#16
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Book Eaters ... nobody is saying you aren't cool. But there is something in the goblin world known as the "One Left" tattoo. There all sizes, designs, and sorts of variations of it--some are classic and have been inked for generations, some are trendy, and some (particularly the one that was all the rage a few years ago with buttercups and stink bugs, but which ended up looking like a sunflower with an STD) are probably regrets to their wearers. And these tats, one design excepted, are nearly gob-universally regarded as ultimate cool. It's not just the design, it's the fact that the only goblins who wear them are ones who have lost all but one of their lives. "Shed fast" is their motto. "Live as if there is no countdown." But here's a counterpoint ... most of those goblins lost their lives falling into soup bowls, struck by lightning, or biting red-tongue snakes. There are hardly any "4" gobs who left their life in Frog & Toad Swamp ... and BlisterBark is all about letting you know how cool that is. "I mean, like that soul is eternally being digested in frog acid!" he says, shaking his head in reverence and disbelief. "Fall-foliage frog acid," he adds, seeing if you approve of his badass swear word. In fact, the event has so inspired him ... that he resumes skipping along from joy, oblivious to how fall-foliage it makes him look. And so you continue, skips and all, until you come to mountain foothills, and the promise of a long, difficult climb. Or is it? Off to the left of the road is a small hut with a patchwork quilt of material that seems to capture and contain the very air! At the base of this quilt is a basketry of reeds and wood, and a bearded goblin standing and looking at you. Off to the right of the road is a larger structure with a strange metallic wagon and slender metallic lines running from it and up toward the mountaintop. By the structure is another bearded goblin, who looks very similar to the one across the road. Do you proceed onward or stop to talk to one of the goblins? Before you can decide, some type of force seems to take hold of Blisterbark mid-skip and throws him onto the ground. He squirms and screams and pleads with you, "Help me get it out of my head! It's saying: This announcement post was sent out to the entire realm in 2024 to ask for nominations for the esteemed hall of honor and fame. Find this post and identify the correct due date for nominations!"
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Last edited by bananabadger; Apr 5th, 2024 at 02:30 AM. |
#17
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Rime of the Frostmaiden | What Can Good Girls Do for the Devil? Nothing Ever Happens in the North | Coppernight Hold | Gates of Paradise Anya | Mercy | Jane | Bingle | Josie | Strip-the-Willow | The Bwbach The Amazing RPG Race | Exquisite Corpse Last edited by lostcheerio; Apr 6th, 2024 at 02:01 AM. |
#18
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"Oh, thanks," Pimplepop says with an audible sigh of relief. And he's feeling well enough to move a bit away from the group and inspect the goblin's move-up-the-mountain contraption. The goblin doesn't seem to recognize Pimplepop as royalty, and so gives him a slightly distrustful look. "He's not going to try to start it up, is he?" he asks Bug Guts, and then turns to stare at him a disbelieving look when Bug Guts mentions riding the T-Rex. "Look, I think we're done here. My gobdola as you call it is closed for technical inspection today. You can either walk up the mountain or see if my brother Jerry will take you up in his death-trap," he says dismissively, putting himself between Pimplepop and the machine. And that's when he finally has time to register what Mim had been saying. "Gobdoling my way, very funny!" he laughs, with spit flying every which way. "You're into tattoos, are you?" he adds, rolling up his sleeve and showing off a saggy flesh of gob skin littered with tattoos of all sorts. There's an elf queen and a centaur king doing ... goodness knows what up in the clouds, but it's hard to make out with the skin adding in new dimensions of flaps and folds. But the numbers are clearer, somewhat. There are definitely some fours that are crossed out, several more threes and twos with lines through them, and a few numbers that could be ones or might be sevens ... again, the flapping of the skin makes it hard to tell. "Ohhhh ... I got all sorts of numbers. Lived an interesting life. Lost a few, then gained a few. Ghost kittens, card games, fey-pacts ... yep. I've seen some things," he says, staring off into the distance before turning back to your group and kicking a rock in front of him. "But I'm not going to see you up the mountain. Technical inspection! " And with that, he goes into his wicker-woven house and slams his door. On the other side of the trail, another goblin watches all of this and snickers. "Technical inspection, ha!" he snorts. "That thing never had an inspection becuse ol' Barry there knows it would never pass an inspection. The only thing his scrap of junk is fit for is a bleeding-heart firbolg with a death wish! Now, gobbos, what do you say to a ride in my balloon?" But before you can answer, all your conversation is drowned out by a painful scream. "Arrgh! "Pimplepop screams. "It's back! It's saying: These bookworms discussed a demon copperhead snake for a month! Find the original post of this discussion!"
