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  #76  
Old Oct 27th, 2020, 03:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ysolde View Post
Thanks Menzo!

I fixed some of the issues.
Same here. Thanks Menzo
  #77  
Old Oct 27th, 2020, 04:01 AM
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[Moved so it's easier for everyone to see.]

Last edited by Oghain; Oct 27th, 2020 at 09:27 PM.
  #78  
Old Oct 27th, 2020, 06:33 AM
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Withdrawn.
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Last edited by Noquarter19; Oct 28th, 2020 at 04:40 AM.
  #79  
Old Oct 27th, 2020, 03:22 PM
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Thanks for the feedback. I also fixed the issues pointed out.
  #80  
Old Oct 27th, 2020, 05:51 PM
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Conflicted feelings of I should add to my background. The one I have now is about 500 words, but I made another one a little over two thousand and I'd feel bad for anyone who has to read all that.
  #81  
Old Oct 27th, 2020, 10:03 PM
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Feedback: Explanation and StructureBarring anything unusual, this should be my last post here. After this feedback, excepting any general questions asked, anything further will probably be via PM. As Menzo mentioned in an earlier post what I have to say is more about improving and refining your applications/characters/etc than 'thing wrong'. So, I want to explain the layout a little bit (although it should be mostly self explanatory) and be sure that some things are clear.

Firstly, there will be a few general comments and pointers for some specific character creation stuff - most prominently, but not only, examples for what the base classes could be in a Japanese setting. There are two caveats: 1) I'll only give a short description with the word, not a full description of the re-skin possibilities; and 2) I won't be doing sub-classes because there's too many of them and if you want to know about that, thats a PM thing. Secondly, everyone is going to get feedback because it's refining and improving not corrections; additionally it's entirely up to you what you do with the feedback, how much you use it and or to what extent. Thirdly, I will do my best to avoid repeating anything that Menzo has already said in the comments they have already given as well as try to avoid repeating anything I have said for people that might be currently in the middle of making changes.

Fighter + Japan ≠ Samurai
 

Japanese Feel - General Writing Points
 
Feedback for EveryoneNow for everyone's feedback. How I will do it is I will give a few lines about the general impression I get and how well (or not as the case may be) the character 'feels' Japanese and then 5 dot points for things that could be improved or refined. Barring applications that are WIP enough that there's not much to give feedback on.Everyone gets 5 because theres plenty of time to make improvements and refinements. It's not necessary to respond to the things I raise in your feedback directly, they are more meant as things for you to think about and consider for your application.
Final NotesOverall, a lot of the characters that I've seen just require some TLC in the form of detailing, which is ultimately the heart and soul of refining any character. Thematically the details will make all the difference, and how those details are handled depends on the application.

For some, it takes the form of needing some explanation in setting for a How or Why or something like that. For others, it takes the form of following through on how they have done some parts of their application and applying it to their whole application in terms of nomenclature or attention to existing Japanese elements or narrative. For others, it takes the form of giving their character room to breath and opening up the background section to have a chance at adding in finer details that would help elevate the character.

Always happy to have answer questions, help out, etc etc. Still working on the class name alternatives, keep an eye on them as I fill them in. They are filled in. It's not a complete list, probably, but should be enough for interested applicants to play around with.

Last edited by Oghain; Oct 28th, 2020 at 06:37 AM.
  #82  
Old Oct 27th, 2020, 10:34 PM
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@Oghain Thank you for the feedback! I'll adjust accordingly.
  #83  
Old Oct 28th, 2020, 12:26 AM
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@Oghain I feel your words of wisdom have empowered me. Will write more.
  #84  
Old Oct 28th, 2020, 02:58 AM
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Last edited by spire; Oct 28th, 2020 at 07:47 PM.
  #85  
Old Oct 28th, 2020, 04:36 AM
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You must take your opponent into a deep, dark, forest, where 2+2=5 and the path leading out is only wide enough for one...

Last edited by Alemar; Oct 28th, 2020 at 07:33 AM.
  #86  
Old Oct 28th, 2020, 06:14 AM
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Thank You for reviewing my character.



Last edited by Sarge67; Oct 28th, 2020 at 07:28 AM.
  #87  
Old Oct 28th, 2020, 06:27 AM
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Hi guys. Please ensure that any secret text in posts also includes me.

EDIT 1: Oghain has a degree of expertise in (and enthusiasm for) Japanese culture, that I was VERY happy to take advantage of during the application phase. But please remember that I will be running the game and you will be running your character. In other words, please be sure you're happy with the end result of any amendments you make, as you could be playing that character for some time.

EDIT 2: I also thought I should mention, at this point, that this is not a completely open-ended campaign. There is an underlying problem which, when resolved one way or the other, will bring the campaign to an end. However, there will be plenty of twists and turns before that happens, and I'm hoping to insert some personal, character-based sub-plots too. I haven't run this campaign with D&D rules before, but I think characters will probably be Level 12-ish by the finale of the campaign.
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I am currently running a feudal Japanese-themed D&D5e game, Empire of the Setting Sun.
I am currently playing in Wynamoinen's D&D5e game, Uncaged: Found Families.
I have taken the Oath of Sangus.

Last edited by Menzo; Oct 28th, 2020 at 11:30 AM.
  #88  
Old Oct 29th, 2020, 02:50 PM
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Unfortunately I need to withdraw. Work and life have picked up, and I simply don’t have the time to commit to the level of detail that doing this setting justice will require.
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  #89  
Old Oct 31st, 2020, 09:15 PM
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Hi all. I've been away, but I'm back! Had three days with long shifts, and had to find some time to complete an application for Wynamoinen's game. But I have some free time now, and I'll be doing some updates to Weapons & Armor of Shikoku, and Culture of Shikoku.

Quick request: For those players that are satisfied that their applications are in their final form, could you please find some way to indicate this in big bold characters on your application? I will update the spreadsheet accordingly. You would, of course, still be allowed to make some alterations to your character, but if it's something significant (i.e. race, class, background, background characteristics) please let me know by PM or by a new post in this thread.

On the flip side, if your still uncertain about some aspect of your application, feel free to ask questions or ask for specific advice.

Just over a week left!
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I am currently running a feudal Japanese-themed D&D5e game, Empire of the Setting Sun.
I am currently playing in Wynamoinen's D&D5e game, Uncaged: Found Families.
I have taken the Oath of Sangus.

Last edited by Menzo; Oct 31st, 2020 at 10:23 PM.
  #90  
Old Nov 2nd, 2020, 07:25 PM
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I'm sorry, I had to withdraw my application. I really wanted to tell the story of Namida's birth and the Sasayaku Shi clan - but I must face it that I'm not exactly keen on playing her as a character.
Best of luck for the applicants and happy gaming!
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