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  #6961  
Old May 3rd, 2021, 03:09 PM
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Granted - your pet donkey kicks you in the groin. You immediately forget the pain in your arm as you double over from ruptured internal organs.

I wish cartwheels were easy to do.
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  #6962  
Old May 3rd, 2021, 08:38 PM
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I don't own a pet donkey so thankfully that doesn't apply to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lymphomaniac View Post
Granted - your pet donkey kicks you in the groin. You immediately forget the pain in your arm as you double over from ruptured internal organs.

I wish cartwheels were easy to do.
Hey! They are easy! Just because you're fat and out of shape doesn't mean they aren't easy.
DISCLAIMER: This was said in jest and was not at all meant to be offensive. Please take it in the joking manner of which it was said. Especially since I can't say much about cartwheels as I have never done one so... Take from that what you will. lol.

I wished you at least laughed at that...
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  #6963  
Old May 4th, 2021, 06:16 PM
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Granted, I also laughed manaically as I pressed this flaming ember into your eye socket...

I wish that sleep wasn't something in demand.
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  #6964  
Old May 4th, 2021, 07:41 PM
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Granted, you must now remain awake 100% of the time, but someone else must sleep for that exact amount of time, too. If either of you skips out on being either 100% awake or 100% asleep, you will both spontaneously and painfully combust.

I wish for a little bit of rain, but not enough rain to flood or damage my area and/or persons.
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  #6965  
Old May 5th, 2021, 06:45 AM
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Granted! The area you live in had a bit of rain. Not enough to damage anything. Not even enough to properly wet the ground actually, but the memory is still as sweet as ever. That was 10 years ago and you've never seen rain ever since. Everywhere you go in the world, rain avoids as long as you are there. Your home town, now a barren wasteland as it took you a few years to realize that you're the problem. So many lives lost but how could you have known, right? All the suffering you've seen, all the evil that bubbled to the surface as your community fought for dear life, it's not your fault. Or is it?

I wish to be able to open portals.
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  #6966  
Old May 5th, 2021, 07:44 AM
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Granted. You open up a portal into a black hole. You get sucked in and are never heard from again.

I wish my cat would stop peeing in the house.
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  #6967  
Old May 7th, 2021, 04:05 AM
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Granted - your cat now compliantly urinates outdoors, while you wet yourself in bed, on the floor, and all over your furniture as you fail each time to respond to your call of nature in time to reach the washroom. Diapers purchases for your household increase, proportionate to the money saved from not having to buy cat litter.

I wish for a sanitation crew to clean up after Dystopian's "accidents".
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  #6968  
Old May 7th, 2021, 09:17 AM
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Granted! However, it is such an intensive job, you have to hire them full-time and board the on-call night shift. They're party animals when they're not cleaning up urine, singing karaoke and drinking blended margaritas until sunrise, not washing their hands all the while. Your microphones never smell right again.

I wish life was more like a song-and-dance musical.
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  #6969  
Old May 9th, 2021, 12:19 PM
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Granted! Life is now about one and a half to six hours long.

I wish i was good at everything I did.
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  #6970  
Old May 12th, 2021, 10:25 AM
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Granted - your first test to see if the wish was granted was to perform harakiri. You definitely proved you were good at that.

I wish Gabe's entrails weren't such a mess to clean up.
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  #6971  
Old May 12th, 2021, 10:42 AM
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Granted! Gabe, it turns out, was cursed by the Shrouded Master of the Aether and just before their entrails hit the ground, a black hole to said Aether opened up to swallow it. However, the Shrouded Master promoted you, lymphomaniac, to regularly feed its greedy, ghastly maw. No muss, no fuss!

I wish lymphomaniac's ghostly hunter's visage didn't appear outside my window every time lightning struck nearby.
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Last edited by Lashiec; May 12th, 2021 at 10:43 AM.
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  #6972  
Old May 12th, 2021, 02:12 PM
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Granted. It now appears INSIDE your window everytime lightning strikes.

I wish I had more motivation to go to the dentist.
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  #6973  
Old May 12th, 2021, 02:47 PM
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Granted! You do get a bit more than you bargained for though. You gain a very specific case of Munchausen syndrome, where you eventually start purposefully damaging your teeth just so you get the high you're looking for. The undivided attention, the degrading comments about your poor choices, the almost unbearable pain, the drug-induced haze afterward, the vulnerable position, and the fact that you have to trust a complete stranger all culminate into this perfect whirlwind of emotions that you just can't get elsewhere. Debt, health, and the opinion of others be damned, this is the only thing that gives you total release. Without this, your life is meaningless.

I want to be loved unconditionally.
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  #6974  
Old May 12th, 2021, 05:48 PM
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Granted - the stray dog that followed you home loves you unconditionally. It also incessently tries to make love to you unconditionally. What a mess.

I wish there was a cure for pain that isn't going to result in a worse outcome than pain itself.
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  #6975  
Old Yesterday, 03:44 AM
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Granted. You now have a cure for pain that results in pain.

I wish you a good day.
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