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  #1  
Old 11-03-2019, 04:13 AM
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Round 2; Match 3: GeneT vs Astra

Round 2; Match 3: GeneT vs Astra

Quote:
Originally Posted by The 'Honorable' Chairman
right-aligned image
Simultaneously, in two different arenas, where contestants were just realizing they had moved on to the next round, a huge explosion occurs, and the world becomes red around them. At first it might seem like fire, or blinding light, but eventually they realize that there is no heat, and it isn't going away. As their eyes adjust, they find themselves standing in an endless expanse of red. Just them, and another contestant. And the Chairman, who knows when he showed up, but then again, someone must have folded reality of two explosions into each other for them to now face off, because neither competitor feels like they have moved from where they last stood.

"I hope you are ready. For if you aren't, this is likely the end of the road for you." Despite the red void in all directions clearly being endless, there appear to be obsidian stands beyond the nothingness once again. Any steps taken towards them, however, just seem to move the stands back by exactly that much, and so they never grow closer, or farther away.

Here you will battle in the red nothingness, under the watchful eyes of of the great and honorable judges:
  • PIG
  • Raylorne
  • Squeak
Gesturing to two heaping tables with his staff, the Chairman proclaims: As has happened many times before, and must happen again, you will now face off against each other! Only by using the following five ingredients,
  • A Blood Pudding
  • A Morbid Doctor
  • A Clockwork Apple
  • An Asylum
  • The Last Thing Anybody Wants
and crafting an adventure with your own talents, can you hope to survive! One of you will be fortunate enough to be eliminated, a reprieve you each will treasure by the time your time here is done. The other will be forced to advance to the semi-finals!


Let the Dungeon Mastering....BEGIN!!
Rules
  • You are to write an adventure using the five items / concepts above. All rules found here are to be followed.
  • The guidelines for the Judges' scoring can be found here.
  • The entry is to be no longer than 2000 words, which includes *everything* you put into the post. Judges are instructed to stop reading at that time, or to deduct points if you go over. The use of a spell check and word counter is highly recommended.
  • Please make a simple post in this thread when you first read it, to let the judges know have seen it, and that you are on board. It doesn't have to be anything more than "read!", or something like that, though roleplaying it is also perfectly acceptable! Do not edit this post after making it; when it comes time to post your entry, do that in a second, separate post.
  • You have 7 days from the time this post is made to complete and submit your entry (in a new post; don't edit your first post!). It is not expected that you use all this time - the extra time has been given to ensure that, no matter what your timezone, your schedule, your sleep habits, your work or student life, or emergencies that could crop up, you should have ample time to complete your entry. Posting when you are done, and not waiting until the end, is also recommended, and rewarded.
  • You should post your entry into this thread within the generous timeframe, and ensure it is secreted (to the above judges) and spoilerbuttoned. Feel free to also PM your judges to let them know you have posted, if you wish. (DO NOT PM them your entry - just let them know your entry is submitted). If your post is not made within the 7 days, you will be automatically disqualified. If you have issues, be sure to PM Inem *before* your round is closed.
  • Once posted, do not edit your entry. The use of the "preview" function is thus also highly recommended.
  #2  
Old 11-03-2019, 10:28 AM
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Curiously, I find myself in this place. I've all my parts. Trust me. I've checked. Twice patting myself down before realizing that indeed I am whole.

"ṣ. ṣ?"

Shaking my head, I look up at the dead of the Honorable Chairman with a weak and small smile. I had made this bargain with ṣ and one would think by now I would've learned that asking favors of the trickster God is a queer and dangerous thing. She never responds to such prayers unless some other desire hides behind her green gold eyes.

And now I find myself a pawn of her meandering fancy. Trapped in some minor game she momentarily delights in until she looses interest and strips it all away. I have nothing left to do and try not to swallow and gulp air at the realization of my error least those present notice my trepidation and, worse, I prematurely bore ṣ.

"Here," I squeak as if a school-boy answering roll-call, hand raised when none is needed, trying not to squirm as the Chairman's dry face moves imperceptibly until his empty sockets settle upon my meager face.

