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  #1  
Old 04-07-2019, 05:09 PM
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Honey Heist: Mission Impawssibear

Game NameHoney Heist: Mission Impawssibear
Game SystemOther Roleplaying Games
ThemeAn absurd, lighthearted take on the heist genre. With bears.
FlavourHoney-flavored, obviously, with a side of crime.

The HeistThis is it. The Big Heist. The job that could make or break your career. Maybe you'd promised yourself you'd given up the thieving lifestyle. Maybe you never left it. Or maybe this is your first foray into the world of crime. Whatever your history, you were no match for the irresistible siren song of a good payday, and now you find yourself as part of an elite team of fellow thieves, all hungering for a taste of sweet, sweet victory.

Well, victory and honey.

Mostly honey.

Because you're a bear. Or possibly a honey badger. Did I forget to mention that part?
Yes, you are a bear. You and your highly skilled (by bear standards, anyway) team of fellow bears (and honey badgers) have been hand-selected (paw-selected?) to infiltrate HONEY-CON 2019, the most prestigious human-organized gathering of honey producers and aficionados this side of the Rocky Mountains (neat! Well, except for all the humans). With product showcases, competitions and tastings, the event will be stockpiling enough honey to keep a bear fed for years. Plus, this year's convention is being hosted by famed eccentric beekeeper Mellifera Honeybottle and will feature an exhibition of her patented Ultima-Honey, a super-dense mega-honey produced by her own strain of unnaturally fancy bees (seriously, I heard they're born with elbow-length gloves and tiaras). Not only is it rumored to be the most delicious honey on the planet, but a single spoonful sells for millions on the bear black market (yes, the bear black market exists and yes, it operates on salmon and berries). A bear could live like royalty for years on that kinda payday.

This ain't gonna be a walk in Jellystone Park, though. Honeybottle has a vendetta against bears (something about losing one of her childhood bee hives to a grizzly?) and security is gonna be tight. HONEYCON 2019 is being held in the high-end mountain retreat Chateau Pretentieux, a ski lodge and resort for the rich and famous. Human security is everywhere, and you don't have opposable thumbs or the ability to speak fluent Human. You've got your work cut out for you.

Your mission: To pull off the greatest heist bearkind has ever known. Grab the honey, get the Ultima-Honey if you can, and get out.


About the Game
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Welcome to Honey Heist, the free, 2-page rules-light rpg written by Grant Howitt where players take on the roles of ursine criminal masterminds! The rules page for player characters can be found here. Honey Heist is a D6 system where players have only 2 stats: Bear and Criminal. To succeed at a given task, you need to roll lower than the associated stat score. For example, if you want to try and scare off a security guard with a mighty roar, the GM might have you make a Bear roll. If you have a current Bear score of 4, then you need to roll a 4 or less on the die. Everyone starts with 3 points in each stat, but those points can shift back and forth between the stats as you succeed or fail throughout the game. Be careful, though: If you get a total of 6 points in a single stat, your character either goes feral (max Bear stat) or slips into a greed-fueled life of crime and backstabbery (max Criminal stat)! And that's bad!

It's a fun, silly game that's not meant to be taken too seriously.

This will be my first attempt at playing this game, so newcomers and seasoned players alike are welcome! We'll learn and fail together.

If you want to watch a game to see how it works, there are several floating around on Youtube, including a very entertaining trilogy of episodes from Critical Role. There is no way I can make a game that entertaining, though, so don't set your expectations too high.

This will likely be a relatively short game by Play by Post standards-- the system is designed for one-shots rather than lengthy campaigns, so it has the potential to be completed within a few months.


Applications
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If YOU want to be a criminal mastermind and also a bear/honey badger (and honestly, why WOULDN'T you?), please fill out the following application:

NAME: What name will go into the bear history books if you succeed, or into the bear obituaries if you fail?

DESCRIPTOR, BEAR TYPE AND ROLE: Pick one option from each of the following three tables (or roll a d6 for each if you feel so inclined). Your role and bear type will give you advantage on dice rolls when you try to do something associated with that skill. For example, a polar bear has advantage on any attempts to swim, and a thief might have advantage on picking a lock. Your descriptor is just there for flavor.