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Last edited by bananabadger; Apr 6th, 2024 at 10:26 PM. |
#19
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DMing: Fey Ghosts of Saltmarsh
DMed: Battle of the Bards, Banshee Bride, NPSG, Clockwork Sienna, The Witch is Dead Playing: Ozbox Souptoot Played: Fioravanti-Anya-Ripper-Malyth, Ingetrude Frostblossom, Myrrh the Burned, Primble Thorne, Ozbox, Ferrar, Burnapolia Bronkus Last edited by Fillyjonk; Apr 7th, 2024 at 08:17 PM. |
#20
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The Prince calms down immediately when he's told about the book club. "But why doesn't Kingsolver do the detective books?" he asks, shaking his head. "That would taste right, wouldn't it?" He continues to be perplexed as he crawls into the hot air balloon basket, all the way up until the time when he realizes what type of question he has about the other author's name, and then he just snorts and grins as he waits. But he doesn't have to wait long! Jerry is literally fired up and ready to go with his balloon and takes off as soon as the Book Eaters are ready. Sure, he's a grumpy old sort, but his mood lightens the higher the balloon climbs. Soon, he's talking about old voyages that he took along with his brother, and sometimes with Gpoe the great goblin traveler. "Once, Gpoe, Barry and I landed in this land where these creatures were part leopard, part gazelle, and all neck! You wouldn't believe it if you saw them! And they had these goblin heads that grew out of their chests, but spoke only in elf language. Can you believe that?" As he starts another one of his tales, Prince Pimplepop seems to have switched from laughing about Charles Dick-ins and begins to scream as he cowers at the floor of the basket. Jerry stops his story and looks down at the Prince with a concerned expression as he asks: "Voices?" "Yeah!" Prince Pimplepop whines. "And they are asking: This February post of the month nomination was put forward by a site member with an ungainly username for a game focused on Appalachian Gods and funerals. What does that mean?" "Hmmm, I don't remember the answer to that question, though I do remember the question," Jerry responds. "Barry and I used to get those real bad. Let's see ... did you get these questions: There is one continuous recruitment game where players strive for solo attempts at glory. Find the most recent post within their designated spot for idle chatter, empty bragging, lame jokes (and introductions) or This open roleplaying game consists of two types of people: 1. The Mastermind: Is the person who has a secret word for everyone else to guess and 2. The Players: Everyone trying to guess the secret word. Find the first post explaining the rules of this game!?" "No ..." Pimplepop answers. "But ... but now I hear those questions, too!" he adds, rolling himself into a ball and covering his ears. "Hmmm," is all Jerry can think to say. Besides, Jerry has just realized he has neglected his captain duties and the balloon has gone a tad bit--a whole hex bit--off course. "Oh, no! It's those darned pteranodarndons!" he shouts, waving his fist at a group of clouds. Or ... are they clouds? As you look over the balloon's basket you see a lone mountain standing in the center of a barren plain. The mountain reaches up to the sky, higher than your flght path, where clouds circle its summit in a lazy dance. On closer inspection, it almost seems like the clouds are in the shape of some great dino-bird ... and soon you realize they are--not just in the shape of, but actually are great dino-birds. A few of them dive bomb the balloon as Jerry yells at them: "Darn wispy wrens! Leave me be!" Hearing his voice, a few of the cloud pteranodons playfully swoop over you. There are gobbo-kiddo nursery rhymes about these birds ... and the goblins who dared to mount and fly them.
