Way to cut it close! I might be an outlier hear, but all the fancy table formatting I found to be distracting. It made it hard to focus on the text bellow all the headers, where the real meat of the encounter lies. The ‘adventure’ itself was setup reasonably well. I call it an adventure, because the objective here was an encounter. I understand there needs to be some setup, but the meat of the word count should have been used to create a well-defined encounter. The fight with the golem was really the encounter here that could have been fleshed out more. As is, we have some intriguing mechanics given for combat, which I do enjoy and give kudos for.
Yuul
WordCounter.net had you come in at exactly 1500 words. Twice that happens in one round of competition? Unheard of! So, we have an adventure to setup a showdown with a golem, possessed or powered by Bennie’s consciousness. The combat and encounter here are straight forward, and the scope of what you tried to address for the ‘encounter’, as defined by the criteria of this round, I think was about right. The biggest critique here is similar to I gave savoylen, with how the ingredients were used. Apart from the golem in this case, most of them were background use, to setup the encounter, but not showcased in a way that the players are likely to even realize they are there.
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Last edited by Inem; 11-02-2019 at 02:43 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment!
  #13  
Old 11-01-2019, 04:37 AM
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GeneTTechnical
  • Running-A pretty straightforward scenario with suitable hooks for multiple types of parties. Good stuff here. 5/5
  • Presentation-Inoffensive, it doesn't stand out either. 3/5
  • Writing-Part of what keeps me from Eclipse Phase is the faux-science/tech speak. This is very Eclipse Phase, so my eyes glaze over the more I see hashtags. Otherwise functional. 2/5
Total: 10/15

Player
  • Play-It's the kind of scenario I'd love to sink my teeth into. I dig it, the scenario, and the potential for flavor injected by both player and DM. 5/5
  • Read-From a strictly story perspective and despite my previous complaints, it reads fairly well. 4/5
  • Creative-I think the way elements are incorporated is quite clever and presses a lot of my buttons, so good job on that. Players would love this, I think. 4/5
Total: 13/15

Audience
  • Non-Standard Golem-Non-standard enough to make me like it. Could use some more flavor I think to make me feel for it one way or another, but overall good stuff. 4/5
  • Broken Crown-Gonna be honest, those sure are words there, but if I have to reread something so many times to understand it, that's not a good sign. 2/5
  • Pot of Petunias-Now this I love. Yes. Yes. Everything about this and how it relates to the other Lot is great. 5/5
  • Ability-I think I more disliked the Ingredient than how you used it, so I can't fault you for Inem's smelly feet. It works. 3/5
Total: 14/15

Total Score: 37/50
savoylenTechnical
  • Running-That you make it accessible for multiple systems is fantastic, so A+ there. Would be fun to run. Love how open-ended the questions at the end are. 4/5
  • Presentation-Inoffensive but the formatting of the Encounter and Zones section isn't really up to snuff. 2/5
  • Writing-Very straight-forward and easy to read. 4/5
Total: 10/15

Player
  • Play-I think this would be fun to play, lots of flavor to sink your teeth into and approachable multiple ways. 4/5
  • Read-A fun read for players, which is a sign of good writing if the GM and player sections work that way. 4/5
  • Creative-A lot of the creativity works for me, some of it doesn't, see below for full details. 3/5
Total: 11/15

Audience
  • Non-Standard Golem-Was not my favorite thing in the world, but it was neat enough. 3/5
  • Broken Crown-Didn't like it. 1/5
  • Pot of Petunias-Loved this, meanwhile. This was fun. 5/5
  • Ability-Also loved this. Great effect and characterization of NPCs through this. 5/5
Total: 14/15

Total: 35/50
GaijinYou may have dropped out, but I'm going to say words.

Technical
  • Running-Seems a pretty straight-forward adventure with some cool elements. 4/5
  • Presentation-HOLY CRAP. This is the prettiest damn thing I've ever seen in Iron DM. I'd give more points here but HOLY CRAP. 5(00)/5
  • Writing-Writing is clear and uses the formatting to maximum effect, but could have more flavor in it. 3/5
Total: 12/15

Player
  • Play-If the party has a vested interest in the adventure this is a great one, but the hook doesn't strike me as one that's going to get everyone, so I dunno. 3/5
  • Read-A good read, pretty straightforward with a neat story, or neat enough anyway, and all the info you need to understand. 4/5
  • Creative-Creative in a lot of ways, but I feel like the flavor could have made the difference here. 3/5
Total: 10/15

Audience
  • Non-Standard Golem-Hell. Yes. 4/5
  • Broken Crown-Has a lot of potential for cool. 4/5
  • Pot of Petunias-Meh? 2/5
  • Ability-Slightly less meh. 3/5
Total: 13/15

Total: 35/50
YuulTechnical
  • Running-Could be pretty straightforward to run, shows promise. 3/5
  • Presentation-Very sleak, very shiny. 5/5
  • Writing-Writing was good but dense, flavorful though. 4/5
Total: 12/15

Player
  • Play-Lots of player options, I feel like, and a nice little adventure to play through. 4/5
  • Read-Fun potential for reading, with names players would probably be into, so good stuff there. 4/5
  • Creative-Could use some more dark fantasy elements for my taste, but it worked well with what it has. 3/5
Total: 11/15

Audience
  • Non-Standard Golem-I guessed it so I guess I'm not too impressed. Neat spin on it though. 3/5
  • Broken Crown-It works. 3/5
  • Pot of Petunias-Literal worked better than figurative. 3/5
  • Ability-Multifacted, this worked like a theme. Good work on this, I think. 4/5
Total: 13/15

Total: 36/50
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Last edited by Inem; 11-02-2019 at 02:43 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment!
  #14  
Old 11-02-2019, 02:42 PM
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With a rumble, the iron grit sand splits open, and the 'Honorable' Chairman calmly levitates upward, somehow emerging entirely pristine despite where he came from. "Now, for our third match...it appears one of you did not manage to produce anything. There is only one response to that in my arena." The Chairman lifts his staff, and spiked chains spring forth from the ground, violently grappling Parzival Fair and pulling them under the iron grit. "Fortunately, another is here to seize this opportunity." At a gesture, the shadows part and GeneT find themselves now in the main light of the arena, like the other remaining competitors, the chains that had kept them in place dropping to the arena floor. "Unfortunately, now another one of you has to bow out at the last minute. A sad development, as I can see the judges liked your entry. Oh well, there is nothing to be done." The master of these battles slams his staff down onto the iron grit, and a pulse of arcane energy washes over everyone standing in the arena. Two people are unaffected, but Gaijin and savoylen are not. In the wake of the pulse, Gaijin has become a statue of some sort of rough, silvery metal, which almost seems to pulse with an energy of its own, and savoylen, strangely enough, appears to have frozen in place, their entire skin having taken on the texture of a banana.

"Well done to you two. It appears this is the match of second chances. Now, prepare yourselves, for the next round is almost upon us..."

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Record
Our hopeful, GeneT, swoops into first in Match 3, followed by Yuul, who get a second chance of their own due to Gaijin's last minute withdrawal.
 
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