Descriptor
Rookie
Washed-Up
Retired
Unhinged
Slick
Incompetent

Bear Types Skill
Grizzly bear Terrify
Polar bear Swim
Panda bear Eat anything that looks like bamboo
Black bear Climb
Sun bear Sense honey
Honey Badger Carnage

Role
Muscle
Brains
Hacker
Thief
Driver
Face

HAT: It does nothing, but it looks cool, and really, isn't that all that matters in the end? Choose one or roll a d8 to let fate decide for you.
Hats
1. Trilby
2. Top hat
3. Bowler
4. Flat-cap
5. Cowboy hat
6. Fez
7. Crown
8. Roll twice, take 2 hats!

BEAROGRAPHY: ...it's like a biography, but for bears.

Give me a brief summary about your character. Who are you? Where did you come from? What drew you into this life of crime? Do you have any distinguishing features that will go on your Wanted poster?

RP SAMPLE: You have been specially selected for this mission by an unknown benefactor. Maybe your reputation precedes you. Maybe you owe someone some serious dough and will jump at any opportunity for some work. Maybe you've been vetted by another professional. However it happened, you were lucky (or unlucky) enough to receive an invitation to learn about "a fantastic business opportunity" from "someone with your best interests in mind." You are told to meet at an old abandoned truck stop off a Colorado highway on the night of the full moon for more details. Be there or be bear. Or both, really.

Write me an RP sample about your character receiving this message. The form of the message and messenger are up to you to decide!


AddendaI will be selecting a team of between 4 and 6 characters. Applications will close on April 30th.

Questions? Comments? Bear puns? Post 'em here!
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Last edited by Pseudonymous; 04-07-2019 at 05:12 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-08-2019, 08:05 PM
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Edit: App is complete~



Bearly an app
Name: Edwin Pawsly
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Descriptor: A Rookie
Bear Type: Black Bear
Role: Driver
Hat: Flat-cap
Bearography: Life as a bear ain't always what it's cracked up to be - sure we look sweet and junk on those videos people take of us playing in trash and sitting at their tables but we just want to be included! We're smart! They just never give us the time of day to show them what with their fancy clothes and opposable thumbs!

Unlike most I was lucky enough to be born in a cave near one of those "derby parks" the humans like to play in. After they all go home for the early morning thats when my kin and I go searching for whats left behind. Once I managed to get my way into a car following the sent of a forgotten Snickers wrapper and through sheer ursa luck started the darn thing! After only six crashes that knocked me through a loop or two I started to get the hang of it. This driving thing wasn't so hard afterall. This was my chance! With this car I can help my kin-folk rise as a collective to be on par with the humans - we can show them we're no different just because we have fur - and lack opposable thumbs!! Bear Fact: Unlike most other bears - or mammals outside of the primate kingdom; Pandas have a 'sixth toe,' an opposable thumb mainly used for gripping bamboo*

RP Sample:
 

Last edited by Retry; 04-10-2019 at 10:06 AM. Reason: Adding an app~
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  #3  
Old 04-08-2019, 08:36 PM
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Karhald Karhald is offline
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I don't have time, so I'm not applying, but I do want to applaud your choice of what is sure to be a delightfully bear-pun filled game.
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  #4  
Old 04-08-2019, 10:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karhald View Post
I don't have time, so I'm not applying, but I do want to applaud your choice of what is sure to be a delightfully bear-pun filled game.
It will likely feature an unbearable amount of puns. Pure pandamonium. Many grizzly details.
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Old 04-10-2019, 07:40 AM
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I might want to watch this one.
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  #6  
Old 04-10-2019, 03:41 PM
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Kudos to Pseudo for working on something unorthodox! A veteran of many such endeavors here--with a frankly modest track record--I love seeing new stuff. And the rules are awesomely concise. Here's my application.

I decided to roll for the characteristics and work with the result. Here goes...