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Last edited by bananabadger; Apr 8th, 2024 at 10:13 PM. |
#21
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Last edited by AnotherDragoon; Apr 9th, 2024 at 11:50 AM. |
#22
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As if seeking to prove that they are not mere brutish mounts, the pteranodons fly in lazy, circular paths that also make frequent rises and falls. But even with these graceful circumventions, they still move quickly through the air, each of them bringing a goblin to a soft, safe landing at the top of the mountain. It is beautiful. The view allows you to see much of the surrounding landscape, but not too far as other mountain tops--though not quite as tall as the one you are on--obscure some of the view. It is warmer than you might expect. A breeze blows scents of mountain flowers and old goblin. Only now do you realize that Barry has apparently canceled his technical inspection and decided to drive his contraption up the mountain himself. He smiles, waves and shouts over to you. "It's the dwarves, I think. You're probably wondering what that unpleasant smell is, right? Dwarves. They're digging in the mountain and releasing all sorts of heat and carbon and fumes that's warming up our land. Can't just let things be, can they? And then those gnomes ... don't get me started on them! Trying to bring back the seasons and the natural order with a bunch of mumbo-jumbo hand-holding stuff that only makes things worse!" He's quite agitated, and tries to calm himself down. "Sorry. Sorry. Used to be when the Old Wise Goblin sat up here, I could come talk to her and she'd set me straight. But she's been gone for many years and now it's just me and my brother, and--by all the mud that's holy--my brother sure has messed up in his mind what the Old Wise Goblin taught us. Phooey!" He pauses and looks around. It is peaceful, almost silent. In fact, the loudest sounds are of cloud pteranodons grooming their fluffy feathers and of a young goblin writing a message in the ground with a stick. "It doesn't seem to hurt as much if I write it down," he says, looking up at any goblin who comes over to see what he is doing. But even if he isn't screaming, his writing is frenetic. Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation! Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation!Find the post from the big man himself… and in it you’ll find the amount raised for the 12th annual RPGX charity drive! List this post, the exact amount raised, and the total amount raised over the past 12 years for the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation! Barry walks over to the Prince, looks down and frowns with something akin to pity. "One of those is he, a quest giver?" the old goblin asks before trying to distract Prince Pimplepop by picking up a stick and adding in the mud-ground equivalent of marginalia, saucy drawings of centaurs and a swamp monster at the edges of Pimplepop's desperate scribbles. "But it sure is peaceful up here, isn't it, Prince? Now, did you bring these goblins up here to collect mountain flowers, go birding, gather toad-stool specimens ... or, wait how didn't I see it earlier? Are you here to get formally married with a romantic view? I'm certified you know! Sent off to that ad back in the Mossy Stone Magazine and got my Goblin-Cleric certification, Dominion of Matrimony! So what will it be?" Looking around, you see it is, indeed, beautiful. And Barry, indeed, seems eager to perform a ceremony. But ... there doesn't seem to be any T-Rex dino nest, nor is there a nest from which to steal a golden egg.
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#23
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Rime of the Frostmaiden | What Can Good Girls Do for the Devil? Nothing Ever Happens in the North | Coppernight Hold | Gates of Paradise Anya | Mercy | Jane | Bingle | Josie | Strip-the-Willow | The Bwbach The Amazing RPG Race | Exquisite Corpse Last edited by lostcheerio; Apr 10th, 2024 at 05:35 PM. |
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"Terror lizard? You mean a T-Rex? You want a T-Rex egg? Why you crazy kids are a sight to behold, aren't you! Reminds me of some of the adventures Jerry, Gpoe and I got up to! One time, Gpoe got this quest in his head for us to go find some dragon skulls, so we flew 7 days in Jerry's stupid death trap ... or was it 9 ... hmmm, maybe 8 ... or ..." Jerry pauses, lost in thought.
It's enough of a break for the Book Eaters to be able to concentrate on their search. And with Pimplepop's latest question answered, there is complete serenity ... except for the small hiss of steam coming from below the ground. As Mim looks everywhere but at that hiss of steam, Shaz and Bug Guts follow it, through a pile of rocks, into a cavernous opening and into a dark cave with a pleasant reptilian odor, the breathings of a large creature and the slight sheen of a golden egg in the dark. Slowly, before you, two eyes begin to open and begin to scan the cavern, but don't seem to register your presence. They shut again ... and Shaz, you know the egg is yours for the taking. Just then you hear a voice behind you. "It was 7 days! I remember it now!" You can hear the sense of triumph in Jerry's voice. And after all, nothing is sweeter than something recalled after it seemed almost lost. "The young prince reminded me when he began asking ... what is it you were asking Prince Pimplepumpernickelpoppity? " "It wants to know: Are you an upper or a downer? Where is the scoreboard post for this open roleplaying game and who is currently winning?" Pimplepop says, almost apologetically. "I told him you Book Greeter-Meaters or whatchacallyourgobs would probably know the answer," Jerry shouts, because that is apparently how a gob makes itself heard in the dark. "Hey! What are we doing here? Are you going to steal Mary Agnes' egg? Why you doing that when you can just go down to the Dino Humane Shelter down the mountain," he asks, pointing--in the dark--to the direction that he takes to be northeast. But you could, Book Eaters. Shaz has positioned gobself perfectly and knows this egg is for the taking, even with the eyes just opening again in the dark. A swipe. A hop on the pteranodons and neither Jerry nor Barry is your uncle--thank gob.