I can wish no more favors from ṣ. She will give none.
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  #3  
Old 11-03-2019, 07:08 PM
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Astra lands on foot rather than face, this time. She cracks her knuckles, neck, spine, toes, and nose in a most grotesque fashion and starts scribbling furiously.
  #4  
Old 11-08-2019, 08:58 PM
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Last edited by Inem; 11-10-2019 at 11:09 AM. Reason: Revealing Entry!
  #5  
Old 11-10-2019, 08:35 AM
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Timeline was just a bit too compressed for me, it seems. I concede defeat
  #6  
Old 11-11-2019, 05:47 PM
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Scores
CategoryGeneT
DM Perspective / The Technical*(15 points)10
a. How easy would it be to run this scenario/adventure?*(5 points)4
b. How well is the scenario/adventure presented?*(5 points)4
c. How well is the scenario/adventure written?*(5 points)2
Player Perspective / The Story*(15 points)7
a. What would this scenario/adventure be like to play?*(5 points)4
b. Is the story interesting to read?*(5 points)1
c. How creative is the scenario/adventure?*(5 points)2
Audience Perspective / The Ingredients*(25+ points) 
a. How well was the ingredient used?*(5 points each)12
Blood Pudding2
A Morbid Doctor4
A Clockwork Apple2
An Asylum2
Last Thing anyone wants2
Total Points29



GeneT
Well, you are moving forward either way, but here are some recommendations from a judge.

The formatting was great. Easy to follow, with lots of detail. The problem I have is that the formatting dominated everything. I like structure, but as a DM this was force fed to me.

I felt that you spent so much time making it playable that you didn't build as much depth as I'd like to see. In an ideal world we'd have both, but this time it was all playability and not enough story. I rarely ask for less structure -- but in this case, that's what I'd like. You should have shortened the hooks, conclusion and ramping up and given us more meaty bits.

The structure made me feel like the ingredients were forced. You listed them out, but I wasn't enamored with any of them. Always ask yourself if the theme ingredients are integral to your story and whether or not they could be used as something else.

Anyway, congrats and look forward to seeing your work next round!

Last edited by Inem; 11-17-2019 at 02:43 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment!
  #7  
Old 11-15-2019, 07:14 AM
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Last edited by Inem; 11-17-2019 at 02:43 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment!
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Old 11-15-2019, 03:47 PM
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Irminsul : The Blackened Oak by GeneT

If it was me against Astra, I would have been a bit worried judging on her last entry. But once I read your entry I have to admit that you would have given her something to fight for.

I've never heard of Symbaroum before so I had to do some reading to I could fully appreciate your entry and not misjudge something because I didn't fully understand the setting. Yet you really lay out the game very well for me and I understood it's major themes and what you were going for in it's unique game mechanics, regardless. Style, laying things out, balance is all there! This is so important. On Technical you get really high marks for sure.

I thought Story and Ingredients can perhaps be tweaked and made better, but very easily. Judging by your writing talent and mind for organization I think you can do this quite easily on the next round. The story wasn't particularly different. Originality is something that really gets me going. Use the ingredients and their inheritable strangeness to your advantage to make the adventure something I've never seen before in a game. You do this and I think you'll go far. As a contestant I would sometimes fall too deeply into creativity and clever usage of the ingredient, failing in clarity and balance. I am not worried that you would fall prey to the same mistake. Take a little more risk and move the ingredient in more. I think you're fully capable in doing it.

I have been trying to do a full point system for the entry but I'm running out of time and you won by default, so I hope I helped you enough by just commenting on what I liked/disliked about it.

Good luck and carry on!
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Last edited by Inem; 11-17-2019 at 02:43 PM. Reason: Revealing Judgment!
  #9  
Old 11-17-2019, 02:42 PM
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The red nothingness everywhere around the contestants suddenly begins to boil, with bubbles forming next to them and infinitely far away at the same time. Then, suddenly, as if it hadn't just been behaving like a liquid, the redness is solid...for if it wasn't solid, how could it melt away the next moment? And how, if it hadn't melted away, leaving the contestants once more standing in the iron grit sand of the original arena, could a puddle of it form into the 'Honorable' Chairman.

"Well well, it seems someone either has luck on their side or an ancient trickster being. We'll see if you'll be able to pay the bill for all of this once the time comes...but for now, another of your opponents has had to withdraw." The 'Honorable' Chairman gestures with his staff, and a moment later more chains spring forth to grab Astra, pulling them beneath the iron grit sand. Not the first time GeneT has seen this happen...

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Record
GeneT advances by default due to forfeit.
 

Last edited by Inem; 11-17-2019 at 02:44 PM.
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