NAME:
Danny Ursine

DESCRIPTOR, BEAR TYPE AND ROLE:
Washed-up, Black Bear, Face. Huh. Well, ok, here goes

BEAROGRAPHY:
Danny, a smooth-talking, devilishly handsome, amazingly dexterous climber, had his share of adventure and near-legendary heists as the charismatic leader and public face of Ursine's Eleven, the slickest band of bears to bamboozle bakeries and bars (the kind that serve mead, obviously) all over town. Danny's charm and effortless feats of climbing cinched many a deal and broke many a heart...

...ten years ago, anyway. Today Danny's twenty years old, definitely in bear middle age, near-broke and flabby. He can't climb his way out of a bottle of cheap imported "Just Like Honey" brand mead. He knows it's food coloring and corn syrup boosted with grain spirits, but still...after a few throat-searing swigs, Danny's on top of the world again, carousing with his crew after their latest apiary assault.

(Below: Danny Ursine, former George Clooney of the bear heist world...here seen on a typical day.

A substantial pile of empty mead bottles has been cropped out.)



 
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Last edited by ridin gaijin; 04-12-2019 at 11:31 AM. Reason: Adds photo & caption
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  #7  
Old 04-10-2019, 07:05 PM
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Apps are looking grrrreat so far!!
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Old 04-11-2019, 03:15 PM
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Ooooo! Wanna play! This seemed like such great fun when I saw it played on stream! Place holder please?
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  #9  
Old 04-11-2019, 04:13 PM
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I'm Super! thx for asking
 
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This looks like an amusing game. Have fun going after those pick-a-nic baskets
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Old 04-11-2019, 10:16 PM
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Does it matter where we role for our possible roles? Should we role for bear type?
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Old 04-12-2019, 12:50 AM
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You're welcome to pick or roll for any of the stats you like. If you want to roll for some stats and manually choose others, that's fine too. This being the case, I'll allow dice rolling in this thread.
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Old 04-12-2019, 11:38 AM
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I'm just posting extreme interest! Will try to get a full application up later today. It's something my forebears would be proud to see me do.
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Old 04-12-2019, 03:24 PM
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NAME: Emperor Min-Ye Chin, Lord of Bamboo

DESCRIPTOR, BEAR TYPE AND ROLE:
  • Descriptor: Incompetent
  • Bear Type: Panda Bear
  • Role: Muscle
  • Hat: Crown

BEAROGRAPHY: Emperor Min-Ye (pronounced "Many") Chin was born in the Purple-- a purple operating room in a zoo, where he has spent most of his life. Day in and day out, Min-Ye was fed Bamboo, honey, and virtually anything else that his heart desired, so long as he lumbered around performing for the zoos many visitors. Min-Ye grew fat on his constant stream of delicious goodies-- until, that is, Zoo funding was cut. The Panda bear at first scoffed at his clear mistreatment. After three terrible days of slightly-reduced food offerings, Min-Ye lumbered over to the door just as the feeding crew was coming out. Holding his Bamboo scepter, he tried to force his servants to kneel by thwapping them on the head. Unfortunately, it killed each of them.

Believing that the men were simply bowing in extreme shame, Min-Ye Chin walked out into the zoo in search of food. He only found some when he came to a wonderful, magical land called "Burger King." All fled in terror before their god-emperor Panda, and he was welcome to ransack the food stores, using his Bamboo Walking Stick to reach high places. Min-Ye was lucky enough to leave before Animal Control arrived, and has spent his days wandering the landscape, eating anything vaguely Bamboo-Shaped (except his treasured Bamboo Staff / Emergency Snack), finding other Bears to break into restaurants with.

RP SAMPLE:
 
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Last edited by Unko Talok; 04-12-2019 at 03:30 PM.
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Old 04-12-2019, 04:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Unko Talok View Post
NAME: Emperor Min-Ye Chin, Lord of Bamboo
My atrocious reputation precludes my awarding any RPXP.

However...
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Old 04-12-2019, 05:18 PM
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My atrocious reputation precludes my awarding any RPXP.

However...
I have no such restrictions. Here's to you, Unko!
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