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Last edited by bananabadger; Apr 11th, 2024 at 09:06 AM. |
#25
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#26
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Rime of the Frostmaiden | What Can Good Girls Do for the Devil? Nothing Ever Happens in the North | Coppernight Hold | Gates of Paradise Anya | Mercy | Jane | Bingle | Josie | Strip-the-Willow | The Bwbach The Amazing RPG Race | Exquisite Corpse Last edited by lostcheerio; Apr 12th, 2024 at 01:10 AM. |
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Chomp! Chomp! But only at the air.
Book Eaters, you skedaddle with the goods like the legendary egg-snatchers that you surely will become known as for generations to come! "Well, you did it, didn't you! That's just ..." Barry shouts before he sees a T-Rex emerge from the cave and decides whatever he was going to say is less important than racing back down the mountain on his T-Rex X-press. "That's a good lizard, Mary Agnes! Who's a good lizard? You are! You are!" he shouts over his shoulder as he starts up the engine. Mary Agnes, however, is no threat to you, Book Eaters. Sure, she roars and stomps. She wiggles her tail to register her disappointment. But she is having trouble even tilting her head to see you take off into the skies, let alone slash you with her claws or chomp you with her teeth. After the escape, your flight is uneventful--but only uneventful in terms of not being hunted by a T-Rex; after all, how could you describe flying through the air on a cloud pteranodon as uneventful? Especially since, yes, you would have been able to find an old skull and can now take sartorial adventuring to even higher levels. You also discover another wonderful surprise as you fly--the pteranodons are a gracious airlines. Jennifer doesn't bat a wispy eye as she accepts the egg and ensures it doesn't even wobble from its set place in her downy back, not even when she does graceful loopity-loops in the air. Graceful and puffy-faced
Your attempts to help the egg hatch seem to have an effect--cracks certainly appear and you can hear pecking noises, possibly more. After passing over a large structure with bodies and bottles strewn throughout the surrounding yard, you begin to fly over a forest and the pteranodons, though loyal and lovely, begin to flail in their strength. The descend in slow, easy spirals, taking turns in an orderly manner and landing in a small pool of water at the edge of forest where a figure stands and greets you. "Hark, twee green ones!" says an elf with a disgustingly, boringly traditionally handsome form as he steps forward and holds classical ballet position. "Have you arrived to frolic as the misty dew leaves the buds and then tiptoe through the tulips?" When he comes closer, you can see he is one of those--an elf from the enemy tribe. You know this because his face is puffy, swollen by bee stings, as are the faces of all members of his tribe, other than the Queen and the Honey Princess. The Great Goblins Beat Elves Battle
Book Eaters, you aren't big on lore. But maybe you ate a book and somehow imbued this. Or maybe, despite your best efforts, some traditional stories got through to you as they were told around the fireplace. They call their leader The Honey Queen
Generations ago, the goblin kingdom faced revolution. A small, splinter group of goblins decided their Queen was dorky (hey, it was the term they used at the time). Known in Goblin Lore as the Shtook Feeters for their unexplainable preference for dry feet and forest environs, these goblins used fake information, lies, cheating and bribery to somehow persuade a few others to rise up and rebel. Of course they lost, and the Queen gave them a punishment that fit their crime--she exiled them with a bunch of gold (so they would fight over it) to an icky forest northeast of Goblinopolis. Over years, the terrible conditions of the forest deformed the Shtook Feeters. Their feet grew smaller, their bodies were stretched out to unnatural portions, and their skin began to reek of forest material and turned a wide variety of different colors as it lost its healthy glow of green. For many years, there were no great battles between the two goblin tribes, but constant skirmishes across the land. Ten years after the great battle, an emissary from the Centaurs arrived with a proposal that the Queen and the Gowdnook Shtook (because none of these goblins deserved the name of "Queen") meet to arrange an eternal peace. Stupid idea, but how could the goblins resist a chance to mock and one-up the forest-flunkies in clever negotiations. The leaders met and signed a document in blood (by the other tribe's blood was already a disgusting red). And of course the clever Queen totally outfoxed the traitor. The new tribe had to be referred to by the derogatory term of "elves." The new tribe could never enter the goblin swampland (and all the goblins had to do was promise not to invade the forest--as if they would want it anyway!). And as a sign of amity (whatever), the two tribes promised to give one another a great gift every 10 years. The first gift was 10 years ago ... the Queen tricked the elves (ha! loser-name!) into accepting a hive of swamp bees. Of course they couldn't resist this reminder of their homeland, no matter what they claimed, and the head elf soon trained the hive to follow her voice. But ... because the elves had changed their bodies and their smells, the bees no longer recognized them as goblins and attacked all the others! For 10 years, no elf has walked this land without puffy lips, a puffy face, and welts from recent stings! In diplomatic terms, getting the elves to take this gift became known as honey-pot-shock diplomacy. The elves, in turn, gifted the Queen a stupid petty box carved from some stupid smelly wood. When it was opened, nothing came out. It was just an empty box of wood--this type of insulting tribute became known in diplomatic terms as "stupid elves bearing stupid gifts." Unrelated, soon after that, each year a goblin was born who began hearing voices in their head that would demand answers to questions or tasks. At first, of course, the goblins just ignored them. But then they discovered that these questions and quests would force others to find answers or go out and accomplish things lest they, too, began hearing voices. Nogob knows how this curse began. When Prince Pimplepop was born, it soon became apparent that he was a Quester, one who heard the cursed voices. The first years of his life his questions were easy to answer and seemed to be about basic goblin-life knowledge that a young goblin had not yet encountered. But they became more difficult. Royal gob scholars were assigned to find answers, and few Quest-Goblins were assigned to fulfill the tasks. All of this was kept secret, because of the shame that a Prince and possible future ruler might hear voices. But then, as goblins say, when things threaten to become bright--darkness can always be found! The Queen and her court realized that the 20th anniversary of the Great We Beat the Elves Battle was about to arrive. They proposed to the Centaur King to arrange another meeting and another gift-giving. The first one had gone so well, so why wouldn't the second go even better? The Queen has arrived for another gift-giving swindle!
And so the Queen and all her wise gobs came up with an idea ... they would steal back the hive they had gifted and simply regift it! It would technically meet the gifting requirements and also be a big nothing...just like the elves gave them 10 years ago. In diplomatic terms, this would be known as: In your puffy faces, elves! Well, things didn't go as planned, which they realized when a box arrived from the elves, not empty this time, but with three Quest-Goblin heads swimming in honey. Fortunately, Prince Pimplepop's illness provided inspiration for their next move when the voices came to him and asked: What is the most frightening animal around? Indeed, what was the most frightening animal, the goblin scholars asked ... and then recalled stories of a terrible creature that lived on the top of a mountain mysteriously called T-Rex Mountain. The idea was to send off Questers, have them bring back an egg, train the creature as an innocent-looking lizard who would kill on command--and who could be commanded only by the Queen. Obviously, it was a perfect and fool-proof plan, the goblin courtiers agreed. And, as of yet, nothing has proven otherwise. Hello? Are you my mother?
Of course, when Barry's messenger pigeon arrived, informing them that the goblins had arrived at the mountain-top and might not make it back in time, the Queen and her courtiers recognized that there could be a problem ... so they set off to intercept the group, crossing the mud river with only a few losses, and coming to the edge of the elf forest just in time to see the cloud pteranodons arrive. "My questers!" the Queen proclaims when she sees you land, "and dear poopsy-woopsy! Follow in line ... and watch your Queen triumph over these nasty, rebellious creatures." Every goblin knows what happened next, because it was recorded forever in the Great Goblin Epic. And what a tale it is!
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Last edited by bananabadger; Apr 14th, 2024 at 01:57 AM. |
#28
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DMing: Fey Ghosts of Saltmarsh
DMed: Battle of the Bards, Banshee Bride, NPSG, Clockwork Sienna, The Witch is Dead Playing: Ozbox Souptoot Played: Fioravanti-Anya-Ripper-Malyth, Ingetrude Frostblossom, Myrrh the Burned, Primble Thorne, Ozbox, Ferrar, Burnapolia Bronkus Last edited by Fillyjonk; Apr 14th, 2024 at 01:35 PM. |
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